Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 92, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 April 1910 — Page 2

ncjjmx too now. ■k* «Ml« MW Irnill !■ hMptl upon Tbs tftmnll flown Us In drift* of Vko purpi« night draws curtains o’sr the sosos—- ' And now you know. Baravolod now ths tut|M skein ol i~ **% *■* have spread wines and reached Ufa's afterglows Wsw dead, far off mast sound all earthly strife « Now that you knew! •h* tortuous way yon sped, not knowtn« why. The lore that fate blossom will not «row — Tea can ramembsr thees wlthout a slab, •w now you know. I would not have yon back to walk again 14(0*0 woundln* paths with stumbling feet and Slow; I am content to heap my watch with pain Because yon know. •—*sH Mall Oanetta

Virginia’s Method

▼ary soon after Virginia came to the boarding house she confided to her •Idoriy cousin, with whom she roomed, hsr opinion of the one yonng man at the table. "Ho may, perhaps, ham been enlarahlo in his natural stats,” she said, "Wt now, after the continual petting *»celves from all you women, he Is to* conceited for words. It makes me P «• erery person at the table fusing the biggest oranges upon him, Bftting the top of the cream In his •A inquiring anxiously each morning Bow he slept, warning him to be careIU about colds and listening as If an •raele were speaking when he conBssnds to give Us opinion on any

PLAYING A TWILIGHT ACOOMPANIMENT.

■abject. What be need* Is a severe ■nabbing.” “Do you feel yourself called to do fke snubbing?” inquired Miss Clara, ■nulling at her little cousin. “I certainly should like to show Mr. Arnold that there’s one person in this bouse who doesn’t consider him a god. In my estimation he’s more of an vnlleked cub than anything else.” “Why, Virginia, he’s as old as you ■re." "He may be, but a woman always is «*der and more sensible for her years than a man.” Miss Clara watched Virginia’s haughty indifference to the young man at dinner that night with a good deal •f amusement. However, she was somewhat surprised a few evenings later to find Virginia at the parlor pisae playing a twilight accompaniment for young Arnold’s rather uncertain tenor voice. **Bome of the people In this house have made him think he can sing," explained Virginia when In the primacy of their own rooms Miss Clara osmmented upon this seeming frlendHno— of Virginia’s toward the object ■( her scorn. “I was just showing him that he'd have to study a lot and get his voice under better control before he could expect to be a Caruso. 1 think I took a little of the conceit wut of him.” On the next Sunday afternoon Miss Clara, coming home from her mission school, met at the door two very rosy faced young people. “Why, Virginia, where have you heear’ she asked. Tor a long walk." the girl answered, without a shade of embarrassment. After they had parted from young Arnold on the stair Virginia said: “Too see, that silly boy had an idea •tat he was the only good walker in dh house. I think I’ve demonstrated to him this afternoon that there's at least one other person who can make • record at a hike, aa ha calls It I ••D you. Cousin Clara, I took the starch out of him. I set him a pace he eould hardly keep up with.” “1 fancy you are pretty good at Bet •tng a pace," remarked Mite Clara. When one evening that week Virginia said tentatively that the parlor was dreadfully public and noisy for a ■arises game at cards Miss Clara readily consented to invite young Arnold Into their little sitting room for crlb“Tou know. Cousin Clara,” Bald Virginia, "that foolish man prides him-

self on hid ertbbage gqmo. It happens that orlbbage is the one game I’m especially good at. I think It will be wholesome for him to be beaten a few times by a woman.” Perhaps It was. At any rate, young Arnold took his defeat gracefully and Miss Clara, quietly watching the card players, began to feel a sympathy for him. She saw that he was decidedly more Interested In his pretty opponent than he was In the cards, and it suddenly occurred to her that a much more important game than crlbbage was being played. “Virginia,” she said, almost sternly, after their guest had goqe, “don't you think you have trained Mr. Arnold sufficiently? I’m afraid the poor fellow Is getting to like you too well." Virginia’s big blue eyes looked Innocently Into those of Cousin Clara. “Do you object?” she asked. “It Isn’t fair to lead a young man on In that way when you feel toward him as you do toward Mr. Arnold." “I have a very—a very: kindly feeling toward Mr. Arnold,” answered the girl, demurely. “Why, Virginia,” exclaimed Miss Clara, as she gazed with astonishment Into the girl’s blushing face. ‘Why, Virginia! I thought you couldn’t bear him?" “How funny you are, dear Cousin Clara,” returned the girl.— "It’s no wonder you never married —you’re so —so literal!”—-Chicago News.

