Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 210, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 September 1911 — Page 2

HAD COME TO STAY, ANYHOW. The stranger, who had been detained tn the Tillage by a washout on the railway, stepped into the office of the local newspaper. “I see you call your paper the Ex pertinent-Vindicator,” he said. "It’s a consolidation, 1 presume.” "No, sir,” answered the editor; "this Is the only sheet that ever has been published In the town. 1 gave it that name because J rather Liked the sound of tt* 1 see." • • - “Besides. I wanted to see If the people here would give me support enough to vindicate the experiment If they don’t, by gravy, sir. I’m going to change the name of It to the SnipeBag. edited by A. Holder!”

Thackeray’s Reckless Feet.

It may be feared that some people will find proof of Thackeray's possession of a lively sense of humor in the story that he once put his feet out of a hack window while riding through a Boston street When we consider the narrowness and crookedness of those thoroughfares. It Isn’t the humor, but the wild recklessness of Thackeray's feet that most impresses us.

A Hard Fate.

’’So your firm Is going to transfer you to Baltimore?” “Yes, confound the luck." “Why do you regard it as bad luck? Baltimore is a fine town, near the sea shore and only a short run from New York. Aren’t you getting a raise of salary?” “Yes, but Baltimore has no major league ball club.”

“Is the lunch room you patronize well lighted?” “Yes.” • "That's good.” “Why do you say. That’s good’?" “Because I once beard of a fellow wbe went into a lunch room that was rather dark and mistook a cockroach for a lima bean.”

He Knew His Business.

Proprietor of Millinery Shop—Why didn’t that lady buy anything? New Assistant —Because we hadn’t got what she wanted. Proprietor—You’ll kindly remember te future, miss, that you’re here to sell what I keep, and not what people want! —London Opinion.

HITTING BACK.

Mrs. Diggs—l up a true daughter of Eve. Mrs. Wiggs—l’d like to know in what way? You caiumeither cook nor wash dishes. Mrs Digs—Neither could Eve.

Evidently Maudlin.

Our cook got very drunk. How is ft that I know? Why. she unpacked her trunk And swore she'd never go.

The Last Word.

"You know that you simply ran after me until you got me to promlie to be your wife.” she said In a taunting manner "Well." he replied. “I didn’t have to run very fast to overtake you." “I was wearing a bobble skirt at the time." she defiantly retorted.

Painful Comparison.

"A swollen fortune." said the enerbat crude reformer, "is as bad as a sore finger on the body poll "Teg," replied Mr. Orowcber; "and. ■he a sor* finger, the oftener you hit fit the snore It seems to swell."

Too Elemental!

Euclid wan boasting of his prowess. "Here’s one." remarked his wife “If we pay Bridget m per month and a ■etghbor offers her S 2«. how long will ■be stay T With a wail be find into the night.

That's Why.

Dentist—Why. my dear air. you ■Mm to be frightened half to death. Patient—l am doctor, and yet 1 Brought my nerve with me.

The Cause.

"Why are those men disputing ao •ngrily over the water question r "I guess they're quarreling over the Irritation problem In the west."

Circumstantial Evidence.

“Do you believe marriage is a lot tery?“ t . “Well, yon see many married poo«de who look blank."

SMILES

Risky.

The Same Old Story. Tt'j curious how habits fasten themselves on people. You know Wappsleyr “Yes.” “He’s an enthusiastic fisherman, and always has a story to tell about some gigantic monster of the deep that he almost caught.” ' “I’ve heard him tell a lot of Iles of that kind." “Well, It seems that burglars broke into his house the other night and he got up and captured one of them — a little fellow—but you ought to hear him tell about the size of the one that got away.” - - T

SUMMER WORK.

First Poet—You look warm and tired out Second Poet—l am. I’ve been busy all day writing Christmas stuff.

Perpiexing.

A railroad train ran off the track— An accident ’twaa said; But there was none to blame, alack. Because no one was dead.

Halves, Mister.

It was at a theater in Dublin. The king, aged and infirm, was blessed with two sons. He was pacing up and down the stage with a wearied look, exclaiming aloud: “On which of those two sons shall I bestow the crown?" The bouse was nearly brought down with laughter when a little man m the gallery stood up and said: “Treat ’em fair, guv-nor. Can’t yer give 'em half a crown apiece?"—ldeas.

