Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 20, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 January 1910 — Page 3

And So It la. X said to my friend: “Tell me my faults, and I will know you are my friend.’’ And he told me my faults, and I spurned him, for I thought him a foot." I said to a second friend: “Tell me my faults, frankly.” And he said I had no faults, and I spurned him, forLknew he was a fool.” I said to my third friend: “Tell me all my faults.” And he told me my faults, and I thanked him. And he spurned me, for he knew that I was a hypocrite.—Exchange. Near the End. “Hello, Tholty-Ninel” said the first messenger boy to the other, who was Just starting out with a message, “how fur have yer got ter go?” "Oh,” replied “Thirty-Nine,” pulling out his book, "on’y about six chapters. I’m just where Handsome Harry gits on the villain’s trail.”—Catholic Standard and Times. Youthful Prudence.

“Ain’t you goin’ ter save me, WllMer —■——— — 1 ‘‘Aw, wot’s de use, Mame—l ain’t a marry in’ man!” Clever. “She insists that her paternal ancestor came over on the Mayflower.” "But r thought they proved to her that there was no such name on the Mayflower register?” “They did. And now Bhe says he •was a stowaway.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. * Between Girls. “Deep breathing seems to have lost vogue, don’t*you know.” “Well, it isn’t safe in these new gowns.”—Washington Herald.

“Hey, janitor, come quick! Dere's a man fell down de coal hole!” “All right, sonny. I’ll look into it!”

The Neat Retort. * Mrs. Buttin —Mercy, Mrs. Brown, somebody told me your daughter was at Wellesley! I didn’t dream she could b 6 as old as that! Mrs. Brown —She isn’t. The dear child ought to be in the kindergarten, but she’s so frightfully precocious, you know. —Cleveland Plain Dealer. Got a Good Start. “To what do you attribute your unvarying success?” “To being picked early for the village fool. Nobody ever tried to get me to indorse a note or go into a scheme. —Louisville Courier-Journal. Scrambled Wisdom. "That young Skimmer is awfully bright. He knows a little of everything. You’ll like him." "No, I don’t care for these hashed mentalities.” —Cleveland Plain Dealer. Real Estate Enterprise. Snubbubs—What do you intend to do with that lot you bought at Swampburst? Commute —I am thinking some of making a fishing preserve of It.Brooklyn Life. The Usaal Bright Reply. “Walter, how do you account for the hair on this lettuce salad?” “If dey am hair on it, boss, dat must be head lettuce.” —Bt. Louis Star. The Reaaon Why. “Can you tell me why singers and actresses make farewell tours?" “That’s the reason —that they may farewell.” —Baltimore American. • , Well Rehearsed. "For forty years I have been practicing what J preach.’* "You must have It letter perfect by this Ume.”—Washington Herald.

Jetsts from the Jokesmiths

Alurmlngr tbe Bride. A clergyman, noticing the simple ap-i pearance of the couple he had just! married, decided to give them a few words of advice. He explained to the young man his duties as a husband, and then told the young lady how she should conduct herself, winding up with the old injunction that she must look to her husband for everything, and, forsaking father and mother, follow him wherever he went. The bride appeared very much troubled at this, and faltered out: “Must I follow him to every place he goes?" “Yes,” said the clergyman; “you must follow him everywhere until death doth you part.” “Gracious!" cried the girl. "If I had known that before I would never have married a postman.”—Spare Moments.

Her Bright New Cook. Mrs. Blank prided hersejf on her ability to train her servants, and she had just been bragging about the treasure she had in her new colored cook when the following dialogue occurred: “Now, Amaranth, I’ll come out and fry the chicken, but I want you to have it all ready for me. Dress it carefully and be sure to singe oft every hair.” "Yas’m.” “Then cut it up Just as I showed you the other day. Do you remember?” “Yas’m.” ’'Wash and drain it well. You -understand?” "Yas’m.” Then, as an afterthought: "Shall I kill it?’’—The Circle.

