Daily Wabash Express, Terre Haute, Vigo County, 10 March 1889 — Page 4

DAILY EXPRESS.

GEO ALLEN, Proprietor

Publication Office 16 south Kith Street, House Square.

Printing

ptntered Second-Class Matter at the Poitoffice of Terre Haute, Ind.]

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Coantiug

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The Express does not undertake to return rejected manuscript. No communication will be published unless the full name and place of residence of the writer la furnished, not necessarily for publication, but as a guarantee of good faith.

There haB been and is yet a great deal of talk about Indiana's demand for Federal offices, but according to all reports Ohio and Illinois are far ahead of the Iloosier state.

Terre Haute'e Riddleberger contracted bad habits while spending the people's money in other cities, where he went to ascertain which kind of street pavement afforded the best surface for man and beast.

It is bad enough for Chicago to be continually harping on St. Louis as a quiet place suitable for rest and seclusion, but TUB

EXPRESS

correspond­

ent at Casey, 111.,' who announces that a citizen of that village had gone to St. Louis to "rusticate," is piling it on just a little too heavy.

City Attorney Taylor's point that the city would not be violating the constitution by incurring indebtedness for the new sewer and pavement because by the time of payment the city's debt would be within the limit of 2 per cent, of the assessed taxable value is worthy of a Napoleon of finance. The law is that the debt shall not be incurred. Perhaps the city attorney does not consider the debt as being incurred until the bill is presented.

Judge Solomon Claypool, having notified Justice Harlan, by whom he was appointed to act temporarily as United States district attorney at IndianapoliF, that he would not prosecute the cases of the persons indicted by Leon Bailey and his grand jury, there is a vacancy in the office. Judge Claypool realized that the indictments were based on trival infractions of the election law and that there was no criminal intent in the cases. This seems to be a tit ending of all the hue and cry raised by the leaders of the defeated party in

yOTwiiI see prosecution that prosecutes even if it takes from Terre Haute a once distinguished and sanctimonious citizen

C. 0. I).

A l'erfect I nion,

Wardlaw -They say that liashag married a de.i and dumb girl last week. Stranue. Isn't It'.' Colllns-No I think a more suitable match could hardly be round. Ho can talk all the tlmo with out being Interrupted, and she won't be annoyed by listening to lilni. ltulldeil Bettor Than lie lvuew.

Tomnly—Pupa, what Is "Herbert Spencer's gos pel of relaxation'.'" The Kev. Sir. Mllilmay I think 1 must have preached It myself yesterday, unknowingly. Mor than one third the congregation went to sleep

Conscience I)otl Make Cowards, F.t Mrs. Topploft Do you ever have any trouble In getting money from your husband'.'

Mrs. Oleboy None in tho least. I accuse him every once In a while of talking In his sleep.

A Warning.

.lay (iould will pass through mrgo throughi the city at 2 o'clock this afternoon, en route to the Southwest, if tlie citizens will exhibit a little activity, perhaps they can get the town nailed down before Mr (iould arrives.

Flotsam.

Two muzzled dogs had a desperate battle yes terday. It resembled nothing so much as a prize tight.

ANew York corn doctor (beg pardon—chiropodist) has a masculine customer who always used smelling salts when operated upon. But think how the poor chiropodist must suffer.

Democratfe papers are awfully afraid that President Harrison will give to the country "an exhl bltlon of nepotism." However, it Isn't nepotism so much as jackpotlsm that the country suiTers from.

What an ephemeral thing Is fame! (iroverCleve land Is already almost forgotten, and two months later any one who speaks of President Harrison without the distinguishing title will be met with the uuestlon: "What base does he play.'"

Another fortune for a song A Chicago man named Melody drew a $5,000 lottery prize.

The l.ogansport Chronicle tells of a policeman a police gentleman -who pawned his watch to get a lady out of jail. Now, that ladles have begun getting into jail, the good old name of woman may yet become fashionable.

Indians, as a rule, have very small and shapely feet. Tommy, however, says that "The Last of the Monlcans" is simply Immense.

It Is hard to decide which Is the worse nuisance the man who tells broad stories, or the man who tells long ones.

KXCHANKE ECHOES

New York Press: lilve the school children fresh air, or the next generation of New Yorkers will lie drawing low salaries while the healthy country jays are managing the country's business' and getting rich.

