Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 93, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 April 1911 — DODGING THE LAW [ARTICLE]

DODGING THE LAW

By M, QUAD

Josephns Henderson was a man of forty wben a startling event took place In his life. He was also a widower. He was exactly five feet high and weighed 110 pounds. These figures twill convince you that Josephus was not numbered among the mighty men of earth. He had tried various ways of making a living, and in pursuing them he had got the reputation of being. keen. He had at last turned peddler and was driving a horse and wagon around the country with dry goods, notions, groceries and tinware. the way he came to meet the widow Sopher, who lived on a farm. ' The widow had passed forty. She was large and bony and strong., She was not handsome. The only thing on earth she feared was the law. She had once been arrested for kicking a man and had spent ten days In Jail. The sheriff had made her stay as pleasant as possible, bnt she had never recovered from the shock. , Peddlers are a jovial lot, and so are and In time these two came to call each other,Josh and Sally. > Thing? would have gqne no further but for the little man’s keenness. He never jhade a sale to the widow without cheating her, and one day when he heard that she ha<l come into possession of $5,066 in cash through the death of a brother Josephus saw his way clear for the future. That money would set up a store in the village, and he would become a thriving merchant. 'M. [ Josephus went courting. He found the widow behind the plow in a field. As he courted she plowed. He had no objections, as time was money to both of them. Josephus confessed that he had entertained a speaking affection for the widow since his first call, and. though she didn’t say much, Bhe seemed pleased, i Josephus was told to call two weeks later, but at the end of nine days he was back again. He said it was his beating heart that fetched him. He had cut the time down, but the widow was ready for him. Several days previous she had gone to the village and paid a lawyer $5 to answer the question: : “Can the law trouble a wife who rcks her husband?” And his answer had been: ( ‘iNot if you do not lick him too hard! is neither assault nor battery in what fnay be called a moderate licking. Don’t break any bones and don’t seriously Injure his eyes.” I “I have been thinking," said the widow to Josephus; “I have been thinking and wondering if you loved me.” T “Heavens, can you doubt it?” he exclaimed. “And you will always love me?” i “Forever and forever!” “Then we’ll say two months hence.” “One month—a week—a day!” 1 Josephus knew of a store to rent in the village, and he wanted that $5,000. The widow insisted that she must have [two weeks at the very shortest, and a date was settled on. The marriage was to be private and be celebrated in her home. In due time the happy day came round—a preacher and two witnesses and the deed was done. An hour later, as the happy couple were left alone, the widow changed her dress, rolled up her sleeves and brought out a new horsewhip bought for the occasion.

i “What’s up?” asked the wondering Josephus. !' “Take off your coat and stand out.” 4- "For what love? I want to talk with you about opening a store in town.” “Plenty of time for that. Josephus. The first sale you made to me was five yards of roller toweling. You beat me on the price and on the measure. I’m going to tan your jacket for it!” I “But, love”— | She took Mm by the collar and laid (on the whip till he hollered. A woburn who could twist a plow around in clay soli could handle the little Josephus. “The second sale,” continued the jWife as she rested, “was five tin paw. Four of them leaked, and you beat me out of 10 cents beside. Here Is licking No. 2.” ' “But I am your dear husband!” be protested as he squirmed abdtat. I “And that’s why I can lick you and dodge the law. Here goes!” | Josephus' hide was tickled again. He attempted to fight, but was taken by the hair and his head hanged against the wall till he grew quiet When the performance was over and the wife had got her breath she salfi: ! “Yon sold me ten yards pf calico for a dress and warranted It to wash. It wajg three-quarters of it yard short on the meesore and the colors ran Into each other.' Josephus, some more horsewhip!” ' “I’ll have you arrested for this!” “You can’t That’s what i paid $5 to make sure of. Come to time!" ' And Josephus was licked for selling shbrt weight groceries, and for ing SB rents too much for a pair of shoes, and for soiling black blockings 'thartcrocked. he had got his last stroke the wife said: “Josephus, darting. It waa * oasis of mine that got the *5.000. but .y ou’ve got me. and here we dwelt, and you do the farm work and do -It well or deir wkW too want is the tno air of tht* oourtfly,2iWitb H honest prictes nf good keksWrk thrown u»r