Plnche* All ’Ro«nd. She —My new gown is just lovely; it’s a perfect fit. , • He —Satisfied on that point, eh? She —Yes, I know it’s a good fit, beoause it pinches me so— He—Well, it doesn’t pinch you half as much as it does my pocketbook.— Catholic Standard and Times.

Wrong Dlagnoili. “I understand that you told Jinx he was seriously ill, doctor?” “Indeed, he is.” "Poor fellow! He Is down to his last penny, too!” “"Why, I thought he had loads of money! Perhaps he Is not so ill as I thought; I will go and see him at once.”—Houston Post.

A PAIR OF JOKES.

Applicant—Will I be expected to do all the heavy work, sir? Mr. Boggs—Oh, no. My wife always makes the biscuits!

Dauntless. “Sir, I wish to make your daughter my* wife!” The old man hesitated. “Hadn’t you better see her mother first?” he asked, gently, after thinking a moment. "I’ve seen her mother, and It doesn’t make any difference —I’m willing to take the chances!” exclaimed the youth, with all the ardor of honest love.—Puck. A Little Social Affair. A woman, dirty and disheveled, went into a public dispensary with her right arm bruised and bleeding. As the surgeon applied the necessary remedies he asked: “Dog bite you 7” “No, sor,” the patient replied, “another loidy.”—Ladles’ Home Journal. One Way. Bobby—Say, dad, do you kill the bull# and bears in Wall street with a gun? Father—No, my son. They get them in a corner and pinch them to dsath. —Puck.

Excellent Prospect*. “What makes you think you trill coin money out of that mining prospect?" “Our ad writer has inspected the property, and feels confident he can write it up to advantage.”—Puck. Another Secret. She—She told me you told her that secret I told you not to tell her. He—The mean thing! I told her not to tell you I told her. She—l promised her I wouldn't tell you she told me, so don’t tell her I told you.—Boston Transcript. Fame. ’ “He is well known to the public?" , “Tea, indeed. For years he has been the first man to claim the invention after the inventor patented It —Puck.

RELIGIOUS

The Way of Life. Let others pass the portal wide! Go thou repenting, through the narrow gate; For life, believe'on Christ who died, As for thy happiness, trust God and wait. *' Let others for vain pleasures live! Choose thou a nobler object for thy quest; To God, thy King, thy service give. The most denying are most richly blest.

Let others walk in boasting pride! Seek thou, in truth, the earnest, helpful way; The only fame that shall abide Is for those proving faithful day by day. Let others of to-morrow dream!. Do thou the simple task to-day hath brought; To-morrow, life’s swift flowing stream Bears thee to scenes of which thou knowest nought. Let others strive this world to woo! Win thou a smile on thy dear Father’s face; < Find out what God would have thee do, Then do that well, as He shall give thee grace.

“Ye Mast Be Born Again.” To whom did Jesus say these words? A drunkard? No. A harlot? No. A murderer? No. An outfest of society? No. A poor gypsy? No. To whom, then, did Jesus say these words? -Listen! A church member. So you see it is possible to be a church member, without being born again. Henry Drummond said during the second Moody campaign, in writing to his friend, Professor Barbour: “The Inquiry from this time, as before, reveals the awful fact that the vast majority qf church members know nothing about the new birth. They know the letter of the law as well rs as they know their own name, but they are as ignorant of free grace as a Hottentot.” It is possible to have your name down in the church register without having rt m the xamb’s bookor life. It is possible to take the cup of communion and never take the cup of salvation. Jesus uttered these words, first of all, to a member of the church, an .office bearer of the church of his day, a member of the inner circle, a prince, leader and master in the church, but he was not born again; not a child, an old roan. Think of that.

It startled him, It made him think; and I would to God you would think. If I can only get a man to think, I have done something. The greatest difficulty a preacher has is to get men to think. —Gypsy Smith.

