Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 85, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 April 1911 — JOSH BILLINGS’ PHILOSOPHY [ARTICLE]

JOSH BILLINGS’ PHILOSOPHY

Brains were made for the world, hearts for heaven. » - Very fu people bekum suddenly ritclj without loseing their linch-pin. Splitting hairs doesn’t pay. It spiles the hair, and doesn’t Improve anything. Poverty may be a blessing, but a man must be a phool to reap all the advantages ov it I hav seen people so lazy that when they sat down in a chair, they allwnss fell the last 6 inches. The man who kan whissell first-rate had better keep at it, for he han’t do ennything else half so well. Whoever heard ov one infidel watching at the deathbed ov another? What a farce this would be. The world Is phull ov mangy and low-priced dogß, but not one among the number that yu kan hire to betray his master. I don’t want to llv among the heathen, and eat missionarys, but I kan’t help admiring menny ov their traits—at a distance. Satan waz an angel, and fell from heaven; this waz to show us that no place or person iz safe from the contamlnashun ov &in. A literary woman, if she marrys at all, should marry a coxcomb; she kan despize him az much az she pleazes, and he won’t know the difference. — New York Weekly.