Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 134, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 June 1911 — THAT GOOD OLD JOKE [ARTICLE]

THAT GOOD OLD JOKE

ABOUT ONE’S ANCESTORS COMING OVER ON THE MAYFLOWER. i'•■'■%'V,. - ■;■ . * ~ *•: mXf'-.-ia^saawmfS Iconoclast Points Out a Few Facts That Beem to Have Been Overlooked, But They Are Extremely Pertinent Whenever I see a fellow throwing tint his cheat like a pouter pigeon and bragging because he thinks his ancestors came over on the Mayflower,- It always causes me to break forth In a loud, vulgar chortle of mirth—“haw-haw-haw!”—just like that That Mayflower Joke nearly tickles me to death, and whenever I have chapped hands or a cold sore anywhere near my mouth and hear that boast I simly laugh and laugh until my face pains me. Do you know, “Mr. Mayflower,” there was a time in my freckled career when I labored under the same delusion that now seems to have possession of your goat? Once upon a time my grandfather, in an unguarded moment, imparted to me the priceless information that my ancestors came over on the Mayflower. That made a terrific hit with me and boosted me up at one boost about 76 per cent In my own estimation, I immediately got the idea, as yon have, that I was made of a little bit finer clay than those with whom I came in daily contact. Why, after I found out that I had the Mayflower strain of blood In my veins, I would hardly speak to my neighbors. When I made new acquaintances I always asked them whether or not their ancestors came over on the Mayflower, and if they didn't, I never spoke to them again. Why, Just at the height of my glory an inquisitive chump, who believed that I was made of mud and water, just like other ordinary folkß, took the trouble to pry the lid off my ancestry. He went about In a painstaking way to find out just where I came from. ! v (' I don’t care at this time to dwell on the details of his investigation. :: I will merely admit that when he got back two or three centuries along the ancestry trail he discovered, to my intense amazement and disgust, that one of my forefathers had been hanged in Germany for stealing a horse, and that another old' who belonged to my family hafllNmn tarred and feathered and ridden on a rail out of a French town for desertion from the army. Not only this, but this chap who was engaged in the task of looking up my ancestry went carefully over the passenger list of those who sailed on the Mayflower, and he found no member of my family was on deck when the boat left the dock. -• Did you ever pause In your ancestor four-flushing to compare the capacity of ths Mayflower with the number Of people who boast that their ancestors came over on board her? The Mayflower, you know, was not a very big vessel, and if as many people came across aboard her as we mdst infer from the boasts of those we meet every day, you can bet your sweet life she was crowded some. All the firstclass cabins were filled, they slept layer on layer in the steerage, and they piled ’em six deep on deck. The rigging was full of hangers-on, while countless others wsre hanging on by their eyebrows from the vessel’s raUThe members of the crew could hardly get about the boat in their duties without stepping on a Mayflower ancestor, and they must have cussed something fierce. Some of those an board were stowaways, and hid themselves in the hold among the cargo, while others, in their ambition .to become Mayflower ancestors, -worked their passage across by holystoning the deck, patching sails, balling out bilge water and doing other menial services unbecoming to a Mayflower ancestor. The wonder is that the poor old Mayflower was not swamped in midocean. Do you know, sir, that, if all those who It is claimed came over In the Mayflower were launched together, they could not begin to get on board the Lusitania? —Newton Newkirk, in Boston Post