Louisville Courier-Journal: President Cleveland has not during his entire term entered a department building. One might suppose that lie did not like to look at Kepubllcau officials holding places under a Democratic administration. ourler-Jo irnahMr. Cleveland's failure of re elec tlou was mainly due personal causes residing in himself. With many of the best quatltles which can enter into a public official and none of the worst, he had not the facility to make friends. His lack of tactjwas aggressive. He possessed a genius for needless incivility. He drove men from him and attached none to him. Instances of the amazing disregard of the amenities of life in cases where courtesy only was required could be multiplied. The consequences was that In his own state, where these were most directly felt, his personal popularity was phenomenal, and the knives he had whetted tor hlmseif were accordingly numerous and Incisive. In those points outside the city of New York, I.e. In Brooklyn. Rochester and Buffalo, the latter city his home, the losses sustained on account of the private enemies he had made among former friends, were enough to cost us the state twice over. His Individuality Is, therefore, neither pleasing nor cheering to dwell npon. It undeudtedl£ procured his

undeudtedly pr

feat at the hands of those who kfrew him nest.

TYPICAL IRISH BULLS.

As the outgoing American minister audaciously remarked, says the New York Times, at the recent farewell banquet in his honor, that "the man who never makes mistakes, never makes anything," we ought to view with regret the sterilizing influence exerted by the spread of advancing civilization on the propagation of chimeras, Irish "bulls, and other species of the genus solecism. "Then," continues the essayist in the Spectator, "it may be that the faculty is ineradicable, and for the sake of the gayety of nations we could well wish that it were so but there are strong positive grounds for believing that discipline and education have already affected and will continue to affect it prejudicially. The more til® Irish are drilled in thought the less likely are they to indulge in this peculiar form of ellipse, oxymoron, catachresis, or mental elision, for the bull has been compared to all these four figures. "It would be curious, if it were possible, to ascertain whether the effect of their training, metal and physical, had not produced this effect on the myrmidons and minions of the law. We strongly suspect that if the statistics of Irish bulls were arranged according to the class of the speaker, the royal Irish constabulary would come at the bottom of the list. One thing at, least is certain— that there is fortunately no need to attempt any defense of the Irish bull, no matter to which of the two parties one may belong. "It is quite a relief vvheD, quite at the close of the book, the mask is thrown off and we read: 'The Irish nation, from the highest to the lowest, in daily conversation about the ordinary affairs of life, employ a superfluity of wit, metaphor, and ingenuity which would be astonishing and unintelligible to a majority of English yeomen. Even the cutters of turf and the drawers of whisky are orators.' Sir Jonah Barrington, his delightful sketches of his own times, seemed to feel the same necessity for apologizing for the Irish b'lll when he observed, with mingled warmth and justice, 'The English people consider a bull as nothing more than a vulgar, nonsensical expression but Irish blunders are frequently humorous hyperboles or oxymorons, and present very often the most energetic mode of expressing the speaker's opinion. "Nowadays nonsense is no longer vulgar. A Quarterly reviewer has declared it to be the supreme outcome of wit and humor. Edward Lear is already a classic.

The slightest pretense to genuine humor in a writer or speaker establishes his claim to be considered a public benefactor, and both sides of the house would cheerfully consent to such obstruction of public business as was caused by Sir Boyle Roche. His famous remark about posterity—'Why should we do anything for posterity, for what, in the name of goodness, has posterity done for us?'—is well known, but the sequel, as narrated by Sir Jonah Barrington, is worth recalling: 'Sir Boyle, hearing the roar of laughter which of course followed this sensible blunder, but not being conscious that he had said anything out of the way, was rather puzzled, and conceived that the house had misunderstood him. He therefore, begged leave to explain, as he

to come immediately after them.' Upon hearing this 'explanation,' it was impossible to do any serious business for half an hour. "But few persons can rise from a pe rasal of the sayings of Sir Boyle Roche as recorded in these sketches, without concurring in the author's remark that he 'seldom launched a blunder from which some fine aphorism or maxim might not be easily extracted.' To take two instances—he is reported to have said, while arguing for the suspension of the habeas corpus act in Ireland, 'It would surely be better, Mr. Speaker, to give up not only part, but, if necessary even the whole of our constitution, to preserve the remainder.' And again, 'The beat way to avoid danger is to meet it plump.' "The writer of this article remembers the case of an Irish boy in his school days, who, having placed a full cup of coffee on a sloping desk ancf found that it overflowed, sought to remedy this by turning his cup round! And then there is, of course, the famous old joke of the Irishman who sought to raise his roof By excavating the floor of his cabin. But under this head no bull equals the so called Irish Nationalist movement. For, as it has been said, the movement is so Irish that its leader is an Englishman, its bursar an American, while its chances of success depend upon the life of Scotchman. "Here, too,',we may appropriately quote one of Sir Boyle Roche's happiest efforts. He was dilating on the probable consequences of an invasion of Ireland by the French Republicans, and in the fervor of his oratory describes how, 'if those Gallican villians should invade us, sir, tis on that very table, may be, these honorable members might see their own destinies lying in heaps atop of one another! Here, perhaps, the murderous marshal-law-men Marseilloisj would break in, cut us tc tnince-meat, and throw our bleeding heads upon that table to stare us in ths face!'

