Evening Republican, Volume 14, Number 2, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 January 1910 — GOOD SHORT STORIES [ARTICLE]

GOOD SHORT STORIES

An elderly farmer up in Maine lost his wife, and his nephew was taking the old man back to the empty farmhouse. “Well,” said the old man after a long silence, “forty-six years. 1 suppose she was a geod wife to me She was a good cook and a good housekeeper, and she kept me well redd up, but, do yon know,” hh added, "I never liked her.” President Hadley is never without « ready and witty remark. Yale’s Sunday service* are addressed by prominent clergymen of many denominations and irdm many cities. When these visiting preachers occasionally ask President Hadley how long they shall speak he invariably replies: "There is no limit, sir, upon the time you may preach; but there is a Yale tradition that no souls are saved after the first twenty minutes.” A charming girl of 18, the daughter of a Western publisher and quite a Society queen in her own city, had been brought to Washington by her father, and at one of the White House receptions was presented to President Roosevelt. As her small hand disappeared within the hearty grasp of the President the maiden looked up at him and smiling sweetly said: “I’m awfblly glad to meqt you, Mr. Roosevelt. I’ve often heard father speak of you.”

A young country chap once got a Job in a city grocery. He was very cautious in his new berth—they had told him at home that the city people would try to josh him because he was green. He kept a sharp lookout accordingly for joshers. A sober old maid entered the grocery one morning. “I want some bird seed, please," she said. The new clerk sneered and answered scornfully: “No, ye don’t, lady. Ye can’t josh me. Birds grows from eggs, not seeds.” Mexicans have a nice, delicate way of saying even unpleasant things. A young Mexican lady, talking with a prisoner in the penitentiary, politely asked: "How long do you expect to be away from home?” A lawyer in Mexico writes, politely, of a certain seiior: "I have written to Senor about the documents, and 1 am awaiting his reply. He has not answered, -although there has been plenty of time. I hear he is in jail, and that, of course, handicaps him tc some extent.” A newly elected senator from the West was on his way to Washington He was thinking great things, wheD the conductor came into the car with his characteristic “Have yonr ticket! ready.” The senator began to fumble in one pocket, then another. When the conductor came to him he was still looking for the ticket. “Did yoi have it when you got on V inquired the conductor, somewhat impatiently “Of course I did. This isn’t my flrsl trip.” "Then you couldn’t have lost it” Couldn’t have lost itT” replied the Irate politlclal. “I lost a bast drum once.” The commercial traveler had beei summoned as a witness, and th< counsel for the defense was cross-ex-amining him, and eliciting many interesting details as to “exes.,” etc. “You travel for Jobson, Hobson, Slob son A Co., don’t you?” said the law yer. “Yes, air.” "How long have yot been in thoir employ r* “About ten yeare.” “And you have been traveling all that time, have you?” “Well no, sir," confessed the nothing-bub the-truthful witness, making a hasty mental calculation, “not actually trav eling. I have put in about four yearr of that time waiting at railway sta tlons."