Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 6, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 January 1910 — Page 3

GOOD SHORT STORIES

(Mrs. Smith was engaging a new servant, and sat facing the latest applicant. "I hope,”‘said she, “that you had no angry words with your last mistresß before leaving?” “Oh, dear no, mum; none whatever,” was the reply, vfith a toss of her head. “While she was having her bath, I Just locked the bathroom door, took all my things, and went away as quiet as possible.” The late Theodore Thomas was defending the milder form of profanity. “So many things in the home,” he “incite a man to let off Steam. There’s opening cans, for instance—opening these new-fangled cans with patent openers that are allways getting lost. A Chicago man was exerting himself vocally and physically as he opened one of the patent cans. His wife, tired of the noise, called from the next room: ‘What are you opening that can with, dear?’ “The can opener, of course,’ he yelled back. < Oh.’ she said, ‘I thought you were opening it with prayer.’ ” The of a New York club recently received this unique complaint: “I have the honor to inform you that I lunched at the club this afternoon and had as my guests three gentlemen, all well-known gourmets. Among other things an omelet was served. It contained only three flies. As an old member of the club, jealous of its reputation, I naturally found this very embarrassing, as, in order to make an equitable division of the omelet, It was necessary either to divide a fly—a nice bit of carving, as you must concede —or forego a fly myself. I beg to suggest that in the future, when an omelet is served for four persons, it should be either with fa) four flies, or (b) no flies at all.” There was an elderly Indian colonel whose boast it was that he had a very tranquil disposition that nothing could ruffle. He took up golf, and for a long time bis friends failed to notice any disturbance of the colonel’s outward calm; but one day, when playing a four-some, he got into a notorious “Devil's Punchbowl" bunker, and spent a terrible fifteen minutes trying first to find the ball and then to play it out. He tried every club in vain, and at last, glaring like a demon, he smashed them, one after another, across a jagged rock. “What are you doing?” cried the party above. “It’s all right,” he snorted. “It’s —it’s better to —break one’s clubs than to—lose one’s temper!” And the caddie gathered up the pieces. ~ one or the soldiers of Port Washington On the Potomac was recently given leave of absence the morning after pay day. When his leave expired he didn’t appear. He was brought at last before the commandant for sentence, and {he fallowing dialogue is recorded: “Well, Murphy, you look as if you had had a severe engagement.” “Yes, Bur." “Have you any money left?” “No, sur.” “You had $35 when you left the fort, didn’t you?” “Yes, sur.” “What did ydu do with it?” “Well, sur, I was walking along, and I met a friend, and we went into a place and Bpint SB. Thin we came out and I met another friend and we splnt $8 more, and thin I come out and we met another friend and we spint $8 more, and thin we come out and we met another bunch of friends, and. I spint $8 more—and thin I comes home.” “But, Murphy, that makes only $32. What did you do with the other $3?” Murphy thought. Then he shook his head slowly and said: “I dunno, colonel; I reckon I must have squandered that money foolishly.”

Girl Not a Nature Student.

She was not a nature student, and when she saw a sparrow on the sidewalk, evident!? too young to fly and too badly frightened even to hop, she did not know exactly what to do for it. She did noit know bow it had got there, where its parents were or what relief measures would be advisable. All Bhe could do, in her perplexity, was to keep tjie group of boys who had gathered around it from harming It and see if any of them could suggest a course of action, for she was well aware that in these days of nature study the veriest Infant knows more about birds and their like than many an older person. Presently a big boy pushed through the group, looked at the bird kindly, then stopped and took it up. She was much relieved. "Will you take care of it?” she asked him. "Sure!” he .responded, with Inelegant emphasis. She was anxious that it should have the best of care, so she helpfully suggested, "Better give it a little milk.” The boy Btared. Then he grinned. Then he yelled. “Milk!” he roared. “Milk! hat milk!” Then he streaked up the Btreet, carrying the bird cars' •fully In his hahds and derisively ejaculating, "Milk!” Her face flushed as she went on her way, and she was heard to murmur to herself, “Now, I wonder why he laughed? Very unmannerly, I’m sure.”

Start Ins the Babies Right.