Some of the habitual and moat picturesque expressions employed by the Irish peasantry, are, strictly speaking, bulls. For example, they frequently talk of 'a sthrong wakeness,' or say that 'the water is dry in the river.' Sheridan Lefanu, in his delightful Irish stories, gives some admirable instances of the bull, thus: 'That deadly sound is goin' on as lively as ever 'and, best of all, 'the only way to prevint what's past is to put a stop to it before it happens.' With this we may couple a remark heard the other day: 'I can always remember things in advance.' That is an excellent bull, too, which another Irish writer invented when he described drops of rain as varying in size 'from a shilling to eighteen penny' while for the charm of surprise no blunder surpasses the absurd sayiDg: 'There I sat. expecting that every moment would be my n6xt..' This is, however, not a typical specimen of the taurus Hibernicus. "There are bulls, again, in which some of the deepest questions of metaphysics are involved. Walpole's bull, 'I hate that woman, for she changed me at nurse,' is a case in point and so is the wonderfully ingenius retort of the Irishman who, when a gentleman said to him, 'How did you like the whisky, Pat?' at onc9 replied, "Sure, your honor, t. has made another man of me, and that other man would like a glass, too.' "The bull, though perhaps metiwith in greater perfection and profusion on Irish soil than anywhere else, is by no means confined to Ireland. Swift once said: 'I have it in contemplation to write an essay on English bulls and blunders.' And going much further

THE TERM:

HAUTE

afield, there is something closely akin to the Irish bull in the conduct and utterances of the Khoja Nass-eddin, the Turkish Joe Miller. For it is related of him that, purchasing eggs at a shilling a dozen, he then proceeded to sell them for tenpence. And when his friends expostulated with him on the absurdity of his behavior, he replied, 'There is a loss on the profit, but some business is done.' Only the other day we heard of an old French soldier who. on being presented with a sword of honor, remarked: 'Ce sabre eat le plus beau jour de ma vie.' Such a blunderer exactly illustrates the process which is described in the only passage in the Edgeworths' essay where any serious attempt is made to explain how bulls are made: 'The propensity to this species of blunder exists in those who are quick and enthusiastic, who are confounded by the rapidity and force with which undisciplined multitudes of ideas crowd for utterance. Persons of such intellectual characters are apt to make elisions in speaking which they trust the capacities of their audience will supply passing rapidly over a long chain of thought they sometimes forget the intermediate links, ana no one but those of equally rapid habits can follow them successfully. So we have heard the bull happily described as the result of an attempt to emulate Sir Boyle Roche's historic bird. It is not a sign of mental weakness so much as of mental agility. It is a heroic effort to sit upon two stools at once, to reconcile two contradictory propositions. It still somewhat affronts those slow but surefooted English intellects whose dominant characteristic is the saving grace of stupidity. But it is the very epitome of the Celtic temper as described in the famous impromptu:

Fighting like devils for conciliation. Haling each other for the love of God.

A NEWSPAPER MANS REVENGE.

How He Oot Even With tlie Fresli Young Man. The gentleman at the coal"" office was giving some instructions to his subordinates in the suburbs by telephone, says the Chicago Tribune. "What time do you expect to get in here to-morrow morning?" "At 8 o'clock. I—" "Hello, Central. Give me 990."

The interruption came from a man whose wire had been "plugged in" by mistake with the one over which the conversation was going. "Go chase yourself around the block," replied the employe in the suburbs. "This isn't the central office. Hello, 1331! Are you listening?" "Ves!" "I was about to say, when that duffer broke in, that I would be at the office at 8 o'clock to-morrow morning, if that will do." "All right."

And 1,331 dropped his 'phone. But the man who had called for 999 was listening. In a voice like that of the gentleman at the coal office he called out: "Oh, say!" "Well," responded the employe in the suburbs, "have you forgotten anything.' "Yes, I just happened to remember that a customer we can't afford to snub is going out West in the morning on a 0 o'clock train and wants to leave an order before he goes, ou'll have to come in at half-past 5." "Thunder! That's tough." "So it is but you'll have to come in."

Indiana Will He Ttftken Care Of. It is undeniable that the town is full of place hunters, and it is undeniable that Indiana is largely and actively represented. Probably Indiana will be well taken care of under this administration. General Harrison has many personal obligations in his state, and the lighting is so close and bitter there year after year that it is only proper the working force of the party be given all possible recognition and help. Already there is an admirable Republican state organization in Indiana, and with a good federal organization added to it, tho president believes his Btate may be made safely Republican. Cleveland came to the presidency from New York with two Republicans representing his state in the senate, and he had not the genius for leadership to support them, or either of them, with Democrats. Harrison comes from Indiana with two Democrats representing his state in the 6enate, and before the expiration of his term it is his fondest desire to place a Republican in the 6eat of at least one of them. The president is still somewhat local in his sympathies, as was indicated to-day when he left a party of senators to sit down for ten minutes with a man from his state, remarking: "I think Indiana should have some show here."— [Washington Special.

