Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 100, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 April 1910 — Page 3

Little Laughs

U nretorned Faron. A farmer was asked to assist at tbs funeral of his neighbor’s third wife, «ad, as he had attended the funerals of the two others, his wife was surprised when he declined the invitation. On being pressed to give his reason, he Bald with some hesitation: "You see, Mirandy, it makes a chap feel a bit awkward to be always accepting others folks’ civilities when he never has anything of the same sort of his own to ask them back to.” —Ladies’ Home Journal. * Getting- in Deep. "Father,” said little' Rollo, “what la the fourth dimension?” "Why—er—my son, that is hard to explain to the inexpert intelligence. It is something that may exist, only you can’t locate it.” , "I know. It’s the piece of pie I’m to get when there is company to dinner.”—Washington Star. Sign Poet* of Sncces*.

iooi Youth—Sir, how may a young man get his best start? Millionaire —By traveling in tljp opposite direction from his finish. y A Sinsrle Thonsrht. He —I am very fond of you. She—Then we shall get along splendidly. J am very fond of myself.— Boston Transcript. Obeyl*ac Instructions. "Her father told me never to show my face In his house again.” “And yet you dare to go?” "Yes, but I’m going to wear automobile goggles.”—Cleveland Leader. Would Be Wise. “That robin redbreast gave me quite a start.” "Why so?" , “I thought for a moment that jthe Intelligent bird was wearing a chest protector.”—Courier-Journal. All Figured Out. "Why do you refuse to carry an umbrella?” “Well, In a heavy Btorm you get wet anyhow, don’t you?” “I suppose so.” “And in a mild rain you don’t need one.”—Louisville Courier-Journal. Panlv* of Pride. "Your speech ljps brought you many congratulations." "Yes.” replied the young statesman, "only I wish they would congratulate me more on the speech itself and less on my luck in getting a chance-to deliver it.”—Washington Star.

PREFIXES SHOWING RESPECT

Cvery Lnn*na*e Hu Method of Showing Eateem In Addreaa. It la really a curious system that we hare here and In every other place of putting a prefix, lrf order to be polite or as an act of courtesy, to the name of the person whom we greatly esteem, or who Is connected with us by the bonds of friendship. This custom plainly demonstrates the curious existing social relations, for Is there any reason why people should be called by their names alone? And it It is considered a proof of respect, whence comes that respect? Why Should we use the prefix “Don,” "Senora” or “Senbrlta,” then, as a matter of necessity? The most humble Roman, even If he were a slave, whether he was addressing a good friend of his, or whether he bowed with respect before the great Cwskr, would not have thought It necessary to use any prefix whatever, in order to perform his duty, and at this time It would not have been considered an act of discourtesy toward his superior. ' During the tlmar of the Roman emperors it wfo considered an act of personal respect to usewthe word “dom* tnns" (head of the house). According to Suetonius, Emperor Claudius,'* 1 desirous of becoming popular, ofTered banquets to the masses, that Is to say, to the lower classes, and in order to inspire confidence among the invited guests, and to show them that he considered them his equal, he would shake hands with every person who arrived and called them "domlnus,” «r mister, but/ the custom was not established as a general rule, because “domlnus” had 'another meaning, although the poets would use It in Its feminine gender, “domino” -as an endearing name among lover*. The modern use of “domlnus” did act appear until the western empire came to an end. What until then had been a casual tribute 6f respect became necessary In order to address parsons of high rank, and a lady, wife -•f a knight, or wife of the owner of

1 Bnaineaa Before Pleasure. "I see that you have been reading political economy." "A little,” answered Senator Sorghum; “but I had to give it up. I got so interested I was in danger of neglecting the appropriations demanded by my constituents.” A Household Jealousy. "I understand that there is trouble brewing in the Meekton household.” “Yes," answered the woman who knows all about everybody. "The unfortunate _ report has gotten abroad that Mr. Meekton helps his wife write her suffragette speeches.”—Washington Star. Unable to Say. “Is your wife receiving to-day?” "I don’t know whether she’s receiving or giving,” replied Mr. Bligglns. “She’s playing bridge whist.” No Wonder. Real Estate Agent—l tell you, sir, the death rate in this suburb is" lower than in any other part of the country. Near Victim —I believe you. I wouldn’t be found dead here myself. Doing a Kindness. "Did you remember what I told you about being kind to dumb animals?” asked the teacher. "Yes’m,” replied Jimmy Jiggs. “As soon as I got home I took the blanket and blue ribbon off ma’s pet poodle and turned him loose and let him chase a cat up a tree.” —Washington Star. Our Fair Constituents. “There’s one thing we will have to change if these ladieß who wish to vote have their way,” said Senator Sorghum. “What Is that?” "We’ll have to quit talking about ‘the wisdom of the plain people.’ ” Washington Star. A New Profession.

