Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 50, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 February 1910 — Page 3

GOOD SHORT STORIES

At a fire recently a brave fireman came gasping and panting from the .burning building with his beard and eyebrows singed in the flames. Under one arm he carried a small but heavy box, wnlch he deposited in a place of safety with the air of a man who had saved a box of government bonds from destruction. On opening the box it was found to'contain six bottles of a new patent fire extinguisher. Not long ago a party of statesmen — 'it seems fashionable to call them that • —were down in Porto Rico. Congressman J. R. Mann, of Illinois, was one of the lot. Not long after they landed I* native came up to Mann. “Mighty glad to meet you, sir," said he. “I’ve read every one of your speeches in the House.” “Great Scott!” broke in VicePresident -Sherman, “I’m glad to meet you. You must be the busiest man in the West Indies.”

A certain sergeant was drilling a ■dozen recruits and after a few days’ drilling and teaching he found that 'he had not made any impression on ‘them whatever. He decided to tell jthem a tale, which - ran as follows I was a boy my mother bought me a dozen wood soldiers, which I 'drilled and tried to instruct, but without any result, of course. Then I lost them one by one, and now I have found you again, you wooden duffers!” A recent order prohibits gainbling among the enlisted men stationed at 'West Point. An old negro sergeant of a regiment recently sent there suggested a game of craps soon after his arrival, He was informed of the rale, ,and, violently protesting, went to see the captain about it. With some show of heat, he began, "Cap’n, ah under'stan’ gamblin’ ain’t ’lowed here no imo’.” “That’s correct,” said the. officer. “Well, sah, dat’s an injustice to j enlisted men, sah, 'cause I’se got a j large family to suppo’t.” A city man went into the country for the summer. He found a modeldairy farmer was one of his neighbors. He went to the farm after milk, and von the way saw a herd of sleek, welljfed, and clean cows. Much encouraged, he approached the manager. “My servant will come to you each morning for three quarts of milk,” he said. “AU .right; it will be eight cents a quart.’’ “And I want your best milk,” added the city map. “Ten cents a .quart,” said the dairyman. “Thatfs all right,” .said; the city customer. “So long as imy servant can see your man milk the cow, that price will be all right." “Fifteen cents a quart” from the dairyman broke oft negotiations. While Henry day was a Senator, a resolution, in accordance with a sometime custom, was introduced into the Kentucky House of Representatives instructing the Senators from that State to vote in favor of a certain bill then pending in Congress. The resolution was in the act of passing without opposition, when a hitherto silent member from one of the mountain counties, springing to his feet, exclaimed: “Mr. Speaker, am I to understand that this Legislature is undertaking to tell Henry Clay how to vote?” The Speaker answered that such was the purport of the resolution. At which the member from the mountains, throwing up his arms, exclaimed,“Great God!” and sank into his seat. It is almost needless to add that the resolution was immediately rejected by unanimous vote.

LONNY AND AMANDA.

The Pieces in the Paper Got Her “Real Riled Up.” Lonny Lamkin is a kindly, simple, blundering fellow, who was always in difficulties until Amanda Brown, the most capable spinster in the village, compassionately took him in hand and married him. Not long ago Lonny, with an obvious cloud on his usually beaming countenance, dropped into the office of the Norley Bugle. “Hello, Lon!” his friend, the editor, greeted him. “How’s things with you?”

Loony gazed at him gravely. "I’ve come," he announced, "to remonptrate. You been sayin’ things in your paper I don’t like. Nor Amanda don’t like ’em. Fool things about ■what women can’t do and ain’t fit for, and oughtn’t to be allowed to meddle with, and pokin’ fun at ’em for talkin’ up rights an’ votes an’ sech. That piece last Sat’d’y—-well, Amanda was reel riled.’’ s “O-o-oh!” whistled the editor. “So Amanda is a suffragette; I might have guessed it!” “Then you’d ha’ guessed wrong,” said Lonny. "She ain’t—yet; but you’re making her one. Tellin’ women what they ain’t good for—my! my! Grindin’ in their disabilities! Lecturin’ ’em on their Incapacity! Land o’ Goshen, man, don’t you know ■better’n that? You got Amanda so stirred up, hanged if I’d be surprised es she got together a posse o’ women ’lection day, an’ jest turned in an’ voted out o’ spite!’’ “Oh, come now!” protested the editor. "Even Amanda couldn't quite do that. The law would have a word to say.” 'J “Mebbe ’twould,” rejoined Lonny, "but when it comes to sayin’ words, what’s law agin a lady?*' - 7 - » "Thay san talk, all right.” agreed

