Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 23, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 January 1910 — Smiles of The Day [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Smiles of The Day

Go*« M AtUtloa. fammy'a mother talked to him long and earnestly about .the poor marks tm had been getting In his work at eehooL She painted In alluring colors the career of the little boy who studies his lessons and gains the lore and respect of his teachers. She went even farther; she promised him that If he get good marks she would give him a whole dime, all for his own. Bammy •earned Impressed. That afternoon he returned from •ehool fairly dancing with Joy. "Oh, mother,” he shouted, “I got a hundred!” “Sammy!” cried his delighted mother. She hugged him and kissed him and petted him and —gave him the "And what did you get a hundred ha?" she finally asked him. "In two things,” replied Sammy, without hesitation. “I got forty In readln’ and sixty In spellin’.”—Everybody’s. Ia PowlTille.

Mr. Dorking—Of all the fool fashions you women take up! Now what will be the good of that Immense beaver hat when It goes out of style? Mrs. Dorkln—Chump! Look what • warm nest It will make. Tke Depot lam of the Preaa. We clip the following for the benefit of those who doubt the power of the press: “Owing to the overcrowded condition of our columns, a number of births and deaths are unavoidably postponed this week.” —Everybody’s Magazine. Squelched. The dapper little traveling man glanced at the menu and then looked up at the pretty waitress. “Nice day, little one," he began. “Yes, It Is,” she answered, “and so was yesterday, and my name is Ella, and I know I’m a little peach, and have pretty blue eyes, and I’ve been here quite a while and like the place, and I don’t thing J-’m too nice a- glrl to be working in a hotel; if I did I’d quit my job; and my wages are satisfactory; and I don’t know if there is a show or dance in town to-night, and tt there is I shall not go with you, and I’m from the country, and I’m a respectable girl, and my brother Is cook in this hotel, and he weighs 200 pounds and last week he wiped up this dining room door with a fresh SSO-a month traveling man who tried to make a date with me. Now, what’ll you have?"

The dapper little traveling man said J»e was not very hungry, and a cup of coffee and some hot cakes would do. — Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph. 1 Tfcere’s a Reason. Mr. Dubbs (with newspaper)—lt tells here, my dear, how a progressive New York woman makes her social calls by telephone. Mrs. Dubbs—Progressive. Huh! She’s probably like me—not a decent thing to wear.—Boston Transcript. ? A Strange Coin. Nephew (Just returned from abroad) —This franc piece, aunt, I got in Paris. Aunt Hepsy—l wish, nephew, you’d fetched home one of them Latin quarters they talk so much about.—Boston Transcript.

Mrs. Henry Peck—l don't know what to buy mother for a birthday present, do you? Mr. Henry Peck—Yes; buy her a traveling bag. Ita Laamxr. "Pop. did you say a bird told you about how I was naughty yesterday? “Yes, my son.” “Pop, did It tell you In pigeon English?" —Baltimore American. The Aftermath. “Christmas Is a hard day for the women,” said Mr. Nippy as he watched hla -wife basting the turkey. “Yea," said she, “but think of the 4ajs and dayß afterward when we don’t have to cook at all."—Newark News. Good Place for Camels. Governor Glasscock, of West Virginia, while traveling through Arlsona, noticed the dry, dusty appearance of the country. “Doesn’t It ever rain around here?” "Rain?” The native spat. “Rain? Why, say, pardner, there’s bullfrogs fta this yere town over five years old that hain’t learned to swim yet”— ■verybody's Magaslna *

RdtttaMNtal fi*— "Father,’’ said the small boy of an editor, “Is Jupiter Inhabited?" "I don’t know, my son,” was the truthful answer. Presently he was Interrupted again. "Father, are there any sea serpents T” “I don't know, my son.” The little fellow was manifestly cast down, but presently rallied and again approached the great source of Information. "Father, what does the north pole look like?” But alas! again the answer, “I don't know, my son.” At last, In desperation he inquired, with withering emphasis, ’’Father, how did you get to be an editor T” —Concordia Kansan. 1 v

Another Ton* War. Silas (reading morning paper)—l see, Mandy, they’re having another war of the Tongs daown thar in China town. Mandy—Land sakes! You’d think with all them Chinese laundries around thet flatirons would be handler things tew fight with.”—Judge. ... SwprtMki r T. “What la Mrs. Oabson’s favorite book?” “I don't know,” answered Miss Cay enne; “from the Interest she takes In knowing the names, occupations and home surroundings of everybody she sees I should think It ought to be the city directory.”—Washington Star. Cause of Delay. He was the bridegroom, and he was waiting at the church. “I can’t imagine why my bride is late,” he said. “Well, you will,” replied the best man, “after you’re married. They are' hooking her dress up the back!”— Yonker's Statesman.

An Obllsrinv Doctor. Sick Wise —Doctor, I will double your fee Us. you will prescribe a trip to the seashore. Doctor—Very well, madam, I shall do so. Sick Wife—What were you Intending to prescribe? Doctor—A trip to the seashore.— Meggendorfer Blaetter. A Last Resort. “You remind me so much of my brother,” she said coyly as they sat in the parlor. "I’m awfully glad of that,” he answered gallantly. “I have always admired your brother. In what way am I most like him?” “Well, Harry seems awfully fond of me, yet he never offers to kiss me.” After that it was unnecessary for her to ring In any of her relatives.— St. Louis Star. Too "Easy.

“Now, Willie, what’s the difference between one yard and two yards?” “A fence! Gimme a harder one!” Cold Comfort. In a country store a young boy was under discussion by the crackerbarrel committee. Jones had just remarked, “That boy’s a regular fool. He doesn’t know nothing; he don’t know enough to come in when it rains.” Then he discovered the boy’s father, who had overheard the remark, and, wishing to appease him, he said, “Well, Sam, ’taint your fault. You learned him all you knew.”—Lippincott’s. Reason* Enonf?|i. Father—You seem to look at things in a very different light since your marriage. His Newly Married Daughter—Well, I ought to, after receiving fourteen lamps and nine candelabra for wedding presents. Tit Bits. Out of Hearing:. Rodrick —In the stock market news I see there is money on call. Van Albert (sadly)—On call, eh? Well, if I should call with a megaphone none of it would reach me.— Mobile Item. Another Knock. First Actor —I approached the clerk of the Red Dog Inn and told him actors deserved special terms. Second Actor —Ah, indeed! And what did he say 7 First Actor—He said they deserved six-month terms in the county workhouse.—Chicago Journal.

Sere of Ilia Answer. An individual, well known on tho Berlin Bourse for his wit, ope morning wagered that he would ask the same question of fifty different persons and receive the same answer from each. The wit went to first one and then another, until he had reached the number of fifty. And this is how he won the bet: “I say, have you heard that Meyer has failed?” "What Meyer?” queried the whole fifty one after another, and it was decided that the bet had been fairly won.—The Argonaut. Pleatr of Poor Staff. “But'do you think.” asked the visitor in the local option town, “that prohibition really prevents?” “Well,” replied the native, “It prevents a fellow from'getting the best of whisky, but it doesn't prevent whisky from getting the best of him."— Catholic Standard and Times.