Evening Republican, Volume 15, Number 1, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 January 1911 — Page 3

ONE REDEEMING FEATURE

When Papa Hears It He Urges Only Son to Grab Girl Quick. The only son had just announced to the family his engagement. “What, that girl!” remarked: his mother. “Why, she squints.’ 1 “Shfi has absolutely no style,” commented his sister. t “Bed-headed, isn't asked auntie. “I’m afraid she’s flighty,” was grand* ' ma’s opinion.. .■ - y ' ] “She hasn't any money,” said uncle. “And she doesn’t look Btrong,” chimed in the first cousin. “She’s stuck up, in my opinion;" asservated the second cousin. “She’s extravagant,” was the opinion given by the third cousin. “Well, she’s got one redeeming feature; at any rate,” remarked the only son, thoughtfully. “What’s that?” chorused the charitable band. t “She hasn’t a relative on earth.” % Papa had not yet spoken, but now he did. “Grab her, my boy,” grab her,” he said. I

HIRAM CARPENTER’S WONDERFUL CURE OF PSORIASIS.

*T have been afflicted for twenty years with an obstinate skin disease, called by some M. D.’s. psoriasis, and others leprosy, commencing on my scalp; and In spite of all I could do, with the help of the most skilful docJ tors, it slowly-but surely extended unrvjtil a year ago this winter it covered ®my entire person in the form dry scales. For the last three years I have been unable to do any labor, and suffering intensely all the time. Every morning there would be nearly a dustpanful of scales taken from the sheet on my bed, some of them half as large as the envelope containing this In the latter part of winter my skin commenced cracking open. I tried everything, almost, that could be thought of, without any relief. The 12th of June 1 started West, in hopes I could reach the Hot Springs. I reached Detroit and was so low I .thought I Bhould have to go to the hospital, but finally got as far as Lansing, Mich., where I had a sister living. One Dr. treated me about two weeks, but did me no good. All thought I had but a short time to live. I earnestly prayed to die. Cracked through the skin all over my back, across my ribs, arms, hands, limbs; feet badly swollen; toe-nails came off; finger-nails dead and hard as a bone; hair dead, dry and lifeless as old straw. Omy God! how I did suffer. ' “My sister wouldn’t give up; said, We will try Cuticura.’ Some was applied to one hand and torn. Eureka! burning sensation from the word go. They immediately got Cuticura Resolvent, Ointment and Soap. I commenced by taking Cuticura Resolvent three- time a day after meals; had a bath once a day, water about blood heat; used. Cuticura Soap freely; applied Cuticura Ointment 'morning and evening. Result: returned to my home in Just six weeks from the time I left, and my sjcin as smooth as this sheet of paper. Hiram B. Carpenter, Henderson, N. Y.” The above remarkable testimonial was written January 19, 1880, and is republished because of the permanency of the cure. Under date of April--22, 1910, Mr. Carpenter wrote from his present home, 610 Walnut St. So., Lansing, Mich.:. ‘1 have never suffered a return of the psoriasis and although many years have passed I have not forgotten the terrible suffering I endured before using the Cuticura Remedies.”

MONEY DID IT.

"Since Boozen inherited a million I suppose he’s a worse drunkard than ever.” “Oh! no. He’s a dipsomaniac.” A collapsible conscience may be more comfortable than an ingrowing one, but it works as much harm. Dr. Pierce’s Pellets, small, sugar-coated, easy to take as candy, regulate and invigorate stomach, liver and bowels. Do not gripeOccasionally you hear some one mentioned as being a good liar.

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NEW YORK.—John A. Dlx, governor-elect of New York, somewhat wearied by his strenuous campaign and the following activities, is turning longingly toward his winter camp at McKeever in the Adirondacks, and doubt- • less will seize the first opportunity to flee thither. Mr. Dix is an enthusiastic sportsman and delights in the days which he spends eaeh winter in the camp up in the mountains when the country is Covered de4p in snow.

