Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 127, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 May 1910 — Page 3

GOOD SHORT STORIES

An old man In a poorhouse who was «aked by a visitor If he had any source ■tof Income replied, '‘Madam, If you Smust know, I haven’t got any money, tout I’ve got good backing. I’m backed toy one of the richest counties in the State.”

The census enumerator Vicks confronted at the door by a meek and apologetic little man. “Who’s the head of the house?” asked the census man. ‘‘From a strictly legal standpoint,” rejplled_ the Little man, “I suppose I am, tout when you get right down to brass tacks I ain’t."

\ A Northerner Bitting on the veranda •of a Southern home was enraptured toy the beauty of the night. “How wonderfully beautiful is the moonlight falling on the water,” he exclaimed. “It is indeed,” replied his dignified but unreconstructed Southern hostess, “but ®h! you should have seen it before the war.”

A little girl who had a live bantam presented to her was disappointed at the smallness of the first egg laid by ithe bird. Her ideal egg was that of ■the ostrich, a specimen of which was on the table in the drawing-room. One -day the ostrich’s egg was missing from its accustomed place. It was subsequently found near the Bpot where the toantam nested, and on It was stuck a piece of paper with the words: “Something like this, please. Keep on trying.”

The newly elected mayor was about to make his first journey through the town in his official capacity. The peo®le had arranged that from an arch of flowers under which he was to pass a floral crown should hang, surmounted with the words, “He Well Deserves It.” But the wind blew away the crown, and when the pompous mayor passed under the arch only a rope with a ■noose at the end of it dangled there, with “He Well Deserves It” standing out in bold relief above it. Some years ago the captain of one of his majesty’s ships, while In quarantine at Auckland, New Zealand, owing to one slight case of fever, received some valuable carrier pigeons. He gave his colored servant strict orders to take great c&re of them. A few days afterward the captain, wishing to make use of the birds, inquired of his servant if he had taken care of them. “Oh, yes,” replied he; “me hab taken berry great care of dem. Dey no fly away, ’cause I hab clipped dere wings!”

With the purpose of developing any latept literary ability which might exist among the boys of her class a Sunday Bchool teacher offered a prize for the best short love story. This is one of the results: “A poor man fell in love with a lady whose mother was a rich toy dealer. The poor man could not marry the rich lady because he had no money. A villain then offered him ?50 if he would become a drunkard. The poor man wanted the money to get married with, so he agreed; but when he got to the beer saloon he Bald, ‘No, I will not become a drunkard, even for great riches.’ On the way home he found a bag of gold. So the young lady married him. It was a splendid wedding and the next day they had twins. Moral: Virtue is its own reward.”

“EVIL-SMELLING ONES.”

Translation of the Name Winnebago and the Origin of the Tribe. The name Winnebago, which is translated generally as evil-smelling ones, has many plausible theories of origin. Charlevoix in 1720 Offered the following in explanation: "They seated themselves on the border of a kind of lake (Lake Winnebago?) and I Judge it was there that living on fish, which they got in the lake in great plenty, they were given the name of Puans, because all along the shore where their cabins were built one saw nothing but stinking fish, which Infected the air. It appears at least that this is the origin of the name which the other savages had given them before us and which has communicated Itself to the bay.” Again, Shea states that the Jesuit relations explain their Algonkin appellation as referring to their “coming from the ocean, or salt water, which the Indians style fetid water.” The latter explanation, in connection with their supposed origin on the Atlantic Beaboard, seems to the writer to be the most plausible, says Alanson Skinner in the Southern Workman. In 1908 we found a body of the eastern Cree living on the shores of James And Hudson’s bays known to the rest of their people as Winnebagowug for this very reason. The Wisconsin Winnebago are prepossessing in appearance, tall and finely proportioned. The men dress precisely like their white neighbors, with the exception of moccasins and the scalp lock, both of which are commonly worn by all above middle age. For dances and all festal occasions, however, they possess roach hair headdresses, beaded skirts and clouts, buckskin leggings and other paraphernalia. The worilen, who are often exceedingly pretty and graceful, generally dtess in a very primitive costume. Their luxuriant dark hair is wrapped In a bit of broadcloth, bearing beaded patterns at either end, and from the middle of which long' and beautiful Woven bead chains or streamers depend. Necklaces consisting of poundß upon pounds of beads are about the neck. The ears of the older women