The Need of Growth. Every sorrow should leave behind it some touch of sanctity, and evetry Joy should bring the blush and bloom of the beauty pf holiness; and every day should see some advance toward the realization of the Christian character. If I have to look back and say that ten years ago I was more like Christ than I am to-day, i£ is high time I began to search for the reason of Che decline. It is high time I discovered the point at which the disease entered, which prevented the dominance of the Christ life, and paralyzed my faculties, and robbed me of my power. There should be growth, and growth Into likeness of Christ: —Rev. G. Campbell Morgan.

Dolnff In the Rlsht Spirit. It is a good figure in which life is likened to a loom.' God puts on the Varp in those circumstances in which we find ourselves, and which we cannot change. The woof is wrought by the shuttle of everyday life. It is made of very homely threads sometimes, common duties, unpromising and unwelcome tasks. But whoever tries to do each day’s work in the spirit of patient loyalty to God is weaving the texture whose other side is fairer than the one he sees.

Let Him la. Is not God, who made the sun to shine, also willing and able to let His light and Hib presence so shine through me that I can walk all the day with God nearer to me than anything in nature? He can do it. Why, then, does He do it so seldom, and in such feeble measure? There Is but one answer; you do nos permit It. You are so occupied and filled with other things—religious things, perhaps—that you do not give God time to make Himself known, and to enter and take possession. Rev. Andrew Murray.

SOME ONE ELSE.

How • Girl’s Cbnlcubcu Made Trouble for a Hmengrr. "I wonder,” Grace Andrews remarked, catching a bill that fell from the cbange that Lilian Reed was receiving at the postofflce window, “whether I could ever achieve such a royal disregard of money? Don't you ever count your cbange, Lilian?”

“Never. What’s the good of fussing? If it’s gone, it’s gone.” “Only sometimes mightn’t it affect some one else, Jear?” . *T doh’tknow anybody It could affect except daddy, and he doesn't care. Don't gu to being exact at your age. Grace, dear; be sure to turn

out like Miss Lucretia Moxey, and I know ypn wouldn’t like that." "The ‘ fates forfend!” Grace exclaimed, in laughing protest. But although Grace said no more at the time, and the two promptly forgot the incident, Lilian was to receive a lesson she could not easily forget. It happened one day that a package was sent to her from a jeweler’s shop by a special messenger, a round-faced, honest-eyed boy of fourteen. The bill waß for thirteen dollars. Lilian gave him two tens, and. according to , her usual custom, stuffed the change into her pocket without looking at it. That afternoon she was called up on the telephone by Mr. Tracy, the head of the firm. He apologized for troubling her, but said that their messenger was five dollars short on his accounts, and declared that he must -have given her five dollars too much change. He had had but three packages to deliver, and both the others were accounted for. “Oh, no, Mr. Tracy,” Lilian replied, promptly, “I am very certain that he gave me the right change—one five and two ones,” £ “I was afraid so,” Mr. Tracy returned, "but the boy was so insistent that it seemed only fair to hfcn to ask you.” ••

“It was no trouble at all,” Lilian answered, cheerfully. “I hope that he will find the money, Mr! Tracy. It could not possibly have been here." That afternoon, it happened, Lilian did not go out; but the next morning, planning a shopping trip, she opened her purse to count her money. A wad of bills tumbled into her lap. She opened it carelessly; it contained two fives and two ones. There was nef doubt about it; she had had but the twenty and some change the day before. It was humiliating, but she was honest. She at once called up Mr. Tracy and confessed her carelessness. Mr. Tracy’s voice came back gravely: “I am very sorry, Miss Reed; we dismissed the boy yesterday. In our business we dare not keep one upon whom the least suspicion rests,” “But surely," the girl cried, "you can get him back?” 1 ‘‘Unfortunately,through an oversight, we did not have his address. It was our carelessness and our loss, I am afraid, for we liked him. I only hope it was not too serious a matter for him —we could give him no recommendation, you see.” Lilian stammered a word or two and hung up the receiver. But her eyes were - full of trouble: —For the first time she realized how much a girl’s carelessness might cost others.—• Youth’s Companion.

BOGUS PICTURES.