the editor. “It’s when it comes to affairs that— ’’ He paused, looked long at Lonny with a speculative eye, and added, in a changed tone, “Say, Lon, what’s your objections to Amanda’s 'votin’, anyway? I’d most ha’ thought you’d ha’ bhen in favor.” "Certainly not,” said Lonny, in dignified surprise. “Woman’s sphere is the home; if 'twa’n’t, where would man’s be? Women —they’re nat'rally sech master hands for runnln’ things, they’d be runnln’ everythin’ there is to run, once let ’em git a start. “I want my wife should be modest an* retirin’ an’ domestic; not kitin’ off to manage politics, when her rightful place is. to home by her own fireside, managin' me. No, sir! An’ here you got her so stirred up she forglts half her liome juties, an’ don’t keep the books, nor tend the telephone, nor write my letters, nor help me a mite with the business! Customers are complainin’, an’ things are in a fair way to go 10- rack an’ ruin. So it comes down to this—“l- atop my paper, or you stop your fool twittin’ an’ teasin’, an’ leave, Amanda be to ca’m down.” “All right, Lonny,” assented the editor, mildly. “Anything to oblige. Guess you forget, though, ’twas your wife’s subscription; and we’ve had no complaint from her. Editorially speaking, Amanda is the one that’s kept ca’m." —Youth's Companion.

An Ingenious Philanthropist.

After the Civil War ( many freedmen were sent from the Southerk states to the North to find employment, and exactly how to aid them was often quite a difficult problem. In one case, for example, a Boston clergyman found himself responsible for the welfare of thirty negro women, coming by boat from Virginia. Time, was passing, and he did not know where he could put them. On the day before the steamer was due he chanced to meet the late Rev. Dr. Edward Everett Hale on the steeet To him he told his story. Dr. Hale looked puzzled. “I’m sure I don’t know what to suggest,” he said. "I could give you five dollars, but that wouldn’t do much good. Let me think.” Finally this scheme was evolved. It was decided to insert an advertisement in one of the local newspapers to the effect that thirty cooks were coming from Virginia. Dr. Hale, who doubtless was aware of the domestic troubles of the Boston ladies, went away smiling, and the other posted off to the office of the Transcript. The next day Mr. Hale left town foe his summer vacation, and it was not till fair that he heard the outcome of his experiment. On his return he found a letter from the clergyman awaiting him. “Thirty carriages came to the wharf when the boat came in,” it said, “and all the cooks are satisfactory.”

Uncertain What Was Wrong.

A nervous little man stepped briskly into a jewelry store with a. mediumsized clock under his wing. He placed the chronometer on the counter, turned the hands around to about one minute of 12 o’clock, and told the expert behind the counter to listen. “It keeps perfect time,” the customer said, “but I want to find out if you notice anything wrong with the way it strikes.” The jeweler listened. “There’s nothing wrong,” he replied, with a grin, after the clock had struck, “except that she strikes thirteen instead of twelve. That can easily be remedied.” The customer looked as relieved as if he'd just awakened from a bad dream.

“That’s just what I’ve always thought ever since we’ve had the clock,” he burst forth. “I’ve always felt sure It struck thirteen. But no one else in the family ever spoke of it, and I was afraid to say anything about it for fear there was something wrong with my own works. Well, it’s worth the price of having the thing repaired just to find out I was right.”

Great Forests.

Canada owns a forest larger in area than the whole of England, Scotland and Wales all put together. The greatest length of Britain is 608 miles, and its greatest width 325 miles, while a Canadian forest in the Hudson bay and Labrador region is 1,000 by 1,700 miles in extent. Another big forest stretches from Alaska to Washington State. The Amazon basin, South America, comprises about 2,100 by 1,300 miles of a forest, while Central Africa has a forest region 3,000 miles from north to south and of unknown width from east to west, and the pine, larch and cedar forests of Siberia are 3,000' by 1,000 miles In extent.

Doing Very Well.

“How’s your eon making Out in business?” asked the first capitalist. “Very well indeed,” replied ths other; "he’s got a quarter of a mil’ lion." “Why. you started him with a million, didn’t you?” “Yes, and it's two months now sines he started operations in Wall street.* —Catholic Standard and Times.

