Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 255, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 October 1910 — Page 2 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

The fish is the real father of lies. There will continue to be more weather than aeroplanes In the higher altitudes. Now we ore told that flat life will cause us to round out existence in a lunatic asylum. Cincinnati surgeons are going to amputate a citizen's six-inch nose, but not by keeping it on the grindstone. Por some time to come, however, the popular way of crossing the Alps will be by means pf the tunnel under them. Good old authority says that it*s Impossible to tell all the stars, but TJncle Sam’s experts have catalogued them. It is reported from New Jersey that a cow wrecked an aeroplane. It must have been the same cow that jumped over the moon. Sometimes it does seem that everybody in the world is calling everybody else a liar, and nobody knows whom to believe. The average driver of a sprinkling cart, as perhaps you have observed, always becomes fiendishly active Just before a heavy rainstorm. And if you do find baseball in heaven, and if the umpires manage to get there, too, how do you expect to express your opinion of them? "American women make poor wives.” says an English writer. Yes. a foreign husband can make an American wife poor, in short order. It may be. old fashioned, but nevertheless we cling to the notion that a revolver is something that no man carries for any good purpose. Occasionally, when the weather man predicts “partly cloudy," he is breaking it to you gently that a rainfall of an inch or more impends. A Wyoming girl recently killed a coyote by beating it with a riding whip. If you meet a Wyoming girl with a riding whip be polite to her. New York chews more gum than any other city, we are told. If it’s really true. New York must know how to chew and talk at the same time. Somebody suggests that the United States should go into the business of coining half pennies. They might come In handy to put into children's banks. We have read the new football rules and have arrived Joyfully at the conclusion that the grand old game will still be the antithesis of a pink tea. A New Jersey rag picker in one week found SI,BOO worth of jewelry In old clothes. Moral—sift your old clothing before sending it to the rag picker. A Pennsylvania woman found a S2OO pearl in an oyster .she was eating in a hotel dinner. From which it is to be Inferred that the pearl-fishery season Is fairly opened. Having discovered and excoriated the meanest man, what shall be said of the woman who is charged with appropriating and pawning her neighbor’s false teeth? On the hottest day of the year New York authorities received bids for the removal of snow. If it had been put to a vote of the sweltering citizens, they would have unanimously resolved, if only snow would come Just then, to let it stay. Uncle Sam is going to build a barbwire fence 1,000 miles long on his southern border. For a respectable lady smuggler such a device would be even harder to beat than a pier full of custom house inspectors. woman In New York cut off her husband's ear because he annoyed her by talking too much. That shows the illogical and Inconsequent nature of woman. If a man had been in her place, he would have cut off the offending tongue. The new postal savings bank system will soon be in partial operation at least. The government has on band 5,000,000 of the stamps which can be sold at ten cents each, with the cards to which they are to be attached. The cards also cost ten cents each, so when a card has nine stamps affixed the whole may be turned in to represent a deposit of one dollar. Such an arrangement encourages small savings, the aggregate of which may become very large. A New York lunacy commission Is stumped by the question: Is a man Insane because he reads his paper upside down, l Well—er—was it a New York paper? France is to equip its army with a Bew rifle at a trifling cost of $120,000,#OO. Meanwhile the military authorities are carrying onexperiments with airships, which are expected to play an important part in war hereafter. If battles are to be fought high in air what practical value will be the sostly new firearm?