Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 301, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 December 1910 — “FOR VY?” ASKS THE DUKE [ARTICLE]

“FOR VY?” ASKS THE DUKE

Customer Indignant at Treatment Accorded Hlnj When He Visited Swelf? Barber Bhop. The duke of Essex came to Frank’s bootblack stand in front of the Essex market court yesterday, asking: “Vy is it a Swell barber is so fresh?” The stand inquired to know, the New York Sun says. “To-day I have been by one to get me a shave antl-haireut. WMdr was all I wanted—no more. No sooner do I get in the chair comfortable and feeling slick than he grabs my cheek by two fingers and looks awful at it. ‘Wass isst?’ said I. ‘For vy do you look like that at my face? Vat’s de matter vit it? Ain’d it a good face?’ Oh, meestalr,’. says he ‘you need a mass-arge.’ ‘Nix on that,’ say I, *1 don’d need nothin’ more expensive than a shave and haircut,* I nearly was shampooed and had to fight off a boy that would shine my shoes, a rathaired swell manicures, and a whisk broom kid. And besides it cost me 40 cents and five cents for the barber. Vy is it?” “ ‘lt’s business,’ ventured Able Solpeek. “Business not!” snorted the duke. “Ven a man comes to my office an’ says ‘I vant my will drawn,* do I say to him. “Sure, but you also want to get a divorce from your old woman and a warrant for de little boy of your neighbor?’ Ven I go to buy a hat does the man say to me, *Ve have hats dat’ll fit you, but if you let us hammer down your head a little it would help some.’ .Or I go to buy a necktie an’ do dey try to sell me a rocking horse and a barrel of herrings and den say, ‘if you take our swell choking treatment your neckties will look bedder?' I guess not! “Barbers,” said the duke, departing, “is anudder word for rascals. I wish I had not given de swell barber dat nicktie.”