Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 306, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 December 1910 — Page 3

CATHERED SMILES

CLERICAL BLIPB. . ® ne of the best-known bishops has a ,“ nd of excellent clerical stories at hjs oisposal, although It is seldom that *ny but his intimate friends are favored with them. Hem are one or two: ' >, A certain preacher, discoursing upon Bunyan and his work, caused a titter among his hearers by exclaiming: “In these days, my brethren, we Want more Bunyans.” Another clergyman, pleading earnestly with his parishioners for the construction of a cemetery for their (parish, asked them to consider “the deplorable condition of 30,000 Christian Englishmen living without Christian burial.” Still more curious was the clerical slip: A gentleman said to the minister: “When do you expect to see Deacon 8. again?" "Never," said the reverend gentleman, solemnly; “the deacon is in heaven.”—Tit-Bits.

AT WEST POINT.

Visitor—My friend, where are the officers' quarters? Orderly—Don’t think they have any. All I've ever seen of theirs has been nickels!

Catching.

It seemed to him that all his Ute Was Just one sleepy spasm, And then he noticed that he lived Beside a yawning chasm.

A Near Resemblance.

"Tide Chinese lantern decoration la very pretty, isn’t it r’ "Very. Reminds me of the Downs* trial." “Wlll you please tell me how on earth a Chinese lantern decoration can remind you of the Downs’ trial T" "Well,, are not both hanging fire?"

The Farmer.

The day is over. The world is ted, And the farmer sleeps On his feather bed.

Waiting.

Mr. Spottsley—Have you called yet on your new neighbor, Mrs. Nearlie? Mrs. Spottsley—No, not yet; I’m waiting to learn the days she's not at home.

A Bad Risk.

•I'd like an accident policy for my wife." ' "Certainly,” said the agent "About |5,000, I suppose?" "Yes, that will do, but tn strict candor I feel that I ought to say that my ,wlfe wears a hobble skirt" “Nothing doing,” put in the agent hastily. “Our company won’t take aviators or hobbled women. They're bad risks."

Proven.

“You can’t write poetry.” "But I’ve sold several poems to the matasines.” “Well, that proves what I say.”

APPEAL FOR MERCY.

Judge—Have you anything to aay why sentence should not be passed, on you? Bigamist—Judt think of my famines, judge*

Wanted One Arm Free.

Patience— Peggy says she’d rather go riding with a man in a buggy than Hn an automobile. Doesn’t that Bound Jlly? Patrice—No; it doesn't -Why doesn’t it?” _ -Because Peggy knows a man can’t Igrlve an automobile with one hand.” L-Tonkers Statesman.

Trouble goes a-visiting.

When Trouble came to our house And knocked upon the door. We didn’t limp to let him tn And aay: "We’re sick and poor. And down and out and don’t know what To do.” Instead of that. We put on such a breezy style It nearly knocked him flat! Old Trouble said: “No place for moI m in the wrong pew here; When so much hopefulness I see .... ® lta my heart with fear. ■ 1 ™l ry Bome body else’s house Where everybody’s blue And where (hey say: *We’re sick and «aa And don’t know what to do!* "

Towser’s Loss.

niello, old chap,” greeted the crowd at the club. “Back from your hunting trip. Bag anything?” "No." responded Chappy Badshot, wearily. "Well, no wonder. You are a back number. The idea of going hunting with a tailless pointer.” “Oh, don’t blame, poor Beppo! He had a tall when, he started-’’

A Hurry Call.

The political boss of a small western city drove his buckboard at top sped down, the main street on the morning of an election. “Hey, Johnnie!” he yelled to his son, “git down in the Fourth ward, quick! There’s people down there votin’' as they blame please."—Success.

Waiting for Him.

"Yes, mum,” said Poetic Pete, as he twined an autumn leaf through his buttonhole, “I am a great lover of the romantic. I stopped at dis gate because I saw de sign ‘ldlewood.’ ” 'You did?” approved the housewife. "Well thdre is a lot of idle wood down at the woodpile. Just take this ax and split up half a cord."