Counterfeit Antique. Openly Manufactured In Italy. Speaking of the manufacture of counterfeit paintings in Italy, a writer In the National Review says that sometimes genuine old pictures are really discovered In peasants’ houses, but rarely In good condition. The peasants have a disastrous trick of rubbing pictures with onions to clean them. By so doing they take off not only the varnish, but the precious patina and certain colors, in many cases leaving only the mere gold background (supposing the picture 1b of that date) and the more deeply Incised lines. These wrecks are eagerly bought for a trifle by art dealers, wlio employ skilled experts to restore or rather to remake them on the basis of the original outlined.

Pictures of the early period with gold backgrounds and quaint manshlp are regularly manufactured, especially at Siena, where the panels can be seen openly drying before the shop doors. Their foundation Is a panel properly worm eaten and chemically aged, painted on the gesqp ground that was the basis for all pictures of that epoch and to which they owe their luminous qualities. Such pictures are often made up out of a number of really old but ruined pictures and are an ingenious puzzle that require dexterity, taste and knowledge to construct.

Early Prejudice Against Potatoes.

The way of the potato was said to have been barred by the prejudice that It was never mentioned in the Bible. In the Lothlans it came In about 1740, the year of the famine, from Ireland, but was confined to gardens till about 1754, when It was planted In fields about Aberlady. By the close of the century it was a general article of diet. Ramsay says that George Henderson went about 1750 for a bag of potatoes to Kilsyth, where the Irish method of field culture had lately been tried, and introduced the potato Into Mentleth, where a few had been known, but only In‘kale yards. The old folks, however, did not take kindly to the new food. Old George Bachop, one of the Ochtertyre tenants, when told by his wife that she had potatoes for supper said: “Tattles! Tattles! I never Bupped on them a’ my dayß and winna the nlcht. Gle them to the herd and get me sowens.” It Is significant that Burns, who sings the praises of kale and porridge and haggis, should have nothing to say of the potato.— Blackwood’s Magazine.

A Fancy Dresser.

"Oh, isn’t that a pretty dresser!” exclaimed the lady, when she saw the mahogany cupboard arranged for dishes. "Yes, jnadam,” replied the clerk, "that's why we call It the Beau Brummel.” —Yonkers Statesman. :

Many an artißt who claims to be wedded to his art is a grass widower. The less a man knows of himself the more he thinks of himself.

AN EXCITING PHASE OF MONO-RAIL TRAFFIC.

CROSSING A GORGE ON A SINGLE CABLE.

One of the most curious features of mono-rail gyroscopic traffic will be the novel types of bridge over which the new cars will pass. Mr. Brennan, the Inventor, has already demonstrated that a large model car can pass across a wide gulf on a single strand. This fact opens up vistas of new modes of travel, and In the drawing above some Idea is given of how a large mono-rail car such as the inventor has sketched out will pass across a river gorge. The double flanges would keep the wheels on the cable and the car would, of course, keep Itself erect just as easily while resting on a cable as on a single land rail.—London Sphere.

Topics of the Times

Holland has over 10,000 acres devoted to the cultivation of bulbs. The thickness of a razor edge has been reckoned at about one-millionth of an Inch. The 12 principal crops of the United States alone show a value of over 15,000,000,000 at last reports. “Why not teach young men in the public schools,” says the Wichita (Kas.) Beacon, “how to button pve or six small buttons In a minute?*’' Children of the public schools : In the province of Ontario are to have much cheaper school books, to be sup-' piled by the provisional government under a five-year contract, from August 1, 1909. A Boston firm of building wreckers has brought out a circular saw that will cut through nails and bolts as well as through wood, enabling them to cut Into regular sizes of secondhand lumber that otherwise would be valueless. The natural resources of Formosa Include exceedingly valuable forests, gold, coal and sulphur mines. The most highly developed industries are. sugar, rice, tea, camphor, opium and salt, the last three being government monopolies.

