Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 127, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 May 1910 — Jests from the Jokesmiths [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Jests from the Jokesmiths

Dlaarnoala. “Do you see that man going along with his head in the air, sniffing with his nose?" “Yes; I know him.” “I suppose he believes in taking in the good, pure ozone*” "No; he’s hunting for a motor garage, I believe.” —Tit-Bits. Hla Reason. "How did you come to leave your wife in Paris?” “She couldn’t decide whether she wanted three yards and a half or four yards, and I got tired of waiting.’’— Cleveland Leader. A Practical Currlcnlnm. “I believe that girl is in earnest about going in for dramatic work.” ' “Studying Shakespeare, is she?” “Naw; she’s learning to carry a spear gracefhlly.”—Kansas City Jouruß. Decree Pen dinar.

Census Taker —Have you a husband, madam? The Lady of the House—That is a matter the court hasn’t decided yet. Beyond the Limit. "Well,” moralized Mr. Stoplate, “we are here to-day and gone to-morrow.” “Yes,” answered Miss Boarde, glancing at the clock, "I’ve noticed that about you.”—Exchange. Poor Work. “I went into politics poor and I came out as poor as I went in.” , “Poor work from beginning to end, old chap.”—Toledo Blade. A Sense of Security* "Aren’t you afraid the comet will hit the earth?” asked the timid man. “No,” replied Mr. Sirius Barker. “After experimenting with a golf ball I’ve come to the conclusion that a little spherical object like the earth is perfectly safe. Even if the comet tried to hit it it would probablyfoozle." —Washington Star.

Hlsh Finance. “Why do you keep asking people for change for a dollar, and then asking other people to give you a dollar for your change?” “Well, somebody may make a mistake in change, some time. And, believe me, it won’t be me."—Cleveland Leader. The Reason. Guest at a Restaurant—Excuse me, sir, can you let me come to the telephone? You have been there twenty minutes without saying a word. “Sorry, sir, but I’m talking to my wife.”—Pole Mele. Bachelors, Take Warning. Hobbs—Alienists say that single men are much more liable to insanity than married. Dobbs —Sure they are! Single men are always in danger of going crazy over some woman.—Boston Transcript. A Salvage Enterprise.

The Rooster—What are you ladles trying to do, drink the trough dry? The Hens—Exactly. We’ve dropped a fresh egg in here and we’re trying-to rescue it At the Servanta’ 8011. “And your mistress is sitting up till you get home?” “She must. My dress fastens down the back.”—Meggendorfer Blaetter. Hard Lack. Joe —How’s things, Bill? Bill —Rotten! Lost three dogs an’ the old woman, an’ one of them was worth $5. —Kansas City Journal. What He Received. Jack—So your efforts to win the rich heiress were fruitless, eh?” Tom—Fruitless! Oh, no! I got the lemon. —Boston Transcript. • The Evil. Griggs—You talk a lot, Briggs; now what have you got against married life? Briggs—What have I, got against it? Why! man, take this terrible divorce evil; it flourishes among married people exclusively.—Boston Transcript.

How He Handled Them. A man, too busy with coughing and blowing and sneezing to answer, any questions, hung a card over his desk on which was printed the following Information: “Yes; I’ve got an awful co>d.” “I don’t know how I got It. “No, I didn’t take them off. "I didn’t sit by an open window. "I didn’t leave off my overcoat. "I haven’t had a doctor yet. “No; it’s not the grip; it’s just a plain cold. "I’ve taken everything under the sun. "Yes; I’m willing to try it if it helped you. “Yes, Indeed. I hope so too. "Oh, I’ll be careful. "Good-by.”—Boston Herald. The Other - War. “You may pay me SIOO down and $25 a week,” said the physician, offhand. “Sounds as if I were buying an automobile,” the patient said. “No,” said the doctor, thoughtlessly, “I am.”—Buffalo Express. Warped. Mary Jane (to gentleman with the bow legs, who has called to see her master) —For 'eving’s sake, sir, do stand back from the fire; your legs is warping most 'orrible. —Exchange. Such a Difference. 'Tour daughter plays veiv sweetly on the piano.” “That’s my wife playing.” “I know it.”—Birmingham AgeHerald. I Save Thins. "How can these rich girls allow themselves to be won by meu who are only after their money?” “How is a girl to know? A man can put considerable fervor Into his wooing when it's a case of marriage or work."—Louisville Courier-Journal. Something New. "Post committed suicide because he was overworked.” “Pooh! H? couldn’t have been so very busy or he wouldn’t have found time to do it in." —Life. Jnat Practicing.

“Wot yer flshin’ dere fcr?" “Jest fer practice, Willie; Jest ter practice.” Shop Talk. Barber (about to cut customer’s hair) —Do you want much off, sir? Mr. Einstein (absently)—Vot diecoundt vlll you make for cash?— Puck. > Good Jumper. She —I’m such a timid little thing, you know; I jump at the slightest thing, i He—Yes; you’d jump at a proposal, wouldn’t you? Snfllolent Reaponathltttr. "So you don’t want to vote?" said the suffragette/ “Gracious, not" replied Mrs. MoGudley. “It’s bad enough to have your husband blaming you for everything that goes wrong about the house without being held responsible for politics.”—Washington Star. Same Old Story. “How shall I break the news to my parents that I have failed in my exams?" “Merely telegraph them: “Examination over. Nothing new!’"—Fllegende Blaetter. Her Reoaon. He—Would you rather be beautiful or clever?’ She —Beautiful, I think. You see, there are lots of stupid men, but only a ones.—Boston Transcript. Light Weight. The Music Teacher —Your boy is improving, but when he runs the scales I have to watch him pretty closely. Mrs. Shortwelght—Just like his father. He used to be ih the grocery business. How Be Flarared. “Here you are trying to tell me that you’re half finished with that new artesian well and you just started on It this morning.” “That’s ftl right. Pm going on the theory that well begun is half done." —St. Louis Star. . ~ . A Qneatloa. “Say, maw.” “Yes, son.” “Where do the mumps and measles go when I haven’t got ’em r*—Kansas City Journal.