Visitor—Well, Lillian, when you grow up are you going to be a suffragette? Lillian—No, ma’am; I’m to study chemistry, so I suppose I’ll be a chemist. Sure. Pa —But, young man, do you think you can make my little girl happy? Suitor—Do I? Say, I wish you could ’a’ seen her when I proposed!

a castle, became “mea domlna,” then “mea donma,” and afterward “madonna’*” and lastly “madame.” Thq young unmarried women of the mid} die ages received the name of “dom* lnlcella,” which afterward becam4 “demoilesse,” and this finally became “mademoiselle.’* A knight was ‘domino,” and afterward “donmo,” from which the Span-' lsh “don” is taken. But later on the masculine and feminine gender melted Into one, “dame,” which meant gentleman as well as lady. This is why the present French exclamation, “dame,” means “senor,” and not “senora,” as some people suppose. Toward the twelfth century, the word “dame,” as a masculine title, began to be substituted by another, tho Latin "senior," which has survived in the same form, used as "senor” in Spanish, “senhor” In Portuguese, "signor" in Italian and “seigneur” in French. The same word mutilated stands for the French "Sleur” or “Monsieur." In English it has its equivalent in “sir,” which at one time was an ecclesiastical title, and which meant "reverend,” and was also a university title applied to bachelors. The “mattre” of the French Is an appellative which Is applied to respectable persons that deserve respect, but of low classes, as, for example, in Spanish, it is said “Senor Pepe” to an individual who is respected, but belongs to, the lower class.—Mexican Herald.

LOVE AND FLOWERS.

The Advice a Discerning; Woman Gave Unto Her Daughter. My daughter, wouldst thou know a man’s secret? Go to the florist, then, O simple one, for in him every man repose,-, his confidence. Yea, by the flowers which he sendeth a woman shall ye judge the quality of a man’s love, likewise the quantity and exact stage. * As violets pass unto roses, and roses unto cheap carnations, aud carnations unto naught, so passeth his grand passion from the first throes into matrimony. Lo, at the beginning of .a lore affair

/ Her Little Error. "Dearie,” said Mrs. Newlywed. "I’ve kept our household accounts all right this year, but there’s one item that puzzles me. I’ve set down $19.10, and I can’t make out whether we owe it or whether it’s something you gave me for something.” “Let’s see,” answered Mr. N. “Why, dearest, that’s all right. The 1910 Is what year this is.”—Cleveland Leader. Instructions to Wifey. "So I have goY to meet you in a department 1 store, have I?” “Yes, hubby.” “In that case, would you mind wearing your hat tilted back a little for means of identification?” —Washington Herald. Not ,u Pedestrian. “Does Swifter ever walk the floor on account of his debts?” "rfo. He rides in an automobile by means of them.” One Demand Exceeded by Supply.

Investigator—Madam, may I ask what kind of food you find to be the most economical? Wise Matron—Angel food. Investigator—But I thought angel food is expensive to make. How do you find It so economical? Wise Matron —Because there are so few angels to eat it. No Wonder. “Did your father congratulate you on your engagement?” “I should say he did. My fiancee’s dowry will almost pay off his indebtedness to her father.”—St. Louis Star. i Motherly Caution. Willie —Ma, can I go out on the street for a little while?? Tommy Jones says there’s a comet to be seen. Mother —Well, yes; but don’t you get too nqar.—Boston Transcript. Her Kind. “That pretty girl when she cries is a very affecting sight. She is a regular picture.” “Yea, what one might call a moving picture.”—Baltimore American. Back and Forth. “You’re so conceited, Connie, that I believe when you get into heaven the first question you’ll be ‘Are my wings on straight?'" Connie—Yes, dear, and I shall.,be sorry that you won’t be there to tell me. —Illustrated Bits.