btfve usually some half dozen perforations in the outer rim of the cartilage, from which depend .earrings made of Canadian 5-cent pieces swung on silver chains. The waist or upper garment is of silk or calico,, and is often covered with German silver buckles or brooches of native, make. About the wrists engraved German silver armbands, also of Indian make, and often in considerable numbers, may be seen. The fingers are loaded with native rings. Instead of a sHirt, a single piece of broadcloth, . beautifully ornamented with silk ribbon is folded once about thhe body and held in place by a woven yarn sash. Ornamental leggings of broadcloth peep out below this, and mocasins, unique because of a great beaded flap falling forward over the toe, complete the costume, which is certainly very pretty and tasteful.

HOME OF A FAMOUS BELLE.

Mary Sparhawk Fascinated British Captain and Saved Portsmouth. There is an interesting tradition in connection with the historic Sparhawk house at Kittery Point, Me. This handsome specimen of colonial architecture was built by William Pepperell, the first American baronet, and was presented in 1742 to his daughter at the time of her marriage to Nathaniel Sparhawk, the Boston Globe says. The house is now owned by the Hon. Horace Mitchell and stands as originally planned, the most striking feature being the large hallway staircase. This was planned by Sir William, who drew every spindle. The building has been remarkably well preserved and is in far better condition than the average colonial mansion of that period. The wife of Nathaniel Sparhawk was a noted belle, and her d-aughter, Mary Sparhawk, inherited her mother s beauty and brilliancy, and many stories are told of her wit and fascination.

The tradition is to the effect that Capt. Mowatt of the Canceaux, a British ship of sixteen guns, cruising with a large armed ship, a schooner and sloop, were off Portsmouth harbor in October, 1776, with the intention of destroying Portsmouth. Capt. Mowatt went privately on shore at Kittery Point and was received at the loyal house of Nathaniel Sparhawk. Here he became so much fascinated with Mary th»t the intent of his voyage to destroy Portsmouth was by her influence changed, and he made sail for Falmouth, now Portland, Where he burned more than 400 of the best hotises and stores, leaving only about 100 of the poorest houses, and those much damaged. . r Mary Sparhawk became the wife of Dr. Jarvis. The marriage was a notable event, the ceremony taking place at the house. The wedding party descended the beautiful broad stairway built by the bride’s grandfather, which how stands as a lasting memorial to his skill as an architect.

TASMANIA WANTS GIRLS.

Race Famine Create* Opportunities for Unmarried Women. I have just go.t a newspaper from Hobart, the capital of the colony, in which an appeal is made to the “women of the world” to “come over and help us” in Tasmania, “Britisher” writes to the New York Sun. “Send Us Girls," is the heading of a column. There is no “race suicide” in Tasmania, but there is “a race famine.” My Anglo-Indian friend of whom I wrote is a living example of this “race struggle.” He has five children, all grown up. The eldest, a woman, is married and has three boys. The eldest son has taken a wife, but he has *Wo boys and no girls. There are three unmarried sons remaining and no wives can be had. Col. Moore, the prime minister of western Australia, who is now in London, re-echoes the cry, “Send us girls!” “Our farmers want wives,” he says In a letter to a London paper. Consequently applications have been pouring into the offices of the Emigration Society, 15 Victoria street, London, B; C., and it is said that a party of picked women will start before the end of May to the number of at least 100. They will be taken to Perth, the capital of western Australia, and then transhipped to Tasmania or any part of the Australian world they may select. The fare to Perth is only $25 and there will be a matron in charge of the party. In the Hobart paper there is an amusing incident recorded. Three young dressmakers from the borders of Wales had formed a sort of joint stock company with a view to starting business at Hobart, but they had been Interviewed at Perth and when the ship entered port at Hobart three successful young farmers, each owning his farm “free and clear,” stepped on board and sought an introduction from the captain. The result was that the three young ladles, accompanied by the first officer of the ship and the stewardess, went to the nearest Church. of England and three knots were tied. Three fine rigs awaited the happy couples and off they started amid a shower of rice and old slippers.

