Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 191, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 August 1911 — STRUNK WAS THE GOAT [ARTICLE]

STRUNK WAS THE GOAT

BACHELOR NO LONGER 18 AID OF MARRIED FRIENDS. Ha Finds That for Years Their Wives Have Been Taught to Blame Him for Leading Husbands Astray,

A bachelor living just off Times square. New York—who shall be called Strunk for anonymity’s sake—has been cored of certain ideas he had of doing favors for wives of husbands afflicted with too much of what is often called good-fellowship. He has long been noted among his friends for his propensity to take care of married friends when in their cups and see that they got home safely and at a reasonable hour. It was one of these friends —Banks for anonymity—whom he encountered in Times square recently. Banks had evidently cast off responsibility and Btrunk was Immediately solicitous. He had seen Mrs. Banks and had admired her as a woman of beauty and refinement. His solicitations, however, were met with the rollicking: “My wife's in the country. Don’t you care.” Nevertheless, Strunk, as was his habit, did care. He inveigled the waiter at a case to serve an antidote for liquor aa a substitute for a rickey and then had black coffee brought forward. By the early hour of 11 o’clock responsibility was again beginning to perch on the shoulders of Banks. Suddenly he started. “What day’s this?” he asked. “Thursday," answered Strunk. “Gee-whillikens,” gasped Banks, "I forgot My wife wsb to get in on the nine o’clonk train and I was to meet her." “Well, I guess she’s home all right,” said Strunk comfortingly. “Home?” gasped Banks. “The house is boarded up and I’ve got the keys and her folks are all out of town.” Strunk was a man of action. He called for a taxicab and they were soon driving ..along a street in the West Eighties. In the block he saw several parties still out on stoops. As the chauffeur finally slowed up Strunk saw another stoop party, a woman guarding two children. Banks alighted and insisted that Strunk also should do so and meet his family. As he went up'the steps he said Ingratiatingly; “My dear, I want you to meet Mr. Strunk." “Mrs. Banks was really refined, freezingly so. “I have heard of Mr. Strunk,” was all she said, looking at anything but at him. Banks fished out his keys and gave them to her and she entered the house. Then Banks laughed hysterically. Strunk failed to see any cause for merriment and said so. “You’re the goat,” Banks finally puffed out. “I’ve been telling her for years that you’re the one that gets me off the wagon—and now she’s sure of it, and she’ll be mad at you, not me.” Strunk in the taxicab on his way back hardened his heart.