HATES A STEAMSHIP

Mariner Who Is 102 Despises Steam-Going Vessel. Captain Jackson TeHs of Bailing Ship Pays and of Pierce Storms That Swept Decks of Craft He Commanded. \ ' London.—Nearing the close of his one-hundred-and-second year, Capt. Daniel Jackson gazed mournfully across the rain-swept gardens of the Tooting home for the aged as he compared the gale then raging, with the hundreds he experienced In the days when men went to sea In ships of wood. Strangely enough it was the present storm that had brought him his sorrow.

“It’s only a little capful of wind,” he said, “just enough to make a good craft swing along like a war horse. But it’s brought me more trouble than any gale'that has blown since I made my first voyage to Archangel, more than ninety-three years ago. It’s only a.little capful, yet it stayed me frofn performing the last service my dear Bister Maria will ask of me. "She had sent me a message from the Wandsworth infirmary, Raying that she wanted to see me very, very soon, because she had something to tell me. So I buttoned up my coat on Wednesday afternoon and started to walk over there, but the little capful was too much for me and the rain swept into my eyes. ‘Never mind,’ I said, 1 shall see her tomorrow.’ Next morning they told me Maria was dead!”

Tears rolled from the tired old eyes as Captain Jackson s thin, twisted fingers beat upon the window pane, and it was many minutes before another word escaped him. He toM qf gales in many seas, fierce storms that had swept the decks of the ship which he had skippered when a boy of nineteen. “Well I remember my first day -of

Keeps His Timepiece Fast

British Monarch Deliberately Has Watch Set Ahead—Father Addicted to Same Habit. London. —Modern human beings have an extraordinary predilection for "fast” time. Even the late king gave way to this little weakness, and every timepiece, including the church clock, at Sandringham, was kept deliberately half an hour fast. This custom, in fact, still Is kept up by King George. This "fast” time habit is, in the opinion of a well known medical man, a form of self deception and "a praiseworthy, but often unconscious, attempt to rectify a veryr common fault —unpunctuality.” “The number of clocks and watches in England that are kept fast 1b extraordinary,” he said; "A slow watch or clock Is uncommon, and usually the result of an accident. But everywhere fast time is to be seen —outside railway stations, In railway refreshment rooms, in public-houses, and in private residences. "In my opinion the psychology of this habit Is as follows,” continued the doctor. "A man distrusts his ability to be punctual, and to rectify this advances his watch, or allows It to remain fast, deluding himself that after a short time he will have forgotten that his watch Is fast, and so will unwittingly be punctual. "Again, a man acquires a sort of subconscious feeling that he could never hope to be punctual unless *his watch were fast He feels that he can keep up to time when he Is calculating by a fast watch, but never If be has to calculate by a correct watch.” Numerous persons admitted hav-ing-batches that were fast 'Said one man: "I always keep my watch fast—anything from live ■up twenty minutes —as I am terrified It may get slow should I put it back to the right time." , Another: "My watch always gain* a few seconds a day, and I let It go on

[?]IX LONGS FOR HIS WINTER CAMP

command,” he said—and for the first time the droop of his lips lifted. “I was rigged in a ■ new suit cne of the owners had given me, with the pockets lined with S7O and a $75 watch ta my fob. We sailed in ballast from Lynn to Sunderland, and when Mr. Taylerson, another of the owners, came aboard he asked me to direct him to the captain. That was the best day of all, I think, for when I made him really believe that I was the captain he chuckled for hours. “Then he cracked me a hearty blow, on the back and told me I must skipper a ship for him round the Horn to California. Thirty-eight times I sailed Mr. Taylerson’s ships to California, but one day, when I was walking with him up the main street in Sunderland, he fell dead. “My connection with the service ended soon afterward, but by that time I’d saved close on $5,000, and with that I became an owner myself. It was a sad day I bought my ship, for at my wife’s desire I let her brother captain the vessel instead of looking after her myself. She Was lost on the first voyage, and-I hadn't a penny of insurance. “1 was a ruined man and getting on