Works Both Ways.

“A man never knows how many friends he has until he gets into politics.” “True,” answered Senator Sorghum, “nor how few he has until he gets out of office.”—Washington Star.

Mrs. Partington's Rival.

Mr. Blnks (in art museum) —I don’t know you were such an admirer of curios, Mrs. Blunderby. _ Mrs. Blunderby—Oh. yes, indeed; I just delight in iniquit lea—Boston Transcript.

YoungFolks

The Kile. The kite flies on high. And, looking down From his place in the sky. He sees the town That he left long ago. An hour or more, Lying far,- far below. The swallows soar Between it and him. He thinks he sees The world's wide, round rim Beyond the trees. He thinks he can swing Free as a star. But a tight-stretched string Pulls from afar. His soaring is past He fights in vain, But flutters at last To earth again. —Chicago News.

Hazel’. Story, When the bell rang Stanley was studying hard. He stopped to listen as mama opened the front door. It was one of the church ladies, who had come to plan with mama about a missionary box. So Stanley went right on with: , B-a-m, bam, b-o-o, bamboo; b-a->m, bam, b-o-o-s, boos, bam boss; e-c-h, ech, o, echo; e-c-h, ech, o-e-s, oes, clicks.” He shut his book. He was sure of every word now, and mama had said that he might go out to play ball as soon as his lesson was learned. He ran upstairs to get his ball. As he passed mama’s room, he saw his little sister Hazel had waked from her nap. “Tanney! Tanney! Tu.m back!” she cried. ' “Oh dear!” Stanley said to himself. “Whatever made her wake up just now! 111 keep still, and perhaps she’ll go to sleep again.” “Tanney! Turn back!” The little voice was very pleading; but Stanley did want to go and play ball. He had earned his play hour, and he did not like to give it up.

MRS. JONES CALLS ON MRS. SMITH.

“P’ease, Tanney, turn back!” This was too much for the little brother’s loving heart to withstand, and in a moment he was lifting Hazel from her crib. “Tell ’tory!” baby demanded. “Tell ’tory!” persisted the little one. “Well,” said Stanley, “'what shall I tell you a story about?” “ ’Bout doggy.” “Well, once there was a doggy ” “G’eat, big b'ack doggy,” put In Hazel. “Yes, a great, big, black doggy,” agreed Stanley, “and every morning he went ,r “An’ dot ’e paper,” interrupted Hazel. * “Yes, he got the paper at the corner store and brought it home to ” “In he mouf!” cried Hazel. Stanley laughed. “You tell me the story.” “No, tell ’tory!” pleaded the little one. - “Well, he brought the paper home in his mouth to his master ” “An’ he take ’e paper out he mouf, an’ he pat doggy’s head, an’ he say, Dood doggy!’ Nen doggy lie down on p'azza, an’ do s’eep, an’—'at’s all.” Stanley was not through laughing when mama came upstairs. “Why, I supposed you were out playing, and that baby was asleep,'' mama said. “No, no!” cried Hazel, decidedly. “Tanney tell ’tory!” “Now go to your ball game,” mama said. “There’s Herbert coming for you, and you may play till ”6 o’clock.” —Youth’s Companion. When a Kins Travels. When King Edward of England travels by train great care is taken that his journey shall be safe, as well as comfortable, especlalir at night. Then, the saloon and sleeping bertha are lighted by electrlofty and the en-

gineer and guard are able to communicate with each other by a special cord, whilst each carriage is fitted with a cord to the guard’s van. i In a carriage at the back of the train rides one of the chief officers of the company, with the carriage superintendent, and in their charge are a number of workmen, ready to meet any accident or breakdown that might happen, so if anything did’ chance to go wrong it could be putright quickly. In front of the train goes a pilot engine to see that the line is clear and safe. , Tom Tot. Oh, little Tom Tot is a .brave little man, As people often remark; But nobody knows why It is he dislikes t To go to bed in the dark.

JOKE AS PERSIA SEES IT.

