Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 92, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 April 1910 — Page 4 Advertisements Column 5 [ADVERTISEMENT]

■w ♦LAUGHEVERY MINUTE 4 ♦ ♦ “An Anatomical Wonder. Senator Beveridge was criticising the ludicrous speeches of a certain upright bat very hotheaded congressman. * “He does make queer blunders, doean*t her asked Senator Beveridge. “Have you heard “Mnt his lateatr “Well, it seems that a constituent ▼hating him recently, complained of the ahahbinees at a pair of ink-stained crash trousers that he had on. “*Amnn at your position, ’ said the constituent, reproachfully, ‘ought to wear handsomer trousers than those.’ “The congressman, offended, answered reproachfully: “'Ey trousers may be shabby, but they cover a warm and hones! heart’”—Washington Star. All Off Then. “I am tired of being so popular.’ “Try being truthfuL”—Exchange. An old coaple lived in the mfUTTV tains of eastern Tennessee; he wai 96 and she was 90. Their t man of 70, died, As the old folki crossed the pasture to their «M t after the burial the woman noticed a tear roll down her husband’s She patted him tenderly on the am and said: “Never mind, John, never mind; you know I always said we nevei would raise that boy.” Fears Confirmed. An old couple lived in the moan tains of eastern Tennessee; he war ninety-five and she ninety. Their son. a man of seventy, died. As the oh) folks crossed the pasture to theii cabin after the burial the woman no tloed a tsar roll down her husband’E cheek. She patted him tenderly on the arm and said: “Never mind, John, never mind; you know I always said we nevei would raise that boy.”—Success. A Rarity. This story is told of the greai Brooklyn preacher; Some would-tx wag sent Henry Ward Beecher a let ter, containing an a sheet of papei only the words, “April FuoL” Mr. Beecher opened it, and then a delighted smile beamed over his face as he exclaimed: “Weil! I've often heard of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign it, but this is toe first cane of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter.” — United Presbyterian. * Higher Education. The absent-minded professor returned home one evening, after ringing his front doorbell for some time to no effect, heard .toe maid’s voice from his second story window, “The professor is not in.” “All right.” quietly answered toe professor, Til call again.” And he hobbled down toe stone steps.—Lippincott’s Magazine. Generally. “Please, sir,” said the office boy, “me gran’mudder’s dead, an’ I want de afternoon off.’* "Johnny,” exclaimed his employer, severely, “do yon know where little boys go who tell lies T' “Yes, sir; to de ball game,” replied Johnny, unblnshlngly. Philadelphia Record.

« Legitimate. The Client-—“I thought you left word in your office that you were out on Important business?” The Counselor —“Just so. This ball gome seems to be highly important, and I can assure you that it is perfectly legal.”—Chicago News. Would Account For It. O’Shea —" ”Tis strange we never hear any more at that famous Fillypiuo, Aggynaldo;—l wonder what become iv him?" Mulcahr —“TU bet ye they Dieted him vice prisident iv th* FUlypinesl” —lllustrated Sunday Magazine. The Arm That Failed. Madge—"l was sitting in the hammock with that young man, and he let me Call out.” Majcrie—"Was he so clumsy?" MMff —“No, so modest.” —Town Topics. After Vacation. ’ "Vacation over?" “Ysuj I’m cm my way hornet.” “You seem meditative. Thinking about the girl you left behind you?" "Not exactly. I was thinking about the bankrolL” An Effective Argument. “Why worry about (he children?” "l eant help it.” “Bui, ny ter, you are hurting the JournaL A Shade oT Difference. Wise —"You are a different man to my first husband.” Husband—" Tea, I ajp, thank goodness. lam alive; he's dead."—Memphis Commercial y - - - Case For a Desperate Remedy. The Proud Mother "This boy grows more like Is father every day." The Neighbor—“Do 'e, pose dear? And lave you triad everythiag?"—