Daily News, Franklin, Johnson County, 2 November 1889 — Page 8

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OUR REFORM COLUMN.

"Get the best of whisky," said Eli Perkins, "an' it will get the fx*t of you." A Weat Point cadet who violates the law against cigarette smoking, is obliged to pace back and forth, rain or shine, for twelve hours, with a musket on his shoulder.

Dr. L. B. Coles in writing about toljacco said that medicine is usually administered in one of two ways—externally or internally, but that when tobacco ia prescribed it used eternally, "The Governor of Virginia, has issued the astonishing order that hereafter not more than eight half barrels of beer shall be sold each flay in the government saloon at the National Soldier's Home.

The National Brewers'convention held at Niagara Falls, .June appropriated $8,(XX) to be used in defeating constitutional prohibition—$2,000 for Dakota, for Connecticut, and $3,300 for Rhode Isiand.

In England alone we spend at least $»),000,(XX) a year on tobacco. What with pipes, matches, cigar holders, cigarette tubes, cigarette machines, we do not *,*nd leas than $100,000,000 a year.—The l'ulpit Treasury.

Statistics show that the consumption of alcohol in France doubled between IS7'» and 1883. No Wonder the Antialcohol congress resolved that the governments of the world "ought to place prohibitive duties" on this persistent poison.

A Massachusetts manufacturer is alleged to have paid one Sat unlay to his army of laborer* seven hundred bright, crisp ten-dollar bills. Each man received one with his pay. Alt wire marked so as to tw recognized. By Tuesday 410 of these hills had been deposited in the banks of the city by the barkeepers.

The Governor, the Attorney General, the Chief Justice and a couple of Associate Supreme Justices of Kansas have made an official announcement that woman suffrage at municipal elections is a great public benefit.

That puts us in a hole, a quandary, a dilemma. We have always declared that, the exteriment wouldn't work, was well enough as a sort of Ttopian dream, and might possibly b« adopted in three or four centuries, but for this generation or the next it was not to be thought of for a moment.

No, we can't have woman suffrage in this section. Our wives, mothers and daughters must le suppressed. They suspect a good many things now, but if their suspicions were confirmed and they had the right and the iower conferred on them, Tammany Hall wntld get a black eye, the County Democracy go into mourning, and the Republican Ikwsos wish they had never been born.

Gentlemen of Kansas, you do us a grave discourtesy to put these newfangled notions into the heads of woman-kind,-Philadelphia U'dger. "She who establishes a woman's reading club in an agricultural district does more to check the deadly progress of farmers' wives to the insane asylum than all the doctors and medical journals in the land. The book selected lor social reading and discussion may IKS nothing mores dignified than a popular sovel of health tone. It will lift the toiling creature's thoughts out of that straight, deep rut, worn by plodding feet, glorify 'the level stretches, white with dust/of the 'common' days, which heaven help them—are every day with this class."—Marion Herald.

The opponent** say: "Suffrage should not be forced upon women." To this verv proper sentiment nearly everybody will agree. We certainly do not know of anv advocate of woman suffrage who could dissent, from it. Suffrage should not Im forced upon women, neither should it l»e forced upon men. In this respect there should be equality of exemption as between the sexes. Suffrage should not le forced upon women who do not want it Good. Now. again, suffrage should not Ins withheld from women who do want it. Good also. One idea is as good as the other, and both almost exhaust the subject. But not unite, for, after all. lie re are political duties as well as rights and everv man ought to be willing to help a good government by casting his vote for good men, so women tfhould lie expected to take their sham of their great responsibility, One of these day* they will see it in this light. Woman's Journal.

The Boston Courier has omitted several facts that are brought out by the ('ollegiate Alumme statistics, such as that the percentage of divorce* among the college women who art1 married is very small, and the death rate among their children unusually low. This may he taken to indicate that a college woman generally selects her husband with judgment, and gets a good one, from whom she does not need to be divorced also that college women make good wives, whose husbands do not want to be divorced from them also that an educated mother knows bettor than an ignorant one how to care for the health of her child. All of which lis the Courier says of the unlikelihood of college women's marrying art* "prvcisely the conclusions everv sensible man would have made a priori.' As the intelligence of the mother is apt to be transmitted to the son, it is possible that if the editor of the Courier had had a college graduate for his mother, he would not nave written editorials of just this kind.

You further ask, "Has it a degrading influence?" Again I answer positively, no- a wry loud no. I should laugh at this last question if it wer\» not asked in such evident good faith. Just think of the ridiculousness! of it My wife goes with me to the theatre, the opera, to church and prayer-meeting. We also associate in the family circle from dav to day, without apparent injury to her. She also takes my arm and we walk to the? polk together and deposit our ballots* Isn't it ridiculous to suppose that our association in the latter act would I* mow injurious than in the former? ft *eeiu« so to me. 'Ms the report trv. to-'m there are petitioning th« tu repeal the law*" you ask. 1 answer no, {•ositively no. Any such statement is unqualifiedly false. 1 believe I have Rttswiwl your several

Son,

u«wtions. I will only add, in conduthat woman suffi is as firmly etUahed in Wyoming as suffrage, and the latter is i» as much danger of repeal or abridges, nt as tbe former. Our people are satkued with it, and are proud of the fact that the s*ounge«tof the terrt\mm has set an example that alt the older ones awl the several states the Union are sootier or later sur* t« !-llow.

