Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 94, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 April 1910 — SUNFLOWER PHILOSOPHY. [ARTICLE]

SUNFLOWER PHILOSOPHY.

Some people are so stingy that the; are dishonest. < No use talking; a prohibitionist taking a drink amuses people. In Kansas the hell joke causes al most as much merriment as the keg joke. One way not to have a good time it to spend most of your time looking for it. We almost hate to meet a strangei in August; we so hate to shake lfis hot hand. ' “What,” the women folks all say when father scolds, “is he grumbling about now?” Neighbors living next door to a baby often lie about his smartness as much as its parents. Every one discovers some day that when he asks for simple justice he is asking too much. Incidentally, there are a number ol voices that could be revised downward to advantage. You women have an idea that we men can’t get along unless we have a woman to watch us. People sympathize with you in order to tell you they have seen a great deal worse trouble themselves. The man who always tries to lug in a cheerful word when he meets you finally gets on your nerves. Which gives you the greater enjoy ment: To hear your friends praised or your enemies roasted? If you think people have bad mem ories, that’s another proof that you have always behaved yourself. There is always plenty to quarrel about; we heard, two men quarreling today as to the best breakfast food. Every barber seems to have a different notion about the proper stuff to put on a man’s face after ( having him. You can’t work as well in hot weather but, if you work is well as you can, you will notice the heat less. A girl, who has at any time taken part in an amateur show, can’t wash Lhe dishes without assumin a tragic air. Make the statement in the presence of women that a woman ever chased a man and you have a row on your hands at once. If a wife has faith in her husband, the neighbors wonder how much longer it is going to take her to get her eyes opened.

You always get a chance at the man you hate; if nothing else offers, you can refuse to buy a chance when he raffles his shotgun. So long as a women is in perfect "health rhe has only her preacher to rave about, but after she has had a doctor her praise service is divided. , Human hair is said to be worth ibout f3O a pound, but it depends largely on whether you are buying it, or merely trying to keep wnat you have. The average mm, when he sees a watermelon, thumps it to see if it is ripe. Every man thinks he can tell if i watermelon is r ; pe by thumping it. He learned the art in stealing them. When you start o repeat something that has been sai< to you, remember the person who said it is liable to deny it, and as many people will believe him as you. • As soon as a woman ets married it begins to show in the knot of hair on the back of her head. We can look at the knot of hair on the back of a woman’s head and tell whether she is married or single. '

When a woman has been married as long as years, and none of hip .'oiks come to visit her, the suspicion is confirmed that ihey don’t match up .vith her ante-wedding tales of their wealth and greatness. Instead of having “speeches” by the children in the schools every Friday why wouldn’t it be a good thing, in■tead, to invite doctors to give tne children health hints? People know very little about themselves. When an automobile owner hears a queer sound he takes his machine to a garage, and has it looked over. Thousands of jases of sickness might be avoided If people knew more about-themselves. An Atchison woman who has doßely 'ollowed the fight of two women over in incubator baby has her nose turned ipso high in contempt that her sneeze ihakes the birds’ nests out of the trees. ‘The idea of making such a fuss over i baby that weighed only a pound at borth,” she says. “Eevry one of my children weighed at least 10 pbunds, and I had 16 of then, and there was no incubator at our house, either!"— Atchison (Kan.) Globe.