"Up In the Air.”

Bill—Russia has appropriated nearly 11,000,000 for a complete army aeroplane equipment, the largest sum expended for the purpose by any government. Jill—Well, when it comes to talking of war, Russia nearly always is the first country to go up in the air.Yonkers Statesman.

NO CHANCE FOR A MISTAKE.

Prosecuting Attorney—You are willing to swear that it was the prisoner at the bar who fired the fatal shot? Witness —Yes, yer honor, I coujd not be mistaken! There was only sixteen fellers shooting at the time, so I could easy keep track of them!

Now.

Without halting. Without stopping. Go and do your > Christmas shopping.

Couldn’t Understand It

"This stock," said the promoter, "is fully paid up and nonassessable." “Well, if it’s fully paid up," replied the man who was inexperienced in such matters, “I can’t see why you want me to* put money into it Wouldn’t that be unfair to the people who paid it up?”

Taking No Chances.

"Will you be my wife?” "I won’*, answer that till we get ashore. The last time I promised in a canoe to marry a man be upset the canoe and nearly drowned me."

When We Part.

The careless, indifferent person says, "So long." . The affected persons says, “Au revoir.” The theatrical person says, “Farewell.’’ The giddy person says, “Ta, ta.” The slovenly persons says, “Goo*bye.” The sincere persons says, "Goodbye.”

Less Than Skin and Bones.

Ashley—Berkley was nothing bat skin and bones when he went to the seashore last summer to recuperate. Seymour—Well, did his sojourn increase his weight? Ashley—No, sir; it lessened his weight; be got- sunburned and lost his skin.”

Putting Them Up.

“Do you know anything about putlog up hammocks?" “Sure! I used to work in a department store.” ■? f j “And what has that to do with it?” “We raised the» hammocks every spring”

Designs in Velveteen

OF dark green velveteen, the bodice and sleeves trimmed with green silk Insertions, In which tiny threads of silver are woven, the yoke being of very fine closely-tucked net. The stole Is of soft green satin, edged with ermine. Of elephant-gray velveteen, with corded silk to match on the collar, revers, Imd cuffs. Large ermine muff and flat stole.

EVENING GOWNS CUT LOW

Examples of the Frocks Worn by Smart Women In London „ This Season. London’s smart women have always worn very decollete gowns, but this year they have excelled all previous records. The newest evening frocks are practically without backs, so narrow is the line of bodice seen at each side. A favorite style is a deep V-shaped opening, the print of the V not finishing till It reaches the waist Another style Is to have the corsage cut Ushaped. This also displays a minimum of bodice and a maximum of back. With these gowns the decoltetage 'in front is proportionately low, and In many cases not a vestige of sleeve Is to be seen. As gloves are very often discarded the result Is a decidedly undressed appearance, and when you have also a skirt of tight and flimsy material with a satin underskirt some six or eight Inches shorter than the chiffon overdress the effect is of audacity. A frock worn by a duchess at a reception lately was of blue charmeuse with a tunic of mousseline in a paler shade. The decolletage edged with a dark fur was cut in a novel way. The square line across the front and back was continued over the arms and slanting down into a deep point formed the upper parts of the sleeve, the under parts being formed of blue mousseline. The shoulders and the greater part of the arms were thus left here. How the dress was kept in its proper position was a mystery.

HOW TO LAUNDER FRILLS

Row of Basting Stitches Will Hold Plaits in Position While Washing. Before putting In the laundry the one-side plaited frills and frilled collars which are so pretty and popular and yet so hard to “do up,” run a row of basting stitches about an inch from the outer edge. That Will hold the plaits in position while washing and will save time and trouble later in ironing. This is especially true if you are not the proud possessor of a patent plaiting iron. These frills, by the way, should, when possible, be made separate from the blouse and buttoned, booked or pinned on, so that they do not have to go often to the tub. They really do sot get dirty so quickly as the more exposed parts of the blouse, and they are a great nuisance usually to wash and iron, even with the precaution mentioned. If you buy a ready-made blouse with frills stitched on, it is an easy matter to rip them off and supply buttons and buttonholes.