I am, madam, your most obed:. at, Mia viujcC. Browx. L\fuutc, Warning,

Adepts at Stealluj.

The native races along the southern coast of South America are described as professional wreckers and thieves. Their practices are told by the author of "Tlie Cruise of the Falcon,^ not for commendation, of course, but to warn sailors who may be cast away on those shores,

One sailor is sitting half asleep on his sea-chest. A gaucho comes up and taps him on the back. "Bueno, Johnny bueno, Johnny."

If. you are not off 1*11 send a, bullet into you," says Jack. "Bueno, Johnny, bueno till to-mor-row and off skulks die gaucho to tats horse, which lie mounts. With a sardonic smile he take off his hat to Jack, bids him faerwell, and digging his spurs into the flanks of his wiry little horse, leans over his neck and is oft at full gallop over the short grass of the sandy plains.

At the first stride of the horse, to Jack's intense surprise, his box is wrenched violently from under him. He jumps up, rube hia eyes, and before he can recover his senses he sees his property rolling and bumping away over the sandhills at the heels of the gaucho's steed for this clever gentleman had managed to make one end of his lasso fast to the handle of Jack's box while engaged in conversation with him.

SOME ItOYAI, It EDS.

Two I'rinc««iiM who

Like

lhelr Sheet# to

be Without Crease*.

Clarence House, the residence of the Duchess of Edinburgh, is one of the most comfortable houses in London, and ia famous for its good bed*, for the only daughter of Alexander II. of Russia is, like many Muscovite ladies, very particular about her beds, and will tolerate in her house none but the very best. Even when a mere child, and long before her marriage, she was so particular about this very important item in domestic comfort that, to insure the sheets being tightly stretched over the mattress, she used to have them sewn down, for even the slightest crease or wrinkle would entirely destroy the repose of this imperial spoiled child, for the nig hi

Her royal highness used to be greatly chaffed about this weakness by members of the royal family when first she came to this country, but the queen, who is also very particular about her beds, stuck up for her, and although now the sheets are not sewn down to the matress, they are composed of the most exquisitely tino linen that can be procured, and stretched like a tight rope over the most perfect mattresses that can bo manufactured in Paris, in which capital the making of mattresse has been brought up to the level of a fine art.

A curious and an amusing chapter might indeed be written about the beds of illustrious personages. The ex-Empress Eugenie is quite as particular about her beds as the Duchess of Edinburgh, or our gracious Boverign, and quite agrees with the first-named lady as to the fineness and the tightness of the drawing of the sheets, but her imperial majesty has an odd fancy to have her bed so low as to give a visitor to the imperial bed-cham-ber the impression that the widow of Ccesar is almost sleeping on the floor. It is indeed hardly elevated mora than a foot from the floor, as all who have visited in old days the private apartments of St Cloud,Compiegne, and the Tuilleries, will remembor.—[Modern Society.

Odd Fact* About Shoe*.

Grecian shoes were jiectiliar fn reaching to the middle of the legs.The present fashion of shoes was introduced into England in 1038,

In the ninth and tenth centuries the greatest princess of Europe wore wooden shoes,

4

Slippers wero in use before Shakespeare's time, and were originally made "rights" and "lefts."

Shoes among the Jews were made of leather, linen, rush or wood soldiers' shoes wore sometimes made of brass or iron. J.

In the reign of William Rufus of England in the eleventh century, a great beau, Robert, the Horned," used shoes with sharp points, stuffed with tow, and twisted like rams' horns.

The Romans made uso of two kinds of shots—the solea, or sandal, which covered the sole of the foot and was worn at home and in company, and the calceus, which covered the whole foot and was always worn with the toga when a person went abroad.

In the reign of Richard II, slioes were 4f such absurd length as to require to be supjKjrted by being tied to the knees with chains, sometimes of gold and silver. In 1463 the English parliament took the mattor in baud and passed an act forbiding shoes-with spikes more than two inches in length being worn and manufactured.

The Melrle System Spreading.

Although the metric system of weights and measurements has made no headwar in this country outside of school arithmetics, it is stated to be steadily spreading, It is now* legally recognized in countries having a population of &1most 800.000,000—more than half the population of the world. It is compulsory in countries which contoin more than one-quarter of the entire population of the world. The strange part of live spread of this superior system of weights and measurements is that such half-civiliwed countries as Russia,, Turkey, ami British India seem to be more alert to realize and take advantage of its admitted superiority than England or A merica, with all tlicir boasted genius for adopting the best methods and systems. Shall the turbaned Turk nimbly reckon up his accounts and meters, simply arranged on the decimal scale, while the highly civilitod American,, laboriously figures over the irregular proportions of ounces and pounds, feet and yards* gallons, bushels, and barrels? How much easier Is it to mvi Ten mills make a cent, 10 cents a dime, 10 dimes or 100 centa make than to sdmggte with grains, ounosss and pounds. Why don't the American people adopt the same simplicity in weights and measure# that i» folJbwTpd in jnooey ?—[O*11** ha Wcwld-Uerald^^"

TERRE HAUTE DAILY NEWS, SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 1889.—SUPPLEMENT

TOM'S LETTER.