It lJiiln't Work.

Mrs. Youngwife—Oh, dear! I'll never believe a word these horrid newspapers say again.

Mother—Why, what's the matter? "Yesterday I read an article on how to keep a husband just as devoted as he was when a lover. It said you must keep your temper,attend conscientiously to the kitchen and pantry, see that his clothing is in good order, have plenty of sun light in the house and in the heart, don't bother him about going to places of amusement when he is tired, keep the hair becomingly fixed and never let him see it in curl papers, avoid friends who would only bore him, and dress well.,, "Very good advice." "Good? Why, as quickly as he got home I told him I wanted a lot of new dresses and he got mad right off."—

New York Weekly.

He Isn't Kullt That Way.

The Jenkins of the inaugural ball informs us that Mrs. Halford, wife of Private Secretary Halford, the"Lije': of the new administration, wore a black velvet court train, front of skirt of silver and white brocaded velvet, with duchess lace trimming the waist, and that, as a natural adornment and addition to her charms of person, Mrs. Halford has "a wealth of blonde hair which curls naturally." But the Jenkins of the inaugural ball did not penetrate to the mysterious depths of the Whits house cellar. We learn from purely hearsay testimony that Grover Cleveland left something in that cellar which would make Elijah's hair curl, too, were he built that way. But he isn't.—[St. Paul Pioneer Press.

OuaUfj-ing for Statehood.

"Progressive jack-pot" is the sas3iety game in Montana.—[Hutchinson News.

pew."

EXPRESS, SUNDAY MORNING, MARCH 10, 1889.

THE COST OF RELIGION, OR THE SINNER AND HIS PITC.

There once was a sinner dlsgisted with sin, Who. resolving anew mode o{ life to begin. Thought the church, of all otsers, the place where to learn How virtue to seek and how vtckedness spurn. Perplexed In his mind, he sotght out a friend, A vestryman old, one on whom to depend, And was told as an answer to "What shall I do?" ••Why. purchase and pray a well cushioned pew." ,v, ••*.: -s ii. He though It was strange thii advice to impart To a sinner, who yearned forrellglon at heart He hoped to receive wholesone words for reflection. To set his mind working in croper direction. And therefore inquired, with great common sense. "Can't I get to heaven without such expense?" "Oh, no," was the answer, "it never would do. The church Is in debt, so you must buy a pew."

in.

he thought, 'I was poor and a

"Supposing, sinner, No bed to recline on, no breakfast or dinner. And fearing in justice the clnstenlng rod. How could I. in that case, propitiate God? Must I enter the church, when lhe warder's not by, Steal into a pew, there to pr»y on the sly: And because I am poor, should the sexton I meet, Be told I had better get into the street, That the wealth and the fa&lon ot Gotnam alone Can worship the Lord in that church of brown stone?"

IV.

The purchase, however, was made and complete. With carpets and cushions lor back and for feet. With prayer books all gllled and hassocks all new, And ten thousand dollars paid for his pew. The Lord's day came round on goodness Intent, In meekness of spirit to secice he went The prayers and processions were gotten up well, The sermon came on, when shameful to tell, The sinner received not a wrd of advice. But was meekly Informed Jaat, at very low price. A lot could be purchased art! parsonage, too, By an extra assessment on every one's pew.

The next Sunday came: he sought out his place, But found It encumbered with satin and lace A hat of enormous proportions descried, With something—perhaps 'twas a woman—InMde 'Twas a queer combination from head to Its feet, Perfumed with patchouly, which sat in his seat Its streamers were grayish. Its overcoat blue, With a hump at Its waist line which filled up his pew.

"Can this be thf costume," he thought, "that the fair Consider essential In offering prayer. When opera music Its subtlety blends To teach one upon what his salvation depends I've been to the playhouse, the concert, the ball I've loitered In many an opera stall But fashion seems queen, and obey her all do. Whether grasping a lorguon or kneeling in pew.

So he modestly seated himself In the rear, Awaiting In patience a sermon to hear That would lift up his soul from the earthy of ®arttl .... And give to his spirit new light and new birth: Would teach him his passions and sins to control, To lose the whole world but to save his own soul Would teach him the shackles of sin to undo, To think of salvation -and not of his pew.

The sermon began, but'twas easy to see What tlie gist of the argument this time would be The whole congregation most soundly were scored For giving less money than they could afford. That all felt uneasy, althotigh since last Lent Some thousands of dollars were given and spent Then the sinner grew angry, and thought it was true, "That your Docketbook bleeis when you purchase a pew."

