Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 27, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 February 1910 — FLASHES OF FUN [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

FLASHES OF FUN

She (reading)—And so they were married and that was the last of their troubles. Him (sotto voce) Last, but not least!^—Cleveland Leader. “That man has broken more records than anyone else I ever heard of.” “A runner?” “No; he owns a grapho-phone.”-*-Stanford University Chaparral. highland Ferryman (during momentary lull in the storm)—l'm thenkin’, sir, I’ll just tak yer fare; no sayin' what micht happen the us. — Punch. » Teacher—B-a-i-t; what does that spell? Tommie—Don't know, ma'am. Teacher—Why, what do you catch fish with? Tommy—Oh, worms!—Yonkers Statesman. “It seems to me that I have seen you before.” “You have, my iord. 1 used to give your daughter singing lessons.” “Twenty years.”—Cassell’s Saturday Journal. "I haye a chance to marry an old man who has lots of money.” “Why don’t you?" “He hasn’t any bad habits, and comes of a long-lived family.” —Chicago Record-Herald. “I'll work no more for that man Dolan.” “An' why?” “Shure. ’tis on account av a remark he made.” “An’ pliwat was that?” “Says he, ‘Casey,’ says he, ‘ye’re discharged.’ ” * The Lady—My 'usband, sir, ’as seffT’ me to say ’e won’t be able to conyfe and do the little job you arst 'imAo; ’e's promised to go round the_t@wn with the M. A. P. Mrs. Grarnefcy— I feel so wretched, I found hair on the suit my husband wore last summer. Mrs. Park Don’t worry, dear. If you remember, your hair was dark last year.—Lippincott’s. An automobile enthusiast proposes the building.of a motor road from the Atlantic to the Pacific, with roadhouses and garages every fivp miles. Why omit hospitals?—New York Evening Post. “Gee!” said the observing small boy, “when I grow up I’m going after a political job.” “What for?” asked the man. “So’s I can go to the ball games every afternoon,” he replied.—Detroit Free Press. Conceited Bridge Player—Come here and sit by me, Kittie. You can learn a good deal by watching my game. Kittie Quicktongue—-No, thanks. I never could profit by other people* mistakes. —Life. Blobbs—At the next station we stop ten minutes for refreshments. Slobbs —I wonder why trains stop only ten r minutes at railroad eating houses. Blobbs—Probably for humane reasons —Philadelphia Record.

Farmen| Smallseed—Listen to this, Elviry. This paper says that they have found in Italian prisons the petrified remains of some of the prisoners. His Wise —Do tell! Them mus’ be them hardened criminals we hear about. Harper’s Weekly. “Things look rather run down around here,” remarked the man who had just returned after many years to his native village.” “Run down? I should say so,” replied the friend of his youth. “There’s a motor car comes through here about every three minutes.” , , Mother —Johnny, you said you’d been to Sunday school? Johnny (with a faraway look) —Yes, mamma. Mother— How does it happen that your hands smell of fish? Johnny—l carried home the Sunday school paper, an’ the outside page is all about Jonah aqd the whale! —Western Christian Advocate. Mother (viciously scrubbing her small boy’s face with soap and water) —Johnny, didn’t I tell you never to blacken your face with burnt cork again’? Here I have been scrubbing half an hour and it won’t come off. Boy (between gulps)—l —uch! ain’t your little bey —uch! I'se Mose, do colored lady's boy. “Now, Mr. Blank,” said a temper-" ance advocate to a candidate for municipal hofiors, “I want to ask you a question. “Do you ever take alcoholic drinks?" “Before I answer the question.” responded the wary candidate, “I wanLLo know' whether it is put as an inquiry or as an invitation.” —Philadelphia Inquirer. “Did you ever stop to think, my dear,” said *Mr. Micawber, gazing at his plate of lobster salad, "that the things which we lovh most in this life are the very things that never agree with us?” “Will you be so kind,” said Mrs. Micawber, “as to tell tne whether you are speaking of the salad or of me, sir?” —Tit-Bits.