Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 21, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 January 1911 — The ONLOOKER [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

The ONLOOKER

by WILBUR D. NESBIT

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Be It Resolved, my brethren; Hereafter no maid shall wear A hat with a swaying two-foot brim, or some artificial hair; And, Be It Resolved, moreover, nobody shall trim his lawn Except in the hours we shall decree la the statutes wisely drawn; Be It Decreed that no one shall purchase a mooley cow, Except he shall pay a license fee. aixl house it within the mow. Officers shall be watchful and vigilant tor the state To collar the man Who runs "for trains when he leaves Ms house too Istej And it shall be deemed unlawful for blonde with a blonde to wed— With forty-two years In a dungeon cell for the man who dyes hls head; Be It Decreed that baldness is felony, third degree, And punishable with any fine, as the jury men may agree. Be It Resolved, my brethren, that collars of celluloid Shall be an Illegal ornament and shall promptly be destroyed; And they who are making garden shall do It with nine-inch hoes And rake from the right hand to the left when they work between the rows— Thus do the thoughtful statesmen keep ward on the things of state And show they are fit for history to list them among the great. Children arerobbed of playtime, are driven the rounds-of toil— Their laughter, the roses meant for their cheeks, are a part of labors spoil" The horde of the penny-filchers makes free with the poor man’s wage. But that has no claim on the precious. time of the legislative sage; Write us the Law on tablets, and honor ft in our schools, But scribble the page of silly laws and call It the Book of Fools.