Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 10, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 January 1910 — Page 3

GOOD SHORT STORIES

(Mrs. Smith was engaging a new servant, and sat facing the latest applicant. “I hope,” said she, “that you had no angry words with your last mistress before leaving?" “Oh, dear no, mum; none whatever,” was the reply, with a toss of her head. "While she was having her bath, 1 Just locked the bathroom door, took all my things, and went away as quiet as possible,” The late Theodore Thomas was defending the milder form of profanity. ‘Bo many things in the home,” he continued, “incite a man to let off isteam. There’s opening cans, for instance—opening these new-fangled 'eans with patent openers that are aliways getting lost. A Chicago man was exerting himself vocally and physically as he opened one of the patent cans. His wife, tired of the noiße, called from the next room: 4 What ate you opening that can with, dear?’ The can opener, of course,’ he yelled back. ‘Oh,’ she said, ‘I thought you were opening it with prayer.’”The house committee of a New York club recently received this unique compladnt: T have the honor to inform you that I lunched at the club this afternoon and had as my guests three gentlemen, all well-known gourmets. Among other things an omelet was served. It contained only three flies. As an old member of the club, jealous of its reputation, I naturally found this very embarrassing, as, in order to make an equitable division of the omelet, it was necessary either to divide a fly—a nice bit of barving, as you must concede —or forego a fly myself. I beg to suggest that In the future, when an omelet is served for four persons, it should be either with (a) four flies, or (b) no flies at all.” There was an elderly Indian colonel whose boast it was that he had a very tranquil disposition that nothing could ruffle. He took up golf, and for a long time Ms friends failed to notice any disturbance of the colonel’s outward calm; but one day, when playing a four-some, he got into a notorious “Devil’s Punchbowl" bunker, and spent a terrible fifteen minutes trying first to find the ball and then to play it out. He tried every club in vain, and at last, glaring like a demon, he smashed them, one after another, across a jagged rock. “What are you doing?” cried the party above. “It’s all right,” he snorted. “It’s —it’s better to —break one’s clubs than to—lose one’s temper!” And the caddie gathered up the pieces. One of the soldiers of Fort Washington on the Potomac was recently given leave of absence the morning after pay day. When his leave expired he didn’t appear. He was brought at last before the commandant for sentence, and the following dialogue is recorded: “Well, Murphy, you look as If you had had a severe engagement.” "Yes, sur.” “Have you any money left?” “No, sur.” “You had $36 when you left the fort, didn’t you?’’ "Yes, sur.” "What did you do 4ith it?” “Well, sur, I was walking along and I met a friend, and we went into a place and spint SB. Thin we came out and I met another friend and we spint $8 more, and thin I come out and we met another friend and we spint $8 more, and thin we come out and we met another bunch of friends, and I spint $8 more —and thin I comes home.” “But, Murphy, that makes only $32. What did you do with the other $8?” Murphy thought. Then he shook his head slowly and said: "I dunno, colonel; I reckon I must have squandered that money foolishly."

Girl Not a Nature Student.

She was not a nature student, and when she saw a sparrow on the sidewalk, evidently too young to fly and too badly frightened even to hop, she did not know exactly what to do for It. She did not know how it had got there, where its parents were or what relief measures would be advisable. All she could do, in her perplexity, was to keep the group of boys who had gathered around It from harming it and see if any of them could suggest a course of action, for s|e was well aware that in these days of nature study the veriest infant knows more about birds and their like than many an older person. Presently a big 'boy pushed through the group, looked at the bird kindly, then stopped and took It qp. She was much relieved. “Will you take care of it?" she asked him. "Sure!" he responded, with Inelegant emphasis. Bhe was anxious that It should have the beat of care, so she helpfully suggested, "Better give It a little milk:.” The boy stared. Then he grinned. Then he yelled. "Milk!” he roared. “Milk! ha! milk!” Then he streaked up the street, carrying the bird caredully in hlB hands and derisively ejaculating, "Milk!" Her face flushed as she went on her way, and she was heard to murmur to herself, "Now, I wonder why he 'laughed? Very unmannerly, I’m sure."

Starting the Babies Right.

