Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 165, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 July 1911 — Page 2

Good Jokes

NO CHANCE FOR HIM. I** •• ••; -.--• i Donald (who la seeing his more prosperous cousin off by the train) -To pMt like tae leave me a bob or twa itae drink ye a safe Journey, Wulllo. I Wullie (feigning regret)—Man. canina. A*my spare shullin’s I gte tae mo lauld mither. Donald—That’s strange. Because yer mither told me ye never gae her Wullie—Wheel, If I dlnna gle n»y jaald mither anything, what sort o* lebance dae ye think you’ve got?—

Between a Hop and a Straddle.

| “He has about the strangest walk I wave ever seen.”' ; “Yes. You see, he was engaged to a igiri who wore a hobble gown, and Just ’when he had got so he could keep istep with her she threw him down, land now he Is engaged to a girl who ’wears a harem skirt, and he is tryIng to learn to keep stop with her."

A MATTER OF HISTORY.

Grace —Didn’t Noah .make the first <oyage on record? George—Yes—but Lot’s wife was the first female salt

Similar.

Ths. world is wide. But what of that? Ths same thing’s true Of Mabel’s hat.

Danger.

“Doni you think there is danger in allowing automobilea to be run by “Well,” replied the man who ia careful about expressing an oninlon. “they're all right tn cities where they ■sect only horses and street cars, bat on a country road I should think there would be great danger of their shying at a cow."

Balance.

Gaddle—Yes. he's very vindictive. That’s one of his worst faults. Markley—l didn’t know he had that fanlt, too. Gaddle—Oh, yea; I tell you I’d hate to have a man like that owe me a «mdge. ' Mafkley—Yes. but there’s his other fault. He never pays what he owes. —Catholic Standard and Timea

His Instinct

"I see the family dog slinking out of the room. What’s the matter with ktaar “Prescience. Presently there will be a tremendous family row oh." “But how did the dog know that?" “Well, so to speak, his nose is something of a storm scenter.” Have You Noticed? Mollie—When a man is in love, everything looks different to him. Cbollie —Sure; it's the same way whoa be knocks his head against a low chandelier.—Tankers Statesman.

WISE.

Knfcker—How is it that your Mother-in-law never stays very long when she comes to visit you? Bocker—l treat her just like one of the family—give her the tough end of the steak and the neck of the chicken.

Rare Bliss.

T« steal a kiss ta summer time Is surely not a sin; Teo've really nothing much to lose. J. But everything to win.

On Rare Occasions.

"I was wrong. Maria.'* _ “No, John; I was wrong." Then they kissed and made up. Thus showing that two wrongs •ometimes do make a right

Knew Their Friends.

"Johnny, do you know the Greek ;■ BSdaF . "Mo; where la their fruit storer

PRIDE BEFORE A FALL

Up tn the air. so trim and taut. Ho sailed the summer sky; The breeze was cool and pleasant there-* He saw the birds so by. . But something snapped—we don’t knew what— « The cry was. "Coming down!” He landed where the sod was soft, Tet almost cracked bls crown. Some said, "A faulty steering gear,** Some said, "A broken plane," But all he knew was everywhere His body throbbed with pain. ■ The tittle birds were sailing still. As gaily as you please. Across the green and grassy lawn And high above the trees. They laughed to see the poor bird-man In such a doleful plight. And nearly every one of them ——- Opined, "It served him right!”

Sarcasm This.

“Excuse me, madam, but would you mind walking the other way, and not passing the horse?” said an English cabman with exaggerated politeness, to the lady who had Just paid a minimum fare with no fees. . “Why?” she inquired. 4# “Because if ’e sees wot *e*s been carrying for a shilling ’e’ll have a fit," was the freezing answer.—National Monthly.

Had Done Enough.

**l wish some time, Mr. Speeder," said the doctor, “that you bear our hospital in mind, and, if it appeals to you, do something for it" "Great Scott! Squills,” retorted Speeder, “why can’t you be satisfied? That new chauffeur of mine has contributed at Kottwo patients a day to your old charity. What more do you want r—Harper’s Weekly.

He Lost Out.

"Yes, sir, he wux afraid o* the banks bustin’ on him, an’ so be burled his money.” "Has he got it yet?” “No; he forgot to blazo the tree wbar it wux an* the man who owned the land put up a sign, "No trespassing on these grounds!*"

Shy.

