Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 282, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 November 1911 — A Tale of Two Skirts. [ARTICLE]

A Tale of Two Skirts.

By Clo. Graves.

Tit perish ’er when I come across - f ...' ; . - VOW wan BC€JIIC OI lO® rccuruvu w*u» Ind X' nwUture° f in a great commotion under the copper lid indicated washing day, and from R umiiu assortment, of articles of underwear which lay upon the bricked floor Mrs. Henry King had, a moment since, taken a masculine garment. V It was a faded but still rasping blue-checked Oxford shirting, upon which the profession of Mr. Henry King, an engine cleaner attached to the Popular depot of the.Qreat Southern Rattray Company, was written in characters pf grease and grime. Holding the shirt to the light, which it hygienically admitted in several places, Mrs. Henry King made the soul-feezing discovery that the garment had been not only mended by .the hands of another woman. Henry King was so unfortunate as to return to the bosom of his family a little later.

Upon the morrow a pronounced to the engine sheds, and smiled to see a bulky, pink-complexioned lately married man named Cheese, whose newborn enthusiasm for the marriage state had 'rendered his company oppressive and; Ms,< ck>W meats unpopular, sitting gloomily in 1 the broiling sun on the foot plate of a large Broad street engine. He was toying w|h, a grease rag and sulkily surveying in the brilliantly polished body <K the locomotive a long, jagged scratch upon Jils nose., «• •: “When did she give you that 'ere little present, mate?” inquired Mr. Henry King, masking, cynical delight under a bald nssu“iption of tender concern. • |’ * "You keep that tongue o’ yonrS still,” growled Mr. Cheese, doubling a ponderous flat and, glancing critically from it to the left eye-socket of the sympathizer and-back again, /'else it’ll git you into trouble, “I don’t uant to kill no more men nor I can ’elp,” he added, ously. “pne will be enough for ? me—when I gits him.” ' ♦"? •. The suppressed fervor Mr. Cheese threw into his delivery of the words, coupled with r 4he size of the fist, , caused a' slight refreshing chill to meander down “the spine of Mr Henry king. “One will be enough for ’im,’ f shu’ say,” he observed, with a fl£ttering change of tone, “when ydu *ave ’im. What has *e bin up to “ ’Talu’t no matter o’ yourn,” said Mr? Cheese, truculently. “An’ if you <»ant to know bad—you go an’ ask my wife, I give you leave tot” “I 'ave a wife o‘ me own at ,ome t thanks," responded Mr. King, with -a faint glimmer of latent humor, “an' I gits all the Jpr J;wants from 'er, an’ a bit over.” \ “Did[ you ever catch 'er washln' another bloke’s shirt an’ slngln’ the tune ’Blue-bell’ as she did it?” demanded Mr. Cheese, darkly. “I can't say as wot”—Mr. Henry King was beginning,; when vivid recollection paralysed his tongue. The attack of coughing with which he sought to cover his confusion was so plainly the work pf an amateur that M. Cheese, who had previously stared oter his head, now stared hint in the face. " ?

“Choke me sand-boxes,” he remarked in a tone of insulting incredulity; "if I ain’t blushing like a Royal mail. It couldn't be—it can’t be—-an’ yet, the smaller an’ meaner an’ nastier some chaps are,' the more the wlmmln seems to like ’em. No accountin’ for their taste, there ain’t I’ve knowed it.” ‘'Ever since you got married, 1 shu’say,” retorted Mr. Henry King, stung beyond ordinary precaution by the invidious attack upon his personal' appearance. The taunt Was scarcely uttered ere Mr. Cheese tell upon him, in tht most-literal sente of the word. “In the name o’ the widows’ an’ orphans* fund," exclaimed the Scotch Presbyterian driver of a shunting engine, as the struggling mass of humanity oscillated upon the brink of a cleaning p|t, and, then, with a heavy thud, rolled in. Hand oft one knithdr, yb headlln* devils’” “If you Want to kill, gaiter,” advised the Presbyterian driver's fireman, aa who had had remained uppermost, mlkily crawled out of the pit, "why don’t ye go an’ *ave it out with t’other bloke somewhere snug an’ quiet kbere here ain't so many chances o’ makin’ a respectable family man a double ’omonycide?” rn take jrour blessed advice,” returned Mr. Cheese, discourteously. “Ere, yon/’ he added addressing Mr. Henry King, who emerged from retirement at the moment. '’You come along o’ me, d’jeer?” "Ain’t ’e 'ad ehuff?” growled the fireman ah Mr.'Henry King, whose loft eye was temporarily filled with eoal dust; threw ata expression of reluctance Into the other, iff •-?” . ' Probly ’e’as,*’ said Mr. Cheese; "but I ’aren’t. I’m a-goln’ to taka •Im ’onto with me to supper." “Whaffof?” demanded Mr. Henry King ungraciously. "Boeose. supposin' that strange