Census Quiz Jars Germans

Subjects of Kaiser Perplexed by Some Searching Questions —Total May Be 65,000,000. Berlin.—Germany is in the throes of a census which will not end for many weeks'. When It is over the fatherland expects to wake up and find itself the possessor of 65,000,000 souls, or a gain of 4.50p.000 sln.ce_l9fliL The German population experts are deeply impressed by this week’s announcement that the United States has over 90,000,000 inhabitants. The American rate of increase during the

gaining for about a month or so. Then I-put it back to the right time. Why don’t I always try to keep It right? Because it is too/much bother, and because I have grown accustomed to having It fast and feel strange when it is right.” A well known business man said that he always kept his watch exactly two minutes fast, first, because it had S tendency to lose, and, second, because it made for greater punctuality and avoided the risk of missing trains by half a minute or so. Most business men of his acquaintance did similarly, he added. The secretary of the Magneta Time company, limited, which has control of CO,OOO clocks in the United Kingdom, said that in his experience almost eyery one preferred to keep their clocks fast and requested that they should be set for this purpose.

PROPOSAL OVER PHONE WIRE

"Hello” Girl Receives an Offer of Marriage Intended for Some Other Woman.

Kansas City, Mo.—A telephone operator at the Union depot had a proposal from a man she never saw and doesn’t even know his name. Although she . didn’t reject him, there is little likelihood of a wedding. A woman had just been in a booth and had hung up the receiver. The person at the other end of the line still was waiting. The girl operator “went in” on the line to tell that the party at her end of the line had hung up. * “Won’t you marry me, then?” asked a masculine voice at the other end. “Hadn’t thought of it,” was the answer. 'l’m the operator.” “Oh.” , t * „ And the man hnng np suddenly, probably afraid that ‘‘central” would bear him blush.

in years; so I settled down to be a landlubber as best I could. I came to Clapham in 1863 and set to work as a blindmaker. All went well for some twenty years, but by the time I had come to be seventy-five, I commenced doing odd jobs. So I worked on till myuilnety-ninth birthday, when I came to live in this where every one is kind to me. By now the captain’s pipe wad filled, and, puffing vigorously at his beloved shag, he offered his opinions on the sailors of today. “Nice sailors they are to call thesd little squalls gales,” he said. “It’s thfl steamboats that have done it all. In my days a sailor was happiest when the seas swept the deck and his ship tore before the wind. I never could abide a steamer. I only once went to sea in one, and that was when I came home from Australia as a passenger.” A few weeks ago the delightful old captain met with an accident which would have proved fatal to most men many years his junior. Slipping, he fell backward against a piece of furniture and fractured two of his ribs. “It hurt a bit at the time,” he remarked, in the most casual fashion, "but I’m quite as strong as r again. My chief failing is my sight. Till ti few months ago the hours with a pipe and a paper were my happiest. Nowadays I must have the pipe only and let some one else have the paper.”

last ten years is double tbo*rate at which Germany is growing. \ i. The census of Germany is not taken by official question askers, as in the United States, but by means of a series of intricate blanks which every householder in the country is obHged to fill out. Millions of otherwise intelligent Germans spent last week wrestling with the mysteries of the cenßUßfortur. 7“ These are some of the searching questions which the kaiser’s perplexed subjects had to amfwer: “If you don’t know the exact date oil your birth, how many full years ola are you?” “What’s your main occupation la life?” “Were your babies nursed on their mother’s breast or by wet nurses, or from a bottle?” “Are you subject to epileptic fits?* “How many of your house windows look out on the street?” “What was your mother tongue— German, Dutch, Frießan, Danish, Wal* lonian, Polish or Lithuanian —and what are the names of the various rooms In your dwelling?” "What is the religion of your ser* vants?” “How many bathrooms have you?” “Do you 000 k with gas or other fuel?” “What rent do you pay?” German economists cherish ambitious hopes for the future of Germany's population. One authority says there will be 150,000,000 by 1 1980. Another expert. Prof, von Schmolter of the University of Berlin, peers into the distant future as far as J 5135, when he sees a vision of 208,000,000. “Such increase,” he writes, ‘Should, will and must come if we wish to remain a great and powerful nation, but we must have fruitful colonies abroad to take care of the surplus.”

“Beef Soul Celebration.”

Seattle, Wash. —Steamer reports tell of the ceremony of the “beef soul celebration” which took place in Tokyo recently for the purpose of appeasing the souls of thousands of cows and oxen killed during the recent war to supply the army in Manchuria. It was estimated that 130 a day were slaughtered. A monument was erected “to prevent the souls of these slaughtered animals rising in retribution against the butchers.”

