Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 211, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 September 1911 — Trifling Telephone Tangles [ARTICLE]

Trifling Telephone Tangles

By CLARA HOLMES

Kittle Smith and John Colson were lovers, but perversity In matters matrimonial have become a proverb, and their case was no exception to the rule. Kittle lived with a married sister, land as frequently happens, she assumed more authority than the most exacting parent would have done. She most decidedly refused consent 'to theft marriage. “That child,’' she exclalmed indignantly, and promptly ■forbade John the house. But love finds a way, and their trysting place was In the thick shrubbery at the lower end of the garden. John was trying to persuade her to a clandestine marriage, but she lacked courage to absent Her sister’s shrill call from the back porch decided the question. , “Kittle, Kittle Smith’ Come here this instant and put little Billy to bed.” “As if you were her servant!" whispered John Indignantly. “That settles it, you are going to marry me tomorrow night.” “Oh, John, she’ll never let me,” breathlessly. “She won’t? Then we’ll not ask her. You put those kids to bed as soon as the chickens go to roost, so you can get to the telephone office by 10 o’clock. I’ll put in the call with the operator and she'll give you the line so I can tell you where to meet me. Ten o’clock, sharp! I’ll be waiting and so will the parson." “Sister’s coming," whispered Kittle tremblingly. “Let her come, sne’ll not find me," replied John airily, and leaping the fence, was gone. Kittle met her sister with demure unconsciousness. “Were you Calling?” she asked. Kittle presented hers-If promptly on time at the telephone office and giving her name, asked, “Is there a. ■ call for me?”

“Yes, Miss Olsen,” was the reply, at the same time indicating her box. Kittle smiled consciously. “Colson! Well, now, or an hour frpm now will make no great difference,” she thought “Hello, John,” she called softly as soon as she bad closed the door. “Hello, Het,” came the Instant reply. “It’s all right, come to the dbrner of Belmont and Main. 1 have an auto waiting, so hurry up." f ' “AU right,” she repUed, and hung up the receiver. “Wasn’t It funny that he called me Pet? Eve heard him say a hundred times that he detested It—but I don’t! I think it’s just sweet. I suppose It’s just the ’phone, but his voice didn’t sound a bit natural.” she murmured as she wrapped her vefl about her head, completely concealing her features. John, at the appointed place, lifted her to the sea without speaking. -As he backed, preparatory to turning, another auto came swiftly down the street, and on the corner swerved toward them. “Oh, no, you don’t, Dave Olsen!” exclaimed John, speeding a- -y. “Hi, there! Stop, you Idiot, or I'll have you arrested." yolled the driver of the other car. “Come on, then,” shouted John derisively. To Kittle he said, “Hold fast, I’m going to let her g 0,," But go as he would his pursuer kept pace with him, so he began twisting and turning, around one corner swaying omlniously, skidding on another sharp turn until Kittle shrieked In affright Escape seemed impossible, so he doubled back through dark and narrow streets, the lamps on the pursuing machine gleaming like menacing eyes almost within touch. On a lighted corner a policeman ordered him to halt, and aa he failed to obey, fired a shot at him. Kittle screamed and half rose, as if to leap from the car. “Sit down!" called John angrily. At sound of a second shot she began to sob aloud. “Oh, shucks," muttered John in vexation. A moment later he remarked, repentantly, “Why, Het, we don’t get married every day in the year, but we are going to be married tonight If we have to smash the automobile record. I do believe that fellow's lost himself, or else the cop's got him." He began to slow down. Kittle Inarticulately murmured something about smashing the automobile instead of the record, to which John paid no attention. As he lifted her down at the parsonage he whispered to her, “I never thought you’d show the white feather.” With * laugh, he half pushed her up the steps to where the parson was waiting for them. Kittle, essaying to untie her veil with trembling fingers, glanced toward John, who stood, hat in hand, speaking to the clergyman. She made a rush and took refuge behind his reverence. t “I don’t want to marry thia man, I don’t even know him, and—and he’s a maniac," she cried hysterically. John turned to look at her. "Well, I would be crazy to marry you. Thunder. they’d have me up for baby stealing. Who are you, anyway?" “Tm Kittle Smith." sobbingly, "tut I don’t know who you are.” "Well, I’m John Smith. My tribe is numerous, but it doesn’t include grown-up babies,” sarcastically. The parson stood rubbing his hands together helplessly. “Well, I do do-

dare! My dear, were you expecting to be married?” he of Kittle. “Yes, sir. I was, to John Colson. I don’t know this rough man at all." beginning to weep again. John fidgeted restlessly. “Miss Smith, can’t you shut down the flood gate long enough for explanations? As I understand it, you planned to elope with John Colscx And I, John Smith, had a similar arrangement with Hetty Olsen. • Now, where —ere you to meet John Colson?" “He left a call for me r.t trip public telephone office, and when I talked with him ” “But you didn’t talk to him. That bungling operator gavAyou to me, and must have given him my party, Hetty Olson. Fine mix-up! I thought that fellow following us was Het’s wrathful sire, but It must have been your John. Now, we’ll find them in one of three places, at the police station, for speeding; at the hospital, because he got In the way of the policeman’s bullet; or back at the telephone office waiting for us." At mention of the first two places Kittle gave another little shriek. “Oh, stop pulling the whistle. I’ll have Het give you a few lessons. You wouldn’t catch her doing the weeping act or squealing over anything, □he’s clear grit, Het is,” he concluded with evident pride. The same officer who hailed John Smith either took ’ otter alm or had a lucky accident In the case of John Colson. When his second command to halt seemed likely to be disregarded, as was his first, his bullet just grazed John’s elbow, benumbing his arm so that his hand dropped from the steering wheel. Hetty pushed him aside, taking his place before the car had time to swerve. “Is It broken?" she asked sympathetically. "I don’t know, but that doesn't matter, what does really matter Is they have got away from us," ruefully. “They’ll be hunting us when John finds out that he has the wrong girl,” said Hetty, laughing confidently. As they came to a stop the policeman came up swinging his club impressively. "And wnat do you mean, racin’ like that?” he demanded. John laughed Infectiously. “I’ll tell you, I was trying to catch a tl’-vf. That fellow ahead was running off with my best girl. Wouldn’t you chase him?" “Faith, I think I would, then! Well?” beginning to smile. “It’s this way. The old folks object, and—you know how ’tis. Through mistake he got my girl and I have his.” The laugh. tone, aided by a little persuader slipped into the. brawny hand resting on the car, prov ed potent. > “Well, g’wan wld ye, but don’t ye dare let me catch ye racin’ again.” “I’ll not let you catch me If I can help it," answered John facetiously. “I think we better return to the telephone office,” said Hetty, turning the car, but as they approached the building, the. saw that the office was closed for the night “What now?” asked John in a troubled tone. “I’m sure I don’t know," replied Hetty with a laugh. "It wouldn’t matter so much to us, only I’m certain father would never* let me mix his toddy again. It’s once —perhaps, twice —Never! with him.” “And Kittle! •n, she’ll never let me mention elope again," said John. "Hello, what’s th|s?”j as a car came rushing toward them. “That you, John Colson?” came the greeting. “It certainly Is, replied he. There ensued a rapid fire of questions and answers, an equally rapid exchange of partners, a little weeping on Kittle’s part over John’s arm, a speedy ride to the waiting clergyman, and in a very short time two happy couples came out again into the night, each -man wearing an air of proud proprietorship. The parson remal e- standlpg tn the open doorway enjoying the happy termination of the affair, also smiling a little at thought of the two generous gold pieces clasped in his hand. “We’ve given you lots of parson, take these as a recompense,” the two Johns had said.