Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 63, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 March 1911 — Page 2

Good Jokes

THE SOPHISTICATED MAIDEN. A young man and a maiden wer* betrothed. 1 "Dearest one.” aald the young man. "I love thee. So great is my devotion Uiat if another should but cast loving glances at thee a fearsome thing would happen.” “What might It be?” yuoth the maiden. "Even that t would kill him. Dost believe me?” *'Nay,” quoth the maiden. "Nay? But I protest \o thee, I row, I swear, that if another should make love to thee his life should pay the forfeit By yonder 1 swear! boat believe me now?” “Nay,” quoth the maiden. “Now, what meanest thou? Why toeltevest thou not that I would kill the dastard villain?" “Because,” quoth the maiden, “thou wouldst not know aught about it”

Know Bings?

“There is no doubt that Bings is a great optimist.” “Why do you say that?" "The fact that he thinks well of himself proves It conclusively.”

POINT OF VIEW.

Mabel —Who was the .best man at the wedding ? Jim—l dunno. They didn’t fight”

Fears the Wurst.

A maid who had a poodle pest Which out of alsht did drop. Displays a deal of interest Anent the sausage crop.

Settling George.

“No, George,” she said In her gravest tones. “I cannot become engaged to you. and I am very sorry to see yon show this mad infatuation. Remember that I am much older than you are, and believe tne when I say I will always be an elder sister to you.” “You ain’t hardly any older than me,” declared the disappointed’ youth. “I am 15, George, while you are but 14. And remember, George, that to a woman a year is a lifetime.”

A Memory Aid.

"Jinks is the only man In the office who has not once made a mistake In the new date." % “Has he a good memory?” "Not so much that as he is a crap player.” "How does that help him?" "Because it is natural for him to have it ‘come eleven.’ ”

One by Father Time.

Before entering the gates of 1911 Father Time discovered a nick in his scythe. “What is that doing there?” asked the Foolish Questioner. “Why, my boy.” responded Father Time, “1 guess that is what you would call the nick of time.”

The Modern View.

"I simply wasted the money I spent to see my son through college.” "Why, every one says he is a thorough classical scholar.” “What does that amount to? He never even was mentioned for a place on the football team."

MADE HIM LEAST TROUBLE.

“Who are your favorite poets. Mr. Editor?" "Those with the writers’ cramp."

Defining It.

"So the authorities have decided that a man's home is where he mostly sleeps, have they?” asked Mrs. Mrs. Getathlm, with a glare at her hapless spouse. "They have, my dear,” he replied, meekly. "Then the next time you go to register, give the church as your home," she said, with an emphasis not to be mistaken by a guilty, cowering soul.

Consolation.

With a sigh she laid down the magazine article upon Daniel O’Connell. "The day of great men,” abe said, “Is gone forever." "But the day of beautiful women is not," be responded. She smiled and blushed. "I was only Joking.” she explained, hurriedly. •—Western Christian Advocate.

A CRITIQUE.

I did not like the heroins, I did not like the lover, I did not like the ballroom seen# ; Depicted on the ciover. 1 did not think the "atmosphere" Was what yauld call “convincing.” Observe, my attitude is clears ' I’m In no mood for mincing. The plot, methought. was rather trite. The characters were pale, O; Although the author etrive to wrlte, HU toll did not avail. O. Before I’d read a hundred words. Ye gods! I fell to yawning; \ Who seeks ambrosia, finding curds. No ray or promise dawning. Doth peevish was Just what I did— But that was shortly ended; 1 Unto the floor "best seller” slid— The nap I had was splendid!

An Extenuation.

Livery Stable Proprietor afraid we shall have to cast him, Murphy. He's about worn out. Murphy—l wad not be sayln’ that. Barrin’ the wakeness he has in the legs an’ that touch of cataract, forbye a triflin’ suggestion of the staggers, ’its a grand horse he’d be for the funerals—if ’twere not for the color of ’um. —Bystander. 4^.:—

Mutual Sympathy.

“So the young surgeon you told me of is engaged to a telephone operator?” “Yes; theirs Is a case of mutual sympathy.” • “What do you mean?” “Why, she made a practice of cutting folks off, and he, of cutting them up.”

Didn’t Apply.

Mr. Jones (crossly)—Mary, this Isn’t good bread. Mrs. Jones I want you to understand that that’s cake. Mr. Jones (sarcastically)—Oh, cake, is it? Then I most sincerely apologise.

Both Ends.

