Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 264, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 November 1910 — IN TRYING MOMENTS [ARTICLE]

IN TRYING MOMENTS

HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS FOR THE EMBARRASSED MAN. How to Meet the Bill. Collector Who Corners You In Your Library— Setting the Landlord at Ease. When a tall man with the eye of tt ferret and the step of a sleuth, who has been on your trail for several days, finds you in, and has you cornered in your own library, and remarks, “I am a bill collector, Mr. Binks.” Answer: “Are you, indeed? How very Interesting! So am I! I fancy I have the largest collection of unpaid; bills in the community, and I take a' special pleasure in showing them to those who may be Interested. Now,; as a connoisseur in bills, you will ap-; predate this charming little bit from my grocer. See with what grace he has etched that little allusion to three pecks of potatoes there on the third : line. And that engrossed ‘please remit’—have you ever seen that mystic, not to say, cryptic, intimation more beautifully suggested?” etc., until your visitor flees. When your landlord suddenly entering your room, for which the rent is two months overdue, finds you busily engaged In screwing your trunk to the floor and stands gazing at you in speechless wonder. Answer: "I am very much afraid, Mr. Swallerbox, that the constant moving of my trunk up and down the floor by your very vigilant sweep in her daily and relentless search fordust has seriously annoyed my good neighbors the Blitherses in the apartment below, and I am therefore fastening it to the floor a bit more securely, so that the maid may be unable to Aove it. I know from past experience that there is nothing bo trying to the nerves of a tired man or woman as the impression sometimes gained, even in first-class homes like this one of yours, that the apartment above haß been turned into a scenic railway with trunks instead of cars to accommodate passengers.” When you have secured the afternoon off to attend the funeral of your grandmother and find yourself seated next to your employer in the grand stand at the ball game, who greets you with a questioning glare. Answer: “She, too, was fond of the game Mr. Slobbers. Why, would you believe it, when her will was read this morning, among other bequests to me, her favorite grandchild, was a rain check admitting me to today’s game, coupled with a last dying request that *- as a memorial to her I should forget my grief and come here to cheer the Giants while she was carried t& that bourn whence no'traveler e’er returns? Repugnant as pleasure of any kind is to me at this time, so great is my affection for her that I am here, steeped in woe, but ready to do my little for her sake to spurt the champion on to—play ball!”—Harper’s Weekly.