Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 February 1911 — Page 2 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

When doctors graft it la folly to bo sick. Another tiling that will make Milwaukee famous iff a “woman policeman.” 1 r "-rt--- • • * ■ Why worry over .good roads when We are all on the verge of taking to 'wings? If war scares keep on accumulating they may be offered by the dozen at rates. When women are required to sit on Juries they Bhould be permitted to bring their knitting. Western fanners are returning to the effete east to buy up the deserted farms of that section. Fir lumber fias gone gone up one dollar on the thousand. Now. all together: This is going too fir! Goose-bone prophets are of the opinion that this winter will stretch out as long as a British election. . Alfalfa in various forms is to be served at a banquet in Colorado. Now who is "brother to the ox?” Alexander wept because he bad no more worlds to conquer when he should have hustled around and found 'a few. Pittsburg ants to annex about a dozen suburbs. This is likely to start a new annexation movement in Cleveland. The unarmored cruiser Detroit, which cost $ .233,000, has Just been sold for $20,000. So run the fighting ships away. : New York’s largest hotel is to cost $17,000,000. It is to be built on Herald square at Twenty-fourth street and Broadway. School teachers think they are entitled to pensions, but can teaching be called war since corporal punishment has been abolished? A Boston man declares that he can prove that there are nine hells, and we presume that discovering that the furnace fire is out is one of them. That New York man who started to Shoot himself but thrice changed bis mind in time to dodge the bullets Inay live to congratulate himself on his fickleness. Morocco is to pay money to Spain for the war which Spain recently fought In Morocco. Such is the embarrassing consequence of coming out only second best Maybe some time they will invent a padded aeroplane which will not rise more than ten feet from the ground. Then the careful man will become interested. He has football in tne fall and track athletics and baseball in the spring and now the college student has ice hockey all winter. And ’ yet be is said to play too little. In the year 1910 the American hen laid 17 dozen eggs for every man, woman and child in the country. We have reason for believing, however, that at least several dozen of those eggs are still In cold storage. A report from Berlin has it that Emperor William has become interested in boxing. It Is not likely, however. that he will at his time of life try for the middle-weight championship of Germany. Men who began life as waiters now own one of Chicago's biggest hotels. But, of course, they were good waiters and never spilled soup down anybody's back nor forgot to renew the contents of the finger bowls. The Episcopal bishop of Michigan ■ays that bridge whist players are Just as much gamblers as Wall street plungers or Monte Carlo patrons. They must play for more than a quarter of a cent a point out that way. By drinking 20 bottles of beer a day for 30 days a St. Louis man won a suit of tailor-made clothes and $250 in money, but the chances are that a man with a thirst like that will pawn the clothes, and he certainly won’t have the money long. If that ship that got into New York the other day with a load of elephants and pythons and other creatures could have been stuffed into the stockings of several million children It would probably have settled for all time demand for Noah’s arks. When rat carry plague aqd cats an* dogs that kill or drive them away carry diphtheria and tuberculosis, both of which are affirmed by the experts. It seems there is nothing left for threatened humanity but to get off the earth. _ That technical secret attack upon the Atlantic coast by our returning battleship fleet will be valueless unless the Mole Bt. Nicholas liar and the New England faker who heard so much cannonading at sea in 1898 are allowed to get Into the game