Sofa Pillows.

When making up a pillow which you have embroidered? introduce a thick sheet of cotton wadding under the .cover. Both the appearance and the “feel" of the cushion are improved by this treatment The same thing applies, of course, to heavy pillows of all sorts, embroidered or other-1 wise.

JAPANESE RED LATEST VOGUE

London's New Fancy in Color Is Used for Whole Garments and for Trimming. Japanese red is the latest color in vogue in London and a touch of it ii used in almost all articles of women's dress. It is a dull shade of red and is more effective when used in trimming than in a whole garment. Coats of It and a few gowns have been seen, but for the most part it has made its appear ance on black hats, as piping foi dresses, or in some of the oriental embroideries on evening gowns. Fur muffs and stoles are often lined with it, and some of these arc piped with the new color -or have bands of it inset. For London the Japanese red is distinctly appropriate in the dull days of winter, as it make* a bright spot of color in the midst ol the gray atmosphere.

SCARF AND MOB CAP.

Made of king’s blue velvet and lined with white satin.

My Lady’s Shoes.

Heels, especially the Cuban foi walking shoes, are higher than ever. Some of the bottom flaps have wire scalloped edges. K Buttons are fancy—pearl th€ coloi of the shoes being much used. High velvet bootines accompany a£ taraoon gowns of the same materiel

Odd News From Big Cities

Stories of Strange Happenings in the , Metropolitan Towns

The Pursuit of the Tricky Smuggler

MEW YORK.—What is the psychol--1 v ogy of the smuggler? Is he actuated by greed? Does he love the game fur its excitement? Does he look upon the government as so Impersonal a thing that to steal from it is not a sin? Is the rich man instinctively a greater smuggler than the poor mgn, and is the American a greater sinner than his allep brother? These questions surely must have occurred to everyone who has been watching the extraordinary recent happenings at the New York custom house; who has made note of the mil: lionaires and their wives who- have been caught red-handed in attempts to cheat the government in the most brazen fashion; who has read of the tremendous frauds upon the customs perpetrated by the sugar trust and othey great Importers. Collector Loeb has imbued subordi--nates with the conviction that they' are not paid their salaries to help folk cheat the government Among passengers, at least, most of the smuggling in the old days was accomplished through collusion of subordinates in the customs service. The system

Plundering a City’s Philanthropists

PITTSBURG, PA.—“So-called ‘Philanthropy’ has become one of the leading crimes of Pittsburg—a crime to which we have found it necessary to apply heroic treatment." Peter Pry Shevlin, a Pittsburg detective, who has been given the task of running down “Philanthropic crooks" in Pittsburg, made this remark: “The. good people of Pittsburg are virtually sandbagged each year out of more than enough to keep our poor in. luxury,” he continued, "and yet of each dollar given through the honest philanthropic promoter only about forty cents of It reaches the point for which it was intended. As for the dishonest promoter who is now infesting Pittsburg—well, he gets it all, and in most cases comes back with an expense account to collect—and collects it.” It has been proved that a man with a good suit of clothes and a good address can, by gaining an audience with some of the social leaders In Pittsburg and getting a name or so signed to a paper, start out and collect from >I,OOO to >IO,OOO with little trouble. The amount of money he

All Betting Now Illegal in New York

ALBANY, N. Y.—All of the several • laws prohibiting betting of every character in the state of New York are now in effect. These laws were originally aimed solely at racing, but amendments and changes were made until now it is hazardous to offer to make a wager by word of mouth. While there can be no wager unless there are two persons to the transaction, but if the offer is made and accepted, though no money be passed, the law is violated. Directors and managers of race tracks are made liable for any violations that may occur within their grounds. Just as long as the blame was not fixed on them directly they were willing to race, and those desiring to. bet on the races pould find Ways of their own to evade the law.

