Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 177, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 July 1910 — Smiles OF THE Day [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Smiles OF THE Day

Why He Wanted More. A suburban chemist has been advertising his patent insect powder far and wide. One day a man rushed into his shop and said excitedly: “Give me another half pound of your powder, quick, please.” “Oh!” remarked the chemist as he proceeded to fill the order, “I’m glad you like the powder. Good, Isn’t it?” ' “Yes,” replied the customer. “I have one cockroach very ill; if I give him another half pound he’ll die.”— Ladles’ Ho&e Journal. —Craving for Variety. The Professor—l want you children to go to my lecture to-night. Robert—Couldn’t you whip us Instead, Just this once, papa?—Tit-Bits. Cruel. She —You look badly this morning. He —I have a cold or something In my head. She—lt must be a cold.—Harvard Lampoon. r— - : —- The Philosopher of Folly, “ 'Pay as you go' Is a good motto.” says the Philosopher of Folly. “The more you are willing to pay the further you are likely to go.”—Cleveland Leader^—— A Shell Game In the Choir.

Unaccomplished. “Please give my friend a job in your law office.” * "Is ire honest?” “He never deceived anybody in his life.” , “What? And you expect me to take the time to teach him the rudiments of the business?” —Cleveland Leader. * 1 ; Told In Court: Magistrate—You say the prisoner turned round and stealthily whistled. What followed? Intelligent Witness—Please, your worship, his dog.—Sketch. Unnecessary Question. Politician—Congratulations, Sarah; I’ve been elected. Sarah (with delight)—Honestly? Politician—What difference does that make?—St. Louis Times. Speaking: Scientifically. “Do you have well water on your place?” shouldn’t say It was exactly well water,” replied the' man who is obsessed by the germ theory, “but the latest analysis shows that it Is on the road to recovery.”—Washington Star. Justified. “Mr. Bliggins says he is awfully bored.” “After talking with him for five minutes and discovering what he thinks about,” replied Miss Cayenne, “you can’t blame him.” —Washington Star. Sweet Revenge, “I suppose you will be too rich to take in summer boarders this year?” “Well,” answered Farmer Corntossel, “we’ll take ’em jes’ ihe same. Mandy an’ the two gals want somebody to show off their good clothes and -jewelry to.”—Washington Star. A Gastronomic Favorite. “She Is quite a popular, entertaining hostess, isn’t she?” “Yes; what you might call a regular dinner belle.” —Baltimore American. A Doubtful Recommendation.

Purchaser —Is this good, strong underwear? Clerk--To be sure; I’ve worn It for years. And That Set Him Thinking. “I always feel, after I have spent an hour or two» in your company,” he said, “that ifam a better man.” “It'is very good of you to say so,” she replied. “Don’t hesitate to come often.*’ —Chicago Record. From the Faculty. “I expect a special delivery letter this morning.” “Anything serious’” “Oh, no. I wrote my correspondence school requesting a half holiday to go to the ball game.”—Kansas City Journal. Sweet Peace. "Mrs. Nagget,” said the doctor, "your husband needs a rest; He must go to Hastings for three months.” "Oh, splendid!” she exclaimed. “I’ll be delighted to go there.” “Very good. You go for three months after he comes hack. That will give him six months’ rest.”—Tit-Bits. The Girl*. Mabel —That story you just told Is about fifty years old. Maude—And you haven’t forgotten It la all that time? —Cleveland Leader.

Under which hat is the soprano?