Chicago Triolet.

He lives by his pen. And his profits are big. They shouldn’t be when He lives by his pen; I admit it. But then He raises the pig; He lives by his pen. And his profits are big. —Puck.

Verily.

Tyro—lsn’t billiards rather an expen* sive game? Oldsport—Yes; it’s costing us all the elephants there are in the world.

Topics of the Times

Ozone ventilating machines are now common in many large buildings. Six hundred workmen were killed at their labors in Chicago last year. The source of the world’s clove supply is Zanzibar and the neighboring island of Pemba. J. H. Hale, of Georgia, the “Peach King,” has 350,000 trees in his southern orchards alone. The world’s consumption of gold in the arts and industries in 1907 amounted to 1135,000,000.

The caribou of Alaska travel north every year in large herds. Some say that these droves number one thousand. The electrification of the street railwayg of -Rip development of the hydro-electric power system of that city is progressing rapidly. The coining value of silver produced from the mines of the world since 1492 is practically equal to that of the gold produced in that period—--113,000,000,000. The forest service has turned three hundred Angora goats, loose on mountain slopes in Western States, as an experiment to keep the weeds from the fire breaks.

To sum up in percentage the six leading cereals show a yield of 7.6 per cent, greater than last year, and only 4 per cent below the sum of the record years in each.

Mining has always been the traditional Industry of Mexico because of the rapidity with which fortunes were made. The recent depressions in this industry have brought agriculture to the fore.

Public one of the first newspapers ever published in America, never got beyond its initial issue. It appeared in Boston, Sept.' 25, 1690. It contained a promise to publish in its next issue the names of all the liars in Boston, and the authorities, taking cognizance of the threat,, wisely forbade the publication. The megaphone has been used at some western army posts for the purpose of amplifying the volume of the bugle, where it is desired that the calls shall be heard at a distance greater than the sound will carry under ordinary circumstances. The notes of the horn may be distinguished easily at almost incredible reaches in this manner.

Apparently it pays not to be cruel to horses in Chicago. A teamster who admitted abandoning his horses for six hours on a recent stormy day was fined ?50 by a magistrate. The humane society prosecuted the case vigorously and promised to report the matter to the driver’s employers. Presumably he will lose his job, as he was unable to pay the fine and will have to serve a jail term.

Su Teh-fa, a faithful old colporteur in Manchuria, died recently after more than twenty years’ splendid service in the employment of the British and Foreign Bible Society. Altogether he must have sold fully 100,000 copies of the Scriptures, and has perhaps done more than any other individual Chinese for the evangelization of his coqntry. Originally he had been a devotee of the goddess of mercy.

A system of forced ventilation is to be tried on the street cars of Chicago. Several fresh air intakes are cut through the floor under the seats and at other convenient points, and before entering the car it passes over electric heaters, so that it is tempered or heated as desired. The vehicle is fitted with a double ceiling and the lower one has a number of outlets for the vitiated air, but all openings are arranged so that there is no possibility of experiencing a draft in any part of the cars.

The police “third degree,” so frequently used by New York’s detective force in cases where prisoners do not know their rights, has fallen under the ban of the highest court of the State of Washington. That tribunal has bet aside a conviction in a felony case where it was proved that a material witness, under a threat of a prosecuting officer, testified as he suggested. The court holds that “it is tar better that criminals should escape punishment than that the courts should condone such proceedings.”

CHARLESTON THE CLEANLY.

Hren the Buitarda Assist In Keeping Things Picked Up. “The coat of arms of Charleston should contain a broom, an antique and a relief of John C. Calhoun. To speak concisely," says a writer in the Taylor-Trotwood Magazine, “the city may be described as the city cleanly, historic and loyal to its greatest son. “It is Charleston’s badge of honor to clean up, and with characteristic zeal she fell to after the war and again after the earthquake of 1898. Few mementos of either event are to-day visible. '‘Where but in cleanly Charleston would the detested buzzards be welcome? Yet here they are undisturbed in the street by the market, eagerly making away with the refuse that may be thrown out. Verily they are typical Charlestonians and should elect their representatives to sit with the city fathers. "Statues are scarce in Charleston, and hence the more impressive. Let

m turn now to the one heroic figure in jihe city, erected to commemorate the life and deeds of Charleston’s most illustrious son—John Caldwell Calhoun, Surmounting a lofty, fluted column, mounted on a massive pedestal, stands the great statue of a greater man.

