Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 97, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 April 1910 — Page 4 Advertisements Column 3 [ADVERTISEMENT]

Diverse Tactics. Both boys had been rude to their mother. She put them to bed earlier than usual, and then complained to their father about them. So he started up the stairway, and -they heard him coming. “Here comes papa,” said Maurice; "I’m going to make believe I’m asleep.” "I’m not,” said Harry; “I’m going to get up and put something on.” Negro Lingo. Senator Taylor, of Tennessee, tells of an old negro whose worthless son wa3 married secretly. The old man heard of It and asked the boy if he was married. ‘1 ain’t sayin’ I ain’t,” the boy replied. “Now, you Rastus,’ stormed the old man, “I ain’t askiu you is ycu ain’t; I is askin’ you ain’t you is.” —Troy Times. Breakfast a la Mode. “John, I believe the new girl hae stolen the whisk-broom; I left it on the dining room table last night.” , “I guess the joke’s on me, Mary; it was not quite light when I got ui this morning and I thought you hqd left a shredded wheat biscuit out foi my breakfast.” —Houston Post. Tricks in All Trades. Stranger—“Zum Donnerwetter, now you have cut my chin a second time! If you can’t shave better than that you will lose all your customers pretty quick.” Barber’s Apprentice—“ Not at all! I am not allowed to shave the regulai customers yet. I only shave Strang ers!”—Tit-Bits.

Incomprehensible. At a baseball game in Chicago tht gatekeeper hurried to Comiskey leader of the White Sox, and said: “Umpire Hurst is here with twt friends. Shall I pass ’em in?” “An umpire with two friends!’ gasped Comiskey. “Sure!” —Every body’s. London Gossip. “There’s some talk, dear boy about invaders bombarding London.’ “When do they propose to bom bard London, old chap?” "If they are at all considerate they’ll bombard it in August, whei everybody who is anybody is out o town.” Playing Safe. The Beggar—'“Sir, I was not. alwayi any more? “Nope,” said the guide. “Got tiret of being mistook for a deer.” “How do you earn your livinj now?” “Guide fishin’ parties. So fur, no body ain’t mistook me fur a fish.” Luck as Last. "I’se done had de proof dat dar’i luck in a rabbit’s foot,” said Erastui Pinkly. “What were de proof?” “I done sold de one I’se been car ryin’ so long to a superstitious whlt\ lady fob fo’ bits.” —Wasnington Star Nearest They Come. “Does anybody ever really try t» lick an editor?” "Can’t say they do,” declared tht proprietor of the Plunkville Palla dium. “Sometimes they threaten t< lick us—over the telephone.” Going to the Play. “I should think it would be a sim pier matter to induce a woman t< get ready in time to attend an even ing performance.” “What’s your scheme?” “Ask her to go to the matinee.”

A Smart-Set Child. "Your little girl gives you abso lutely no trouble,” “Her time is fully occupied,” ex plained the smart-set mother. “Sh« has to change her doll’s gowns foui times a day. ’ Made the Editor Lcugh. "That country editor thinks I’m t humorist.” “Why?” “I tried to sell him a cash regie ter.” —Kansas City Journal. Piled Up. “You seem fascinated by th« height of that cliff, old man.” “Yes; that's about the way mj desk Will look when I get back t£ the office next Week.” Where She Started From. “Hips, curves, embonpoint! Every thing has had to go.” “Yes, woman is pretty near down to the original rib.”—Kansas City Journal. Dropping Bolts. “Every notable invention alters our language.” “That’s right. Bolts from the blue may get to be very common when airships come in.” Get a New Start. “I can never catch up. What is a woman to do when she can’t pay the calls she owes?” 1 * Gardening. A great many vegetables can be raised in about eight inches of newspaper space. “Don’t you think my poetry resembles Tennyson's?” said the confident young writer. "It does,” answered Miss Cayenne, “In the capitalisation and arrangement of lines Into varying lengths.”. —Washington Star. Our Classified Column does the work