Qnalnt Stories from the East Both Interesting: and Witty. An exceedingly ugly man, says Jami, was once in the mosque, asking pardon of Allah for his sins, and praying to be delivered from the fires of hell. One who overheard his prayer said to him, writes Charles Johnston in Harper’s Weekly. “Wherefore, O friend, wouldbt thou cheat hell of such a countenance? Art thou reluctant to burn up a face like that?” Once again, the story writer tells us that a certain person with a hideous nose was once on a time wooing a woman. Describing himself to her, and trying to make an attractive picture, he said, “I am a man devofld of lightness and frivolity, and I am patient in bearing afflictions!” “Aye!” said the woman, “wert thou not patient in bearing of afflictions, thou hadst rwver endured thy nose these forty years!” All of which is more witty than kind. Hardly less sharp is this next

VISITING DAY.

tale: Bahlul, we are told, once came into the presence of the famed Caliph of Bagdad, the good Haroun-al-Ra-schld. One of the viziers accosted him, saying. “Rejoice, O Bahlul, at these good things! The prince of the faithful has made thee ruler over apes and swine! ” . “Take my orders, then,” quickly retorted Bahlul, “for surely thou art ol my subjects! ” Again there is a spice of national hatred in such a tale as this: A Turk, says Jami, being asked which he would prefer, plunder in this world, or paradise hereafter, made answer this: “Let me to-day engage in pillage and carry off all that I can find; to-morrow I shall be willing to enter hell fire with Pharaoh the persecutor!” For some reason or other the Man of Jam seems to have a deep detestation of school teachers, if one may judge from the many sharp Jests he directs against them. For example, this: A teacher, he says, whose son had fallen ill and was at the point of death, bade them Bend for the washer of corpses to wash his son. “But,” they objected, “he is not dead yet!” “Never mind,” said the teacher; “he will be dead by the time they have finished washing him!” Again, they said to the son of another teacher. “What a pity thou art such a fool!” “Else were I no true son of my father!” he replied.

Determined to Die.

“What’s this I hear about Casey?” asked McGinnis. “He’s been trying to asphyxiate himself," said O’Reilly. ‘G’wan. What did he do?” “He lit every gas jet in the house and sat down and waited.”—Everybody’s Magazine. A good many people reach the hereafter via the automobile route.

Dlaarnoala. “Do you see that man going along with his head in the air, sniffing with his nose?" “Yes; I know him.” “I suppose he believes in taking in the good, pure ozone*” "No; he’s hunting for a motor garage, I believe.” —Tit-Bits. Hla Reason. "How did you come to leave your wife in Paris?” “She couldn’t decide whether she wanted three yards and a half or four yards, and I got tired of waiting.’’— Cleveland Leader. A Practical Currlcnlnm. “I believe that girl is in earnest about going in for dramatic work.” ' “Studying Shakespeare, is she?” “Naw; she’s learning to carry a spear gracefhlly.”—Kansas City Jouruß. Decree Pen dinar.

Census Taker —Have you a husband, madam? The Lady of the House—That is a matter the court hasn’t decided yet. Beyond the Limit. "Well,” moralized Mr. Stoplate, “we are here to-day and gone to-morrow.” “Yes,” answered Miss Boarde, glancing at the clock, "I’ve noticed that about you.”—Exchange. Poor Work. “I went into politics poor and I came out as poor as I went in.” , “Poor work from beginning to end, old chap.”—Toledo Blade. A Sense of Security* "Aren’t you afraid the comet will hit the earth?” asked the timid man. “No,” replied Mr. Sirius Barker. “After experimenting with a golf ball I’ve come to the conclusion that a little spherical object like the earth is perfectly safe. Even if the comet tried to hit it it would probablyfoozle." —Washington Star.

Hlsh Finance. “Why do you keep asking people for change for a dollar, and then asking other people to give you a dollar for your change?” “Well, somebody may make a mistake in change, some time. And, believe me, it won’t be me."—Cleveland Leader. The Reason. Guest at a Restaurant—Excuse me, sir, can you let me come to the telephone? You have been there twenty minutes without saying a word. “Sorry, sir, but I’m talking to my wife.”—Pole Mele. Bachelors, Take Warning. Hobbs—Alienists say that single men are much more liable to insanity than married. Dobbs —Sure they are! Single men are always in danger of going crazy over some woman.—Boston Transcript. A Salvage Enterprise.