A banking account, with a first deposit of one mark, is presented to every baby born In Schoeneberg, an aristocratic suburb of Berlin. ' / A hypocrite is a man who thanks you for pointing out a mistake he has made.

Skin Humor Lasted 25 Years.

“Cuticura did wonders for me. Fo» twenty-five years I suffered agony from ,a terrible humor, completely covering my head, neck and shoulders, so even to my wife, I 'became an object of dread. At large expense 1 consulted the most able doctors far and near. Their treatment was of no avail, nor was that of the' Hospital, during six months’ efforts. I suffered on and cbncluded there was no help for me this,, side of the grave. Then I heard of some one who had been cured by Cuticura Remedies and thought that a trial could do no harm, In a surprisingly short time I was completely cured. S. P. Keyes, 147 Congress St., Boston, Mass., Oct. 12, 1909.”

Face Covered with Pimples.

“I congratulate Cuticura upon my speedy recovery from pimples which covered my face. I used Cuticura Soap, Ointment and Resolvent for ten days and my face cleared and I am perfectly well. 1 had tried doctors for several months but got no results. Wm. J. Sadlier, 1614 Susquehanna Ave., Philadelphia, May 1. 1909.”

Pleasure and Sacrifice.

An alefrt little 5-year-old was visiting a city park with her mother for the first time. She had noticed the beautiful red and white swan boats as they passed through in the morning, and her mother had promised they should come back after the shopping was done and have a ride. Shortly ( after dinner they stood on the bridge over the lagoon watehing the boats below and listening to the cry of the barker as he tried to induce the passing crowds to patronize his swan boats. But when her mother started toward the boat landing little Elsie declared very vigorously that she did not want to go at all and, as her mother urged her, broke forth in tears. This sudden fear was so different from her former eagerness that her mother could not understand It until she noticed the boatman’s cajl. He was crying: “Come aloflg! Come along! Ride clear round the pond. Only 5 cents for ladies and gents! Children thrown in!”

$100 Reward, $100.

The of this paper will be pleased to learn that there is at least one dreaded disease that science has been able to cure In all Its stages, and that Is Catarrh. Hall's Catarrh Cure Is the only positive cure now known to the medical fraternity. Catarrh being a constitutional disease, requires a constitutional treatment. Hall's Catarrh Cure is taken Internally, acting directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the system, thereby destroying the foundation of the disease, and giving the patient strength by building up the constitution and assisting nature In doing Its wojk. The proprietors have so much faith In Its curative powers that they offer One Hundred Dollars for any case that It falls to cure. Send for list of testimonials. Address F. J. CHENEY CO., Toledo, O. Sold by all Druggists, 75c. Take Hall's Family Pills for constipation.

Fiendishly Gloationg.

“You’ve made money by carrying a peddler’s pack and selling notions from house to house?” “I havA” “What's the secret?” “It all depends on the way you use your voice. Always put on the soft peddle.”

This Will Interest Mothers.

Mother Gray's Sweet Powders for Children. cure Feverishness. Headache, Bad Stomach, Teething Disorders, Regulate the Bowels and Destroy Worms. They break up colds In 24 hours. Pleasant to take, and harmless as milk. They never fail. At all Druggists, 25c. Sample mailed FREE. Address, Allen S. Olmsted. Le Roy, N. Y.

Possible Use for Him.

“No, sir,” said the recruiting officer; “I'm sorry to say your boy won't do at all for the navy.” “Why not?" asked the lad’s father. "He’s cross eyed.” “Yes, I know that, but his eyes are crossed at such a peculiar angle that I thought you might be able to use him as a range finder.” —Chicago Tribune.

For Hashing Purposes.

“Money talks,” said the alderman from the 'Steenth ward, winking: sk)wly with his left eye. ¥ "Weil, if tjjls d»ea any talking:,” whispered the promoter, handing: it over, "It will be the' last you’ll ever get.’’

QUICKEST WITH SAEETY pisas k CURS Vki tin mtwau m (g a For the baby often means rest for 1 fl both mother and child. Little ones I 1 like it too —it’s so palatable to take. 1 H Free from opiates. § AM Drugtiata. 26 cents. J iIKCTAIT MOTHERS s*** bow to STOP MORNING NAUSEA AT ONCE WITHOUT THE USE OF DRUGS. MBS. fBCWDtI, 1113 Wssblssf a WWL.Oteaso *• 1,1 No. i—me BARGAINS ■ to (mall (rain. own. Ona SM ts&mattttrtßStiauetnss

THINGS YOU MAY NOT KNOW.

