Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 205, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 August 1910 — Page 2 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

We are at the mercy of the avlators. ~ As we remember It now, winter had acme good points. To orphan banana republics the far therland refuses to be a mother. Now here come the dentists with that anti-kissing thing, too. Going swimming looks like the only rational employment in hot weather. The army may have to help devise means for a sane artillery drill. Are there any records that this year’s weather has not broken? Europe might try exporting its surplus rainwater to our middle west. As a diversion to swatting- the fly, keep your stable clean, if you’ve got one. Chopping Americana into little bits is still a favorite pastime of the Moros. Speaking of weights and measures prosecutions, how'd you like to be the iceman? Swatting the common house fly is now one of our most popular indoor lady sports. Even though the water is fine, if you can’t swim, don’t go in beyond your depth. For the sake of thirsty crops any good citizen should willingly sacrifice his straw hat "What’s the right word for an aeroplane garage?” asks the Boston Globe. How’s planebunk? What has become of the Chicago joy rider who killed a woman and was afterward captured? The assistant chef of a lake boat refused to cook fried potatoes and the chef at once mashed him. The boat rocker and the fellow who stands up in the boat are in evidence again, but have escaped so far. As if it were not bad enough for the earth to fly up and hit aeroplanes, lightning has begun striking them. What bald-headed man had hoped to live to see a fly less world? Yet that is what the scientists are planning. Giddy New York regards the idea of closing its lobster palaces at 1 a. m. as very little better than a curfew law. We wonder how one small cone can hold so many kinds of chemicals,and have room left for a nickel’s worth of ice cream. It costs $3,000,000 a day to run the national government What will the government cost when aeroplaning is In fashion? A Chicago man paid S3OO for "mere bit of a meal.” It probably was a ■teak with one overlaying slice of breakfast bacon. The government is turning out 3,000,000 postal cards a day, due to the summer resort season being In full blast, we presume. United States certificates of merit to enlisted men are going largely to the cooks and musicians. Has no one a word for a soldier? Rudyard Kipling urges that airmen wear pneumatic armor for protection tn case of accident That is simpler than covering the earth with feather beds. Considering the size of the heads of some of the hatpins that the girls are wearing, they certainly do not come under the law forbidding the carrying of concealed weapons. The word-coiner has an easy task. All he needs to do in expressing his ▼lews on a public policy Is to select the name of a man he dislikes and attach the syllable "ism.” London and New York may soon be connected with telephone communication. None of the fictions of fairy tales can surpass this modern miracle of a chat over the ocean. The Kaiser has been writing poetry to a party of German maidens who called upon him and took him chocolate. Incidentally, it is to be hoped the chocolate was -better than the poetry. One of the latest aeroplane accidents shows that it is bad to be in “a flying machine hit by lightning, in the air/ But where is being struck by , lightning either comfortable or salubrious? Some of New York** most wealthy and fashionable women are importing French aeroplanes and preparing to learn to aviate. Philadelphia women have taken the lead at Newport, and there seems to be nothing for the New York ladies to do but fly high around home