No Connection.

A hoy was throwing stones at a noisy dog when a passerby stopped and addressed him. “My boy," the stranger remonstrated, “don’t you know you should bo kind to dumb animals?" “Yes," replied the boy, “but what’s dumb animals got to do with yelping dogs?”—The Housekeeper.

No Buyers.

He (loftily)—l will marry no girl because she has money. I would not sell myself. She (caustically)—Don’t worry. A girl with money enough to buy atty kind of a husband she wanted, would never pick you out for a bargain.

Atlas Remarks.

Atlas was bearing the world on bls shoulders. "It is easier to have everything my wife wants me to get on one spot." he explained. Thus we see It was a labor-saving 'device.

One Punishment for Perjury.

Among the Sea Dyaks of Borneo lying Is almost unknown; and the telling of a lie is shamefully recorded by heaping a pile of branches, to whom every passerby contributes —a punishment dreaded beyond all others. —London Saturday Review.

She Forgot Something.

New Nurse —Please, mum. I can’t do a thing with the baby. He cries all the time. Mistress —Well. I declare! How stupid of me. His other nurses were colored girls. You’ll find some stov? polish in the kitchen.

HER PROMISE.

He—l leave tonight. Can’t you give me a little hope? She—-Well, if I’m not married by next season. I promise you FU let you teach me bow to swim again.

Stuck Up.

The Singles have a touring car— First time it gets a biff Fm 2£‘«> their heads Win break right W stiff.

Old Style Revived

THE headgear pictures by Cruikshank in his illustrations of Dickens’ books are to be repro- * duced in the styles that will be fashionable this fall. The picture given shows one of these .hats, this being the peaked-crown, straight-brim variety. A huge bow of ribbon and

MAKING PLANS FOR CAMPING

Matter of Appropriate Clothing Must Be Reckoned as One of High, Importance.

With the increased interest in camping out as a part of summer life there are probably few girls who have not tried it and many to whom it is a regular feature of each year’s pleasure. It is only the inveterate campers who do not make mistakes in the matter of what it is best to take on a trip of this 'kind. And the question of clothes has a great deal to do with one's enjoyment. With the right clothes there is little need to think of them at all, but with the wrong kind one is constantly hampered.

Of paramount importance is the question of washing, and its principal rule is, Take nothing that needs ironing. White cotton crepe shirtwaists are good for warm days, because a girl can wash her own, shake it out and hang it up to dry, and it will be as good as new. Aside from this, take only woolen clothes and no light colored ones that will be easily soiled. Mixed woolen skirts and coats are the best, and flannel shirt waists with «. sailor collar. One cannot expect to wear very pretty or fancy clothes and enjoy the free and easy life of a camp.

Even the underclothes must follow the rule of common sense and usefulness, the daintiness of home being left behind. Union suits and woven corset covers are the kind to wear. They can be washed by one’s own hands very easily. And especially will the wise girl keep In mind that her usual delicate and pretty night gowns are entirely out of place in a camp. Outing flannel night gowns are the only kind to take, and very glad will the girl be who remembers this rule when she finds how cold It Is at night in a tent.

Crocheted Knobs.

The raised centers seen on many crochet motifs are worked separately, padded and sewed on with Invisible stitches. These knobs are simple to make and add much to the effect of a gown. Sizes vary according to the center to be covered, but the method of working is the same as the proportions given, which is a useful size. Make a ring of four chain and work six double into it. Continue working double crochet round and round until a diameter of an inch is obtained, then decrease until a sort of cap is formed. ■ • Pad the knob with cotton —it can sometimes be lined first with.a bit of white silk —and sew to the center of the motif.

For Hard-Wear Skirts.

When making a serge skirt that is to have hard wear, try the effect of lining the front breadth. Lined skirts are seldom seen nowadays and would be much too heavy for summer; but one that has no lining Is very apt to wrinkle across the front, especially if it fits well over the hips. When cutting the front breadth, cut with it a piece of silk, sateen or some very thin lining and proceed to make up the skirt in the usual way. You will be surprised to see how much longer your skirt lasts, and how much nicer it looks to the very end. If It is lined in this way.

feathers set at the back of the hat, with a falling forward effect, completes the confection. As the Dickens centenary is to be celebrated on Feb. 7, 1912, and as the admirers of the great author are already anticipating the event, the revival is appropriate.

