Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 255, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 October 1911 — Bill’s Mistake [ARTICLE]

Bill’s Mistake

“Bill’s got quite an eye on him this mor nta’,” remarked the man with the hod, parsing at the mortar box-to wipe the honest dew of toil from hb brow. “I noticed that myself,” said the man with the hcs. “He don’t act lice a fightin* man,” said the hodcarrier. “I’d took him for a toiler ’at wouldn’t git into no trouble he could keep out of.” “Efo ain’t a flgbUn* man,” said the man with the hoe. “He’s a married man. She done it. She’s a terror, all right, if I was Bill I’d do one o* two things; I’d take a pick handle some time to her or else I’d quit her.” ■ -f-y-'-“Ne you wouldn’t,” said the man. with the hod. “That wouldn't be no way to do. Takta* a pick handle to a woman ain’t no way to reform her, an”f you quit her you'd have trouble.” “You don’t know the kind o’ Woman Bill’s got,” said the-man with the hoe. “I’ve lived neighbors with ’em for nigh on to a year, an’ I do. Jest as soon as ne gets home she starts to chewin’ the rag an’ she don’t give him to peace from that till he goes to wor< ag’in. I’ve seen him come out <7 the house many's ths time with half o* the kitchen dishes streakin’ after him. She don’t think nothin' o' throwin' a stove lid at him. Some o' theee days she'll alm straight an* then there’ll be an inquesL” “He don't haneie her right,” said the man with the hod, positively. “That's what I'm tollin’ you. He ought to pickhandie her.” “I don’t mean that. I mean he don't use no judgment, I don’t have no trouble'wi th my woman, an* I never took a pick handle to her either. When I git home there's my supcer waitin’ for me on the table good an’ hot, an’ never a dross word aiwixt us. What’s the reason? I knew how to manage her. A woman ain't bard to manage if you go about it right** “Sure,” agreed the man with'the hoe sarcasticallj'. “It’s as easy as making $lO a day. You git a woman like Billy's got the next time you get one an* then coms around an* let me know how It goes.” “I don’t know what kind of a woman Billy’s got,* retorted thb man with the hod, “but I know I could handle her all right If Billy has trouble with her he’s got him*self to blame for it If Billy's woman has got* any worse tongue than what my woman’s got if she gits stirred up, I’d like to stand off aomewheres an* hear out o* curiouslty. That’s what. If she can think of meaner things to say an' say 'em louder I’d like to hear her, an* if she can keep at it longer I’d like to time- her an* give her the world’s champeen medal when she gits through. An* when it comes to backin’up what she says—say, what does Billy’s wife weigh?” “About a hundred’s* thirty, I'd judge,” replied the man with the hoe. “My woman weighs a hundred an’ seventy-eight, an* she’s as quick as a cat,” said the man with the hod. “If she lands on you you'li know it* all right. Pre seen her pick up our cook stove and carry it out into the summer kitchen as easy as if it was a basket o* clo’es. All the same, you don’t see me cornin’ to work with a black eye or dodging stove lids.” < “Maybe your wife ain’t got that ugly disposition,'* hasarded the man with the hoe. “She’s got her days when she ain’t foolin' right good, jest the same aa any of ’em,” said the man with the hod. **But them's the days I step around extry soft an* koorful. I could git trouble If I wanted it an* git It easy an* plenty, but I don’t Thsre'a jest one way to do with a woman like that Handle her right If she wants to do anythin* let her do it an* don’t make no bones about It an* If she wants you to do anythin' do It, and do it prompt an* cheerful, an’ she won’t be hard on you. When wo was first married wo had our little difficulties, aame*| moot people, but I soon see what was the right way to handle her.’* “That’s all right if you want *. woman to boss you,” said the man with the hos. “Boss nothin';” said the man with the hod, indignantly. “She don’t asvsr try to boas mo. If I give in to her it’s because I want to.”