Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 100, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 April 1910 — Little Laughs [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Little Laughs

U nretorned Faron. A farmer was asked to assist at tbs funeral of his neighbor’s third wife, «ad, as he had attended the funerals of the two others, his wife was surprised when he declined the invitation. On being pressed to give his reason, he Bald with some hesitation: "You see, Mirandy, it makes a chap feel a bit awkward to be always accepting others folks’ civilities when he never has anything of the same sort of his own to ask them back to.” —Ladies’ Home Journal. * Getting- in Deep. "Father,” said little' Rollo, “what la the fourth dimension?” "Why—er—my son, that is hard to explain to the inexpert intelligence. It is something that may exist, only you can’t locate it.” , "I know. It’s the piece of pie I’m to get when there is company to dinner.”—Washington Star. Sign Poet* of Sncces*.

iooi Youth—Sir, how may a young man get his best start? Millionaire —By traveling in tljp opposite direction from his finish. y A Sinsrle Thonsrht. He —I am very fond of you. She—Then we shall get along splendidly. J am very fond of myself.— Boston Transcript. Obeyl*ac Instructions. "Her father told me never to show my face In his house again.” “And yet you dare to go?” "Yes, but I’m going to wear automobile goggles.”—Cleveland Leader. Would Be Wise. “That robin redbreast gave me quite a start.” "Why so?" , “I thought for a moment that jthe Intelligent bird was wearing a chest protector.”—Courier-Journal. All Figured Out. "Why do you refuse to carry an umbrella?” “Well, In a heavy Btorm you get wet anyhow, don’t you?” “I suppose so.” “And in a mild rain you don’t need one.”—Louisville Courier-Journal. Panlv* of Pride. "Your speech ljps brought you many congratulations." "Yes.” replied the young statesman, "only I wish they would congratulate me more on the speech itself and less on my luck in getting a chance-to deliver it.”—Washington Star.

1 Bnaineaa Before Pleasure. "I see that you have been reading political economy." "A little,” answered Senator Sorghum; “but I had to give it up. I got so interested I was in danger of neglecting the appropriations demanded by my constituents.” A Household Jealousy. "I understand that there is trouble brewing in the Meekton household.” “Yes," answered the woman who knows all about everybody. "The unfortunate _ report has gotten abroad that Mr. Meekton helps his wife write her suffragette speeches.”—Washington Star. Unable to Say. “Is your wife receiving to-day?” "I don’t know whether she’s receiving or giving,” replied Mr. Bligglns. “She’s playing bridge whist.” No Wonder. Real Estate Agent—l tell you, sir, the death rate in this suburb is" lower than in any other part of the country. Near Victim —I believe you. I wouldn’t be found dead here myself. Doing a Kindness. "Did you remember what I told you about being kind to dumb animals?” asked the teacher. "Yes’m,” replied Jimmy Jiggs. “As soon as I got home I took the blanket and blue ribbon off ma’s pet poodle and turned him loose and let him chase a cat up a tree.” —Washington Star. Our Fair Constituents. “There’s one thing we will have to change if these ladieß who wish to vote have their way,” said Senator Sorghum. “What Is that?” "We’ll have to quit talking about ‘the wisdom of the plain people.’ ” Washington Star. A New Profession.

Visitor—Well, Lillian, when you grow up are you going to be a suffragette? Lillian—No, ma’am; I’m to study chemistry, so I suppose I’ll be a chemist. Sure. Pa —But, young man, do you think you can make my little girl happy? Suitor—Do I? Say, I wish you could ’a’ seen her when I proposed!

/ Her Little Error. "Dearie,” said Mrs. Newlywed. "I’ve kept our household accounts all right this year, but there’s one item that puzzles me. I’ve set down $19.10, and I can’t make out whether we owe it or whether it’s something you gave me for something.” “Let’s see,” answered Mr. N. “Why, dearest, that’s all right. The 1910 Is what year this is.”—Cleveland Leader. Instructions to Wifey. "So I have goY to meet you in a department 1 store, have I?” “Yes, hubby.” “In that case, would you mind wearing your hat tilted back a little for means of identification?” —Washington Herald. Not ,u Pedestrian. “Does Swifter ever walk the floor on account of his debts?” "rfo. He rides in an automobile by means of them.” One Demand Exceeded by Supply.

Investigator—Madam, may I ask what kind of food you find to be the most economical? Wise Matron—Angel food. Investigator—But I thought angel food is expensive to make. How do you find It so economical? Wise Matron —Because there are so few angels to eat it. No Wonder. “Did your father congratulate you on your engagement?” “I should say he did. My fiancee’s dowry will almost pay off his indebtedness to her father.”—St. Louis Star. i Motherly Caution. Willie —Ma, can I go out on the street for a little while?? Tommy Jones says there’s a comet to be seen. Mother —Well, yes; but don’t you get too nqar.—Boston Transcript. Her Kind. “That pretty girl when she cries is a very affecting sight. She is a regular picture.” “Yea, what one might call a moving picture.”—Baltimore American. Back and Forth. “You’re so conceited, Connie, that I believe when you get into heaven the first question you’ll be ‘Are my wings on straight?'" Connie—Yes, dear, and I shall.,be sorry that you won’t be there to tell me. —Illustrated Bits.