"Gustave’s letters tome are excedlngly dull and commonplace,” said one fair girt “Don’t you know why?" responded the other. “No." "Gustavo once served on the jury tn a breach of promise case.”

HE KNEW BETTER.

Mr. Hauks—What’s ths use of dressing up in all those swell clothes. Just because you’re a witness In the Snaggs case? Remember that Justice is blind. Mrs. Hanks—l know —but the judge tint

The Young Batrachian.

Behold the little tadpole. Who is always, in the swim. Ere long he'll be a bullfrog. With exceeding length of limb.

Too Much to Ask.

"1 would gladly die for you." he exclaimed. “But what 1 am going to ask you to do calls for greater heroism on your part than that," she replied, slowly. “What is it?" he asked. "Go to work." she answered. “Anything but that,** he responded, giving up in despair.

Peace In Prospect.

“Are you making progress in your plans for complete peace and barmany F “I think so," replied the eminent philanthropist "I hope, in time, to be able to donate a million or so to some good cause without arousing all sorts of envious strife."

The Doctor's Boy.

“Mamma, the doctors boy next door made faces at me.” “And what did you do?" “I stuck out my tongue at him." “Dear, dear! And what did he do then?” “He just said it was badly coated."

Overshadowed Luminosity.

“Has that statesman ever hid bis light under a bushel?” “No. But he has to be content with printing his best speeches in the record."

Able Assistant.

"That’s a fearfully profane parrot you have." “Yes." replied the canalboat man “but I’ve got to have some help is driving these mules."

Latest Millinery

THIS hat, in white hemp, is bordered with a band of Irish crochet lace. White tulle roses set in a white net scarf are banked over the low, rounded crown. A bow of chiffon velvet in pale coral color is wired to stand at the right front where it is mounted against the crown. If this is not a perfect design', no one has been able to excel it and we need not look for anything better. The happy possessor of a scarf of real lace In duchess point, princess or Spanish lace, or any of the finer hand-made laces, may use them as a drapery on white hemp, in the manner

ETIQUETTE FOR THE VISITOR

Many Little Points That Mean Much and Must Be Considered of importance. # A girl’s first flitting from home surroundings and restraint is a pretty good test of her manners and true character. She often develops traits that she herself was never before aware of. How often to attract attention and court popularity at some summer resort the quiet sedate maiden suddenly becomes conspicuous and “sporty," or strangers may have the effect of making her selfconscious and rude. She does not mean to be so, but she often loses her perspective for the true fitness of things and a new environment breeds all manner of unsuspected qualities. If she would only realize the wealth of wisdom and the breadth of experience that a well-bred girl may glean from traveling and meeting Interesting people! She should never be cold and forbidding to strangers, but she should also avoid the fatal mistake of rushing into intimacies which she will too often regret. A gracious manner and good temper are charms which attract invariably and the natural sweetness of girlhood is greater than any pose which she .may try to assume. When visiting friends or relatives a guest should adapt herself as well as possible to her new environment and bring no Jarring note or undue disturbance into the family circle. There are so many little attentions that can bring comfort and Joy into a household! If a hostess feels that her guest needs constant entertaining and amusement and special service, she will not wish to repeat her Invitation so soon again. Never be late for meals, be pleasant to the servants, observe the pervading habits of your host and hostess, be thoughtful and considerate, so that when your visit is ended there will be true regret, and there will be a genuine ring in your hostess’ voice when she says, “Be sure and come soon agaip.”

When Traveling.

Don’t try to “do your hair” In the dressing room of a sleeping car. You will either exclude other women or be jostled by them. Get the porter to push up the upper berth (you can precall upon him by using tact or blandishments) and sit “Turk fashion” in front of the mirror. Cleanse your face, ears and throat with cold cream and violet water, arrange your hair, don your garments and step out of your berth as from your hotel room. A few minutes with toothbrush, nail brush and soap in the dressing room, and you are ready for the “first call for breakfast.” —Good Housekeeping,

Rice Fritters.