GAINS OF THE GAMBLERS.

Money Often Cornea Bully Bat Seldom Remains Very Long:. The fact that “no ope wins at gambling” is noted by Mr. Nevill In “Light Come, Light Go,” as by similar historians Even the famous Jack Mytton, whose commendable practice it was to smash all the gambling apparatus and thrash the proprietor of any club where he suspected foul play, had endless disasters with his winnings. He had broken the banka of two well known London hells on one occasion and was driving home with a large sum In notes. ■ While counting these he went to sleep and found on waking that several thousand pounds’ worth of them had been blown out of the window. But then Jack Mytton had an advantage over most modern gamblers In that he was nearly always drunk when he played. I remember myself encountering a man who was just sober enough to pass the janitors at Monte Carlo, who borrowed a louis from me and put It on a number, which of course turned up, a writer In the London Saturday Review says. Having soon won something over £2,000, he consented to depart; an example which, it is needle&s to add, was followed by the £2,000 In the course of the next day or two. An old croupier at Monte Carlo with a marvelous memory for faces told me once that he himself had never seen a big winner who kept his winnings for more than two years. Casanova and d’Entragues once began a game of piquet for franc points with the further understanding that the first man to rise from the table should lose 1,000 francs. The game began at 3 o’clock one afternoon; at 9 o’olOak next morning the pflayers drank some chocolate without stopping play; at 4 o’clock that afternoon they had some soup; at 9 next morning d’Entragues was “so dazed that he could hardly shuffle the cards.” On attempting to drl&k the next bowl of soup d'Entragues fell down In a faint, upon which Casanova “gave half a dozen louis to the croupier” leisurely put the gold he had won In his pockets and strolled out to a chemist’s, where he bought a mild emetic. One famous devotee to hazard 1 left an Injunction In his will that his bones should be made into dice and his skin into covering for the boxes. Another rather grewsome story Is of an execution at the Old Bailey when two men were being hung and a young nobleman won a hundred guineas in a bet “that the shorter of the two would give the last kick.” The Count de Buckeburg’s ride from London to Edinburgh in four days with his face turned toward the horse’s tail makes a good story, a 3 does the wager of Lord Orford, an ancestor of the author’s, that a drove of geese would beat a drove of turkeys In a race from Norwich to London. The geese won by keeping on the road at a steady pace, while the turkeys flew to roost every evening.

Painless Piyments.

Robbie often heard his father complain of customers who were slow pay. “It Is just like pulling- teeth to get money out of them,” the father would say, and Robbie, who had watched the work of the dentist next doer, pitied the poor creditors greatly. One day a miserly customer came In to pay a bill, and the boy gazed sympathetically at the unwilling payer as he slowly and caressingly unfolded each separate banknote and laid It lingeringly on the counter. Suddenly an idea came into Robbie’s head, and he turned excitedly to his father. “Why don't you give him gas, papa? he cried. “Then it won’t hurt him so much.” —Success Magazine.

Texas Court Braves No Delay.

Prosecuting Attorney—Your honor, the bull pup has gone and chawed up the court Bible. Judge—Well, make the witness kiss the bull pup, then. We can’t adjourn oourt for a week jest to hunt up a new Bible.—San Aatonlo Express. Never put off till to-morrow the one thing some other chap will do for you to-day. Don’t expect your friends to pull you out of a hole unless you show some disposition to kelp yourself.

For the Children

Two Pnulei. 1. How long would it take to divide qpmpletely a two-foot block of 4ce by meqps of a piece of wire on which a weight of five pounds hangs? Solution: A block of ice would never be divided completely by a loop of wire on which hangs a five-pound weight. For as the wire works ita way through, the slit closes up by refreezing, and the weight falls to the ground with the wire, leaving the ice still in a single block. 2. Two men, standing on the bank of q broad stream, across which they could not cast their fishing lines, could not agree as to itß width. A bet on the point was offered and accepted, and the question was presently decided for them by an ingenious friend who came along, without any particular appliances for measurement. He stood on the edge of the bank, steadied his chin with one hand, and with the other tilted his cap on his head till its peak just cut the top of the opposite bank. Then, turning round, he stood exactly where the peak cut the level ground behind him, and by stepping to that spot was able to measure a distance equal to the width of the Stream. The Myatery.