Duluth, at the head of Lake Superior, has the greatest mineral tonnage of any port in the world. Arranged in a straight line, the railways of the world would reach to the moon and hack again. New York has followed the example of Philadelphia and established a free permanent exhibition of building materials. Ten years ago the Standard Oil Company refined 90 per cent of the oil produced; now it refines only 80 per cent. Forty thousand yards of bunting were used recently on the Madison Square garden during the annual electrical show. In 1860 we stood at the bottom of the list of the four great manufacturing nations, namely: The United Kingdom, France, Germany and the United Stated. . Forty-nine years later we stand at the head of the list, our manufactured product equaling that of the other great nations combined. —American Industries. Last year’s American cotton crop was valued at $683,000,000, and. If the value of the seed he added, the aggregate revenue from the crop was very close up to $800,000,000. ‘lf the present prices for the staple hold, the value of this year’s cotton crop including the seed will mount up very near to $1,000,000,000, at any rate to more than s9oo,ooo,ooo.—New York Commercial. * Supers are very particular about the distribution of parts. In a fairy piece a set of dominos was represented by men wearing -on their backs boards marked with the different numbers. A discontented super gave in his resignation. “Why, what’s the matter?” asked the astonished director; "don’t you get your 15 sous a night like the others?” “It isn’t about the sous at all. I am one of the oldest artiste belonging to tie theater and they ought to have made me the double six; instead of that I am the lowest number—the double blank.” The hilly territory of Trieste, it is stated in a consular report on that district, is cpvered by pointed stones which prevent any cultivation, and some years ago the Societa Agraria offered prizes for those who would remove them and thus change the waste ground to meadows. The work has now been going on for some years, and every autumn a commission ascertains the area of the proposed redemption and the difficulties to be encountered, and fixes the prize to be given; In spring it again visits the improved grounds and pays the prizes if deserved. This year sixty-six peasants improved forty-four acres, and. received $1,040. Raising Japanese spaniels is ' the way one Connecticut farmer’s daughter has solved the problem of earning money while remaining at home and helping with the housework. She cleared S3OO the first year and almost double that amount the second and she looks forward to doing still better in 1910. She learned that the best way to get the dogs was to buy them from sailors, who picked them up in Japan and brought them to America for the. sake of Shaking money. The highest price she has received so far has been SIOO for pups about as perfect as the most fastidious exhibitor could demand. The lowest price was s2l for a female of no striking excellence, though she was unmistakably pure bred. —Omaha Bee.

During a period of political agitation a stranger arrived In Magdeburg, where, on applying to the authorities, he obtained a permit or ticket of residence. He had not been long in the town before he became aware that his steps were being dogged by a man in blue uniform. He bore it for days, but at last said to the spy: “Why do you pursue me in this way?” “I’m a detective and my instructions are not to lose sight of you," was the quiet answer. “Why, what fault have the police to find wth me?" shouted the stranger. “My passport is In order, here is my ticket of residence; I am a citizen of Berlin; why de you follow me about?” “It states In your passport,” was the reply, “that you werq, going to reside here for pleasure; that looked suspicious, as it was the first time any one came to reside In Magdeburg for pleasure," . It Is not generally known that oil with an asphaltum base (fuel oil) is vastly different from the paraffine product. The former is heavy and solid and contains no explosive gases, while paraffine oils are highly gaseous and explosive. It Is from the latter that the by-products gasoline, naphtha, benzine, etc., are obtained. Fuel oil is also used on roads to a great extent in the West, and mixed wfeh other ingredients makes a good street pavement. In fact, fuel oil has only recently been appreciated. Three bar-, rels of it will supply more heat units than a ton of coal, and can be handled by one-fourth the men and with absolute cleanliness and safety and no waste. We look to see all our public schools and institutions, as well as many private families, using fuel oil in the very near future. Oklahoma is to be congratulated on having such extensive fuel oil fields (those in the .Wheeler district covering several square miles), and we shall not be surprised to see them lead in value all the asests this wonderful state has yet produced for the world’s comfort gad wealth.—Oil World.