A.banking account, with a first deposit of one mark. Is presented to every baby born in Schoeneberg, an aristocratic suburb of Berlin. A hypocrite Is a maq who thanks yon for pointing out.* mistake be has made. K " ?JjjrX

Skin Humor Lasted 25 Years.

"Cuticura di<l wonders for me; Fo> twenty-five years I suffered* agony from a terrible humor, completely covering my head, neck and shoulders, so even to my wife, I became an object Of dread. At large expense I consulted the most able doctors far and near. Their treatment was of no avail, nor was that of she Hospital, during six months’ efforts. I suffered on and concluded! there was no help for me this side of grave. Then I heard of some one who had been cured by putieura Remedies and thought that a trial could do no harm. In a surprisingly short time I was completely cured. S. P. Keyes, 147 Congress St., Boston, Mass., Oct. 12, 1909.”

Face Covered with Pimples.

“I congratulate Cuticura upon my speedy recovery from pimples which covered my face. I used Cuticura Soap, Ointment and Resolvent for ten days and my face cleared and I am perfectly well. I had tried doctors for several months but got no results. Wm. J. Sadller, 1614 Susquehanna Ave., Philadelphia, May l, 1909."

Pleeasure and Sacrifice.

An alert little 5-year-old was visiting a city park with her mother for the first time. She had noticed the beautiful red and white swan boats as they passed through in the morning, and her mother had promised they should come back after the shopping was done and have a ride. Shortly after dinner they stood on the bridge over the lagoon watching the boats below and listening to the cry of the barker as he tried to induce the passing crowds to patronize his swan boats. But yhen her mother started toward the boat landing little Elsie declared very vigorously that she did not want tq 4 go at all and, as her mother urged her, broke forth in tears. ‘ This sudden fear was so different from her former eagerness that her mother could not understand it until she noticed the boatman’s call. He was Crying: “Come along! Come along! Ride clear round the pond. Only 5 cents for ladies and gents! Children thrown in!”

SIOO Reward, SIOO. The of this paper will be pleased to learn that there is at least one dreaded disease that science has been able to cure In ail its stages, and that la Catarrh. Hall’s Catarrh Cure is the only positive cure now known to the medical fraternity. Catarrh being a constitutional disease, requires a constitutioual treatment Hail’s Catarrh Cure is taken Internally, acting directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the system, thereby destroying the foundation of the disease, and giving the patient strength- by building up the constitution and assisting nature In doing its work. The proprietors have so much faith in its curative powers that they offer One Hundred Dollars for any case that it fails to cure. Send for list of testimonials. Address F. 3. CHENEY CO., Toledo, O. Sold by all Druggists, 75c. Take Hall’s Family Pills for constipation.

Fiendishly Gloating.

“You’ve made money by carrying a peddler’s pack and selling notions from house to house?" “I have.” “What’s the secret?" “It all depends on the way you use your voice. Always put on the soft peddle,”

Thi* Will Interest Mothers. Mother Gray’s Sweet Powders for Children, cure Feverishness, Headache, Bad Stomach, Teething Disorders, Regulate the Bowels and Destroy Worms. They break up colds in 24 hours. Pleasant to take, and harmless as milk. They never fail. At all Druggists, 25c. Sample mailed FREE. Address. Allen S. Olmsted, Le Roy, N. Y.

Possible Use for Him.

“No, sir,” said the recruiting officer; Tm sorry to say your , boy won’t do at ail for the navy.” “Why not?” asked the lad’s father. “He’s cross eyed." » “Yes, I know that, but his eyes are crossed at such a peculiar angle that I thought you might be able to use him as a range finder."—Chicago Tribune.

For Hashing Purposes.

“Money talks,” said the alderman from the 'Steenth ward, winking slowly with his left eye. “Well, if this does any talking,” whispered the prompter, handing it over, “it will be the last you’ll ever get.”

KI D N EYI PILLS '4 4 ’ KIDN F4E ; lii. fI H £uM AT 15? A? 4 ,'11,,. L?Hts i II I ,

QUICKEST WITH SAFETY piso’S A CURE I For die baby often means rest for ft both mother and child. Little ones I like it too —it’s so palatable to take. I Free from opiates. § J ■IPEOTAIT MOTHERS morninq NAUIBIA at onob without the use of Uruos. MBS, rgewpn, 2113 Wasklsif 8W6.. Cklc—a ti. No. a*—ivio ■ JIIIAXIkIC IK VARMSm sedMpkta BARuAINS - *srjgS •mSm mt MO. aliMf to MhML of broom So M swam,. r. J. tuu. Tlwlota Turn

THINGS YOU MAY NOT KNOW.