The Sabbath came round and again he repaired To his pew where of late so badly he'd fared. His anger had passed and his sin to abate. A greenback of value he dopped In the plate, And again he awaited with patience to hear Words of comfort and hope, consolation and cheer But the preacher had come from the Isles of

Lew Chew

at coal office, although

he came jn at the unearthly hour of half-past a. m. and remained till halfpast 7, sitting on the doorstep and shivering and it will dawn upon him, perhaps, that the person whom he told to chase himself around the block was a newspaper man, who considers himself amply revenged.

And was begging the dollars from every one's pew.

Theo, during the week, about each other day. Came ladles demanding how much he could pay For books, or a gown, or a surplice, or bands. Or to educate children they had on their hands i«pWftm1«r,aSniMifa1fifne In the transept just north of his well cushioned pew.

The next Sunday came he lay long tin bed: He lounged and he smoked and the papers he read He thought of the church, but he hastened away To his club, where they laughed at him most of the day. And begged he'd Inform his Immediate friends Upon what one's salvation hereafter depends. He smiled, and he told them that all they could do Was -'To purchase and pray In a well cushioned

WILLIAM TOD HELMITH.

Marriage A gen.

In Austria, 14 years for both sexes. In Spain, the man at 14, the woman at 12.

In Russia, the man at 18, the woman at 16. In Greece, the man at 14, the woman at 12.

In France, the man at 18, the woman at 15. In Saxony, the man at 18, the woman at 16.

In Belgium, the man at 18, the womau at 15. In Germany, the man at 18, the woman at 14.

In Switzerland, the man at 14, the woman at 12. In Hungary. Catholics, the man at 14, the woman at 12 Protestants, the man at 18, the woman at 12.

Politics in His Preaching.

An old pastor in Connecticut was damaged by a report from a neighboring community that he had brought politics into his preaching. A friend visited the place where the minister was reported to have done so, and asked a brother in the church: "Did Dr. Ely preach politics here?" "\es," was the response, "he did." "What did he say?" "Well, sir," said the interrogated witness more dubiously, "if he didn't preach politics, he anyhow prayed politics." "But what did he say?" still urged the friend. "Say!" echoed the respondent. "He said,* 'Though hand join in hand, the wicked shall not go unpunished.'"

Tho Shortest Obituary Poem. The discussion over the best shortest poem goes merrily on. The Sun is partial to the following, which was evolved from the storm of one year ago in New York:

This bllz Knocks biz.

It is very good, but it is no better than the somewhat famous epitaph which

reads:

Thorpe's Corpse. —-[Baltimore American.

A Little One's Apt Retort. The little hats now worn by little girls afford frequent opportunities to a lawyer of this city to propound a very good conundrum. Yesterday the lawyer put it thus to a bright one of 8 years: "Maggie, why are you like George Washington?" "Because you have your little hat yet. Do you see?."

The reply of the little one was very apt: "I never saw anything with a hatchet."—[Indianapolis Journal.

Men's Evouinif Dress.

The material now generally used for evening dress is a soft, spongy woolen cloth called Thibet. It outwears broadcloth and never takes on the polish of diagonals. Waistcoatsof the same material are by no means out of style, but are gradually giving place to thoee

made of fancy colored duck. Trousers are either plain or have a narrow darkbine stripe over the outer seam. They are made of medium width,and are about half-way between tights and balloons. Fifth avenue tailors charge for suite from $90 to S1J.0.—[New York Tribune.

THE CHURCHES.

CHRISTIAN SUNDAY SCHOOLS.—Sunday school at east Walnut street and Park street at 2:30 p. m.

UNIVERSALIST CHURCH.—No services, the pastor having been called by business to St. Louis. Sunday school at 11:45 as usual.

FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH._—Sunday school at 9:30. a. m. Preaching by the pastor both morning and evening, at 11 a. m., and 7:30 p. m.

CENTRAL PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH.— Divine services, 11 a. m. and 7:30 p. m. Sunday school at 9:45 a. m. Young people's meeting at 6:30 p. m.

CHRISTIAN CHURCH.—The pastor will preach both morning and evening. Sunday school 9:30 a.m. Young People's Society of Christian Endeavor at 6:30 p. m.

GERMAN METHODIST CHURCH.—Sunday school at 9 a.m. Services at 10:30 a. m. and 7:30 p.m. Young people's meeting at 6:30 p. m. Children's meeting at 3 p. m.

CONGRF.C.AJIONAL CHUUI H.—The Rev. J. H. Crum, of Winona, Minn., arrived on Friday night, and will preach at the Congregational Church in the morning and evening. A general attendance is requested.

ST. STEPHEN'S CHURCH.—Holy communion, 8 a. m., morning service and sermon, 10:45 a. m. evening service and sermon, :30 p. m. Sunday school 9:15 a. m. Sunday school at St. Luke's 3 p. m. sevices during the week: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday at 4:30 p. m. Wednesday at 10:00 a. m. and 7:30 p. m.,_ Friday at 10 a. m. and 4:30 p. m.