‘QUANTITY QUALITY AND PRICE’

The Three Essentials That Are Girina Weatern Canada Greater Inipnlae than Ever This Year. The reports from the grain fields of Central Canada (which comprises the provinces of Manitoba, Saskatchewan and Alberta) are to hand. The year 1909 has not only kept pace with previous years in proving that this portion of the continent is capable of producing a splendid yield of all! the smaller grains, but it has thoroughly outstripped previous seasons. There is quantity, quality and price, and from all parts of an area of about 320,000 square miles there comes the strong refrain of contentment and satisfaction. In the distribution of the conditions causing it no district has been overlooked. Various estimates of the total yield of wheat for the country have been made, but it is not the vast RfflSl that influences the general reader so much as what has been done individually. The grand total —say 130,000,000 bushels—may have its effect on the grain prices of the world; it may be interesting to know that in the world’s markets the wheat crop of Canada has suddenly broken upon the trading boards, and with the Argentine, and with Russia and India is now a factor in the making of prices. If so to-day, what will be its effect five or ten year’s from n<jw, when, instead of there being seven million acres under crop, with a total yield of 125,000,000 or 130,000,000 bushels, there will be from 17,000,000 to 30,000,000 acres in wheat with a yield of from 325,000,000 to 600,000,000 bushels. When it is considered that the largest yield in the United States but slightly exceeded 700,000,000 bushels, the greatness of these figures may be understood. Wtell, such is a safe forecast, for Canada has the land and it has the’ soil.' Even today the Province of Saskatchewan, one of the three great wheat growing provinces of Canada, with ,400,000 acres under wheat, produces nearly 90,000,000 bushels, or upwards of onetenth of the greatest yield of the United States. And Saskatchewan is jret only in the beginning of its development. As Lord Grey recently pointed out in speaking on this very subject, this year’s crop not represent one-tenth of the soil equally fertile that is yet to be brought under. the plough. Individually, reports are to hand of yields of twenty-five, thirty and thirtybushels to the acre. Scores of yields are reported of forty and some as high as sixty bushels. The farmer, who takes care of his soil, who gets his seed-bed ready early, is certain of a splendid crop. The news of the magnificent crop yield throughout the Canadian West will he pleasing to the friends of the thousands of Americans who are residents in that country and who are vastly instrumental in the assistance they are rendering to let the world know its capabilities.

The Last Touch.

“That indefinable something” is a useful phrase, and has helped many a would-be critic out of a scrape. It often happens that the “something” is nothing at all. As in the present instance, quoted from the Chicago Post, imagination played a large and Important part in the matter. Mr. Harvey, the famous chef, was once visiting New York, where some men arranged a contest between him and Beveral other chefs, with a view to determining who could make the best salad dressing. The jolly, fat judges watched the preparation carefully, and observed that Mr. Harvey, as a finishing touch, took from his pocket a tiny vial, carefully uncorked it, poured a few drops Into the finishing, and set it before the arbiters. They tasted the dressing in turn, smacked their lips and puckered their brows. Then they declared that all the dressings were fine, the most delectable that they had ever put to palate, but that about Mr. Harvey’s dressing there was “an —ah—indefinable something” which caused them to award it the prize. “George, what was it you put into that dressing?” asked one of his friends later. v "Only water,” he replied. Gas engines are rapidly replacing the steam engine in smaller factories. They give twice as much power for the sapie quantity of fuel.

