Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 126, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 May 1911 — IS PUT ON PROBATION [ARTICLE]

IS PUT ON PROBATION

AMERICAN WIFE FAILS TO PAM THROUGH HEAVEN'S GATE. St. Peter ts Too Well Posted on ths Wdy She Has Conducted Her Household and Spent Her "Next!" called St Peter. A tall, comely woman arose from the bench and came forward gracious* ly. She was dressed rather for style than for comfort Her clothes rustled' vulgarly and her hair was manifestly different from what God intended it to be. “Name, please.” “I am the American Wife.” “Are you sure?” “Here is my marriage certificate.” “I mean are you sure you have been a wife?” “As to that, I—" “What do you understand the qualification of a wife to be?" “To take charge of the household and—” “And do as little as possible in tt, eh?” “But you could not expect me to do the heavy work, could you?” “You expected other women to do the heavy work.” “Servants. They are a different class.” “And you were peevish when they didn’t do it just so?” “But—” “And you were always complaining that things weren’t going right?” “Let me—” “And when your husband came home at night he had to hear all your little ailments, physical, mental, domestio and social.” “But, don’t you—” “Your Idea all the time being to divorce yourself—- “ Not divorce —” “From real usefulness of all kind* in order that you might engage in the most trifling occupation." “Don’t you think a woman should have some pleasure in life?” “Sitting around the bridge table or at the matinee and eating rich food until you got fat and then haunting beauty doctors until you got thin. Wasn’t that your highest Ideal of pleasure?”

“I went to clubs and to church.” “To show your clothes.” “I had children.” “But you found It a terrible nuisance to take care of them.” “I could afford to hire nurses and governesses.” “But you couldn’t afford to give them any of your own very valuable time.” - “But my husband didn’t want me to work myself to death.” “No, of course not. It Is no better to work yourself to death than to loaf yourself to death. But, after all, your husband has nothing to do with it. We’ll deal with him separately. You had your own life to life. His being foolish doesn’t excuse you.” The American Wife burst Into tears as she saw her chance of heaven fading away. “Here, none of that,” commanded Saint Peter. “Tears have no effect on us.” Then he turned to his clerk. “Clerk, get this woman a gingham apron and set her to work peeling potatoes and other odd jobs. Let me see her again in about six months.”