Trained Rooster Dead.

Wlnated, Conn. —"Jed.", the famou* Plymouth Rock rooster owned by lrv< Ing J. Woodward of Meadow atrest] was found dead the other evening. Tlis chanticler had been “broke” to her* ness and taught to ride on a bicycle. “Jed” was given a respectable burial by young Woodward and ftW beg friends.

Two Bad Cases In England Cured by Resinol Ointment.

I have been using Resinol Ointment during tke last few weeks for a varicose ulcer on leg and can bear testimony to its cooling and curative qualities. Have never fffuud anything to equal it. I„ was recommended by my sister, Mrs. Calrus Ladykirk, Norham on Tweed, to try it. She bad been treated 14 months previously Without effect, but was entirely cured by Resinol Ointment/ Robert Davidson, Gateshead on Tyne.

Mean of Her.

Mrs. Galey (back from the mountains) —Well, my dear, did you keep] open house during my absence? Gal<?y (earnestly)—l should say I didn’t, Louise; why, there wasn’t a night that I didn’t lock the doors at nine o’clock. Mrs. Galey—Yes? And where did you go then?

Important to Mothers Examine carefully every bottle of CASTORIA, a safe and sure remedy tor Infants and children, and see that it Bears the Signature C&Z&yff&cMC In Use For Over 80 Tears. The Kind You Have Always Bought

Civilization.

Missionary—You claim to be civilized, and find you torturing your captives. Native —Pardon, but we do not call this torturing nojw. We are merely hazing him.

Quite Different.

"Do you always do a little more than is expected of you?” “No, my boss alVays expects a little more than you can do.” J ■ '

At the Door.

"Yes, my mind is made up. Tonight I shall ask her to -be my wife. B-b-y Jove, I h-hope she’s out!” —Woman’s Home Companion. Stop guessing! Try the best and most certain remedy for all painful ailments— Hamlins Wizard Oil. The way it relieves all soreness from sprains, cuts, wounds, burns, scalds, etc., is wonderful. Ignorance gives greater freedom in utterance than inspiration; and is often mistaken for it. \

Mrs. Winslow’s Soothing Syrup.

For children teething, softeni the gums, reduce* lnpain, cares wind colic. 36e a bottle. » Tou possess only as much faith as possesses you.

Remedies are Needed Were we perfect, which we are not, medicines would atnot often be needed. But since our systems have be- w< come weakened, impaired and broken down through V indiscretions which have on from the early ages, through countless generations, remedies an needed to aid Nature m correcting our inherited and otherwise acquired weaknesses. To reach thd’ seat of stomach ~ a ' ||U^ weakness and consequent digestive troubles, there b J\ nothing so good as Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Dboov- W * ery, a glyceric compound, extracted from native medio- I ' bal roots—sold for over forty ye an with greet satisfaction to all net*. For Weak Stomach, Biliouwtesa, Liver Complaint, Pain in the after Heartburn, Bad Breath, Belching of good, Diarrhea and f ’itlasl holio, medicine of known composition. not even ttsab die -»«—» a— l— ■ *mv bowda. Sdgar-coeted, day Bwnßwot?*>i£^i,soA?P|^it! tmeWowld! M The benefits of free hides, if 1 could take too WB which apply principally to Urge factories at Brockton* W&B M sole leather and thered need Mas*., and show you how care- MaM . WM tariff on sole leather, now L Boaotes thaws are B|Vk enables me to give the r wearer more value for his ™ money, better spd longer Do liar for Dollar I Guarantee i wearing |3, |3-50 and $4 k»r Shoes to hold their shape, shoes than I could give pro- °° k »nd lit better and wear I T.ou, to th. Sirifl FOTlrion. I any other manufacturer tr. the United Stite. ? OnaUuT.nntf m m mm^mmm ■*ami*g*M^■WOabeMMßeOWtoWawWaaaoMOWWeaaMMMWMMSan^^^^tef Sr gb ■ Mire... __ .^^mB^BBBIBH§jr EUREKA HARNESSES OIL —«uaa—1 1 I ■ in .(■ 1 Tfii 1... - ..il — MCASek

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