Hamlins Wizard Oil win knock the spots off a sore throat. It’s use makes tonsilitis, quins.v and diphtheria impossible. It is simply great for the relief of all pain, soreness and inflammation. Extraordinary traffic on roads In England Is only permitted, nominally, after those conducting have agreed to pay for the Injury caused toy It i PILES CURED IN « TO 14 DATS. PAZO OINTMENT is guaranteed to cure any case of Itching. Blind, Bleeding or Protruding Piles In 6to 14 days or money refunded. 50c. For brewing purposes in the United t Kingdom last year 62.971.7&C pounds of hops were used. Constipation causes and seriously aggravates many diseases. It is thoroughly cured by Dr. Pierce’s Pellets.*’ Tiny sugar-coated granules. The officers of the British navy alone make a formidable squad of 109,110. ■ ;

BREAK UP THAT COUGH

Witt AgsnVTin. BaliS,tUwiffr family Ttnmtj. It enrst whers other rsmetllsa fell. All Beeler*. Me. Ho. UJX> bottles. Unde Sam's forest* are being cut down three times as fast as they grow. ' Mrs. Winslow's Booms* Inn Css OhlMree test bins! "often* the sum*, reduces inflammation, atEgssala. owes wind sails. » sssts s bottle.

ON THE WAY TO TYBURN TREE

Lord Ferrers’ Tragic Journey to Full! on ■ Old Gallows. Park lane was Tyburn lane, and it seems as if the gallows—described in an old document as movable —at one time stood at its east corner. It was there the ferocious Lord Ferrers was hanged in 1760. for murdering his servant. ' Horace Walpole’s words paint the picture well: “He shamed heroes. He bore the solemnity of a pdmpous and tedious procession of above, two hours from the tower to Tyburn with as much tranquillity as if he were only going to his own burial, not to his own execution.” , And when one of the dragoons of the procession was thrown from his horse Lord Ferrers expressed much' concern, and said: “I hope there will be no death to-day but mine.” ' —. — • -= —-• j—Oh went the procession, with a mob about it sufficient to make its progress slow and laborious. Small wonder that t the age of Thackeray, with Thackeray’s help, set up its scaffolds within four high walls. Asking for drink, Lord Ferrers was refused, for, said the sheriff, late regulations enjointed him not to let prisoners drink while passing from the place of imprisonment to that of execution, great indecencies having been committed by the drunkenness of the criminals in the hour of execution. “And though,” said he, according to the Sketch, "my lord, I might think myself excusable in overlooking this order out of regard for your lordship’s rank, yet there is another reason, which, I am sure, will weigh with you—ryour lordship is sensible to the greatness of the crowd; we must draw up at some tavern; the confluence would be so great that it would delay the expedition, which your lordship seems so much to desire.” But decency—so often paraded by those who outrage it—ended with the murderer’s death. “The executioners fought for the rope, and the one who lost it cried — the greatest tragedy, to his thinking, of the day!”

One Last Chance.

She was shopping. She drifted into the place where they sell blankets. Roll after roll was deposited and spread outt before her. Sill, she listlessly asked for more. Finally, with brazen face, she remarked, as she rose: "Oh, .well; I don’t really mean to buy any. I was only looking for a friend.” “Pray wait a moment, ma’am,” said the attendant, suavely, “there’s Is one more blanket on the shelf. Perhaps your friend is in that.” —Tit-Bits.

A Sporting Chance.

. “I’ll teach you to play at pitch and toss!” shouted the enraged father. “I’ll flog you for an hour, I will!” “Father,” Instantly said the Incorrigible, as he balanced a penny on his thumb and finger, “I’ll toss you to make it two hours or nothing.”— Cassell’s Journal.

CASTOR IA for Infants and Children. fin Kind You Han Always Bought

All Depends.

Stranger—What’s property worth on this street? Fitzjurld—Do you want to sell, mister, or do you want to buy? TO CURE A COI.D IN ONE DAT Take LAXATIVE BROMO Quinine Tablets. Druggistß refund money U it fails to cure. E. W. GROVE’S signature is on each boa. 25c. Heavy traffic will cut away a wooden pavement about one Ineh In five years. p FERRY DAVIS’ PAINKILLER ' baa an enviable reputation of over seventy years ss a reliable remedy for lumbago, sciatica, pleurisy stitches, etc.. 26c. Ke and MIC. At all druggists. Germany’s four super-Dreadnoughts will each have a crew of 1,600 men.

