Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 104, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 May 1910 — Smiles OF THE Day [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Smiles OF THE Day

Some Relief. “So you don’t mind the high cost of living ?” “Not as much as I expected to,” replied young Mrs. Torkins. “Charley is 30 busy finding fault with the bills that he forgets to talk about the cooking.” —Washington Star. Accelerating: the Game. “I will play bridge with you on condition that you adopt a certain rule.” “What is it?" “The dealer must not tell anecdotes.” —Washington Herald. Am It In To-Bay. Bloodgodd—How’s your wife, old man? Van Dorn—The society coliwnns re*>ort that she’s starting for Lenox.— Harper’s Bazar. _ Located. “The paper says that De Tanquc presided at the banquet, but I didn’t see him.” “That’s funny; he was right under the head of the table.”—Pnck. Weill Who Are Yon?

IVo Space Wanted. Dewitt—Does your wife follow the fashions closely? Jewett—l should say so; she has one o| these “standing room only” dresses. In the Glonminfg. “You were a long time getting me, John, dear!” “And you were a long time waiting, pet!”—The Circle. Complimentary. Everbroke—l want to pay you something on account. Tailor—Ah! I'm glad to see you. Everbroke—Yes; I want to pay you a compliment on your artistic way of dunning. No—not a word —you deserve it. Good morning! How It Was. “I certainly admire that .man.” “What in the world for?” “His will power.” “He has no will power at all.” “Why, he told me that he just made up his mind to. quit smoking and he quit.” “He’s lying; his wife made up her mind and he quit.”—Houston Post. Prompt. Father—Do you find Robert prompt at the office? His Employer—Yes, indeed. I never 3aw in my life a young man who could get out of the office at 5 o’clock with less delay.—Philadelphia North American. Easily nomeilled. Patron—This set of teeth you made for me is too big. Dentist—Yes, sir. Sit down in the chair and I will enlarge your mouth a little. —Boston Transcript. Drawing the Line at Dnaton. Boston Mother—Gladys, you ought to play with your little cousin Waldo and be more courteous to him. Boston Little Girl—No, I will not, mother. He admits that he does not consider suffrage essential to woman's highest development.—Life. I‘repnrlng for the Future.

Boss—What’s that? New Boy—l say, do you raise a man’s salary here when he gits married? It All Depend)*. Teacher —Now, boys, here’s a little example in mental arithmetic. How old would a person be /who was born In 1875? Pupil—Please, teacher, was it a man or a woman? —Gentlewoman. Sale Offer. "That storekeeper has offered a suit of clothes to the best guesser.” . “What must he guess—the number of seed in a pumpkin?” “No—who is to blame for the high cost of living.”—Houston Post. All Off. “War in the East was very imminent in the magazine I take.” “Well?” • ■ . “But the darn thing changed editors.” An Example. He—A philosopher says: “The only thing worth while in life is trying to <Io something you can't —and doing it.” She (sweetly)—ls that the, way you play bridge?—Life. +

People Ai». Different. Chief Justice Taney, driving througn the Tennessee mountains, once broke one of the shafts of his buggy. A small colored boy came riding by to a mule. The Justice hailed him. “Here, my boy,” he said, “can you help me fix my* buggy?” “Sure, boss,”'answered the boy, and, cutting a hickory withe, he soon fixed the shaft so that it was quite serviceable. “Well, well,” said the learned Judge, “now, why couldn’t I have done that?” “I dunno, boss,” replied his “first aid,” “unless some folks knows more than others.”—Success. A Difference. “That man you see over there is a sky pilot.” 4 “Pulpit or airship?”—Boston American. Oh, Merer! “What a-queer title Dipps has given his new novel; he calls it ‘Solid Cement.’ ” “Not so queer when you come to think of it.” / ’ “How’s that?” “It makes the best cellar.”—Boston Herald. The Simple I.lfe. A traveler in Georgia observed a bis negro leaning heavily against a fence in the shade of a cottonwood tree. Drawing rein he inquired: “Tired, George?” The negro showed disgust., “Tlahed? Who, me? No, suh, am’h not tiahed. Ah’m a hoein’ this yere patch o’ cd’n an’ ah’m waitin’ foh the sun to git down so’s ah kin go home.” —The Circle. Convincing. First Suffragette—Do you consider militant methods the best way to call attention to. our cause? .. Second Suffragette— Why not? A brick might possibly catch the eye Life. Beyond Sinking Up. “My mind is made up/’ quoth the haughty society girl decidedly. “Just like the rest of you,” replied the ungentlemanly man. —Minne-ha-ha. Very Unconventional. “Is this proposal the result of a bet, or a joke, or a dare?” asked the girl. “No; I ask you to marry me because I love you.” “It is unusual, but, after all, the unusual is the proper caper nowadays. I accept you, Algernon.”—Kansas City Journal. He Had Seen It Work.

Mrs. Packer Porke—l wonder ho* we can arrange that the guests wdl enter the dining room in their proper order of precedence? Mr. Packer Porke (brightly)—Run ’em through a chute. Unreal. "I dreamed last night,” said Mrs. Nagget, “that I was in a store th&t was just full of the loveliest fur coats ” “But,” interrupted her husband, hastily, “that was only a dream, my dear »» “Yes, I knew it was before I woke up, because you bought me one.”— Catholic Standard and Times. Betwixt Two Evil*. Old Gentleman—What’s the matter, my little man? The Little Boy—Boo-hoo! I’m so c-c-c-c-old. The Kind Old Gentleman—Well, why don’t you go indoorb? The Little Boy—'Cos muwer says she’ll warm me if I does.—The Sketch. Her Choice. “Which would you rather have—brains or beauty?” “A porterhouse steak. I don’t likebrains.”—Houston Post. Just an Good. "Going to make, a garden this spring?” “No; my wife persuaded me to put the money into her hat.” —Kansas City Journal. In Good Position to Know. “Can you always tell when a man cares for a woman?” “You bet I can. I’m a florist.—SL Louis Star. Brilliant. “Clever ?” “Oh! yes. She is so bright that she can actually say cute things into an ear-trumpet!”—Puck. Up to Date. “Is it an up-to-date show?” “You bet it is.” “Does the rising curtain show the soubrette busily dusting the furniture with a feather duster?” “Not on your life—it shows her working a vacuum cleaner.”—Houston Post - ,V£ Chaffing? Cholly"What’s the matter with Cholly?” “Oh. some rude girl asked him if he was a suffragette.’’—-Kansas City Journal. Foot Notea. Emma—l think Nat Charles is awfully light on his feet, don’t you? Emniajean—Well, maybe he is an his own, hut he seemed awfully heavy on mine. Uni varsli y of Wisconsin Sphinx.