Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 102, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 April 1911 — HAPPY HOOLIGAN. [ARTICLE]

HAPPY HOOLIGAN.

A School Boy’s Biography of Noted Character of Fuuay Page Fame. (By Barney Bade.) Happy Hooligan was born in Nubbin Ridge, North Pole, February fortyeleventh, 333 B. C. He has just arrived in Shakletown, South Pole. Ho traveled one-fourth of the way by tricycle, one-fourth by bicycle, onefourth by motorcycle and the remaining quarter by an aeroplane invented and manufactured by Happy Hooligan & Co., consisting of Happy Hooligan, Pres.; Abe Martin, secretary; Fawn Lippencott, stenographer, and Hee Pach, foreman of the foundry. It only took 300,000,000 days for these industrious workmen to make this wonderful aircraft The factory was located in Hullabaloo, where Goardville now stands. Happy has the record for being arrested the most times. He was arrested 79 times for exceeding the speed limit on his tricycle, 89 times for running into steam engines and breaking them to pieces with his bicycle, 111 times for riding 83 miles an hour without holding to the handle bars of his motorcycle and 302 tines for breaking up bird conventions with his airship. Happy is quite a flourishing figure in the history of the world, having fought in every snowball fight in his town in one year and being hit 699 times. He belonged to the First Baptist church in Harkenville, which in 2 B. C., had a population of five. He was baptized in Barr creek, and was later thrown out of the church for fishing in the same stream on Sunday. Sister Liz Squash was the prosecuting witness. She found him fishing from the stump she intended to use herself. .Happy bow trains snakes and eats ’em alive. He was with Barn urn’s circus in 1733, with Bailey’s in 1842, with Barnum ft Bailey’s in 1891 and is engaged for the coming season to play the Wild Man from Borneo in Pat Houk’s street carnival. He hopes to take out a company of his own in 1936, and visited Rensselaer last week offering contracts to a number of sophomores to become a part of his gallery of freaks. Happy is good natured, a popular ' favorite and has saved upwards of 36 cents during the last nine years. Prior to that time he went into bankruptcy with an indebtedness totaling $4,286,111.03. He is trying hart w pay every cent he owes, but says the Outlook is dark at this time. He is a fine chap and easy to make a loan to.