Duluth, at the head of Lake Superior, has mineral tonnage of any port m the world. Arranged in a straight line, the railways of the world would reach to the moon and back again. | New York has followed the example of Philadelphia and established a free ■ permanent exhibition of building material. •• Ten years ago the Standard Oil Company refined 90 per cent of the oil produced; now it refines only 80 per cent. • Forty thousand yards of bunting vfrere used recently on the Madison Square garden during the annual electrical show. " ' In 1860 we stood at’ the bottom of the list of the four great manufacturing nations, namely: The United Kingdom, France, Germany and the United States.' Forty-nine years later we stand at the head of the list, our manufactured product equaling that of the other great nations combined. —American Industries. Last year’s American cotton crop was valued at $683,000,000, and if the value of the seed be added, the aggregate revenue from the crop was very close up to $800,000,000. If the present prices for the staple hold, the value of this year’s cotton crop including thejseed will mount up very near to $1,000,000,000, at any rate to more than $900,000,000. —New York Commercial. Supers are very particular about the distribution/ of parts. In a fairy piece a set of dominos was represented by men wearing on their backs boards marked with the v different numbers. A discontented super gave in his resignation. "Why, what’s the matter?” asked the astonished director; “don’t you get your 16 sous a night like the others?” "It isn’t about the sous at all. I am one of the oldest artists belonging to the theater and they ought to have made me the double , six; Instead of that I am the lowest number —the double blank." The hilly territory of Trieste, it is stated in a consular report on that district, is covered by pointed stones which prevent any cultivation, and some years ago the Societa Agraria offered prizes for those who would remove them and thuß change the waste ground to meadows. The work has now been going on for some years, and every autumn a commission ascertains the area of the proposed redemption and the difficulties to be encountered, and fixes the prize to be given. In spring it again visits the Improved grounds and pays the prizes if deserved. This year sixty-six peasants improved forty-four acres, and received $1,040. Raising Japanese spaniels is the way one Connecticut farmer’s daughter has solved the problem of earning money while remaining at home and helping with the housework. She cleared S3OO the first year and almost double that amount the second and she looks forward to doing still better in 1910. She learned that the best way to get the dogs was to buy them from sailors, who picked them up in Japan and brought them to America for the sake of making money. The highest price she has received so far has been SIOO for pups about as perfect as the most fastidious exhibitor could demand. The lowest price was s2l for a female of no striking excellence, though she was unmistakably pure bred. —Omaha Bee. During a period of political agitation a stranger arrived in Magdeburg, where, on applying to the authorities, he obtained a permit or ticket of residence. He had not been long in the town before he became aware that his steps were being dogged by a man in blue uniform. He bore it for days, but at last said to the spy: "Why do you pursue me in thiß way?” “I’m a detective and my instructions are not to lose sight of you,” was the quiet answer. "Why, what fault have the police to find wth me?” shouted the stranger. “My passport is in order, here is my ticket of residence; I am a citizen of Berlin; why de you follow me about?” ’lt states in your passport," waß the reply, "that you were going to reside here for pleasure; that .looked suspicious, as it was the first time any one came to reside in Magdeburg for pleasure,”

It Is not generally known that oil with an asphaltum base (fuel pll) is vastly different from the paraffine product. The former Is heavy and solid and contains no explosive gases, while paraffine oils are highly gaseous and explosive. It 1b from the latter that the by-products gasoline, naphtha, benzine, etc., are obtained. Fuel oil Is also used on roads to a great extent in the West, and mixed wth other Ingredients makes a good street pavement. In fact, fuel oil has only recently been appreciated. Three barrels of It will supply more heat units than a ton of coal, and can be handled by one-fourth the men and with absolute cleanliness and safety and no waste. We ,look to ads all our public schools and institutions, as Well as many private families, using fuel oil In the very near future. Oklahoma is to be congratulated on having such extensive fuel oil fields (those In the Wheeler district covering several square miles), and we shall not be surprised to see them lead in value all the asests this wonderful state has yet produced for the world's ootnfart and wealth.—OH World.

