Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 87, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 April 1911 — JOSH BILLINGS' PHILOSOPHY [ARTICLE]

JOSH BILLINGS' PHILOSOPHY

Brains were made for the world, hearts for heaven. Very fn people bekum suddenly ritcb without loselng their linch pin. ,j. Splitting hairs doesn’t pay. It spiles the hair, and doesn’t Improve anything. j Poverty may be a blessing, but a man must be a phool to reap all the advantages ov it. I hav seen people so lazy that when thejr sat down in a chair, they allwuss fell the last 6 inches. The man who kan whissell first-rats had better keep at it, for he kan’t do ennything else haff so well. = Whoever heard ov one infidel watching at the deathbed ov another? What a farce this would be. The world is phull ov mangy and low-priced dogß, but not one among the number that yu kan hire to betray hia master. I don’t want to liv among the heathen, and eat missionarys, but I kan’t help admiring menny ov their traits—at a distance. Satan waz an angel, and fell from heaven; this waz to show us that no place or person iz safe from the cohtaminashun ov sin. A literary woman, if she marrys at all, should marry a coxcomb; she kan desplze him az much az she pleazea, and he won’t know the difference. — New York >