mark with what care a man selectetb his flowers in person,, that not a wilted violet shall offend thine eyes! * Yet as time passeth he telephoneth his orders and leaveth it all to the clerk. And there cometh a day when he murmureth wearily, “I say, old chap, make that a standing order, Will iyour Then the florist' heaveth a sigh, for he kpoweth that the end is at hand. Yea, this Is the mark of an engaged man who doeth his duty. So after the wedding bouquets all orders shall cease together, and until he seeketh flowerrs for his wife’s grave that man shall not again enter a florist’s shop. For stale carnations, bought upon the street corner and carried home In a paper bag, are a fit offering for any wife. Yet a funeral rejoiceth the florist’s heart and maketh him to smile, for he knoweth that a widower’s next order shall be worthy of & new cause and the game shall begin all oveb again. ■ Verily, verily, my daughter, I charge thee, account no man in love until he hath gone forth into the gardens and the fields and plucked thee a few dinky pansies or stray weeds with his own hands. For when a man.sendeth thee violets it may mean only..sentiment, and when he sendeth thee orchids it may be only a bluff, but when he doeth real work for any woman it meaneth business. Selah!—London Tit-Bits.

Inferential.

“Miss Yerner,” said Mr. Dudley, who is fond of dogs, “don’t ytra think you ought to have an intelligent animal about the house that would protec* you and ” - "Oh, Mr. Dudley." giggled Miss' Yerner; “this Is so Budden!”—lndependent.

Poor Coart of Appeals.

Krlss —Grub doesn’t seem to appeal to me. Kross —I guess he knows you’re always broke.—Town Topics. He’s a sure-footed mule who can kick the earns spot twice.

THE OTHER SIDE.

(Inlet, Monotonous Life May Ham Its Unsuspected Compensation. It was actually said of her, “What can there be worth'living for in a ltfe like that?” After all, perhaps it was not so strange. She was a plain little German woman, past middle age, frail in health, living with a married sister, and helping in the household tasks In payment for her board. She had returned to Germany a few months before after an absence of fifteen years. Those fifteen years she had spent as a governess in America. Before that she had supported an old mother and an invalid sister at home. A dreary, gray, colorless existence, there had been no room in it for a lover, scarcely'for friendß. Probably she had never had a care-free “good time” in her life. Hester March, looking after her that May morning, felt a fierce surging of anger, as,if lives like that challenged her own eager, pleasure-filled days. She was Impatient of sorrow, as youth always is—confident, as youth should bo. She would not let life serve, her, she thought, passionately. She would have wrestled with destiny and snatched some gift from it, or died in the conflict. She was contemptuous over an easy content —people ought not to be content with nothing. Hester’s companion, an older woman, smiled curiously. “What is worth living for?” she askdd. r “Joy,” the girl cried, “love, power, doing something in the world —making yoUrself felt somewhere! The men have the best of it —oh, I wish I were a man!—hut still in this age there are ways enough for any woman with a will. I’ve no patience with women who sit down and fold their hands before fate.” “Do you remember,” Miss Sanger spoke slowly, her eyes upon the distant hills, “the account in the papers before you left home of the coming into her fortune —I believe it is estimated at twenty millions —dt James Carew’s daughter, and what she did with it? She began by building a clubhouse for women in one of the tenement districts, with rooms where girls can meet young men socially—and safely. Now she is planning an apart-ment-house for working girls who earn no more than ten dollars a week —a place where they can keep house co-operatively, two, three, half a dozen together. This, too, will have several social rooms, with a housemother in charge. Besides this, she is actively interested in many of the efforts at social betterment as well as in educational and missionary work. Is this your idea of living?” Hester’s eyes were shining. Her friend needed no answer. “Did it ever occur to you to wonder how James Carew’s daughter should be spending her life and her money in this way? When she was a child of 6 her father obtained a governess for her. For fifteen years the governess lived with her, talked with her, poured herself into her pupil’s life. When she was 21 the task was over, and the two separated, the girl to go out into life, the governess to go back to her people. The last night they were together the governess said: __ “I have given the best of my life to you. I trust it to you from this day. You know our ideals. It/ is yours to make them live or to destroy them forever.’ “Julia Carew told me of it with tears in her eyes. ‘lt is not I that am doing it,’ she said; *it is Fraulein Liebschutz.’ ” “Fraulein Liebschutz!” the girl echoed, with a startled glance down the road. Miss Sanger smiled. “Isn’t is possible sometimes that we look at the wrong side of the tapestry?" she asked.—Youth’s Companion.

MILLIONS FOR BETTER TEETH.

