Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 226, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 September 1910 — Page 2 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

j Hobble, hobble, skirts and trouble. Every bat Is a “picture hat" now•days. Prunes are higher. Telophofio your landlady. What haa become of the old-sash toned man who wore a double-breasted treat? Dynamite may help, but tennis matches are the only reliable cure for droughts. Volcanoes in Alaska are b pouting lire. Very likely the janitor Is trying out the flues. Carrier pigeons will have to equip themselves with electric motors or fall hopelessly behind. Radical changes are announced in the new football rules. There will be no hitting in the clinches. Newport Is said to be crazy over a barefoot dance. This means more work for the chiropodists. By playing tennis on a hot afternoon • fat man learns to despise mere rain a producer of moisture. Dp in Maine an automobile ran into n simple-minded bear. - That was getting art and nature badly mixed.

Duke Franz Joseph says he is in this country after bear, and not a bride. Nevertheless, he may get his eye on a dear. In Porto Rico oysters grow on trees. That is very well, but unfortunately tabasco sauce does not grow on the same limb. 1 ' Germany is going to make laws governing aviators. However, it-is already m capital offense to fall 500 feet yith an aeroplane. It has been proved that a Vassar girl is not afraid of an aeroplane. Still, •n aeroplane does not in the least resemble a mouse. Remember, while copiously watering your lawn, that many a faucet on the second floor is hoarsely muttering. “How dry I am!" Remarks a woman writer: "The work of personal beautifying resembles that of a house decorator.” In respect to calcimine? » Chicago will be a good place for holding the world’s brewers’ congress, ss the tornup streets have given a great impetus to the hop. industry. In some ways the preacher who looks for baseball in heaven is most conservative. When the home team wins baseball is heaven to the fan. A new highball which costs $1.20 is being sold in New York. Some of the sons of Pittsburg mi’llonaires must be spending the summer in New York. There’s no safe atxi sane way to fall out of an aeroplane,” remarks the Toledo Blade. Pooh! There i 3 no safe and sane way to fall out of bed. Aviators are to hAvl dummy bombs at dummy war vessels at Garden City, N. J., and then maybe peace will find it easier to spread her dove-like wings. Some enterprising correspondent •hould now uncover a fleet of Japanese airships ready to spread devastation over the shark-infested waters of the Pacific. Another woman has broken her leg by tripping up in her hobble skirt. It may be necessary to pass a few sumptuary laws or soon the men will have eo dancing partners. The weather man reports that the mean rain fall for July was 2.21 inches less than any July since 1579 *—which shows it was a very mean monthly rainfall Indeed. An Illinois man has invented a safety pin with two points. Half of the adult population, uneasily awaits information as to whether the women will wear them in their belts.

"Be temperate and slow to anger. Bleep and eat regularly, go In for athletics early in life and keep limber.” are some rules for a long life. Also look both ways before crossing the. boulevard. At tbefr recent conver- lon In Denver the dentists decided that kissing would have to be abolished for the purpose of saving the human race. Would a human race that had abolished kissteg be worth saving? A Massachusetts preacher says there will be baseball in heaven. The enjoyment of some of the enthusiasts will be spoiled, however, if it shall be fouhd impossible to throw things at the umpire in heaven. The season for Csh and snake stories has been rather.poor. Both in quality and quantity, the output has ' 'not been up to the standard. It is teared by some theorists that the establishment of the .Ananias club Jut* acted as an early frost to the '