Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 177, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 July 1910 — HABITS OF THE NIGHTMARE. [ARTICLE]

HABITS OF THE NIGHTMARE.

Wild Animal That la Eaatlr Caught with Mince Pie aa Balt. The nightmare is one of the best known of all animals and one of the most feared. She is wilder, the Literary Magazine says, than the tiger and more frightful in its speed than the turkey buzzard. A young nightmare' with no previous experience can fling a 200-pound man over her flanks and carry him all over the south sea islands and the Gobi desert in less time that it would take him to look them up on the map. The nightmare is so called because she is always ridden at night. She is somewhat timid, but may be easily caught. Mix up a little crab flake, some mayonnaise, a dash of champagne and some rich pastry and you can catch her with it every time. She will also come for mince pie, for broiled lobster, for chicken salad and for a variety of other temptations. Strangely enough, the nightmare is no lover of hay. Offer her breakfast food and she will remain shyly aloof. Once the nightmare Is caught it is no trouble to elude her. It is no fun either. The nightmare usually wears a high saddle without stirrups and studded with red hot nails. She rocks like a ship in a gale as she dashes from mountain peak to mountain peak. The rider soon loses hls hold and slides downward, only to find sharks and cuttlefish awaiting him. He hapgs on to the mare’s legs and Is kicked by her hoofs. He lets go and falls 11,000 miles, catching on jagged splinters of rock and crashing through acres of glass and ice. Occasionally the mare comes after him and tramps on him- Sometimes she varies this by eating his leg. When the ride is over the rider wakens sidewise in bed very cross and spanks hi® oldest child before breakfast. The lasting effects of riding nightmares are always more severe upon other members of the family than the rider.

The champion nightmare is dyspepsicuss mince piecuss, a pale green animal with red hot who can do the circuit of the earth upside down in eleven seconds. Nobody likes to ride nightmares, but everyone does just the same. They are not as expensive as taxicabs, but are far more exciting.