“South Carolina and Charleston are justly proud of their able citizen, and largely through the efforts of the women of the state this memorial was erected several years ago. It stands on the most impressive site that could have been selected—the spacious Marlon or Citadel square, named in turn for General Francis Marlon of the revolution and from the citadel or military academy that bounds it on the north.

“The latter was at one time a to: bacco inspection plant, but in the early part of the last century was transformed into a citadel and later into a military school, with the students as garrison officers. The square in_ front affords an Ideal parade ground.

“What an opportunity for accumulation of rubbish and filth this square presents! And one dreads to venture the thought of what it might degenerate into in a city less particular than the cleanly Charleston. Not a newspaper blows hither and yon across its face, not a tree on its borders but is trimmed and tidy, new. Even the walks themselves seem to have been freshly swept each morning. ‘Charleston’s first pride is in her churches. To the traveler by sea their pointed spires can be seen from far down the bay, beckoning a welcome to a hospitable city. St. Philip’s and St. Michael’s are the two most in evidence. Why, they were built alike! “Not quite, but near enough to confuse the visitor of a day. The fame of St. Michael’s was spread from ocean to ocean largely through that little poem by Mary A. P. Stansbury, ‘How He Saved St. Michael’s,' which recounts the story of a slave that earned his freedom by tearing from the steeple a burning brand that had somehow lodged there, and thus saved the beloved old church. ’Twas St. Philip’s where the incident happened, but the poem has it St. Michael’s, and to St. Michael’s will the crowd surge so long as a lie will travel more swiftly than the truth.”

THE “FUN.”

New Girl Conldn’t Rear to Be Ashamed of Herself. Sadie Morrison’s fingers were darting back and forth over the trays of chocolates before her, but her elbow gave Katie Rocos a sharp nudge. Katie was “new.” She had been a candy packer only three days—new, and as yet despairingly slow and clumsy. Sadie nodded and pushed an empty box over to her. "Look Inside,” she whispered. Katie looked curiously. On the bottom of the box was scrawlerf: Sadie Morrison, 341 Cherry Street, Philadelphia. Please write. Katie stared at Sadie in perplexity. “I got six written while old Tompkins was down at the other end of the rqom,” Sadie declared, gleefully. "I’ll lend you my pencil if you want, but you’ll have |o be awful quick. You’d get fired if you were caught? I’ll do it for you if you want.” “But I don’t understand,” Katie said. Sadie snatched back the box and dexterously covered the bottom with the candies. “You are green, ain’t you?" she retorted, with amusement. “I’ll tell you at noon. My, but you’re slow this morning. Here, put these on your pile—l can make them up.” She pushed across three full boxes, and the two worked on till noon. At the sound of the whistle Sadie slipped from her stool, put her arm around Katie and whirled her off. "You putjsour name and address in the bottom of the box,” she explained, “and then sometimes fellows write. That’s the way Mae Brown got acquainted with Charley Slater. You should see the things he’s given her! Of course it’s only once in a while anybody gets an answer, but it’s awfully exciting. There are some of the girls—Mary Burnett’s kind—that are too prim and stuck-up. They say it’s dangerous, but I guess a girl knows how to freeze out a fellow if he isn’t the right sort. I can’t see any' use in being such a fuss. We call all girls that won’t do it the ‘fussy Marys.’" Katie’s small, pale face looked straight ahead. It seemed to have grown smaller and paler. She knew Mary Burnett by sight, and knew how she seemed to be “out of" things, but—"l guess I’ll have to be a ‘fussy Mary,’ top,” she said. Sadie turned in astonishment. "Well, that’s one on me!” she declared. "I always said I cpuld tell a fussy as soon as I could see one. Say,” she added, curiously, “what makes you, anyway? You will miss all the fun." Katie shook her head. She did not guess how great a thing she was saying as she stumbled over the words. ‘‘l guess it’s something in me—l can’t. I’d be ashamed some way. And I can't be ashamed of myself—l’d rather do without the ‘fun.’’’. “Well!” Sadie Morrison exclaimed.

An Eye to Safety.

Living Skeleton (president oi Freaks’ Secret Society)—Our organization, ladies and gentlemen, is about perfected. It will be necessary, however, to elect a treasurer. Who shall it be? Chorus of Members—The legless wonder! * With shifting scenes-, many a pretended friend shows up as an enemy.