Bent Pin Upsets Dignity of the Court

ST. LOUIS. —Judge William Jefferson Pollard of the Dayton street police court is sore as a result of the action of an undiscovered enemy who wounded bls dignity and nether limbs by Inserting a bent pin into his anatomy while he was sitting on the bench. The bent pin was fastened tn a board underneath the desk under which he stretched his legs. The judge, after hearing a case on trial, started to cross his legs, pre-

steadily developed through many, many years, until the sophisticated traveler knew perfectly that a ten or twenty dollar bill, laid on the top-tray of a trunk, would, when that trunk was opened on the dock, insure immunity from actual search, and that the money would be missing, later when the trunk was opened at hotel or home. A ten or twenty dollar bill so placed, in these days, would be like a spark to set a whole train of official powder burning—a train of powder which would lead to an explosion beyond doubt. It might blow the into jail; it certainly would blow a heavy fine out of his pocket. Dozens of explosions have occurred of late and it' is, in a way, refreshing to run through the list of victims—although, of course, this also has its melancholy aspect The rich smuggler gets no more mercy than the poor one—and the smuggler oftener is rich than poor. “In- numerical proportion do you catch as many smugglers among steerage passengers as among travelers in the first cabin?” the vigorous collector was' asked. “No,” he said. *.*l don’t believe we do.” “What is the psychology of that?” “I —haven’t thought it out" said he a little hesitantly. “It would be interesting, though, Perhaps the fact that one has money makes him nervier. That may be it.”

gets.depends largely on the nature of the scheme. The flrat of the alleged high-class philanthropic crooks to be taken in by the Pittsburg police through Shevlin's work Is one named Silverman, who, it is alleged by the police, has already cleaned up $25,000 through the laxness of method in giving, by the rich of Pittsburg. Silverman has been in the toils in Pittsburg at least twenty times, but each time, until the present, he has been helped out by very rich relatives of his wife. Now the postal authorities have him. Detectlye Shevlin went to arrest him some days'since. The detective grabbed Silverman, put his stenographers out of the offices, locked the rooms, and proceeded with the indignant Silverman to the police station, where he registered as a “philanthropic promoter.” Shevlin then rushed back to open up the rooms and get what data he could from the books. In his absence the mall carrier had come to the office of Silverman, and not being able to gain entrance, had shoved under the doors letters containing checks to the amount of more than SI,OOO. And this from but one trip of the mailman! The police claim Silverman is but one of the gang that has been in the habit of collecting an aggregate of $1,000,000 per year out oi rich people in Pittsburg on the “charity game,” then not turning over anything, or at least a small percentage, to charity.

The fixing of the liability on the race track directors themselves put things in an entirely different light. The laws apparently leave no loop hole and several of the poolrooms and handbook men, who have done a thriving business In New York, have put up the shutters and others have Intimated that they will make no further fight for a play when it may mean arrest and a jail term. If any plan has been devised to evade the law it is not generally known. Of course there are many who will continue to bet as they- have before, but the handbook men are looking for new customers. There is tear and trembling all along the line. Though horse racing is a favorite medium for bettors, there is- another sport that will feel the effects of the new law. It is boxing. At all of the elub affairs there has been plenty of bets made on the result, and It has been the custom to make them openly. Now it will have to be done under cover, and then in violation of the law. "Orally or otherwise,” as tie taw reads, puts up the bars just about as tightly as could be imagined. £

liminary to launching his Judicial dictum, when an explosive "Ouch?” from the judicial lips startled the crowded courtroom and stopped the proceedings. ’ N ■' Ths judge quickly uncrossed his legs and tenderly nibbed the right one, while a pained and indignant expression possessed his features. He stooped underneath the desk and arose a moment later with a bent pin in his hands, which he held up tor Inspection. "This thing has to stop!" he thundered. “This is not the first time I have been similarly outraged, and if It Is not stopped I will demand a searching police investigation. I have a very strong suspicion at the Identity of the person responsible tor it, and I pro pose to make it hot tor him if my sus> plcions are confirmed.”