Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 181, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 August 1911 — Slow Start [ARTICLE]

Slow Start

' "I'll tell you one thing,” said the patient, as he composed himself in tbe dentist’s chair. “Yqu needn’t tell me I've got a bad mouth, because I know It. I’m quite aware that it has been neglected. If I had taken care of my teeth they wouldn’t be in bad condition and In that case I shouldn’t have had to come to you. I want to have that understood before I begin." i

“That's understood,” said the dentist. "Lean back, please, and open your mouth and let me see what’s the trouble." “Wait a minute," said the patient. "Don't you tell me that you Intend to conduct tbe Examination from the ontslde. I know that too. I’m not going to open my mouth any wider than I can without hurting It unless it’s necessary so you needn't be alarmed. I know that’s just a professional joke, but I don't like professional jokes." "I won't make any," the dentist assured him.

“If you think you’ve got to fill the tooth you needn’t get jocular about the dam that you’re going to put Into my mouth. There are twenty-five dentists In this building besides yourself and I’ll bet $lO that there isn’t one of them that hasn’t sprung that bonmot every time he’s pulled a sheet of rubber over a tooth." ‘Til keep it In mind," said the dentist.

"I wish that you would,” said the patient. “I’ll be obliged to you. And while you might be quite right In surmising that I never expected to wear a golden crown until after I went to that bourn from whence — that Jest, too, will be superfluous." “Are you ready now?” asked the dentist. "Just a word or two more as a matter of precaution,” said the patient. "If you think you have to put In a bridge say so plainly and simply and don’t consider the possibility of a ferry answering the purpose." “Well,” said the dentist, a little impatiently. "I’ve come to have my teeth fixed,” continued the patient. “That’s the purpose I entertained In visiting you. I expect to suffer physically, but I haven’t of allowing you to Inflict mental anguish on me at the same time, if I can help it." “Quite right, and there’s no occasion for it,” agreed the dentist. "You needn’t tell me, either that you aren’t going to hurt me,” stipulated the patient. “That might go down with somebody who’d never been in a dentist’s chair before, but this Isn’t the first time with me and I know blamed well that you are going to hurt me. The painless claims of dentistry apply strictly and solely to the practitioner. You need not ask me If you hurt me. You’ll hear me holler and feel me jump and that ought to be enough without asking fool questions, I Should think.”

"I haven’t any doubt that I shall be able to tell,” said the dentist. *T might put a glass of vaster handy •or you to throw at me if I don't seem to understand and you object to telling, however.” "I don’t want to offend' you/’ said the patient. “Don’t misconstrue what I’m saying. I want to get this over with aa amicably as possible and I’m mentioning a few of the things that have a tendency to irritate me. Ttou can’t cheer me up with witticisms. Ytou couldn’t make me laugh with laughing gas and it woold interrupt your work any way, If I Indulged In fits of mirth I’ll tell you now that my worst tooth —the one that spurred me to action —has stopped aching. It stopg»ed Just as J was about to get In the elevator, so I feel quite Independent about It. Some men would have .turned around and left the building without paying you a cent for the: effect of your name as they read itfln the directory, but Tm no that kind.” ’’Are you ready to open your mouth andilet me begin now?” asked the dentist “Oh. darn It!” said thejpatient “Well. I suppose If I must rsnust.”