FRENCH GRAY MOST POPULAR

It’s Value in Artistic Decoration Was Recognized Immediately Upon Its Appearance.

French gray has become one of the most popular of wood stains, and justly so, when tfee artistic value of this soft dove color in furniture and finishing is considered. In a country house built on the old Spanish lines the entire living room was beamed ceiling and open staircase was finished in dull French gray, harmonizing with a great open fireplace built of bowlders. The rugs in the room were the brightest oriental colors, with red predominating, and when the pine logs roared in the fireplace, sending their cheery, crackling voices, their bright glow and their pungent odor out 7 into the room, the eye of any artist would have been pleasantly attracted by the effect of the shadowy gray wood work. Dainty, indeed, is the boudoir or young girl’s room with the gray woods. It seems to be truly feminine in its significance, especially when augmented by rose cretonne, pink, veiled with white dotted muslin, or the more elaborate lace sets or even lavender decorations. A bedroom furnished wtyh a French gray suit against a background of creamy pink, with hangings of cretonne in a sweet pea design, pink with touches of lavender, and a rose colored rug, can be made a veritable bower of beauty.

TRIMMING POSED IN FRONT

A youthful Lewis model of fine white straw faced with royal .blue velvet and trimmed with an Immense bow of white mull. —Vogue.

Pretty Work Bag.

A very convenient work bag can be made of two pieces of gray linen, circular In shape. They are sewed together, excepting about four inches at each end, which allows for a vent The ends are then gathered over two large bone rings, which serve as handles, and by means of these rings, the bag when not in use is hung out of the May. Before making the bag it is decorated with a scroll design in blue carnation braid and the vent scallops embroidered with blue cotton floss.

HAPPENINGS IN THE CITIES

Barbers Denounce the Safety Razors

ST. PAUL, MINN. —Ways and means to deprive the safety razor of its citizen’s right and declare it unconstituticnal, to annihilate it, remove it from the home of every free-born American, and thus bring the barber shop again into its own, furnished one of the subjects for the emotional discussion that took place at the National Barber’s Supply Dealers association convention here. As the insidious influence of the degrading safety razor fired the speakers at the convention to eloquent heights, these points were brought forth: Barber-shops are not so popular as thdy were in the past. The dark man with the beard, instead of permitting himself the ecstasy of a 15-cent shave, attacks himself with the safety, in wild, carefree swoops, which are equally injurious to the life and complexion of the victim and to the profession.

Accident Leads to a Canine Debauch

BROOKLYN, N. Y. —score or more dogs of assorted breeds livened up things on Fifth avenue the other day by becoming intoxicated on the spilled contents of an overturned brewery truck. It is said by eyewitnesses that the drunken dogs acted almost “human’’ in the delirious frenzy, which followed their excessive libations. The truck, one of the motor variety, was chugging along Fifth avenue between Ninth and Tenth streets, when It broke down and its contents, several cases of a very popular brand of hop beverage, were spilled into the gutter. Immediately a golden stream, sparkling with the pent-up effervescence, gurgled and bubbled down the gutter. The day was hot and all the neighborhood dogs, most of which belofiged to Fifth avenue storekeepers, were wandering about in search of water to drink. Blitzen, a graceful greyhound, raised her head from between her paws as she lay in the doorway of a millinery establishment and sniffed the air suspiciously. The couchant Blitzen became rampant.