Bouton Man Found* Dental Infirmary to Be Free to All Children. Thomas A. Forsythe, a wealthy resident of this city, plans to give $2,000,000 for the care of the teeth of Boston school children. As a perpetual foundation by which every child In the city from birth to the age*of 16 years may receive the most expert dental services free of charge this donation will prove a boon to thousands of school children who otherwise would never have this care. The money, with a part of which will be erected a building equipped with every modern apparatus known to the dentist’s art and manned by a corps of the best dentists in the state, has been set aside by Mr. Forsyth and only the passage of a bill petitioning for the Incorporation of his Idea by the Legislature stands between the plan and Its Immediate realization. The -proposed dental infirmary will be the most unique institution of its kind in the country, a Boston correspondent of the New York Sun says. The Forsyth dental Infirmary, the name given to the new institution, will be In Hemenway street, in the Back Bay, where several thousand feet of land have been purchased. No restrictions are placed upon the fund other than those outlined by the corporation.which will have charge of the enterprise. A board of directors composed of some of the great dental surgeons and physicians in New England have control of the management of the institution, and several of Boston’s foremost dentists are among the incorporators in the bill now before the Legislature. _ The only condition imposed on patients who apply at the infirmary for treatment is that they shall need treatment. Women are always in evidence. Today We discovered * hair In a cooky made Ini a factory.

YOUNG FOLKS

A Ride on (he Trolley. Said Dolly to Polly: "Now this would be Jolly! Let’s all go to ride on the trolley!” But Daisy was lazy and said they were crazy,. ’Twas too hot to go on the trolley. “It’s chilly,” said Milly; “I think you are silly To want to ride on the trolley." Said Lizzie: “I’m busy; besides, t , get dizzy '• When I go to ride on the trolley.” Lily Cook took a look at her new birthday book, And wouldn’t leave that for a trolley. ‘‘There’s many a penny,” said sensible Jennie, “Paid out for our fares on the trolley.” Said Polly to Dolly: “Though it would be Jolly To have a nice ride on the trolley, It’s funny, *my honey, but we have no money. And so we can’t ride on the trolley!” —Chicago News. ,r “Hold on Tight.”

How NetS Was Tied Up. “I’d like to know what has become cf my cap,” said New Brown, giving the room door an impatient slam, as though it were in some way responsible. “I’ve looked everywhere for it, and it isn’t there.” “I think,” said Ned’s mother, speaking with calm assurance, in spite of Ned’s statement, “that you will find it just where you left it. You know, Ned, I put up a special hook for your cap," but it doesn’t seem to do any good, does it. You’ll Just have to hunt it up—that’s all. I can’t stop to look for it.” Just then the door opened, and Alice, Fred and little Harry, accompanied by two of thd neighbor’s children, came into the room, their eyes glistening, and cheeks aglow, as the result of a frolic they had been having on the lawn.

ROBBERY TOOK SIX HOURS.

In Euir Kansas City Bandits Stopped All Traveler* One Afternoon. Three bandits, who spent an entire afternoon holding up twenty-five citizens forty years ago were the pioneer sensational criminals In Kansas City. The robbery was begun at 1 o’clock and wasn’t finished until dinner time. The bandits met their victims at 26th and Main streets, which at that time was only a macadamized road leading out to Union Cemetery. Frederick Midland, a cabinet maker, employed by the Lep. J. Stewart Undertaking Company, was an undertaker at that time and was returning from the cemetery when he saw a small crowd down the road ahead of him. “I hurried up to tee what was the matter and found that all except three of the men were standing with their hands raised over their heads,” Midland relates. “I realized that a robbery was going on, but It was too ‘late to turn back. The robbers were on horses and were stopping javery one who. came along the road. They saw me before I could get away and commanded me to line up' with the rest and to hold up my hands. In those days the revolvers were even more formidable appearing than they are to-day and I certainly didn’t hesitate about obeying.' “Well, they kept us there without any trouble. As the farmers came by in their Jwagons they were* forced to get oilt, tie their teams and join the growing line of victims. When a crowd of at least twenty-five had gathered the bandits began their work.I was at one end of the line, and one of the men started to search me while another began down at the other end. The third stood In the foreground and preserved order with a display of arms that made us dizzy. That's -to joke, either, about a revolver barrel looking like a tunnel when it’s pointed at you. “All Thad was 15 cents. I figured that they would hand it back with an apology for robbing a poor man, but they were not that kind of robbers. The one who was searching me swore a little at my poverty and went on to the next man. When they had finished with the crowd they rode away rapidly ancl we dispersed. They were never captured, because the event was considered lightly. The only ones who were really angered were those who arrived first and had to stand with their arms In the air until tne crowd had been collected—lt was almost six hours. The bandits had not