Elizabeth and Mary are the most peculiar girls! Elizabeth has braided hair and Mary bobbing curls; But that's the only difference between the happy pair. And when you see ihe swinging braid you know the curls are there. They live across the roadway and they wave a fond "good-night.” And they call across ' good-morning,” . ; at th@ very earliest llght They do their work together and they study and they play. And they have, to see each other at least twenty times a day! They talk and laugh and chatter till you’d think that they had said Every single thing that could be found within a small girl’s head. But when they sleep together after talking all the day They have to wake each other up—they have so much to say! YouHl scarce believe this story, but In all the tongues we speak. Whether French or German, English, Latin, Portuguese or Greek, Sufficient words are lacking, and a language all their own Has this clever pair Invented for their use when all alone! They let me hear it one day, and my brain it simply whirled To hear them glibly saying each unutterable word! Yet they tell me Mary cannot learn a single Latin noun— And Elizabeth In German has been seven times sent down! When I aSk them If they'll kindly clear the matter up for me They simply stand and giggle, and then say, “Why, don’t you see?" I know they think me stupid, though they’re always most polite, And they sometimes come and\en me when they’ve had. a little fight. I see them walking slowly with their heads an Inch apart— I find them In the orchard cutting up an apple tart; I see them making bonfires or a very shaky swing, Apd I fear I sometimes hear them when they’re madly quarreling! But what I really want to know and never can find out Is what on earth that ’couple' has to talk so much about! —George Phillips.

Burled Treaaure. Once upon a time there was a clus ter of cottages on a mountain side, and the people who lived there were so very poor that often they had nothing at all to eat. In the summer the children stayed their hunger on the wild strawberries they found in the valleys. The land whs so fertile that blackberries grew almost as big as plums, and the little people were as busy as the squirrels when autumn came in, storing up nuts for winter use. When these were exhausted and the keen north winds blew in from the sea, they huddled together in the flreless hovels they called their homes, and cried so bitterly with the cold that the sound of their weeping reached a wise old Brownie. Now, the Brownie loved little children better than all the rest of the world, and he did his best to help them ..by whispering into their-frost-bitten ears what fun it would be to run races In the snow. When they did this they were quite warm, but the poor little things were too weak to run about for long, and soon were as cold again as ever. W T hen the frost-bound earth began to soften, the wise old Brownie made up his mind that next winter they should be better off. So he dressed himself up an a gray-haired witch, and, mounting upon a broomstick, rode off to the sunny slops where the

children’s fathers were idling away their time. “If you were to dig that land,” he told pointing down to the fertile valley, “you would come across buried treasure, and be rich men. You could wear fine clothes then, like the men in other villages, and your wives would have brave new gowns, instead of rags.” Then he flew away on his broomstick to a belt of fir-trees, and waited to see what would happen next. At first no one seemed inclined to hunt for the burled treasure; they were* accustomed, you see, to doing just nothing at all. But after a while the wife of one of them, who had overheard what the Brownie said, borrowed a spade and began to dig in the valley, and, not to be outdone, they all followed her example. They dug and dug, but still no treasure appeared; and one day the least dull of them suggested that, as the ground was now so well-prepared, it would do no harm to turn it into a garden. A neighboring farmer, who had often pitied their poverty, generously gave them potatoes and seeds, and soon there was a big market garden where there had been only wild flowers and weeds. So fine were the crops that grew there that when they were taken to market they, fetched a good, price, and though the mountain folk found no buried treasure. When winter came there was gold and silver in the old wives' stockings, and the children were warmly clad. When the Brownie paid them another visit, they greeted him with a storm of howls. “Where is the treasure you spoke of?” they demanded, showing their fists; but the Brownie only chuckled. The fruits of the earth were the treasure that he had thought of, and now that through him the idlers had learnt to be industrious, he was well content. —Chicago News. Birthdays in China. In China all the boys born during the year have their birthday celebrated on the same day, no matter what date the real birthday Is. It is a great occasion, for the Chinese ban ners are hung out and processions take place. How would you like it if all children in this country had their birthdays in the same way, and had one- great big birthday party instead of many little ones?

COULD NOT GET RID OF BOXES.