WM It fitat an** juit tt nftAYv | wards/’ ’ ;<> T > . F 2 .at tender * bearted nwmaaI Gou t to iDAVA Along to your iittie place, saiu Mr. rienry a We ors to iupposS ? i’U < 2> with you. Wot do you take me for?" leaning over the side of the cab. "’Ere’s a lad a-trying to hail ’im with a message." A small and preternaturally grimy bar-boy had. in fact, appeared in view, and from the vantage of "a; heap of coke shouted loudly: " *Enery King is a-wanted by 'is missus! ’EnTy King’s missus Is ’ere a-wanting ’im! ’ls missus is ’ere a-wanting of ’Enery King!” “Where the—where is my wife?" snarled Mr. King, as the grimy boy drew near. “She is waitin’ by the goods inspector’s little office at the other end o’* the yard,” said the astute ybuth. whose Christian name was Alexander. "Judgin’ by the sound of 'er exhaust I guessed she ’ad a load o’ trouble be’ind 'er, thought I’d give 'er a chance to blow off like, fust" •.

"Well, I s’pose I’ll ’ave to go to *er!” muttered Mr. Henry King. He rose so his feet Mr. Cheese with, more than brotherly familiarity, took his arm. "We’ll both go to ’er,” said Mr. Cheese, distributing a suriy wink among the smiling listeners. Butthe protest died upon hls lipa, and even the truculence of Mr. Cheese underwent a slight amelioration, while the jocund hilarity faded from the countenances of the onlookers, as the figure of Mrs. Henry King appeared in the wide entrance to the cleaning shed and began to thread its way among the active AO dormant locomotives on the metals with the born of desperate determination. As she caffie within speaking distance of Mir. Henry. King, she unfolded a parcel and the hand Of the wretched man waxed clammy as the warm,' gas, oil and tar-flavored breezes of the depot toyed with the folds of a blue-checked shirt. ‘ "If she a’s brought that for for ’lm to. eat with ’is tea, pore feller," giggled the fireman of the goods engine to Mr. Cheese, "’e won’t ’ave ? no appitlte for the one you’re savin’ for qs supper.” Before Mr. Cheese could reply Mrs. King addressed 'him'. "That shame-faced lookin’ man you’fa ’olding by the arm is my 'usband,” she said, a slight indignant trembling pf her head causing a faded calico rose upon the summit of her boiinet to vibrate al at the bidding of a gentle breeze. "An’ I’ve come ’ere to ask 'is mates a question I shan’t get nd answer to from ’im. Pass this shirt round among you, an’ if any of you can give me a clue to the young female what cut it out with a kitchen Chopper an' gobbled It Instead Of stltehfn’ it, an' marked it 45. d.,*’ in reel cotton on the left flap, a' ironed It for a false-’arted vlllian to lead a double life in, I shall be obliged to ■im.” JlvA.-'i v .. She thrust the shirt upon Mr.' Cheese, whose hands, extended to take the garment, suddenly tell limply to his sides, as In a fairhaired, smartly'dressed'young woman, who, guided by the boy Alexander, had entered the cleaning shed a moment before and made her way over the various obstacles dividing her from Mr. Cheese without more difficulty or embarrassment than involved the occasional display of a pair of very neat feet, he recognized his wife.

’ An aged retriever waddled after her faithfully, carrying a basin done up in a bluq checked wrapper, and thrills of admiral ton and alarm shot through every masculine diaphragm In the neighborhood as the young woman stepped lightly forward, and, twitching the shirt from the inert fingers of Mr? Cheese, submitted it to a brief examination. "I made it, if you want to know,” she said, “an’ marked it *B. 0/ for Edward Cheese, my husband. "Look, Ted, that’s the first patch I ever put -on for you—-a bit of mother’s old French print it was.’t She addressed the unfortunate Mrs. King with great coolness "However did you get hold of it?” she said. ‘.Ji t-.' . i.I "i ’ad ors my ’usband,” was the shrill rqply. As Mrs. Cheese giggled shrilly the figure of Mrs; Henry King stiffened, the,rose on the summit of, her hat nodded violently, and the floodgate of hqr wrath gave way. "You ussy<” ’the exclaimed. "You bad, abandoned creetur? You- ” ’ "Come, come,” interposed Mr. Cheese. “Old ’ard, clvilty fa cMlty. you know.” “Let her go on, do!” said Mrs. Cheese in a superior manner. It’s quite a new thing to me to listen to such language, brought up ns I ’are beep—-and with my 'usband standing by. It’ll be a lesson to him and not to be jealous to see how foolish she behaves, pore thing ' , "Here, Ponto, good dog. give it up!” she added, relieving .the romping, retriever of the pudding basin "Luckily 1 thought of bringing this down with your bit of dinner,” she went on, as she untied the Wrapper, and; carefully placing the pudding bowl on * neighboring buffer beam, Shook out a second blue checked shirt > ... f,,. "That’s my ’usband 'a,'* screamed'