NOTES.

The Young Ladies' missionary society of the Congregational Church met in the church parlors yesterday afternoon.

The ladies of the second division of the Christian Church are planning a social and supper in the church parlors for next Tuesday evening.

The meelfings which have been in progress at the First Baptist Church have been very successful. A great many have joined the church, and on last Sunday morning nearly the entire service consisted of baptism.

A society to be known as the Oxford league has been organized among the young people of Centenary Church, and promises to be a very prosperous organization. The object is literary and social entertainment. The society will begin life with a social on next Saturday evening.

HINTS FOR LENT.

A thoroughly penitential food is boarding house hash. Lenten toilets will not, as a general thing, be made of sack cloth.

Give up some worldly pleasure—one that you can give up the easiest. Don't allude to the dollar that keeps lent. It is an old joke, and is little used nowadays.

This is a period of penitential sacrifices. The Democrats will give up the presidency.

If you put away all expensive, and Orn II S\TiO People dependent upon the relief and aid society will rigorously fast. They are used to it.

A dinner of turtle soup, baked shad, porterhouse steak and a bottle of wine is quite enough for a fasting man.

Of course, you will go to church every morning. Never mind breakfast. You are fasting any way, you know.«

The lenten penance is somewhat se vere, but the female health is often cheered and sustained by thoughts of spring toilets at Easter.

The man who has been footing the bills fjr balls, parties, dinners, recep tions, pink teas and so on will enjoy lent and wish it came oftener and lasted longer.—[Chicago Herald.

He Only Said D— u.

Mabel—Mother, I have broken my engagement with Arthur. No woman could be bnppy with such a. brute.

Mother—Horrors! What have you learned "Last night I asked him to tack the cover on my workbox, and he hit his finger with the hammer, and mother, he said—damn." "I see. He danced around the room and swore a blue streak a yard long, and threw the hammer out of the window and kicked the workbox to pieces, and called you a gibbering idiot and "Why, no he didn't he only said 'damn,' and went on tacking." "What? Is that all? You foolish child! You have lost an angel."—[Philadelphia Record.

Rlblical Names on Top.

The Bibical names in the new administration are extended as follows: Benjamin, president.

Levi, vice-president, Elijah, private secretary. Benjamin, secretary of the navy. Jeremiah, secretary of agriculture. James, secretary of state. John Noble, secretary of interior.

I Wanamaker, postmaster general. —[Utica Herald.

Why He Waits.

Interviewer—You are the man who was going to dramatize "Robert Elsmere," I believe.

Dramatist—Yes, sir but I have postponed it for the present. Interviewer—May I ask why?

Dramatist—Certainly. I am waiting to see if I can put President Harrison's inaugural address on the stage to advantage.—[St. Paul Pioneer Press.

Cause and KfTect.

Mr. Henpeck (meaningly) Ella Wheeler Wilcox says all girls should be sunny.

Mrs. Henpeck—Huh! Most girls are sunny. It's after they become women and begin to live with a husband that all the sunshine goes out of their life.

Mr. Henpeck subsides.—[New York Weekly.

No Quibbling.

*'At what age were you married?" she asked, inquisitively. But the other lady was equal to the emergency, and quietly responded, "At the parsonage."—[Yarmouth Register.

Caught en the Flj.

Handsome Young Canadian—Are you in favor of annexation. Miss Oldmaid? _Miss Oldmaid—Oh, this is so sudden! Y-e-s, I am yours.—[New York Weekly.

EXPRESS PACKAGES.

MADEMOISELLE DIMCT01RK.: Sing I the Toeca hat and (town The nez retrousse, charming frown.

The dainty (clove, correct and chic: The eyes demure and glancing down, A sight to set agog the town—

The girl that twirls a walktng-sttck' -. 1

The coat-tails flapping long and wide, The Jaunty waistcoat tucked Inside, And peeping forth the lace moucholr Ah. some may smile and some deride I sing with wonder and with pride.

La Demoiselle Dlrectoire! A picture she, none can dispute, From gtunning hat tcUlttle boot, -J:.

Enouuh to move the dead or quick Before this vision I am mute— ., ts I jield my homage—I salute

The girl that twirls a walking-stick. f:' —TEdith Sessions Tupper, In Life. A stewardess is a new feature of east and west Pullman "limited" travel.

Nearly three thousand five hundred patents have been granted to women A twenty year's courtship at Girard, Mich., has just terminated in marriage,

A Pennsylvania man sells "mugwump cider that is, midway between hard and soft."

Mies A. M. Beecher, M. D., a cousin of Henry Ward Beecher, is a practicing physician.

A "Medical Aid Society for Self-Sup-porting Women" has opened roo»s in Philadelphia.