BELMONTE PICENO FIND.

Prof. Delloaao’S Discovery, While Valuable, la Damaged Badly. The more detailed reports furnished by Prof. Dellosso on the tomb which he had discovered in Belmonte Plceno is a little disappointing, as it reveals a fact which he omitted to mention in his first telegram—namely, that the objects found were in a very damaged condition. Although, with the exception of there being no golj ornaments, the tomb was almost as rich in contents as the famous Etruscan tombs of Palestrina and Cervetri, the bronze vessels and other objects were for the most part broken or badly crushed by the weight of the earth fallen upon therm However, even so, the Rome correspondent of the London Times says, the find is of very considerable interest.

Xf will be possible to put together the complete remains of five bigoe, of each of which have been found the antyx, the frame,- the circles of the wheels and the spokes, all in hollow bronze. One of them, smaller than the other four, seems to have been of a highly ornamental character. A very curious cuirass was found, the breastplate and backplate of leather covered with thin bronze plates and attached to each other with bronze shoulder fastenings. Four helmets, greaves for the legs and nine lances, with some short swords in their sheaths —the latter of wood, which has disappeared almost entirely—complete the armor, which is in very fair coalition of preseravtion. The tomb must have been of some chieftain, as traces of only one skeleton have been found. Prof. Dellosso is inclined to date it about the seventh century B. C.« It was, of course, to be expected that all the wooden parts of the chariots and arms should have gone to powder, and, fortunately, it would seem that in their case there will be little difficulty in putting the bronze remains in place again. But it is most unlucky that the bronze vessels, some of which seem to be of a very rare form, should have been so broken and crushed. The fragments, of which there are a very large number, indicate very fine workmanship and a civilization on the coast of the Adriatic fully as advanced as that on the coast of Greece.

SAID BY THE YOUNG BROTHER.

Jamie Had Taken to Heart Story Told by Hia Elder a. Little Jamie was very sore that his beloved sister should neglect him for a young man, who held her hand for an hour at a time, while Jie himself was .banished to tie hall—whence, however, he watched through a crack! One evening at dinner Uncle Joe told a funny story. Here it is: “A workingman reproached his wife for letting her neighbor inconvenience her by borrowing her washtub when she (its owner) needed it herself. '

“ ‘I can’t help it,’ replied his spouse, ‘Mrs. Brown isn’t a woman you can say “no” to.’ t ; “ ‘l’ll say “no” to her,’ quoth the man, valiantly. "But when he saw Mrs. Brown’s sour face his heart sank. Still, his wife being behind him, he must show his manhood. So he stammered rapidly:

‘“We—we can’t lend you the loan of our washtub. In the first place, we haven’t got one. And the bottom of it is out, and we—we’re just going to use it ourselves.””

Jamie pondered, while the grownups laughed. Soon after came the ring at the doorbell he had grown to hate. He ran to meet the young man. Pushing his sister back, he cried: “You can’t see our Mary. In the first place she hasn’t been born —and she’s gone out —and —and —l’m holding her hand myself.”

The Young Idea.

An East Orange teacher contributes some bright things by her pupils. Marcus, about seven years old, was reported as saying a bad word. His teacher asked him about it. He said, "I didn’t mean to; my mouth slipped.” One child wrote, “Niagara runs with the force of 16,000 horse powders.” Another reported, ‘There was a fierce crowd on the Mayflower.” In a sewing class of little girls the talk got around to marriage. One of the children said, “I am not going to get married; taxes are too high.”— Newark News.

A Choice of Calves.

The difficulties the early Virginian colonists had with their live stock la curiously illustrated by the fact that in the colony of Massachusetts Bay a red calf was cheaper than a black one. experience having shown that the former was more likely to be attacked by wolves, owing, it was thought, to the wolves mistaking it for a deer.

San Marino.

San Marino, the smallest independent state in the world, has two joint presidents—a nobleman and a peasant —who are elected every six mouths. The state is without taxes. For five years there has been no pslsoner in the only jail.

Two Friends Fall Out.

Adam Zawfox—They say Rockefeller’s Income is >24,000,090 a year. Wot’d you do if you had all that money ? Job Sturky—Gosh! I know wok I’d do with part of ft. I’d treat you to a Turkish bath! - 1 (They fight.)—Chicago Tribune.