W be at your Place.; r» r "But— —’’ and she deftly wrapped the disputed behind s band being the kind of a mas that would never dream of breaking: an oath, especially one on 'is mother's hymn book. So Ted, if you’re osdte ready, the gentleman had better begin,” -2; f Mr. Cheese throwing off Ms corduroy waistcoat, tightened frls belt and advanced to seizothe terrified victim. ”i*m sorry to deprive yow Of ‘im,” said Cheese, with a ferocious assumption of sympathy, as Mr. Henry King dodged to and fro behind the active barrier afforded by bls bettor half. ”But you won’t be a wldder long. You’re too ’andsome." " ’Enery,” she said commandlngly, “you found me yesterday goln’ to wash this man’s shirt, and you 'ave as good right to fie jealous as *d 'ave. So you take an’ eat yours if 'e can make you an' then you can make Im. Wot I wants to . find out is whether I 'ave married a man of a mouse, an' I think I 'ave a right. So begin, and me an* Mrs. Cheese will sit by an’ see fair. Mr. King, pale and streaky, and Ife firffily convinced that his last hour was at hand that his ghastly expression robbed Mr. of all remaining appetite for the fray, breathed shortly through f Ate nose, .and putting up his hands in an ait? titude of defense, awaited the onslaught. . t. ; . .“Ain’t you going to begin, Ted?” asked Mrs. Cheese, after a brief interval.

“Presently, presently,” said Mr. Cheese, wiping a beaded head. No ’urry.” / . . x “Uts Mr. Gedge’s time nearly for checkin’ the goods clerks tallies," said old Jim urgently. "Fifteen minutes is all you ’ave left, remember.” ■- ' ’ "I can’t do ft—not properly—-in fifteeen miflutes,” said Cheese, shaking his head. "S’pose we leave off till'Mr. Gedge ’as bin, or settle the matter another day? I’m agreeable,” ■ "An’ I’m agreeable,” said Mr. Henry King. * "But I’m not,” said Mrs. Cheese, shortly. "Nor I ain’t,” said Mrs. Henry King from the summit of her throne of sleepers. “You begin, ’Enery, if ’e won’t ’lt ’Im!” Mr? Henry King obeyed, to the astonishment of everybody, Including the owner of the face ■ t "You. brute! You've made 'is nose bleed!” screamed Mrs. Cheese. “Why don’t you go for *im an’ out ’im, Ted, after what he ’as done to you?” “You’re in a 'urry,” said Mr. Cheese, as he wiped his . mouth "Jhiit’s the worst of women—they’re always tn a 'urry. Wot is the boy doin’ ’ere?” he inquired in a tone of severe morality, arresting the commencement of a fresh round, as his eye lighted upon the small and grimy form of the youthful Alexander. "That ain’t a fit spectacle for no boy, this ain’t.” “Go on, ’Enery,” said Mrs. HenryKing. “Not before the boy,” said Mr. King, adopting Mr? Cheese’s high bred tone with success. "It 'ud be a brutal sight for ’im to ste.” “A boy, tike that!” said the fireman of the shunting engine in a tone of astonishment mingled with tffegust. “Why, you couldn’t ‘arm ‘fin it you took ’lm to the 'Ouse Of Commons. You don’t know by ’orf 'ow bad 'e is. Do ’em, Alexander?" “Not by ’arf, them don’t,” said Alexander, eagerly. "Why. this very trouble o' yours was brought about by me changin’ your shirts at the New Popular Penny Hot Penny Baths for Working Men last Friday.” “It’s no use you tellin’ ’em that; they won’t believe you,” said the fireman hastily. "Wot’s all this about the New Penny Hot Baths?” demanded Mr. Cheese. “You 'ad a free bath given you, didn’t you, by that County Connell cove In the blue goggles as came round the yards Friday afternoon?" demanded Alexander. "I did,” said Cheese, pl amply. “An’ wot’s more I Went an’ 'ad a bath.",;' ■' "So did I,” said Mr. Henry King. “1 took one, too.” said Alexander "Leastways, T took the ticket and went Inside. You was told to &S» your clothes ors In a long pasasge, where there was pegs to hang ’em on, an* the baths was little iron enpboads just big enough to 'old a man an’ a.towel an* a bar o’ soap.” "Well." continued Alexander, as both men nodded confirmative!/, ”1 fought I’d 'ave a lark, so I ’ops out of the cupboard an* changes the shirts all along the row o’ pegs an* hooks It *ome. Now. go on with the fight!” i „ think,*’ said Mr. Cheese, as be extended one hand to Mr. Henry King and cuffed Alexander’s head with the other, “that I was within % inch of killing a man along of a boy’s lark!” ’’But.l only told the troof!” whimpered Alexander. Indignantly. "There's a time for all thing*.* said the fireman as he moved slo.Wlj gwaj.—Manchester Chronic to-