'QUANTITY QUALITY AND TRICE'

wv. * i : ■ i/V 'jw' The Three EHrnIUU That Are Giving We*tern Canada Greater Impulse than Ever Tbia Year. The reports from the grain fields of Central Canada (which comprises the provinces of Manitoba, Saskatchewan and Alberta) are to hand. The year 1909 has not only kept pace wjth previous years in proving that this portion of the continent is capable of producing a splendid yield of all the smaller grains, but it has thoroughly outstripped previous seasons. There is quantity, quality and price, and from all ■ parts of an area of about 320,000 square miles there comes the strong refrain of contentment and satisfaction. In the distribution of the conditions causing it no district has been overlooked. Various estimates of the total yield of wheat for the country have been made, but it Is not the vast total that influences the general reader so much as what has tyeen done individually. The grand total —say 130,000,000 bushels —may have its effect on the grain prices of the world; it may be interesting to know that In the world’s markets the wheat crop of Canada has suddenly broken upon the trading boards, and with the Argentine, and with Russia and India is now a factor in the making of prices. If so to-day, what will be its effect five or ten years from now, when, instead of there being seven million acres under crop, with a total yield of 125,000,000 or 130,000,000 bushels, there will be from 17,000,000 to 30,000,000 acres in wheat with a yield of from 325,000,000 to 600,000,000 bushels. When it is considered that the largest yield in the United States but slightly exceeded 700,000,000 bushels, the greatness of these figures may be understood. Well, such is a safe forecast, for Canada has the land and It has the soil. Even today the Province of Saskatchewan, one of the three great wheat growing r provinces of Canada, with 400,000 acres under wheat, produces nearly 90,000,000 bushels, or upwards of onetenth of the greatest yield of the United States. And Saskatchewan is yet only In the beginning of its development. As Lord Grey recently pointed out in speaking on this very atrbject, this year’s crop does not represent one-tenth of the soil equally fertile that is yet to be brought under the plough. Individually, reports are to hand of yields of twenty-five, thirty and thirtyfive bushels to the acre. Scores of yields are reported of forty and some as high as sixty bushels. The farmer, who takes care of his soil, who gets his seed-bed ready early, Is certain of a splendid crop. The news of the magnificent crop yield throughout the Canadian West will be pleasing to the friends of the thousands of Americans who are residents in that country and who are vastly Instrumental in the assistance they are rendering tp let the world know its capabilities.

The Last Touch.

“That indefinable something” is a useful phrase, and has helped many a would-be critic out of a scrape. It often happens that the “something” Is nothing at all. As in the present instance, quoted from the Chicago Post, imagination played a large and important part in the matter. Mr. Harvey, the famous chef, was once visiting New York, where gome men arranged a contest between him and several other chefs, with a view to determining who could make the best 3alad dressing. *■' - The jolly, fat judges watched the preparation carefully, and observed that Mr. Harvey, as a finishing touch, took from his pocket a tiny vial, carefully uncorked it, poured a few drops into the finishing, and set it before the arbiters. They tasted the dressing in turn, smacked their lips and puckered their brows. Then they declared that all the dressings were fine, the most delectable that they had ever put to palate, but that about Mr. Harvey’s dressing there was “an—ah—lndefln. able something” which caused them to award it the prize. “George, what was it you put into that dressing?” asked one of his friends later, “Only water,” he replied.

Gas engines are rapidly replacing tbe steam engine In smaller factoriea They give twice as much power for the same quantity of fuel. Hamlins Wizard Oil win knock the spots off a sore throat. It’s use makes tonsilitis, quinsy and diphtheria impossible. It is simply great for the relief of all pain, soreness and inflammation. Extraordinary traffic on roads In England Is only permitted, nominally, after those conducting have agreed to pay for the Injury caused by It PILES CURED IN « TO 14 DAYS. PAZO OINTMENT is guaranteed to cure any casa at Itchinr. Blind, Bleeding or Protruding PUeg in 6to M days or money refunded. 50c. , For brewing purposes In the United Kingdom last year 62,971,755 pounds of hops were used. Constipation causes and seriously Aggravates many diseases. It Is thoroughly cured by Dr. Pierce’s Pellets. Tiny sugar-coated granules. The officers, of the British navy alone make a formidable squad of 109,210. =—- .-•tss-r--- • -tu family ESSJI - &. o^uX>b£?ua t s h * rr *“ lM **“' Al Uncle Sam’s forests are being cut down three times as fast as they grow. Mrs, Winslows looisnra Stbttt fa* OhOdma tasthlsst aoftsu tks guma, radoeaa inflammation, atnys sals, oana triad soils. Wsaau a bout*.