If you would know just what people say of you behind your back, listen to what they say of others. ; When a man lacks nerve he is apt to think he is discreet.

WHY THEY GIGGLED.

“Why girls giggle” has been made the subject of many inquiries. The ultimate reason is not yet known, but investigators hope for a solution some time. Meanwhile, the following, from the New York Evening Sun, may throw some light upon the mystery. Two young ladies were standing in front of the window of a dry goods store. “Tee-hee-hee!” giggled the first young lady. “Tee-hee-hee!” giggled the second young lady. “What on earth are you laughing at?” “Tee-hee-hee!” giggled the first. “It’s that —O dear!—it’s that man —tee-hee-hee! —behind the ribbon counter — Grrh! —in here! Oh, tee-hee-hee! On, ■tee-hee-hee!”

“Oh, tee-hee-hee! What’s he— Oh. tee-hfee-hee! What’s he been doing now?” —“lt’s—Oh, tqe-hechee! It’s t— y. hee-hee! —it’s the way he says good ihorning. O dear, O dear, O dear, I just know I shall die!” And as the fear of imminent doom laid hold of her she snorted into her handkerchief with such a merry emphasis that they both nearly died, but after a terrible struggle each one succeeded in straightening her face, and they entered the store and made for the ribbon counter as solemn as any judges, but somewhat more red in the face. “Good morning!" said the ribbon clerk. “Grrrrrh!” choked the first young lady.

“Grrrrrh!” choked the second young lady. The ribbon clerk had the pale voice and the feeble face of a man grown gray in the service of pleasing the ladies, but aside from that he was not quite so productive of merriment as the Pyramids. “Grrrrh!" choked the first young lady. , “Grrrrh!” choked the second Young lady. “Tee-hee-hee!” exploded the first young lady. “Tee-hee-hee!” exploded the second young lady. And turning suddenly away, the two little madams shook their shoulders as if with the ague, and every time either one stole a glance at the other there were such paroxysms of mirth as never were before on land or sea. “I want —” said the first young lady, turning round at last. “Oh, tee-hee-hee!” burst out the second young lady.

*Oh, tee-hee-hee!” burst out the first. “I—l want—’’ “Oh, tee-hee-hee!” gasped the other. Oh-oh-oh, tee-hee-hee!” “I want,” began the first young lady, “half a yard of —” “Grrrrh!" snorted the second young lady. “Grrh!" snorted the first. “Oh, tee-hee-hee!” giggled the second young lady, with vigor refreshed. “Oh, tee-hee-hee!” giggled the first. And as they weakly helped each other from the store, their handkerchiefs crushed to their faces, tottering, exploding, snorting, and weaving the richest designs of mirth with their shoulders and the backs of their heads, an old philosopher looked over from across the street and sadly said to himself: "I see I was wrong, for some of them have a sense of humor, after all.’* —Youth’s Companion.

English Justice.

The reader will find in Dr. Gordon Hake's “Memoirs of Eighty Years,” an anecdote related of Lord Bloomfield, bishop of London about 100 years ago, in which is to be seen a striking trait of the British character. Imprisonment for debt was not in accordance with the bishop’s sense of right. He would not yield his principles even when he was in Italy, where he could not be held responsible for the laws. I was told by one of the family a singular anecdote of the bishop, writes Dr.'Hake. When he was In Rome he was Invited to a banquet by the cardinals, and while the company gathered he learned accidentally that the dining hall was over the debtor’s prison. His anger at once burst forth and knew no bounds. He, a prelate of the Church of England, was Insulted. He had been asked to dine over the heads of those wretched prisoners, who, during the feast, would be pining in their narrow cells! > His hosts naturally exjflained that such an affront was not intended by them; but he was not to be pacified. At last his course was determined on. He would remain where he was until a full list of all the prisoners’ debts was brought to him. . For this he waited sulkily, and when it arrived he wrote a check for the entire amount. The prison doors were opened and he sat down. —■ -

Her References.

She was large and black and looked as if she could cook and wasn’t afraid of work. So the lady of the house was about to hire her when she decided to apply the final and acid test. "Have you any references?" she demanded. "Naw, miss,” chuckled the applicant, “1. ain't got nuthin’ but a ole trunk and er sachel.”—Uncle Remus’ Home Magazine.

Herring Taken by the Billion.

Three billion herripg are caught •very year out of the North sea and Atlantis alone, to say nothing of the rest of the world.