Beat two eggs until thoroughly ■ broken, then add one pint of milk, onefourth teaspoon salt, one tablespoonful melted butter, two level teaspoonfuls of baking powder, one pint cooked rice, grated rind and juice of half a lemon, and flour enough to hold the mixture into a deep batter. Drop by dessert spoonfuls into smoking hot fat. and when the fritters float and are delicately browned remove to a brown, plain paper, dust with pulverised sugw when ready, to serve.

shown in the third hat pictured here. To cut such a piece of lace is out of the question; a too short-sighted to entertain at all. It may be doubled, plaited or folded over, and laid over or about a white hemp shape and fastened to the shape with a band of handsome ribbon and rosettes of fine flowers. Rich lace should be applied to the shape with very little fullness. The design and work are to show and must be emphasized; therefore full gatherings are out of harmony. If there is too much lace in a length, one end may be rolled up and concealed under a trimming.

FOR THE TRAVELER.

Here is a smart traveling costume of fine navy-blue serge, the collar and cuffs being finished with striped blue and white silk. The same design is also intended for Tussore, with black and white ribbed silk trimming, the seams piped smartly with black silk; particularly becoming to a stout figure.

The Quaint Poke Bonnet.

For the woman whose face can stand this piquant bit of headgear, the eighteenth century poke bonnet is a most fascinating affair. Some of the smart milliners are showing spring and summer models in this shape. Often they are carried out in two kinds of straw —frequently black and white. On these hats the trimming is. of course, well toward the back. Sometimes a great bow stretches across the straw, or clusters of dainty posies adorn the sides. The crowns on these poke bonnets are arranged fold-like and tilt well toward the back of the head to accentuate the “poke" effect

Luxurious Negligees.

Some of the new negligees are hard to tell from the. transparent coats which are displayed in other departments. Between a pink chiffon boudoir gown, embroidered in self color and dropped over a pink silk lining, and a pink chiffon embroidered coat over pink satin, there was so little radical difference that only one sophlsticated in distinctions sartorial' could have asserted which was for which. The average woman, however, will content herself with one of the detracting boudoir gowns of china silk and lace, or of flowered organdy cut in lovely long lines and inset with lace honeycombinga.

HAPPENINGS IN THE CITIES

Yeggmen Terror of Small Town Banks

LINCOLN, NEB—Since last fall no less than a hundred country banks in Nebraska, Oklahoma and Nebraska have been robbed. In each Instance from SI,OOO to $7,000 was taken, and practically the same procedure was followed In each case. In the three states named are approximately 2,500 banks, 2,000 of them In little towns and villages with practically no police protection. This is the usual program in the cases reported: Soon after midnjght the residents are aroused by tuto or three explosions. Those daring enough to venture on the streets see an automobile standing In front of the bank and two meh with guns giving orders to stand back. Inside are their companions, filling sacks with money from the safe. Having gathered all the cash possible the burglars enter the machine, fire a few Intimidating shots and go racing out of town. Then come the gathering of a posse, the cranking up of cars and a desperate attempt to follow and capture the robbers. In no Instance has there been a capture, and despite offers of

Hoosier Eggs Must Now be Guaranteed

INDIANAPOLIS, IND.—The large egg dealers and shippers of the state now buy eggs “loss off,” and will compel the farmer to sell good eggs or none at all. This decision was reached at a meeting here some time ago of the Indiana Association of Car Lot Shippers, which meeting was attended by nearly 40 of the 100 or more members. Resolutions were adopted' asserting that the dealers would buy eggs only on the plan of “loss off.” This decision was In line with the amendment which the last legislature added to the pure food law, making it a violation of the law to 'offer a bad egg for sale. This law applies to the farmer, the grocer, the huckster, the dealer, the shipper, or to anybody else who sells eggs. H. E. Barnard, state food and drug commissioner, attended the meeting and made an address, in which he told the members his department would do everything in its power to enforce the new law. Up to this time It has been the common practice for the fanner to sell all his eggs in a lot, regardless of whether the eggs were good, bad or otherwise, and he received a flat price for them. The result was that the consumer had to take his chances on getting good eggs when he bought eggs at a grocery. "It is a crime for any person to offer a bad egg for sale,” said Mr.

