Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 282, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 November 1910 — HIS WIPE LAUGHED. [ARTICLE]

HIS WIPE LAUGHED.

She Knew One Joke and That Was Enough to Satisfy Her. “There’s no place like home,’* exploded Uncle Henry, after she was safely out of ear shot, "and, by gracious, I’m glad of It See what I mean? 'Every fireside the cradle of liberty,’ as the feller says. Then along cames your wife and rocks the cradle. “No, sir, I’m a downy bird, 1 am; and take it from me, this home sweet home gig isn’t going to cash any policy slip I ever saw. Not until they do something to give women a sense of humor. -‘.'Now get this right.- They can appreciate a joke. You hear me. Some of the best laughers in the wide, wide world right now are wearing high heeled shoes and imported hair. “Yes, slree, they can appreciate a joke. If they can see it they can. That’s it. you have it? son. If they can see it! That’s the trouble. They seldom see it.

“Listen here. Did you see her laugh as she went out? Eh? Well, sir I just told her a joke, regular kind of a funny joke. Is she laughing at my joke, son? She is not. what the blazes is she laughing at? You don’t know, I don’t know, she don’t know. Can you beat it? Answer; No, you cannot beat it. “It’s a good joke too. Heard It down town. Seems one of. the boys was up In Maine this summer and just as lie* was getting over to Rattlesnake Creek he heard a terrible swimming going on there. He went down to the shore and there on the other side of Rattlesnake Creek was a big turtle crawling away.

“Fe says the turtle had two rings on his tail and one button on the end, and his shell was mottled yellow and red. He says the two rings probably were for the turtle to go ahead, because that’s what the turtle Was doing. And when he saw the button on the end of the tail he. knew he’d seen the turtle’s finish.

“That’s some story, Eh? But listen here. I got to thinking about that story and I up and asks him how he makes it out that a turtle could have rings and a button on his tail. Rattlesnakes are the only critters that have them. He said that was easy, because when he first saw the turtle on the other side of Rattlesnake Creek he knew in an instant it was a cross. “Do you get that? I guess that’s bad. By gum, it cost me a dollar sixty to find out about that cross, but it •was worth it. I took a cigar myself, because I was coming right home and I didn’t want any argument. Here, smoke that when you get outside. Wife objects to the smell around the house.

“Well, sir, I says, says I, ‘Home for mine, where in the sacred precincts of my own vine And fig tree,’ Peays, ‘l’ll band that one over the plate to my soft voiced spouse,’ says I, ‘and it will tie her up,’ I says, ‘into a shaking and cQmplicated tangle of blithesome merriment,’ says I. Likewise, such being the case, I freely opined that my paths would be in sunny places and sweet peace would brood oyer me, to the third and fourth generation thereof. Selah!

“So I came home, and, take it from me. I gave it out to her in plain words. No hidden subtleties, you understand, but full of corroborative detail and, believe me, son, with the bright light of truth and virtue flashing from my clear blue eye. “You never heard me when I was right in top form, maybe? Well, son, the way I told her that story war tight. See what I mean? The turtle wouldn’t have had any comeback ifhe bad heard it Jiimself. “And did she laugh? Did she give that imitation of complicated and tangled merriment? Not a sort. Nothing of the kind. Nix. She looked me square in the face and she said: ’Well, what about it?* says she, ‘Go ahead and tell the joke,’ says she. "Say, that got me mad. I wouldn’t ave minded if she had been kidding me, but she wasn’t. 1 was sore all over and I unhitched my righteous indignation and began to hand things out all in a bunch. I combed things over pretty general one way and another until, I’ll give you my word, I couldn’t think of anything more to say that I dared to, women being unnecessarily touchy at times. “ ‘You’re the limit,* I says, as a kind of windup. ‘I don’t believe you ever saw a jokqin your life,’ I says, ‘and you wouldn’t laugh if you did,’ I says. “ *Henry,’ she says just as serious, ‘I don't know but one real funny joke and I’ve known that a long time,* she says, ‘and every once in a while I laugh myself sick over it,* she says. ‘lt's an awfully funny joke,* she says, ‘and one is enough for any woman,* she says, *that*s respectable,’ she says. “ Well, for the love of mackerel, put me wise,’ says I. ‘No, H nry,’ she says, ‘you wouldn’t like it at all. And besides,* she says, T don’t want to hurt your feelings,* she says. And then, take it from me, she laid her head back and laughed like she’d have hysterics. “Honest, can you beat it? As man to man and without reference to any present, previous, or contemplated condition of servitude, what do you know about that? That gets me, all right There’s a woman who only knows one joke and misses a chance to tell it I don’t know, son, sometimes I give it up. These women are a uueer lot*’—New York Sun.