ON THE WAY TO TYBURN TREE.

1 r - ■ ■ 1 r ■ Lord Ferrer** Tragic Joornry to F%moil* Old Callow*. Park lane was Tyburn lane, and it seems as if the gallowa—described in an old document movable—at one time stood at Its east corner. It was there the ferocious Lord Ferrers was hanged in 1760 for murdering his servant. Horace -Walpole’s words paint the picture well: “He shamed heroes. He bore the solemnity of a pompous and tedious procession of above twp hours from the tower to Tyburn with as much tranquillity as if he were only Aolng to his own burial, not to his own execution.” And when one of the dragoons of the procession was thrown from his horse Lord Ferrers expressed much concern! and said: “I hope there will be no death to-day but mine.” On went the procession, with a mob about it sufficient to make its progress slow and laborious. Small won* der that .the age of Thackeray, with Thackeray's help, set up its scaffolds within four, high walls. Asking for drink, Lord Ferrers was refused, for, said the sheriff, late regulations enjointed him not to let prisoners drink while passing from the place of imprisonment to that of execution, great indecencies having .been committed by the drunkenness of the criminals in the hour of execution. “And though,” said he, according to the Sketch, “my lord, I might think myself excusable in overlooking this order out of regard for your lordship’s rank, yet there /is another reason, which, I am sure, will weigh with you—your lordship is sensible to the greatness of the crowd; we must draw up at some tavern; the confluence would be so great that It would delay the expedition, which your lordship seems so much to desire." But decency—so often paraded by those who outrage It —ended with the murderer’s death. “The executioners fought for the > rope, and the one who lost it cried — the greatest tragedy, to his of the day!”

One Last Chance.

She was shopping. She drifted into the place where they sell blankets. Roll after roll was deposited and spread outt before her. Sill, she listlessly asked for more. Finally, with brazen face, she remarked, as she rose: “Oh, well; I don’t really mean to buy any. I was only looking for a friend.” “Pray wait a moment, ma’am,” said the attendant, suavely, “there’s is one more blanket on the shelf. Perhaps your friend is in that.”—Tit-Bits.

A Sporting Chance.

“I’ll teach you to play at pitch and toss!” shouted the enraged father. “I’ll flog you for an hour, I will!” “Father,” instantly said the incorrigible, as he balanced a penny on his thumb and finger, “I’ll toss you to make it two hours or nothing.”— Cassell’s Journal.

CASTOR IA * For Infants and Children. The Kind Yon Have Always Bought Bears the Signature of J-c&c/UAi

All Depends.

Stranger—What’s property worth on this street? Fitzjurld—Do you want to sell, mister, or do you want to buy?

TO CUBE A COLD IN ONE DAY Take LAXATIVE BROMO Quinine Tablets. Druggists refund money ii it fails to cure. E. W. GROVE’S signature is on each box. 25c. Heavy traffic will cut away a wooden pavement about one inch in five years. PERRY DAVIS’ PAINKILLER baa an enviable reputation of over seventy yearaaaa reliable remedy for lumbago. sciatica. pleurtty stltcbes, etc.. Re, He anafiOc. At all druggist*. Germany’s four sfiper-Dreadnoughts will each have a crew of 1,000 men.