They Were So Large No One Would Move Them. Once there was a man -who - came irto possession of some boxes. Nothing funny in that? Of course not. Anybody who had a chance to get some nice packing boxes would have been as glad as he was. “They’re big ones,” said the friend who gave them to him, and the recipient laughed happily. “The bigger the better,” he said, merrily. “I’ll send down to the place and get ’em this afternoon." That afternoon he approached a move wagon man and told him he had fourteen packing cases to be moved, and asked what he would charge. The move wagon man took a stub of pencil and made a calculation based upon usual charges of 25 cents a box. and finally agreed to move them for $2.50 as a whole. The box owner then went home and waited for his boxes. At last he called up the place where the boxes had been stored. The owner of the storeroom was angry. He more than intimated that the boxes were in the way and suggested that the owner come down and take them away. The move wagon man had come, seen and departed, shaking his head. The owner then went down to straighten out the matter. He found that the boxes were Indeed large. One was a little fellow eight feet square, while the others could have held a couple of square pianos apiece. They were foreign-built boxes, dovetailed and firm, and built with screws and cleats and plainly intended to remain boxes.

“This ain’t no lumber yard,” suggested the man who had the storeroom. “You’ll have to get ’em out this afternoon. I need the room.” Then the owner worked the telephone frantically in search of a purchaser., By 4 o’clock three people had called, looked at the boxes and taken fright. They were very large boxes. By 5 o’clock the owner was trying to give the boxes away. One man agreed to \ake them,"and he was happy until the man called up and. remarking that he .didn’t bargain to remove houses, threw up the job. At 6 o’clock he nearly had a fight with the owner of the storeroom, and It ended in the box owner hiring a negro at 50 cents an hour to make lumber of the boxes, and hiring a move wagon at $2 a trip to haul the lumber away. When he came to analyze the situation he found he had bought $3 worth of second-hand, nail-studded lumber of odd sizes, and had paid $4.50 for it.

When the Trouble Begun.

“A couple,” said Mrs. Simpkins, "got married a few days ago after a courtship which had lasted fifty years.” “I suppose,” replied Mr. Simpkins, “the poor old man had become too feeble to hold out any longer.”—illustrated Bits.

Sad Work.

“I see where a man who never ed Is dead.” “What business was he in?" “H§ wrote ragtime music.” ~ “Ah! That explains a great deal.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. T"~" ' ■ 'J. ■ ■ It’s difficult to arouse a man’s enthusiasm by showing him a photograph of himself when a babf.

Smiles of The Day

Something; S-<*ll. Mr. Blgheart—Wiggins, old hoy, we have raised SSO to geft the boss a present, and we want something that will make a show for the money—something that will look big, you know. Can’t you suggest something? Wiggins—Sure. Buy S6O worth of rice and boll It.—Men and Women. Apply Later. Rector —Can I see the master of the house? Husband- —Just wait a few minuteß. Me and the old girl’s In the middle of settling that question.—London Opinion. •‘A Cool explanation. Father —What makes you so extravagant with my money, sir? Son —Well, dad, I thought you wouldn’t like to spend It yourself after working so hard for it.—Boston Transcript. Hon They Love Each Other.

He—l got an awful fright when I was married. She —Yes, you’re right, she’s no beauty.

A Horse on Sandy. Mrs. McTavlsh (to her husband, who Is off to the fair to purchase a horse) —How much are ye going tae give for him, Donal? Mr. Tavish—Och; about thirty shillin’. Why? Mrs. McTavlsh —Weel, here’s anither twa shillin’. You mlcht as weel get a §uid one! —London Opinion. Ready With an Answer. “Queer habit Miss Passay has when you’re talking to her.” “Why? Doesn’t she listen?" “Gh,~yes, very attentively, but she keeps nodding her head and Interjecting ‘yes,’ ‘yes,’ all the time.” . "I think she has fallen Into that habit waiting for some man to propose.”— Catholic Standard and Times. Football. “Tear into ’em! Tear ’em np! Eat ’em alive, boys! Chew up that line! Eat ’am up!” yells the coach. “Raw, raw, raw!” yell the boys in the bleachers. “Mercy!” remarked the lady missionary from Abyssinia. “Is this a cannibal country, too?"—University of Minnesota Minnehaha. Those Batch Windmills. Tourist —I suppose, my good man, that mill has ground out your living for a good many years? Gentleman of Marken—Bless you, no. The old shack hasn’t run for twenty years. I make a better living renting It as a model to American artists.—Judge. Didn’t Look Fit. Patience—And were you sick cross ing the ocean, deaj? Patrice—Oh, dreadfully sick! “And did you see the doctor?” "Oh, any, no, I was too sick to see anybody!"—honkers Statesman. Small Chance for & Qnarrcl,