Bill —I wonder why somebody doesn’t Invent a match a fellow could light on either end? Jill —Oh, come, now! You’re Joking. It's all right for a fellow to scratch a match on the sole of his shoe, but who do you suppose wants to scratch one on his bald head? — Yonkers Statesman.

A Black Outlook.

“What makes you so blue?” “My-'wife Is attending a white sale.” -

HAD TO GIVE IT UP.

"I hear your wife has sold her parrot.” "Yes." "I’m surprised. I thought she was very fond of the bird.” “She was, but It developed a tendency not long ago to insist on having the last word, and that was too much.”

His Cruel Terms.

My water pipes have burst: and now The plumber knota my anxious %row By saying he won’t come until 1 pay In full last winter's bill.

The Brazen Culprit

An eastern man was charged with stealing a Christmas kiss without mistletoe sanction and asked the judge If he couldn’t testify In -his own behalf. “Go ahead,” said his honor. “Well, all 1 have to say Is." remarked the brazen culprit, “that no matter what you line me the kiss wasn’t worth it!” Whereupon the plaintiff fainted and the Judge said “ten days.”

Easy to Be Good.

Miss Smith —Now. Madge, tell me, which would you rather be —pretty or good? Madge (promptly)—l would rather be pretty: Miss Smith; I can easily be good whenever 1 like to try.— London Punch.

She Didn’t Understand.

"Your friend is rather indelicate.” remarked Mrs. Wombat "Says he gave her husband some panetelaa for Christmas." "What’s wrong with that?" "I wouldn't think of mentioning sleeping garments in public.”

Wayside Communings.

Adam Zawfox—Pard, how does softenin’ of the brain act on a feller whea he’s gettln* It? Job Sturky—You don’t need t* worry ■bout that, ole scout You’ll never git it

ADVENTURES IN ARABIA

Extending across the whole of the Old World from Morocco to Manchuria there runs a great belt of waste-land, a zone of country composed for the most part of sandy deserts, only broken here and there by a rich fertile valley or an Isolated oasis. The Sahara, Arabia, Eastern Persia, Turkestan and Mongolia are the connecting links in this great desert zone. The occurrence of such names at Nafud, which means "exhausted,” Robi el Khali—“the abode of emptiness,” and Gobi or Shamo—“the void,” conveys to the mind only too clearly the character and climate of these regions. Of these desert countries Arabia is the least known, and, therefore, the most Interesting. Few people realize that Arabia, the great desert peninsula, though situated so close to the western world, Is still practically “terra Incognita.” It -is to all intents and purposes a closed country, for few travelers have attempted to penetrate its deserts, and still fewer have succeeded. The center of Arabia has been called “a lion’s fien,” and it is certainly easier to get into than to get out of. For a quarter of a century Arabia has been passed by and entirely neglected by explorers. This is not because Arabia is without interest, or that It is all a hopeless waste of sand, possessing neither inhabitants, trade, nor history, but simply because it is such a difficult country to travel in. On all sides Arabia presents a hostile, forbidding fact to the traveler. Fanaticism, pitate-haunted coasts, and waterless, robber-infested deserts are

Arabs of the Desert.

the drawbacks to travel in Arabia, and complete the Isolation of the peninsula. Only the hem of Arabia Is known. Aden, Mecca and Muscat are probably the only place-names that the majority of people connect with Arabia. . Arabia, one of the few countries left of the explorer, holds out that greatest of all attractions to the adventurer —the hostility of the inhabitants. Ice barriers guard the pole, fevers and swamps long held Central Africa impregnable, but added to the natural difficulties of Arabian travel is the determination of its inhabitants to keep out strangers. It is as “forbidden” a land as ever Tibet was. Indeed, It offers to the traveler the ralxlmum of danger and discomfort and the minimum of reward. Over the immense area of desert only one form of existence Is possible —nomadism. In Arabia, the barrenest of all countries on earth, nomadism is found in its purest form. In such a land of nakedness man can only exist by constantly changing his abode and seeking pasture for his flock in different localities. Twothirds of the population of Arabia is nomadic. A scarcity of water and lack of fodder, a variable rainfall and therefore a changing pasturage, forces a nomadic life on the inhabitants of these barren lands. fn Arabia Nature seems to show herself in her most crasl form. Sand deserts of the most utter desolation, mountains of black lava and red sandstone, and horrid volcanic tracts most difficult to travel over are the chief features of Arabian scenery. , The fact that the whole peninsula la lacking in flowing water, coupled with the poorness of the vegetation, renders the conditions of life difficult in the extreme. The nomad’s existence a