We Give Avuay Absolutely Free of Cost^J^k The People’s Common Sense Medical Adviser, in Plain English, or Medicine Simplified, by R. V. Pierce, M. D. f Chief Consulting Physician to the Invalids’ Hotel and Sur- ■pflpf * gicsl Institute at Buffalo, a book of 1008 large pages end * over 700 illustrations, in strong paper covers, to any one sending 21 ooe-eant stamps to cover coat of mailing 9»fy, or, in French Cloth binding lor 31 stamps. Over 680,000 copies of this complete Family Doctor Book were sold in doth binding at regular price of $1.50. Afterwards, one and a half millien oopioa were given away as above. A new, up-to-date revised edition is now ready for mailing. Better send NOW, before ell are gone. Address Wosld’s Dm. MHiAir Medical Association, R. V. Pierce, M. D., President, Buffalo, N. Y, DR. PIERCE’S FAVORITE PRESCRIPTION THE ONE REMEDY for woman’s pncnHar eOnsonts good enough ' that Its makers are not afraid to print on Its istddi wrapper tts every ingredient. No 8a or eta No Deception. THE ONg REMEDY for women which contains no aleohot and no hubit-forming drugs. Made from native TTi“irfnsl forest roots es well astabHribad curative value. J ‘‘ "; ‘ ~jf,. B The Keeley treatment can be nowhere in pHH Illinois, except at the CM WA yAI |gY|S Keeley Institute at Dwiskt. More HsS3 nSql IqftU than people have been Bignm Bk relieved of Drunkenness Drug and Sarto!,i add'd ions by the Keeley ABBaC it wui discovered and forrnuH 8 B lated by tbe Leslie R Keeley. over 30 years ago. All correspon 1 n> e drntial. No humiliating ripe■BBBBHBHHHHBHHHB rieoces. Long distance phone. THE LESLIE E. KEELEY COMPANY, Dwight, Ifflnoto CMioseo om«Ii ia« Warns sc a.u. eee

Hitei RESTORES LOST POWERS. Awe** man is like a clock ran down. MUN YON'S VITALIZES will wind Mm np And msko him go. If yon are nervous, if you ara Irritable, if yon lack confidence in yourself, If you do not feel your foil manly vigor, begin on this remedy at once. There are 75 VITALIZES tablets in om bottle: every cablet la full of vital power. Doa’t spend another dollar on quack doctors or spurious remedies, or fill your system with harmful drags. Begin on MUNYONS VITALIZES at once, and you will begin to feel the vltnilsing effect of this remedy after the first dose. Price, sl, post-paid. Mbnyott, 53rd and Jefferson, Pmla, Pa. WESTERN CANADA Sanator Doltlvar, of I mm, Mry*:— from the United State* I fha' I E*' A I L ow » farmers to OanadiC drag . IrtothetO.OOOAmert can farmer* who made Canada their home during 1900. of the country upward* of alram^?Jm?’2S2*f22 per acre I wUhhi l ce>rt«ln*arau! *ettJementJcl/mate** . _ Mob. Ottawa. Canada, or to the following Canadian Gov't Agent: C. J. Broughton. Hoorn til. Merchants' Ldan and Tmat Building. , Chicago, 111. .V Please say where yon aaw this adrertl«emsnt. Just as some foods will make the bowels active, so do Cascarets. Their results don't come through irritation, as with harsh cathartics, but in Nature’s way. So you can take them any hour. No need to wait till bedtime. mi CUT THIS OUT, mall it with your address to Sterling Remedy Company, Chicago, 111., and receive a handsome souvenir gold Bon Bon Box FREE. FRANK P. LEWIS, Peoria, BL Originator of Tin Foil Smoker Package. The man who has made Lewis’ Single Binds* Straight Sc Cigar famous among smokers throughout the west. n Tobacco. Orange. Fig, For Sale m V 1 COUNTY, ALA- which took first prise at the recent State Fair. I tell them at lower pricea than the Colonization Companies. Western Farmers are baying land near mine, making money and are delighted with the country. The climate and water ore of the beat. Apply to HENRY A. HORST, MOBILE. XLX BAH RUE TEXAS COAST LAIIM, may Write »L'lE*a LASif ofITcE, Cwp* JcffriSt.ta IfICHTt WAXTKD In weary tocaUty.Satf-ShaiMalag Send tar List of Fans tad on pika road*. (I. K. HA BEK, Wabash, U S. N. D. No. I—IMO PWIITIM Tfi mCRTIStRS. stoat* da sal sass to ■aallaa rat taw «* Advartliirntgl la Ola NW.