Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 15, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 January 1910 — Smiles OF THE Day [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Smiles OF THE Day

Gm 4 at AUlttoa. • Sammy's mother talked to him long and earnestly about the poor marks he had been getting in hia work at aehooL She painted in alluring colon the career of the little boy who etudlee hi* lessons and galna the lore and respect of hia teachers. She went even farther; she promised him that If he gM good marks she would give him a whole dime, all for his own. Sammy seemed Impressed. That afternoon he returned from school fairly dancing with joy. “Oh, mother," he shouted, "I got a hundred!" "Sammy!" cried his dellghtsd mother. She hugged him and kissed him and petted him. and —gave him the dime. "And what did you get a hundred Inf she finally asked him. "In two things,” replied Sammy, without hesitation. "I got forty In reedin' and sixty In spellin’."—Everybody's. Ia Powlvlllr.

Mr. Dorking—Of all the fool fashions you women take up! Now what will be the good of that Immense beaver hat when It goes out of style? Mrs. Dorkln—Chump! Look ,what * warm nest It will make. Tk* Depotlam of the Preaa. We dip the following for the benefit of those who doubt the power of the press: “Owing to the overcrowded condition of our columns, a number of births and deaths are unavoidably postponed this week.”—Everybody’s Magazine. Squelched. The dapper little traveling man glanced at the menu and then looked np at the pretty waitress. “Nice day, Uttle one,” he began. "Yes, It la,” she answered, “and so was yesterday, and my name Is Ella, and I know I’m a little peach, and have pretty blue eyes, and I’ve been here quite a while and like the place, and I don’t think Fm too nice a girl to I>e working in a hotel; If I did I’d quit my Job; and my wages are satisfactory; and I don’t know if there is a show or dance in town to-night, and If there is I shall not go with you, and I’m from the country, and I’m a respectable girl, and my brother Is cook In this hotel, and he weighs 200 pounds and last week he wiped up this dining room floor with a fresh SSO-a month traveling man who tried to make a date with me. Now, what’ll you have?" The dapper little traveling man said he was not very hungry, and a cup of coffee and some hot cakes would do.— Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph. I There’s a Reason. Mr. Dubbs (with newspaper)—lt tells here, my dear; how a progressive New York woman makes her social calls by telephone. Mrs. Dubbs —Progressive. Huh! Bhe’s probably like me — not a decent thing to wear. — Boston Transcript. * A Stranice Coin. Nephew (Just returned from abroad) —-This franc piece, aunt, I got in Paris. Aunt Hepsy—l wish, nephew, you’d fetched home one of them Latin quarters they talk so much about.—Boston Transcript. A Gentle Hint.

Mrs. Henry Peck 1 don't know what to buy mother for a birthday present, do you? '+• Mr. Henry Peck —Yes; buy her a traveling bag. Its LknfMse. "Pop, did you say a bird told you about how I was naughty yesterday? “Yes, my son.” "Pop, did It tell you In pigeon Knglish?”—Baltimore American. The Aftermath. “Christmas Is a hard day for the women," said Mr. Nippy as he watched bis wife basting the turkey. ' "Yes," said she. ‘*but of the days and days afterwkfd when we I don’t have to cook at all."—Newark Maws. GooS PUee for CsMtla. Governor Glasscock, pf West Virginia, while traveling through Arlsona, noticed the dry, dusty appearance of the country. "Doesn’t It ever rain around barer’ "Rain?" Tse native spat “Rain? Why, say, pardner, there’s bullfrogs In this yere town over five years old that haln't learned to swim yet”— ■very body's Magazine

UltorUl Omalaeleane. "Father" said the small hoy of an editor, "la Jupiter inhabited f “I don’t know, my Bon,” was the truthful MWWtr. Preeently he waa interrupted again. "Father, are there any sea serpents f "I don’t know, my son.’* The little fellow waa manifestly cast down, bat presently rallied and again approached the great source of Informs tlon. "Father, what does’ the north pole look like?" But alas! again the answer, "I don't know, my son." At last, In desperation he Inquired, with withering emphasis, “Father, how did you get to be an editor?” —Concordia Kansan. Aaother Toms; War. Silas (reading morning paper)—l see, (Mandy, they’re having another war of the Tongs daown thar in Chinatown. Mandy—Land sakes! You’d think with all them Chinese laundries around thet flatirons would be handler things tew flglht with.”—Judge. A Surmise. “What 1b Mrs. Gabson’s favorite book?” “I don’t know,” answered Miss Cay enne; “from the interest she take! In knowing the names, occupations , home, surroundings at everybody she sees I should think It ought to be the city directory.”—Washington Star. Cause of Delay. He was the bridegroom, and he was waiting at the church. “I can’t Imagine why my bride Is late,” he said. “Well, you will,” replied the best man, “after jrou’re married. They are hooking her dress up the back!” — Yonker’s Statesman. ~ An Obllarlnar Doctor. Sick Wise —Doctor, I will double your fee if you will prescribe a trip to the seashore. Doctor —Very well, madam, I shall do so. Sick Wise —What were you intending to prescribe? Doctor —A trip to the seashore.— Meggendorfer Blaetter. A Last Resort. ‘'You remind me so much of my brother,” she said coyly as they sat In the parlor. “I’m awfully glad of that,” he answered gallantly. “I have always admired your brother. In what way am I most like him?” “Well, Harry seems awfully fond of me, yet he never offers to kiss me.” After that it was unnecessary for her to ring in any of her relatives. — St. Louis Star. Too Hn*y.

“Now, Willie, what’s the difference between one yard and two yards?” "A fence! Gimme a harder one!” ■—L Cold Comfort. In a country store a young boy was under discussion by the crackerbarrel committee. Jones had'just remarked, “That boy’s a regular fool. He doesn’t know nothing; he don’t know enough to come in when it rains.” Then he discovered the boy’s father, who had overheard the remark, and, wishing to appease him, he said, “Well, Sam. ’taint your fault. You learned him all you knew.”—Lipplncott’s. Rruona Eaoagh. Father —You seem to look at things in a very different light since your marriage. * His Newly Married Daughter—Well, I ought to, after receiving fourteen lamps and nine candelabra for wedding presents.—Tit-Bits. Out of Hearing:. Rodrick —In the stock market news I see there is money on call. Van Albert (sadly)—On call, eh? Well, if I should call with a megaphone none of it would reach me.— Mobile Item. Another Knook. First Actor —I approached the clerk of the Red Dog Inn and told him actors deserved special terms. Second Actor—Ah, indeed! And what did he say? First Actor —He said they deserved six-month terms in the county workhouse.—Chicago Journal. Sure of Hla Answer. An individual, well known on the Berlin Bourse for his wit, one morning wagered that he would ask the same question of fifty different persons and receive the same answer from each. The wit went to first one and then another, until he had reached the number of fifty. And this is how he won the bet: “I say. have you heard that Meyer has failed?" "What Meyer?” queried the whole fifty one after another, and It was decided that the bet had been fairly won.—The Argonaut. ir > Plrnljr of Poor Stuff. “But do you think,” asked the visitor in the local option town, "that prohibition really prevents?" "Well,” replied the native, “it pre-' vents a fellow, from getting the best of whisky, but it doesn’t prevent whisky from getting the best of him.” — Catholic Standard and Times.