Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 135, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 June 1911 — SMILES [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SMILES

THE ADVANTAGES OF A COLLEGE EDUCATION, “Do you farmers believe in sending your sons away to college?" Inquired the stranger. - f . ij “Some of tuTdo, an' some don’t,” replied the farmer, who, years ago had given his two sons a college education; “but I notice some on us ’re proud t’ be th’ fathers o’ college sons as kin entertain th’ neighbors with hair-raisin’ stories an’ lively songs o’ old college days daown in th’ kitchen, after their farm chores ’re done fr th’ day!” A Warm JRetort. At a dinner party an officer of the guards was placed with his back to the fire. He stood the heat for some time, but at last was obliged to ask for a fire screen. “A British soldier should always be able to stand fire,” said the boat, a pompous old - squire who thought everything belonging to him was perfection. “But not at hie back, sir.” was the witty reply.—Answers. ■ The Usual -Charge. He had been the star at a farewell dinner, because he had “accepted position in New York.” When he returned, six months later, because he *had failed to make good, he said: “Oh, I couldn’t stand the town. It’s too un-American for me. The luckiest thing I ever did was to refuse to Blgn a five years’ contract with the people who got me to go there.” Difference Between Fire and Water. “Hurry, dear!” exclaimed the husband. “The fire Is gaining. We must get out. Haven’t you got your clothes on?” “Oh, I can’t go out this way.” she screams. “I Gouldn’t find anything to put on but my bathing suit, and I’m not going to face all that crowd in it!’’—Life. Always in So. She —I don’t see anything pretty In the new spring hats He ——I do. He —What do you see worth looking at in them? He —The faces. AFRAID OF A BATH.

Weary—Say, Tim, dis is er good place ter hang up fer de night. Tim—Not on yer life. Hdon’t stop near any river. I did once, and got up in my sleep an’ walked right into it A Catastrophe. Gayly she Joined In the mazy dance. And woefully to her hurt. Bitterly she regretted the step— For It burst her hobble skirt! He Had the Habit. English Tourist —That fellow over there la the most wonderful guide I ever saw. I was with him in a caravan that was lost in the desert for ten days, after which we put this fellow In charge, and in less than two minutes he set us down in a big puddle of water. 1 wonder who he is? American Tourist —I know him.. He used to be a New York street car m» torman.—Puck. Her Awful Secret. “Yea," said Little Blnks, “Mias Paynter is a handsome woman, but sometimes when I look at her she seems to me like a woman who has a terrible secret." "She has,” said Whlbley. -"I was sure of it," said Little Blnks. "Have you any idea what it tar , "Yee," said Whlbley. 'She's fortyeight years old." —Harper’s Weekly. , Got an Opening. "1 have a note to meet next week and I’m afraid 1 won’t have the wherewithal." “Well, don’t borrow trouble." "No; what I want to borrow la a' little money. Could you spare a ten?" v Aa It Should Be. Newed —Don’t you •• think a man should always listen to his wffe’s advice? Oldwed Tee, Indeed —then he should proceed to act according to his ewu judgment. Aa Reminded. Weggs—There goes Sapleigh la a new salt of clothes. Do you know what be reminds me off Waggs—Of a pretty label on an empty bottle. ~-

THE HIKERB. . We moved In last November , And distinctly 1 remember •Twas the steam heat that she wants* And she said: - ...... She was crazy In addition For a dining-room in mission And the den was simply perfect. Being red. Now she’s weary of the mission Dining-room. It’s her ambition “S?. ; . To serve ham and eggs in one with Paneled walls; And she wants a bedroom pink, ; ~ " And a wider kitchen sink. And some blue and yellow paper In the halls. V-v ' .- Every autumn, every spring. Just like birds, we’re on the wing. Fpr a change In decorations We go hiking; /■'* _ - ~V‘ And I'll gamble when she dies That her mansion in the skies Won’t be finished Just exactly To her liking.

JUST SO. ,

Higgs—There are times when ft man has to lie to hife wife. Jfggs—And worse than that, ther* are times when he has to tell ths truth. interrupted Wooing. He sang about his dream girl. With passion most intense; Her bulldog made a flying leap And caught him on the fence. Smooth of Him, Anyhow. “He is in bad, isn’t he?" “I don’t know whether they will be able to make a case against him oe not” “What were the circumstances?” “He handed his mother-in-law a handful of matches au« told her to go down the cellar and find the gas teak while be went out and got a gasfitter ” 1 Too ShprL “You’re not going to put up the big office building you are talking about?" “No; the land deal fell through.” “What was the trouble?" “The owner of the lot refused to sell It outright All "he’d agree to do was to lease it to me for 999 years—and I wanted to put a permanent structure on it you know.’*

The Rule. My son, I’ve traveled round the world And many maids I’ve met; There are two kinds you should avoid— The blonde and the brunette. -Ufa Regretted the Incident. “Nan, what has become of your hatpin?" “I left it sticking in a masher’s arm an hour or two ago." “My. my! What an unpleasant experience you must have had!" “Indeed it Was. It was my most expensive hatpin." Not Her Kind. “Have you heard?” asked Mrs. Oldcastle, “that Grace Moneylove has married an octogenarian?" "Mercy aakes!” exclaimed Mrs. Justrich. "Is that so? Well, he may be all right, hut I’ve never seen a man who wouldn’t eat. meat that Td live with."—» Judge. MELODRAMATIC.'

Miss Vassarward —And wasn’t the professor awfully, awfully provoked when be caught you in the very act of painting his door with nasty, black, sticky tar? Yaleton —1 gudss be was pretty mad about It He told me to never darken bis door again! Aims and Alackl Although the maid la fair to see And worth a lover’s, »lah». ' Her Illy hands will never bo - Adept ot making plea. •till Life. "No. Herbert." whispered the maid; "you mustn’t put your arm around mer We are watched." Herbert looked around the dimly lighted parlor. "Oh, yee," he smiled; "I see there's a rubber plant at the other end of the room.** • 'Bh! There’s another one that you don’t see Johnny’s hiding there!"