Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 86, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 April 1911 — AT THE AUCTION. [ARTICLE]

AT THE AUCTION.

Man Who Knocks Down Is Always Good Natured. Great day. Folks have come from miles around because it, is not only a sale, but a social event. On a platform in front of the barn stands the auctioneer, a merry, fluent, white whiskered Importation from Uilesburg, twenty-four miles away. Auctioneer—Now, my good people, I have here in my hands a half a sack of—(aside) what is this, George? (to tiie multitude)—a half stick of beets. We have got a lot of dead beats up our way (loud laughter), but these are live beats. Who wants ’em? Who’ll give me a bid? Horrible Yap—Five cents! Auctioneer—Five cents. Thank you. You ain’t going to beat yourself on this, are you? (Laughter.) I’m offered 5 cents for this-sack of beets. Who’ll give me ten? Cyd Man Hawkins (squealing)—Ten cents! Auctioneer—Thank you, uncle. I’m offered 10 cents for this bag of beets, and they are not dead beats either. (General snicker.) Who’ll give me fifteen? Fifteen? Mrs. Bodders Is about to bid fifteen, but doesn’t decide quick enough, and the words are taken out of her mouth by Bill Hoover, who says loudly, “I’ll give ye 15. cents!" Auctioneer— Fifteen cents for a sack of beets and all live ones! Who’ll make it twenty? O. M. H.—Twenty! Auctioneer—Twenty! Make it twen-ty-five? H. Y.—Twenty-five! Auctioneer (very mneb excited)— Twenty-five! Make It thirty! H. Y. (still more excited)—Thirty! Auctioneer (after the usual agony)— Sold to this gentleman for 30 cents. All good, aren’t they, uncle? H. Y. (opening bag)—Them ain’t beets; them's carrots. , Auctioneer—So they are, uncle, so they are. Carrots are better * than dead beats, ain’t they? (General titter of approval. He proceeds to the next article and the next joke.)—R. L. Leigh in’ Puck.