[ is a continual and relentless struggle with Nature. His environment has piade him cruel and warlike; the salt of the desert wells seems to have entered into his soul and ma(Je him bitter towards all men. The Arabs are true Ishmaelites, and have no definite abode; their life is a constant wandering. They never cultivate the soil, but live entirely on the produce of their herds. Their tents are therefore adapted to their restless life, quickly taken down or put up and easy of transport. They are made of camels’ hair, loosely woven, supported on poles by very long guy-ropes. They are sufficient, however, to protect occupants from the hot sun, but not from the rain, and in winter the encampments are the most uncomfortable places imaginable to live in. The women occupy one-half, the men use the other, partitioned off by a brightly-colored curtain. The average tent measures twenty yards by six. At the best of times the Bedouins are half-starved, camels’ milk and bread being the staple food, but all day long they appease their hunger by sipping strong black coffee. On occasion a feast lakes* place, especially on the return of the men from a successful hunt, and then there is a surplus of meat. ; . When necessity forces the tribe to migrate, which is very often, for grazing is not sufficient in any one place to support their immense herds of camels for any length of time, the whole tribe moves at once. Early In the morning the tents are taken down by the women and rolled up into huge bales with which the men load up the camels, together with other household Impedimenta. When the camels are laden the small children are lifted on to the top of the loads, and, all being in readiness, the migration begins. The great tribe, divided up into groups and families scattered over the desert moves off In search of new pastures. When the tribe reaches a well, the camel herds are watered quickly, and the tribe moves off, never camping beside the well. As of old, the most frequent causes of quarrel are the waterings. Bobbers lie in wait at the wells in order to catch unwary strangers coming to drink. Around every well that I saw there was an ominous little graveyard. During a journey of over seven hundred miles I found but five wells, but the supply of water in these was almost unlimited. Eventually, when the chief finds a suitable grazing ground he lights a fire as a signal to the rest or the tribe, who are scattered over a large stretch of desert. The smoke of the fire shows the wanderers the direction of their chief’s tent; then they gather round and pitch their own, in groups near by. In this arid, inhospitable land there is scarcely substance enough to support human life, and even what there is has to be wrested from Nature. Flocks need grazing, and as the herds increase they need more extensive pastures. The men therefore fight for the best and widest pasturages, and also to secure larger herds of camels. Although the Arab’s life is one of supreme idleness, given up to the breeding of his herds, yet the desert air Is not conducive to rest. The Bedouins lie in their tents for a week at a time; then the fit comes on them and they collect in bands of 50 or 100 individuals and go off on a marauding expedition. They are daring robbers, and their one alleviation from the dull monotony of life is systematic thieving. These raiding parties render the whole of Arabia unsafe, and are the terror of all travelers. The bands are composed of from 20 to 150 men. Mounted on swift dromedaries, armed with breeching-loading, rifles, carrying food and water for many days, they are the most mobile warriors In the world. In Arabia travel is only possible by means of camels. The prancing Arabian steed is a myth to the traveler in the peninsula. I never saw a horse worth looking at in those desert regions; Indeed, I cannot see how horses could be bred to perfection in such a herbless land. Without the camel life would be impossible. The “hUmpy herds’* are the sole products of the desert, and on them one must wander from well to well If one determines to brave this most inhospitable and dangerous of Journeys. Camels form the chief concern of the Arab’s existence; they supply him with all his wants, tents, food, clothing, and transport, hence the breeds are well selected and pedigrees carefully kept

MEANING OF NAMES.

Busan Is Hebrew, a Lily. Alma is Latin, the Kindly. Guy Is French', the Leader. Margaret is Greek, a Pearl. Rachel is Hebrew, the Lamb. 1 Edwin is Saxon, a Conqueror. ~ Paul is Latin, the Small One. Clara is Latin, the Bright One. Lionel Latin, is a Little Lion. Hugh is Dutch, the Lofty Man. Jacob is Hebrew, the Supplanter. Gilbert is Saxon, Bright as Gold. s Ernest is Greek, the Serious One. Martin is Latin, the Martial One. Lucius is Latin, the Shining One. Eunice is Greek, the Fair Victory. Peter is of Latin origin, the Rock. Sophia is Greek and means Wisdom; Leonard, German name, is Lionlike. Florence is Latin, the Blooming One. Sarah, a Hebrew name, means Princess. » Arabella is Latin, the Beautiful Altar. Caesar, Latin name, means Hairy Man. Agatha is a Greek name, the Good One. Edith and Editha are Saxon, Happiness. Douglass is Gaelic, signifying Dark Gray. Oliver is of Roman origin, an Olive Tree. Rosamond is Saxon, the Rose of Peace. Daniel is Hebrew, meaning God is Judge. Lucy is the feminine of the Latin Lucius. Isaac, a Hebrew name, means Laughter.