The Excited One—ls I thought for a minute you meant that, I’d slap your face. The Calm One —Then yoifll never find hut whether I mean it. The Excited One—Why? The Calm One —Because you never think for a minute. Suffragette Society. “We must call on the countess next.” “But the countess is in jail.” “Well, one must not neglect .one's social duties. Let us drive around to the jail and leave cards.”—Louisville Courier-Journal. « Sometime*. Miss Blltheley (interested In science)^ —Can one get a shock from a telephone? The Professor—That depends, my dear young lady, on who Is talking at the other end. —M. A. P. *T‘ The Man Lower .Dows, : "The beef trust doesn't worry me any.” * “What then is your worry?” “The marketman who won’t trust.”— Boston Herald.

Conld Be Cfiangn*. “Yea,” she said, and her vote* wan! firm, “my hair Is naturally black and; I’m not ashamed of it, and I don't cars’ who knows it.” The young man nodded. “It is best to be honest,” he murmured. “Do you like black hair?” she asked him. ; “Pretty well,” he answered. “There are other tints,” she hastily said. “Some people like other tints. I’ve tried to give you my honest and unalterable views on the subject—.but, of course, they can be changed.”— Cleveland Plain Dealer. Interruptions. “What sort of a time did you have at the musical?’’ “It was rather disconnected,” replied Miss Cayenne. “Whenever I got Interested In the conversation the music would start, and whenever I got Interested in the music somebody would begin to talk.”—Washington Star. j. . . —-i, -, i , An Embryo Emancipator. A little miss riding on a Brooklyn trolley car the other day tendered the conductor half fare. “How old are you, little girl?” he queried, gingerly handling her fare. She pursed her lips for a moment, then calmly opened her purse, dropped two more pennies into the conductor’s extended palm, snapped her purse and demurely said: “You have your fare, sir; my statistics are my own!"— Brooklyn Life. The Polite Walter. “Waiter! I’ve wanted an hour for my order to be served!” “Thank you, sir. AlloV me to compliment you on your rare Cleveland Leader. Plain Prediction. “The girl I marry will have to be possessed of a lot of common sense.” “But the girl you marry won’t be.” —St. Louis Star. Something for Granted. He —I dreamed last night I proposed to a pretty girl. She—And what was my answer?— Comic Cuts. The Englldimtn’a Pipe. She—l Chink it’s awfully nice of you to have erected a nionument to your grandfather in the middle of your lake, Sir George. He —Yes, you see I had to have something to knock my pipe out on when skating.—Lustlge Blatter. An Embnrrualng Moment.

Manager—The crowd In front Is calling for the author. Star —That’s nice. Manager—Don’t think it. The house is packed with his creditors. Efficacious. Friend—What? You don’t mean to say you saved the lives of those freezing men by mental treatment? Explorer—Yes, Indeed. We persuaded them that they were watcVi/.g one of the early season’s ball games. • A Natural Question. “How long have you been married?” “This time, or altogether?”—Detroit Free Press. He Knew. Mr. Frost—Who was it that said, “Peace, perfect peace?” Frost—Some one whose telephone was out of order. —Modern Society. Accurate, Though Ungrammatical. “What’s a tight-wad?” “An old man with a lot of money that he doesn’t see why he should give to a lot of relatives who have never earned it.” Almost. Foreigner—But is the English language capable of expressing anything? Native—Certainly. Look at the names on our Pullman cars! Subtraction. “Now, in order to subtract,” the teacher explained, “things have always to be of the same denomination. For Instance, we couldn’t take three apples from four pears, nor six horses from nine hogs.” “Teacher,” shouted a small boy, “can’t you take four quarts of milk from three cows?” —Jewish Ledger. ’When the Good Man Dleth. Murphy—Poor O’Reilly is dead. And a good old soul he was. * Casey—Yls, and a thoughtful wan. too. Shure, before he died he called all his creditors to him and told thim where they could borrow enough to cover what he owed thim.—Brooklyn Life. Self-Victimised. “So you got that article you were bidding on at the auction?” “Yes,” answered Mrs. Snapper. “Isn’t It provoking? I was merely trying to run the pries up on th«< other woman.”—Washington Star. Not Aar Sometime*. “You should not always be knocking people.” ' ‘Tin not; I’m merely telling the truth about them.” “Well, what's the differenceT”—Houston Post. -s' -