“Why don’t you come out and play, Ned?” asked Alice, “We’ve been having such fun. Haven’t we, Fred?” “I can’t find my cap,” said Ned, looking vexed and disconsolate. “You haven’t seen it anywhere, have you?” “No,” Alice replied. “I haven’t seen it either,” volunteered Fred. Little Harry felt that the blame had therefore been shifted onto him. “I don’t know where it is," he stoutly protested. “Really, I don’t” “What is it that’s lost?” asked Aunt Carrie, who had Just come into the room, and had overheard the latter part of the conversation.“Ned’s cap," said Alice. “.What, again!” said Aunt Carrie, in asfopishment. "That makes the fifth time this week, doesn’t it? Now, let me see. I believe I did see your cap somewhere a very short time ago, Ned. I think—yes, that’s where it was, behind the sofa In the sitting room. I found It there when I moved the things to clear up the room. I think you’ll find it on the table now.” “Oh, yes,” said Ned, with a surprising return of memory. “That’s Just where I put it. Laid it on the sofa. I suppose it fell down.” “Before you go out to play,” said Aunt Carrie, when Ned had brought his cap, “I would like to ask you to do something for me.” “What is it?” asked Ned, curious to know what she wanted. Aunt Carrie told Ned she would like to have him hold the palms of his hands together and arms out straight. Taking a spool of basting t thread from the pocket of her sewing apron, she wound the thread about Ned’s wrists, drawing it tightly. “See if you can break it,” she asked. Ned made a tremendous effort, but when he found that he was able to break the thread, a smile of satisfaction and triumph lighted up his face. Then Aunt Carrie wound the thread about his wrists again, twice this time instead of once, but Ned succeeded in freeing his hands again. ) “Well done,” said Aunt Carrie, winding the thread about Ned’s wrists a great many times and fastening it. after which she told him he might break the threads again. “I can’t,” said Ned, looking very sheepish when he took in the situation. Indeed, Ned looked so very helpless and woebegone that Aunt Carrie and the children could not help laughing at .him Just a little. "Now let me tell you,” said Aunt Carrie, “what it is that I would like to Impress upon you all. It is this. Habits are very hard to break, for they are made up of separate acts. Just as Ned’s hands are held together by means of separate threads."— Round Table.

robbed us singly, because they know those released would spread the news. —Kansas City Star.

SERVANT PROBLEM IN AFRICA

Servitor* Are All Mem and Are the Dirtiest la the World. Servants are an absolute necessity in Africa, declares a writer in the Delineator. But next to the climate and the insects, the native servants are the greatest pests. Even the best of them are the worst imaginable. They delight in grease, rags and dirt. They never do anything If they can avoid it. Servants are air of the male gender. They are engaged by the month and paid in cash or merchandise, at their option. The principal servants are cook, house boy, small boy, jack wash and head man. I was very fortunate In getting one. His wages were $5 a month, cash, and all he could steal. He dressed in an undershirt and Jhe cast-off trousers of some white man. At the end of the month, when he received his wages, most of it went for rum and anisette bought at the factory. When the money was gone he tapped a palm tree and drank of Its fermented juice. No matter how intoxicated he became his meals were always on time and he was polite and deferential. He called me Missy. Because we both spoke English and he was a British subject, he looked after me In a way. He Instructed the bushmeu how to act and dress before a white woman. He warned me when there was any mischief brewing, and when he got Into trouble, which was very frequently, he looked to me for aid. But he never forgot his position. He was small, slight, S 3 years of age, could read and write and sing Moody and Sankey hymns. He came into my employ the day I landed in tho bush and left me when I took tho steamer at the coast to return to civilization. On the march he was tho first to start away with the eooking kit on his head: upon my arrival in camp he met me with hot coffee. No matter how discouraging the conditions, he was faithful. Had I raked all Africa I could not have found a more faithful servant. Only those who have lived In the bush can appreciate such a one. If native cooks do not like their masters they have a habit of feeding him slow poison. Many i white man makes bis cook first partake of the food. When a girl gets her first letter from s man she keeps the envelope stuck in her mirror frame tor six months.