The Rooster—What are you ladles trying to do, drink the trough dry? The Hens—Exactly. We’ve dropped a fresh egg in here and we’re trying-to rescue it At the Servanta’ 8011. “And your mistress is sitting up till you get home?” “She must. My dress fastens down the back.”—Meggendorfer Blaetter. Hard Lack. Joe —How’s things, Bill? Bill —Rotten! Lost three dogs an’ the old woman, an’ one of them was worth $5. —Kansas City Journal. What He Received. Jack—So your efforts to win the rich heiress were fruitless, eh?” Tom—Fruitless! Oh, no! I got the lemon. —Boston Transcript. • The Evil. Griggs—You talk a lot, Briggs; now what have you got against married life? Briggs—What have I, got against it? Why! man, take this terrible divorce evil; it flourishes among married people exclusively.—Boston Transcript.

Jests from the Jokesmiths

How He Handled Them. A man, too busy with coughing and blowing and sneezing to answer, any questions, hung a card over his desk on which was printed the following Information: “Yes; I’ve got an awful co>d.” “I don’t know how I got It. “No, I didn’t take them off. "I didn’t sit by an open window. "I didn’t leave off my overcoat. "I haven’t had a doctor yet. “No; it’s not the grip; it’s just a plain cold. "I’ve taken everything under the sun. "Yes; I’m willing to try it if it helped you. “Yes, Indeed. I hope so too. "Oh, I’ll be careful. "Good-by.”—Boston Herald. The Other - War. “You may pay me SIOO down and $25 a week,” said the physician, offhand. “Sounds as if I were buying an automobile,” the patient said. “No,” said the doctor, thoughtlessly, “I am.”—Buffalo Express. Warped. Mary Jane (to gentleman with the bow legs, who has called to see her master) —For 'eving’s sake, sir, do stand back from the fire; your legs is warping most 'orrible. —Exchange. Such a Difference. 'Tour daughter plays veiv sweetly on the piano.” “That’s my wife playing.” “I know it.”—Birmingham AgeHerald. I Save Thins. "How can these rich girls allow themselves to be won by meu who are only after their money?” “How is a girl to know? A man can put considerable fervor Into his wooing when it's a case of marriage or work."—Louisville Courier-Journal. Something New. "Post committed suicide because he was overworked.” “Pooh! H? couldn’t have been so very busy or he wouldn’t have found time to do it in." —Life. Jnat Practicing.

“Wot yer flshin’ dere fcr?" “Jest fer practice, Willie; Jest ter practice.” Shop Talk. Barber (about to cut customer’s hair) —Do you want much off, sir? Mr. Einstein (absently)—Vot diecoundt vlll you make for cash?— Puck. > Good Jumper. She —I’m such a timid little thing, you know; I jump at the slightest thing, i He—Yes; you’d jump at a proposal, wouldn’t you? Snfllolent Reaponathltttr. "So you don’t want to vote?" said the suffragette/ “Gracious, not" replied Mrs. MoGudley. “It’s bad enough to have your husband blaming you for everything that goes wrong about the house without being held responsible for politics.”—Washington Star. Same Old Story. “How shall I break the news to my parents that I have failed in my exams?" “Merely telegraph them: “Examination over. Nothing new!’"—Fllegende Blaetter. Her Reoaon. He—Would you rather be beautiful or clever?’ She —Beautiful, I think. You see, there are lots of stupid men, but only a ones.—Boston Transcript. Light Weight. The Music Teacher —Your boy is improving, but when he runs the scales I have to watch him pretty closely. Mrs. Shortwelght—Just like his father. He used to be ih the grocery business. How Be Flarared. “Here you are trying to tell me that you’re half finished with that new artesian well and you just started on It this morning.” “That’s ftl right. Pm going on the theory that well begun is half done." —St. Louis Star. . ~ . A Qneatloa. “Say, maw.” “Yes, son.” “Where do the mumps and measles go when I haven’t got ’em r*—Kansas City Journal.