Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 113, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 May 1911 — IS PUT ON PROBATION [ARTICLE]

IS PUT ON PROBATION

AMERICAN WIFE FAILS TO PAM THROUGH HEAVEN'S GATE. 1 1 ~ •L Peter" toToo Well Posted on the Way She Has Conducted Her Household and Spent Her Time. “Next!" called St Peter. A tall, comely woman arose from the bench and came forward gracious* ly. She was dressed rather for style than for comfort Her clothes rustled; vulgarly and her hair was manifestly/ different from what God intended it to be. r.-■ - - -- "Name, please." ' “I am the American Wife." “Are you sure?” “Here is my marriage certificate.** “I mean are you sure you have been a wife?” “As to that I—" “What do you understand the qualification of a wife to be?” "To take charge of the household; and —” "And do as little as possible in It* eh?” "But you could not expect me to do the heavy work, could you?” ... “You expected other women to do the heavy work." “Servants. They are a different class.” “And you were peevish when they didn’t do it just so?” "But—” v “And you were always complaining that things weren’t going right?” “Let me —” “And when your husband came home at night he had to hear all your little ailments, physical, mental, domestlo and social.” "But, don’t you—” "Your idea all the time being to divorce yourself—** “Not divorce — “From real usefulness of all kinds in order that you might engage in the most trifling occupation." “Don’t you think a woman should have some pleasure in life?" “Sitting around the bridge table or at the matinee and eating rich food until you got fat and then haunting beauty doctors until you got. thin. Wasn’t that your highest ideal of pleasure?” “I went to clubs and to church." “To show your clothes.” , "I had children." r . “But you found it a terrible nuisance to take care of them.” “I could afford to hire nurses and governesses." “But you couldn’t afford to give them any pf your own very valuable time.” “But my husband didn’t want me to work myself to death." “No, of course not It is no better to work yourself to death than to loaf yourself to death. But after all, your husband has nothing to do with It We’ll deal with-him separately. You had your own life to live. His being foolish doesn’t excuse you.” The American Wife burst into tears as she sawther chance of. heave* fading away. "Here, none of that” commanded Saint Peter. “Tears have no effect on us." Then he turned to his clerk. "Clerk, get this woman a gingham apron and set her to week peeling potatoes and other odd jobs. Let me see her again In about six months.” When Lovely Woman 'Phones. "Business win be held up In this drug store for.the next ten minutes," growled .. the impatient man. "Even the prescription clerk Is holding his breath. Two good-looking women are getting ready to use the telephone. That Is why. When a handsome woman talks over an open telephone everybody within earshot takes a vacation and listens. A plain woman might talk half a day and nobody would pay any attention, but a goodlooking woman at a public telephone draws a bigger crowd than the president of the United States. Everybody takes it for granted that she Is going to say something worth hearing and they become vitally Interested." "If you are in such a big hurry," said the impatient man’s companion, "why don’t you go down street and attend to that other errand while they are putting up your prescription here?" “Oh, nd,” said he, “I want to hear, too."