To allow moving pictures to be seen without darkening the room In which they are shown, a French inventor frames the screen with dark curtains, hung a short distance in front of it, to cut off all light exoept that from the projecting machine. A negro hallboy in a big Brooklyn apartment house had been called In by the mistress to assist in unrolling a new rug in the parlor of the flat. When It was finally laid he looked at it a moment admiringly and remarked: “Dat do sut’n'ly look fine, ma’am. But it strikes me dat It ain’t ezactly compatible wld de paper.”— New York Tribune.

Elinor Glyn and Yvette Gullbert are announced as recent members of an-ti-suffrage associations. Mrs. Glyn has joined an English soolety and Mme. Gullbert has been proposed for membership in an association In this country. Both women are said to have declared their Inability to understand why any woman should wish to vote when she has health and a good husband.

Some fine fat jobs still exist under the fee system in Chicago’s scheme of municipal government. For Instance, there Is the oil inspectorship, which pays the Incumbent about $20,000 s year. The Record-Herald cannot see where the work and compensation agree, and asks: “Has Chicago ever had an oil inspector whose services were nearly as valuable as those of the secretary of state and the chief Justice of the United States combined?"

Dr. Ponza, director of the lunatic asylum at Alessandria. Italy, bas cured many of h)« insane patients by confining them in rooms of some uniform color. Patients suffering from acute melancholia have become cheerful after confinement in a red room. Bat eome forms of life are adversely

affected by certain colors. It has been observed, for instance, that flies and other insects do not flourish or are killed outright by the light which comes through blue glass or blue gauze. Cyrus Townsend Brady, naval acadf emy graduate, author and Episcopal priest, has had a new experience. His parish, St. George's, Kansas City, being without a church, the Jewish congregation of B’nai Jehudah offered Its edifice as a place o( worship for his parishioners. Dr. Brady, accepting the courtesy, now finds hhnself conducting Christian * services In a Jewieh synagogue. “The action of the Jews seeffis to 1 me a significant example of modern church comity,” said Dr. Brady. ‘Their generous offer la the first of the kind I have heard of.”

Atlantic Porta Loalng. For the year 1908 the exports from the ports on the Gulf of Mexico Increased 112 per cent as compared with 1899, while the gain from the ports on the Atlantic coast was only 12 per cent, Leslie’s Weekly says. In Imports the ocean gateways on the gulf do not figure so prominently as they do In exports, but their expansion In the decade was proportionately many times as great as that which the Atlantic seaboard scored. Nearness to the grain, meat and cotton producing regions and Improved terminal facilities are the chief reasons why the ports on the gulf are wmn«g such large gains in shipments as compared with those of the Atlantic coast. Several north-and-eouth lines of railway have been built In the Mississippi valley in the last ten years. From the wheat and corn fields of the upper tier of States between the Alleghanles and the Rocky Mountains to New Orleans and Galveston there are easy grades, while for the east and west lines reaching New York, Boston, Philadelphia and Baltimore there Is a mountain range to cross, except In the case of the New York Central, which skirts the northern end of that range. Galveston, which has made the largest growth of any of the gulf ports In the decade, is the world’s most important shipping point for cotton.

As Others See Us.

“The man who can pick nut the best picture of himself fs a rare bird,” said a photographer. "Even an author, who is reputedly a poor Judge of bis own work, exercises vast wisdom In selecting his best book compared with the Person who tries to choose his best photograph. Every famous man or woman who has been photographed repeatedly has his or her favorite picture. Usually It Is the worst In the collection. It shows him or her with an unnatural expression, sitting or standing In an unnatural attitude. The Inability to Judge of his best picture must be due to the average man’s Ignorance of bow he really looks, or perhaps It can be partly attributed to a desire to look other than he does. A stout man will swear that the photograph most nearly like him is the one that makes him look thin, a thin man the one that makes him look stout, the solemn man selects the politest picture, the jovial man the most cadaverous.—* Philadelphia Ledger.

Found to Be Better than Glue.

A composition of wax and pitch la now being used Instead of glue In the making of organs for tropical countries where the damp - cllmata causes glue to peel off.