It is said that a Washington senator has a Chinese cook who supplies the family with bird's nest soup.

LIE Grande B. Cannon, of Vermont, is a great gun among corporations. He is a director in 400 different concern*.

Mme. Andre left her jawele, valued at $200,000, as a bequest for building shelters for the homeless poor in Paris.

Miss Hattie Carter, of Kearney county, Kansas, has won several prizes at lassoing in competition with cowboys.

The Boston Journal says: Females are now eligible as school trustees in cities in British Columbia. Female what?

For the first time a female artist is commissioned by the French government to execute decorations for a public building.

Mrs. Agnes Ethel Tracy, formerly a noted actress, has given a clergy houfigj to St. John's Episcopal Chiirch, Buffalo, N. Y.

Some blackberry vines near Santa Cruz, Cel., last week presented the unusual sight of blossom buds and green and ripe fruit.

A California paper asserts that one of the tramps of the Santa Cruz chain gang wears kid gloves when sweeping the streets.

Since electric lights have been introduced at Willows, Can., not a wild goose has been seen flying over the town, says the Electrical World.

The Woman's Penny Paper, published in London, claims to be "the only paper in the world.conducted, written, printed and published by women."

The idea that every white man in Kentucky is a colonel is wrong. Only 120 were made during the jwar and about a hundred of these are dead.

It turns out that the wretch who was arrested for murdering and mutilating his wife was not Jack the Ripper. The real Jack is as mysterious aa ever.

Madame Tussaud's museum, in Lon don, has just been sold to a joint-stock company for ?5G5,000. Four hundred thousand people visited it last year.

A fortune teller has told Jake Kilraia

believe it. The right of women to practice medi cine in Canada has been established by the successful application of Miss Miche" a graduate of Queen's university, Kings ton, for a license.

Grover Cleveland Stademan, of Oma ha, was born the day President Cleve land was in that city a year ago last October, and died the day Mr. Cleveland went out of office.

Bowie knives are being manufactured as plentiful as ever, but they are alto gether for show. There is no record one being used for years. The sight of one keeps the other fellow off.

The Rev. Joseph Cook declares that "God is turning Prohibitionist." Does this announcement carry with it the idea that the Supreme Being was once disposed to compromise on beer.

Harrison is the seventh Presbyterian elected to the presidency, that church leading all others in this regard. The others were Jackson, Harrison, Polk, Buchanan, Lincoln, and Cleveland.

Sir Edwin Arnold has just had a large tumor removed from his head, and he will soon discard the skull cap he has long been wearing. He recently underwent an operation for hepa'.ic abscess,

Miss Frances E. Willard's new book, "Glimpses of Fifty years: the Autobiog raphy of an American Woman," will be published simultaneously in England under the title of "A Pairie Girl's Ca reer.''

Anew cannon made for a Russian ironclad throws a solid shot weighing 1,685 pounds. Why they don't get a gun which will throw a whole brick yard and be done with it is a matter of wonder.

A Hangman's Itopn of Shoe Thread. A rope a little more than half an inch in diameter, 35 feet in length, and made of strands of shoe thread, has been purchased by the sheriff for hanging Virgil Jackson, in case he is called upon to perform that task.—[Utica Herald.

How He Will Carry It Out. A Chicago paper asks if President Harrison will "carry out Mr. Cleveland's civil service reform work." Yes, he may -carry it out and throw it over the back fence.—[Cincinnati CommercialGazette.

N unification.

Great Statesman—Suppose the antitreating bill should be made tc include ice cream, then what would you do?

Pretty Girl—I'd sell my young man kisses at ten cents apiece and buy my own ice cream.—[Philadelphia Record.

No Election Law This Spring. The election bill aa approved by the governor applies to all elections, but its provisions do not go into effect till the first Monday in June, 1890. All elections in the meantime are to be held under the old law.

Delaware's Legislature in a .Street Car. The Delaware legislature, which is stopping at the National hotel, rode up Pennsylvania avenue this afternoon in a street car, and called upon Senator Anthony Higgins at Wormley's hotel.

Washington special.

To Baby McKee. Bab? McKee, When this jou see,

Bemember If ever jou did, That you are to-day In your innocent way. An exceedingly fortunate kid. —(.Washington Critic.

Sleepless Nights

"For nearly a month I was not able to sleep, bat after using PAWBU CELKRT COWOtTND for two days, insomnla fled and strength returned." E. G. SMITH,

Claussen, a C.

I have taken

only a part of a bottle ot Fame's Celery Compound, and it has entirely relieved me ot sleeplessness, from which I have suffered greatly." MRS. E. AUTCUFF, Peoria, ill.

For a Ion? time I was so nervous and worn out that I couid not work. I tried many medicines, but none gave me relief until I used Patne's Celery impound, which at once strengthened and invigorated my nerves.'