Only the Drug Stores May Sell Drugs

TOPEKA, KAN. —Hereafter when a Kansan wants to buy a bottle of vaseline or a cake of medicated soap he will have to go to a drug store. If one wants two sheets of fly paper or a package of fly poison, he cannot run around to the corner grocery and get It charged on the grocery bill. He must hike to the drug store. The state board of pharmacy has ruled against the department stores and groceries selling drugs. No one has been poisoned or hurt in buying department or grocery store drugs, but the business was getting to be so big that the board decided to stop it before the business ran away. The department stores usually shave the price a little, and maybe this encouraged the ruling. The pharmacy

Queen Sets Style for English Women

LONDON. —Queen Mary has issued another sumptuary law for the world of fashion. A little while ago she Intimated that ladies wearing the tightly fitting Modern skirt would not be welcome st Buckingham paalce. It is evident that if the queen is unable to lead the fashion, she intends to command it when and where it is in her power, for she has now Issued further orders that no low collared dresses or large hats are to be worn in her presence. These orders of the queen are all in keeping with her well known views and with those of King George. "They have made domesticity the fashion.” was said of them by a fashionable cynic the other day. Al a matter of fact, apart from thsir pressing public engagements, the existence of the royal couple would be described by any member of the smart set of the Edwardian era as positively humdrum. They realise thia.

rich rewards for the robbers, dead on alive, the robberies continue. The automobile is blamed for much of the crime. "Before the coming of the motor car we could, overhaul this class ofi criminals,” said a police officer who was discussing the crime. “They went on horseback and there was littlel difficulty in covering the country by telephone and heading them off. “Now the country is alive with parties making cross-state runs and no more attention is paid to a strange can than to a freight train. With a high powered car it is easy on the prairie roads to cover 100 miles in threei hours. Than with a change of outer clothing to give the appearance of| tourists the robbers can motor leisurely through the most populous cities and put up at the first-class hotels! without arousing suspicion. “It is practically impossible tor the pursuers to -follow them because the route taken is unknown and the rapid! progress of the robbers puts them out! of reach.” ‘ While the country bank does notl keep large sums on hand In currency it always has a few thousand dollars, and the robbers are evidently not! looking so much for a large haul aa they are for a safe getaway. In thia they have been so successful for the last two years that they have grown bold and seem to think they have ~ai system for making money easily that cannot be defeated.

Barnard, '“and the fact that a person had a bad egg in his possession is; proof he intends to sell it What we propose to do under the new law la to prevent the sale of bad eggs. We propose to protect the consumer. “When a consumer goes to a grocery and buys a dozen eggs he must get good eggs. Frequently, heretofore, when a man bought a dozen eggs he got two or three bad ones. This practice must be stopped. The consumer must get what he pays for. Not only will we Insist on the shipper living up to the law, but we propose also that every grocery shall guarantee the eggs it fceils. Then the consumer will be protected.” Some of the members said they had! seen In grocery stores signs that; read: “We do not guarantee the egfcs; we sell.” v ( “This will not help the grocers,”. said Mr. Barnard. "They have got; to guarantee the eggs they sell. They! must deal fairly with their cus-' tomers.” , . /

law prohibits anyone but a registered, pharmacist selling drugs except in rural districts, where any merchant may sell patent medicine if he-is five miles from a drug store and obtains a proper license. But department and dry goods stores have been building up a big business selling hydrogen peroxide, vaseline, carbolic acid preparations, fly paper, face powder?, tooth paste, witch hazel and dozens of other household articles. But these are drugs. They are sold as drugs and to be used as medicines, hence they come under the prohibition of the law and the state board, which has charge of enforcing the law, says that the sale of these things, and' the patent medicines by others than druggists, must cease. The state board is serving notices on all department, dry goods and grocery stores that sell fly paper and face powder that they must cease this profitable business. Some of the department stores arp preparing to fight the order on the ground that the state has no right to prohibit selling useful but harmless preparations.

*T know people think that we are a stuffy couple, but we do not mind that,” the queen said to have remarked a few days ago. If Queen Mary’s expressed views and her example is followed, it is likely there will be a fashion for something much more decorative• in the way of gloves than is furnished by the customary range -of fawn and black and white. Several of the peeresses have followed the queen’s lead and are wearing heavier embroidered or* delicately painted gloves, finished with gold or silver band* or lace edging at the elbows.