Blame Middlemen for the High Prices

INDIANAPOLIS, IND.—An experiment to determine how far a city can go in reducing the cost of living is to *be made in Indianapolis under the of Mayor Shank. Following a suggestion of James Wilson, secretary of the department of agriculture, that municipalities take up the question, the maypr appointed a commission to make an Investigation. These men will spend' the next few weeks investigating conditions that are supposed to be responsible for the high cost of farm and garden products. On their report will depend the city’s action. Several years ago Indianapolis established a market place for the purpose of giving the people a chance to deal direct with producers and in that manner to keep prices as low as possible. Preliminary inquiry Indicates unscrupulous middlemen* have been

Divorces a Close Second to Weddings

KANSAS CITY, MO.— As a habitation of the matrimonially distressed, Kansas City, according to figures just compiled, has Rena backed into oblivion. These figures show that one of every three Kansas City marriages has its finale in the divorce court. In 1910 the figures showed that one In every four marriages in this city Were failures and the great Increase in the number has caused much perturbation in the churches. Various causes have been given fo* it—the high cost of living, the laxity of the divorce laws, the greater independence of women. Whatever the cause, since January 1 there have been 1,900 marriage licenses issued, and in the same time nearly 700 divorce suits filed. This is an Increase in the number of mar- * riage licenses Issued over a like period In 1910, but a proportionately greater increase in the number of divorce suits filed. Incidentally, more children from broken homes have been taken charge of by the juvenile court than in any similar period. Sociologists and ministers are worried at the showing and there is < demand for more stringent divorce law-s. I Judge Porterfield of the juvenile court also is worried at the showing, hut he sees no relief in more stringent

Safety razors promote, efficiency. If allowed to flourish they will eventually • accomplish the ruin of American manhood. Rome’s celebrated slump was due ,to just such introductions as the ornery safety razor. “And,” finished one of the speakers, “after weaning its owner from the refinement of the barber shop, making him minister to the demands of his whiskers across his own threshold, the safety will gradually pall upon the man devoted to it Growing careless, the man will'one day lay open the interior of his face with an unusually negligent swing of the supposed ‘safety’ razor, and what then? The man, being weaned from the barber shop, does not care to return. He is timid —the fault of the safety. He lets his whiskers assume abnormal proportions. He becomes a hotbed for germs.. Therefore, down with the tyranny of the r. s.” It was prophesied that in the short spas of a year all the old adherents of the stubble beards and curved Adam’s apples will ba filling the red plush chairs of the shop. The safety razor, it was allowed, was all right for the mere youths and the trembling hands of the old, but further it had not just cause for existence.

"Woof, my dears!’’ she bayed, and in 20-foot jumps made for the spot whence came the tantalizing aroma of the wasting beverage. Immediately every other dog on the block, and some others ffom adjacent blocks, realized that at last it was his “day.” Following the lead of the leaping greyhound, they made for the gutter and eagerjy began lapping up the amber drink. How many aching heads there were next day in Fifth avenue dogdom will never be known, but members of the large crowd which quickly collected to watch the drinking bout aver that the quantity put away by the canine tipplers was something to marvel at. The dogs, too full to find their way home, and too dizzy to navigate anyway, were later led or carried to their homes by their owners.

bartering the market, buying up farm’ produce at wholesale prices and them selling at whatever prices they could extort, thus forcing all prices on the market upward. Some have even gone so far as to disguise their employes as farmers and have them take their places in the market with what were supposed to be farm wagons with’ fresh produce. It developed that middlemen control the prices of four-fifths of the produce handled on the Indianapolis market and that they have advanced the prices to suit themselves. Comparisons made between the prices of a few farmers not taken in by the middlemen with the prices fixed at the market stands show that the farmers have been and are selling food stuff at an average of less than onehalf the amount fixed by the middlemen. Tomatoes, apples, potatoes and other staples have been sold 50 per cent, lower by the farmers than by the parket stand proprietors in spite of the city’s regulation#. The city government hopes to get at the bottom of the situation soon and to devise means by which the middlemen will not be able- to grab the fMtn products and force the people to pay their prices.

divorce laws. He believes that the only remedy lies in making requirements for marriage more severe, and still not so severe that its result will be to drive many persons into common laW marriages. "Too many persons marry who should not,” Judge Porterfield says. “That’s where all this divorce trouble begins, and right there the lawmakers must begin If they are to help conditions. You can’t legislate divorcee and broken homes out of existence as long as just anybody can get married regardless of mental and physical defects. There ought to be a commission to pass on the mental and physical condition of applicants for marriage licenses, and on the earning capacity of the men. Worthless men Who can't even support themselves fllarry. “Something will have to be done or the people of this and other states win find themselves the keepers of a lot Of degenerate children.”