Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 59, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 March 1910 — GOOD SHORT STORIES [ARTICLE]

GOOD SHORT STORIES

The teacher had been telling the class about the rhinoceros family. "Now, name some things,” said she, “that are very dangerous to get near to, and that have horns.” “Automobiles!” replied little Jennie Jones, promptly. Two ladies, previously unacquainted, were conversing at a reception. After a few conventional remarks the younger exclaimed: “I cannot think what has upset that tall blonde man over there. He was so attentive a little while ago, but he won’t look at me now.” “Perhaps,” said the other, “he saw me come in. He’s my husband!” John Smith had worked for the corporation for forty-odd years, and decided to quit. The company, in Consideration of his long and faithful service, arranged to give him a monetary recognition. The superintendent of the works, a German and an extra good mechanic, was asked to present It. He was advised to ÜBe a little sentiment In making the presentation speech, and this is the way he did it: ’’John, you haff work 'for tlje company over forty yehrs?” “Yes.” “You are going to quit?” “Yes.” “Veil! They are so glad of It they asked me to hand yob this hundred dollars:”

A religious worker was visiting a Southern penitentiary, Vhen one prisoner in some way took his fancy. „ This prisoner was. a negro, who evinced a religious fervor as deep as it was gratifying to the caller. “Of what were you accused?” the prisoner was asked. “Dey says I took a watch,” answered the negro. “I made a good fight. I a dandy lawyer, an’ he done prove an alibi wif ten witnesses. Den my lawyer he shore made a strong speech to de jury. But it wa’n’t no use, sar; I gets ten years.” “I don’t see why you were not acquitted,” said the religious worker. “Well, sah,” explained . the prisoner, “dere was shore one weak spot ’bout my defense —dey found watch In my pocket.”' Lord Charles Beresford Is devoid ol any suspicion of “side” or nonsense. At the close of one of Lord Charles’ meetings at York, at the time he was wooing that constituency, a solemn and sedate old clergyman who had been seated on the platform came up to the candidate and said, with much grayity: “Allow me, Lord Charles, the" pleasure of shaking hands with you. I had the honor of being confirmed, many years ago, by your respeetdd uncle, the primate of all" Ireland.” Lord Charles Instantly shouted In stentorian tones to his brother, who was near the door at the other end df the hall: “Bill! Bill! Here’s a parson who says he was confirmed by old Uncle John; come up here and have a talk with him!” 1 When the bishop of Truro, Dr. Gott, was dean of Worcester, his absentmindedness was so notorious that he earned for himself the sobriquet of “Dean For-gott.” On one occasion he had Invited some friends to dine with him; on their arrival a short time before the dinner hour he suggested that In the Interval of waiting his friends would perhaps like to walk through the grounds. After spending about a quarter of an hour in admiring the flowers, shrubs and greenhouses, they suddenly came upon a door In the garden wall. “Ah!” said the dean to his astonished guests, “this will be a much nearer way for you to go home than by going back to the front.” And, all unconscious of his invitation, he opened the door and bowed them out.