PEN POINTS.

The acid test for friendship is misfortune. Angel food cakes seldom make boys angelic. " Many men enjoy a dry smoke. Why not a dry drink? / Too often sermons have too much length and too little depth. Those who carry their heads high usually have a light one. Theories and facts make a splendid team when they pull together. • Only the pretty girl can loose the purse strings of a stingy man. Friendship is much like moneyeasy to make, but hard to keep. Lawyers often go children one better in asking embarrassing questions. The brave are said to deserve the fair, because only the brave can live with them. Louisville passes New York this bouquet: “About one-tenth of the inhabitants of the United States live in New York, and live happily, feeling confident that they’re about ninetenths.”—Judge.

RANDOM REMARKS.

It is hard to convince a successful man that luck is an accident You can drive the stocks to water, but you can’t make them shrink. The promoter thinks he is working wonders when he is really working suckers. When a man’s wife makes his neckties, you can’t blame him for wearing long whiskers. •mmm • * The fact that absence makes the heart grow fonder shouldn’t influence us against presence of mind. You don’t have to be a dressmaker to realize that a divorce suit usually costs more than a wedding gown.— Philadelphia Record.

MAIL.

Mall consists of letters, magazines, circulars and bills. Mall la the cause of a great many men upholding the high Ideals of the grand old party. Mall Is delivered by carriers, who always come late when you are looking for an Important letter from your rich unde from whom you are expecting a loan.

ALL TRUE.

Father Time the man of the hour. It’s plain that no woman ever thinks she is. ( A blind actor should be able to act with feeling. Many a rich man has barely missed landing in jail. He is a strong man who can overcome his smallest weakness. Wise is the man who knows what to say—and then doesn’t say it. The average married man wastes a lot of sympathy on his wife’s husband. About falling in love, the worst feature is that so many people fall out again. Music hath charms —but much of the charm Is due to the music’s being at a distance. Don’t be satisfied with walking around on your uppers while waiting for a dead man’s shoes. When a man takes unto himself a wife he is apt to exchange a lot of little troubles for a big one. Some men are born rich, some acquire riches and some get into politics and thrust riches upon t£emselves. * After a woman makes up her mind to have her own way she gets angry if some man doesn’t get busy and restrain —

SAYS THE OWL.

A single man is doubly attractive—to a spinster. Money is the thing wives look for while husbands sleep. Any woman can take a hint—if disguised as a “beauty hint.” The story of Lot’s wife should be taken with a grain of salt. Don’t be a grouch generator; grouches have no market value. & An umbrella dealer-says there are lots of hold-ups on rainy days. It’s a good thing to 'tell the truth occasionally, just to keep in practice. Love is blind, but after marriage a man is apt to take an occasional eyeopener. A bachelor says that a wise man has no secrets from his wife —because he hasn’t any wife. Nothing increases the anger of an angry woman like the refusal of the man in the case to talk back. We are told that actions speak louder than words, but it depends a good deal on who is doing the talking.

PHILOSOPHIZING.

Where there is ill will there is also a way. Time is money. Like tide, it waits for no man. The gilded youth is too frequently a gold brick. Many a man attracts no more attention than a thermometer on a pleasant day. You can’t stand well with your friends if you persist in sitting on them. The theory that It is never too late to mend influences some of us never to begin. Many a fellow who has nothing to do but mind his own business doesn’t even do that. Yott can never tell what a woman is going to do. And if you could, she would probably do something else.

PESSIMISMS.

Courtship is preparation, marriage is desperation, and divorce is rejuve. nation. Some women are born with beauty; some achieve beauty, but none ever 'have beauty thrust upon them. The youthful lover who lacks words to express his ecstacy of bliss generally finds an inexhaustible flow at some later day when he has to pay the freight.—Smart Set

SCIENCE NOTES.

Salt may be used effectually to scrub grease spots from the top of a stove. Diluted oxalic or tartaric acid will remove ink stains from books without injuring the print Using a galvanised Iron Incubator built expressly for the purpose, a Californian utilises a hot water well on his ranch to hatch chickens.