Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 114, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 May 1911 — Page 2 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

If aH dreams came true, people Would soon quit eating mince pie. The modern man who takes up his bed and walks is the mattress salesHolland produces 142,000 pounds ot Nutter a year. Enough to hotter both SaMee ot her bread. If the drinking cup Is to go. some economist of pocket space might combine a straw with a fountain pen. "Imbecile insanity” is the newest. We may yet bear ot "insane lunacy" ts the experts run out of adjectives. Shoe manufacturers announce that the feet of American women are growing larger. The ungallant wretches! The story persists that the monorail nystem of transportation is to go to ; Alaska and grow up with the country. **" 1 ■ 11 The Chicago youth who eloped with a girl and seven trunks would make a hugs success In the express business. ■ The Oklahoma woman who has 18 sons, all under s years of age, is not suffering from the lack of something tote. There seems to be a remarkable international unanimity of opinion about the harem skirt. It has been mobbed 111 Brazil. Some ot New York's fashionable women are carrying canes. Must be inconvenient when they are pushing Further evidence 'that China is about to wake up. A Chicago mall order house has shipped 10,000 alarm clocks to Peking. ■ - A 180,000,000 bread trust Is being organised in New York, and we presume that its tnotto will be: “Half a loaf ' ■„l,■'*■■■ Some of these decrepit old baseball veterans who have attained the advanced age of 33 or 34 years might land a job selling tickets. A St Paul man has discovered that he is heir to a French throne. Our advice to him, however, is to hang onto the job he now has. A Lowell. Mass., cow gave seven tons of milk in one year. The world would be drowned in milk if everybody kept that kind of a cow. Common drihking cups have been frowned upon by law tn New York. The manufacturer of the uncommon kind has perked up considerably. A Boston savant announces that he can photograph thought Now we'll know what a perfect lady really thinks when she runs tor a street car end jut misses It* Poultry raising is to be taught at Butgem college. Somebody there must have an idea that there are people who do not .think they know all about raising chickens. A Baltimore bard is trying to organise a poet's union, but the scheme is likely to fail owing to the fact that aH the applicants for membership wish to be walking delegates. Four goats. Inoculated with a billion disease germa, have wandered astray In New York. However, this is not the first instance in which modern scientists have lost their goats. A woman in a New York town owes her safety to the fact that she wore a harem skirt and the trouser part gave her freedom to run for her life. So here is one good point registered for the persecuted apparel. A woman in Spokane has been graduated from a school of stenography at the age of seventy and expects to take wp active work. When the spirit la so young there are no limits to activity which age can Impose. A woman in Pennsylvania buried the wrong man tn mistake for her husband, but, when the latter turned up alive and well, stuck to the dead man. She wisely declined to have a live issue made of her mistake. A New Jersey magistrate has a rabbits foot on whose powers he sets great store. To be consistent, he ought to bold bls court at midnight in a graveyard and so have all the proper influences in the caste at work. A Harvard professor tells us that we can live on ten cents* worth of flood a day, but it is evident that he has overlook ed the fact that lobster costs 80 cents a pound. Possibly he expects us to take a look at the outside of a lobster can for dessert. ' A man in St Louis signed a contract with his wife by which Le agreed cot to kiss or annoy hor In any other , wny. He must have been an excesSlvely agreeable sort of a busband if It was necessary to exact this contract. Evidently, this partlflnlar wife nnt with that MOt no other.