We Give Away , Absolutely Free of Costr^J^k The People’s Common Sense Medical Adviser, in Plain English, or Medicine Simplified, by R. V. Pierce, M. D., Chief Consulting Physician to the Invalids’ Hotel and Sur- MBrnKm* Jfe;gical Institute at Buffalo, a book of 1008 large pages and over 700 illustrations, in strong paper covers, to any one sending 21 non nwf stamps to cover oost of mailing only, or, in French Cloth binding for 31 stamp*. Over 680,000 copies of this complete Family Doctor Book were sold in sloth binding at regular prioe of $1.50. Afterwards, one and a half million oopiea were given away aa above. A new, up-to-date revised edition Is now ready for mailing. Better send NOW, before all are gone. Address Wosld’s Dispbniaay Medical Association, R. V. Pierce, M. D., President, Buffalo, N. Y. DR. PIERCE’S FAVORITE PRESCRIPTION *1 THE ONE REMEDY for woman’s peculiar good emoagfc that its makers are not afraid to print on its outside wrapper ka every ingredient. No Secrete—No Deception. THE ONE REMEDY for women which contains am alcohol and no habit-forming drugs. Mad* from native medicinal forest roots ol well sstshßshed curative value. ;~f o.t •' i ’j j } . . The Keeley treatment can Kbe obtained nowkavw in Illtarti*; except at the Kroiev 1 nstituts at Dwight. More than JOO.OOO people have been relieved of DrunkennesM and Drug and Narcotic addictions - by the Keeley Treatment since It was discovered and formulated by the late Dr. Leslie E. Keeley, over 30 years ago. Ail correspondence strictly confidential. No humiliating expeI riences. Long distance' pbon! THE LESLIE E. KEELEY COMPANY, Dwight, Illinois cnioaso orncti laa swim at. non! sea

VimiZER -•4 ;>,»{.-00, , .. RESTORES LOST POWERS, A weak man la like a clock ran down. MUNYON’B VITALIZEK will wind him np and make him go. If you are nervous, If you sra Irritable, If you lack confidence in yon*aelf. If you do not feel yoor fall manly vlgdr, begin on this remedy at once. Thera are 75 VITALIZER tablets In one bottle: every cablet la fall of vital power. Don't apend another dollar on quack doctora or spurious remedies, or fill your system with harmful drugs. Begin on MUNYONi VITALIZER nt once, and yon will begin to feel the vitalizing effect of thtt remedy after the ffVat dose. Price, sl, post-paid, llbnyon, 63rd and Jefferson, Pula, Pa.

WBTEM CJUUM Senator Dolllver, of lowa, says:—* I from the United State* IfinfiKSSSfgJ [owafarmentaCijM<jj| he excellent edmlnleCanada >me during 1000. untrr npwards of ,000,000.00 fruaftaJp atdSEZ 3 10O b £r£ E £. H £ , X within certain areas, nd churches ha every t. climate unexcelled^ . __ Won. Ottawa. Canada, or to the following Canadian Oor’t Agent: C. J. Broughton. Boom tit. Merchants' Loan and 7mat Building, Chicago. 111. , Please ray where you saw this advertisement. Just as some foods will make the bowels active, so do Cascarets. Their results don’t come through irritation, as with harsh cathartics, but in Nature’s way. So you can take them any hour. No need to wait till bedtime. m CUT THIS OUT. mall It with your address to Sterling Remedy Company. Chicago. 111., and receive a handsome souvenir gold Bon Bon Box FREE.

- y-lpfc ;.V; '• I 11H Safe 1 RANK P LEWIS, Peoria. 11l Originator of Tin Foil Smoker Package. ThS man who has made Lewis’ Single Binder Straight Be Ctem famous among smokers throughout the west. W"W g-v a Tobacco. Orange. Fig, rnw I n Pecan and Truck Farm I HI b3QIC Lands in BALDWIN * COUNTY,ALA., which took first prize at the recent State Fair. I sell them at lower prices than the Colonization Companies. Western Fanners are buying land near mine, making money and are delighted with tbs country. The climate and water are of the best. Apply to HENRY X. HORST, MOBILE, XLX tgJKftjßlhJSjsSg MSIIBiKSSBSaE Send for List of Farms mimfrS lead aa pike reads. A. M. BASER, Wabash, lei iEftg|ga3aSS&fil 8. N. U. Ne. I—lßlo |N WBITINS TO IBVEITISrBS. pleats da sal MR ■ atalias ysa saw tfca Advtrtlteaaal la Ibis r~ftT