IIARLEY SHERMAN, Burlington, Vt.

Paine's

Celery Compound

quickly quiets and strengthens the nerves, when irritated or weakened by overwork, excesses, disease, or shock. It cures nervousness, headache, dyspepsia, sleeplessness, melancholia, and other disorders of the nervous system.

Tones up the Shattered Nerves

For two years I was a sufferer from nervous debility, and I thank God and the discoverer of the valuable remedy, that Paine's ot-lcry ompound cured me.' Let any one writ© to lor advice."

GEORGE W. BOUTON, Stamford, Conn

Paine's Celery Compound produces sound arid refreshing sleep. A pliyslclan's prescription, it does not contain one harmful dru£. Like nomins: else, it Is a guaranteed cure for sleeplessness If directions are faithfully followed. $i.ix). Six for $3.oo. Druggists. \VELI.S, RICHARDSON A Co., Burlington. Vt.

DIAMOND DTES LACTATED FOOD ZC.'

AMUSEMENTS MY

Tuesday and Wednesday Lv'ags,

MARCH 12 AND 13.

Imre Klralfy's Brilliant Revival of

BLACK CROOK.

Everything Entirely New I

3 GRAND BALLETS 3

STARTLING SPECIALTIES

Sale opens Saturday, March 9.

NAYLOR'S OPERA" HOUSE Thursday, March 14.

GREATEST MUSICAL NOVELTY OF THE SEASON I Engagement of Mrs.

AL1QEJ.SHAW,

The Whistling "Prima Donna, Supported by the following Artists: Miss Ollie Torbett. Pianist Miss Edith Pond. Singing Reader Miss Jennie Campbell, Accompanist for Mrs. btiaw Mr. S. V. Downey. Pianist Mr. (iustav Thalburg. Tenor.

Under the management of Mr. J. B. Poud. Advance sale opens Tuesday. March 12.

TIME TABLE.

Trains marked thus (P) denote Parlor Car attn Cars attached dally. Trains marked thus (B) de" aote Bnftet Cars attached. Trains markedthun(*) ran daily. All gther trains run dally Sundays excepted.

VANDALIA LINE.

T. tt 4 I. DIVISION. LKAVX ITOR THK WEST.

No. UWestern Express (84V) l.ti a No. 6 Mall Train* 10 18 a. m" NO. iFasiLine» (PAY). No. 7 Fast Mall

2.15 p. m. 9.04 p. m.

No. 7 fast Mall LKAVX FOB THK MAST. No. 12 Cincinnati Express »(S) l.so a. in No. 6 New York Express (SAV) 1.51 a. No. 4 Mail and Accommodation 7.1R a. No. 20 Atlantic Express »(P4V) 12 42 No. 8 Fast Line* a.00 p.

ARRIVE FROM TH* KAST.

No. 9 Western Express (SAV) 1.30 a. IU. No. 5 Mall Train 10.12 a. m. No-1 Fast Line (PAV) 2.00 p. m. No. 8 Mall and Accommodation 6.45 p. iu. No. 7 Fast Mall 9.00 p. m.

ABBIVX FBOM THK WKST.

No. 12 Cincinnati Express»(H) 1.20 a. in. No. 6 New York Express*(SAV) 1.12 a.m. No. 20 Atlantic Expresg*(PkV) 12.87 p. m. No. 8 Fast Line* 1.40 p. m!

T.EtL. DIVISION. LKAVK TOB TH* HOBTH.

No. 62 South Bend Mall 6.00 a. m. No. E4 South Bend Express 4.00 p. in. ARBIYL PROM HOBTH. tfo. 51 Terre Haute Express 12.00 noon No. 68 South Bend Mall 7.80 p. m.

WARREN-SCHARF

Asphalt Paving Co.,

CONTRACTORS FOR

GENUINE TMIDAD ASPHALT SHEET PAVEMENT

As laid In over Thirty American Cities, ranging In climate and other conditions Jrom New Orleans and Savannah to at. Paul and

Montreal, to the extent of

Over 4,000,000 Square Yards,

OR 225 MILES OF STREET.

Ten miles of stone block pavement have been torn up and replaced with Trinidad Asphalt Iu Buffalo alone.

Gen'l Offices

111 John

street'

1 U,llCea

New York.

23 Blymyer Building, Cincinnati.

PROFESSIONAL CARDS.

L, H. BARTHOLOMEW.

)RS. MAIL & BARTHOLOMEW

Dentists,

(Successors to Bartholomew A HalL

529% Olilo St. Terra Haute, Ind.

I. H. C. I^OYSE,

NO. 517 OHIO STREET.

DR. C. O. LINCOLN,

DENTIST.

AH work warranted as represented. Thirteenth

residence 310 North Haute, Ind.

Ol&oeanc

street, Terr*