I b'ke io stand about the general delivery windows at the post office and watch the faces of men and women who receive letters or are disappointed and turn away to betray anxiety, regret, and despondency.

The owner of a box or drawer comes briskly in, turns his key with a snap, and gratis and pockets his letters as so much merchandise.^ It is business with him. He has written to A, B, C, and ou such and such a matter and expects replies beginning with "Dear Sir^" and^ending with "Yours truly."

But it is different at the general delivery window. Letters come from the poor who cannot afford special conveniences— for the very, very lowly—for sailors, mechanics. teamsters, seamstresses, washerwomen. strangers, and all those who go to makes up the seven-tenths of a city's population. Four out of every five who approach the w-indows do so with faster beating hearts. A letter jp hoped for from far off Russia, from the hilLs of Italy, the alps of Switzerland, the sunkissed plains of Spain or France, from mother England, or old Ireland, from who can guess where Has it arrived Does it contain good or bad news! Is father, mother, bro' her, or sisier dead I always rejoice with those wlioss faces light up as a letter is handed out. and I always sympatihze with those who are turned away empty-handed.

One day in the months ago an old woman—a poor, lame, and gray-haired woman, whose vocation I never asked— came up to me in the corridor in a halfafraid manner, and asked:

Would*you mind, now, about asking if there is a letter for Mrs. Ann Taylor?" I inquired, but there was none, and all the mother in a mother's heart swelled up into her throat as she whispered:

Dear, dear, but 1 am so very sorry. Shall I never hear from him again?" And that same day week I met her there again. You would have said we would not recognize each other again, but we did. She came over to me with anxiety in her face and said:

Would you take the same trouble|for me again to-day I dreamed last night that 1 got a letter from him."

Nothing tor Ann Taylor," was the reply of the clerk and when 1 repeated the message she clasped her wrinkled hands, and gasped: "May the Lord be merciful, but I fear be is dead!"

And so the weeks went on, and at least once each week I met the poor old body in the corridor and inquired at the window if there was a letter. None ever came, nor did I ever question her, but one day, as her old heart overflowed and the tears came to her eyes, she walked with me out of the throng and said: "He—he ran away from me two years ago, my—my boy Tom. I'm a widow, he was ray youngest, and the only one left to me. He wasn't a bad boy, but he got with a wild lot, forgot the prayers of his old mother, aud one day rati off. "And you have not .heard from liim since?" "Never a word. God help me! I'm fearing he's—he's dead.

I comforted her as well as I could, but she went away sobbing. That night I dreamed of being on an island in midocean, and of walking clown to the beach and seeing a corpse lying there. It was that of a boy of fifteen, iying on his back and his blue eyes wide open and staring at the blue heavens above. As I looked at him his lips moved and I caught the word "Mother!" Then, still in my dream, I hurried away, and journeyed for clays and days until I found the old woman who was ever and ever hoping for a letter. I took her back with me to view the body of tho drowned boy, but it had disappeared, and her wails of anguish broke my slumber.

Two days later I entered the post office to find the poor old woman waiting for me. A letter was handed out before I could say a word, and as I placed it in the mother's hands 1 knew it was from her boy. She was too excited to read it, and too impatient to wait a minute, so I read it for her. It was from Tom and mailed from a town in Texas, and carefully folded inside was a postoffiee moneyorder for $.0. He wrote that he was well and doing well, and should hereafter write regularly. He expressed his contrition, asked forgiveness, and wrote like a boy who had macje up his mind to do right in all things. V'rVv

And as I read a little crowd gathered around to listen, seeming to realize now it all was, and as I read the glad tears of the mother reflected their moisture, and the general sentiment was aptly expressed by a messenger boy, who said: "Say, let me out o' here before my sand gives way!"

Since that letter came I ha to not once seen Tom's old mother, but I know that she is weeping tears of joy, if any at all, and that her prayers to God have a tone of rejoicing. May her fond old heart— the heart of true mother—never have to grieve again for her last born.—(New York Sun. not Advisable

1

Some men are always positive, with or without reason, while others err on the other side, and are never certain of anything. General Knox, Washington's first secretary of war, wlio afterward lived at Thomaston. Me., had a -general factotem named Gleason, who was commonly supposed to know more about Knox's affairs than did Knox himself. He was obsequious inj hb temper and could never .««y no—a weakness of which the general occasionally made game.

On one occasion Knox was passing a aew throe-story house, which wtm one of several l»e had nearly completed, when he took it into his head to see whether he could get a decided negative out of .his useful superintendent, "Gle&aon.^ said he, "don't you think (Hat the chimneys in this house—"then All finished and topped out"—could be removed without being taken down, and be put Into that house yonder?" pointing to another in a

km

forward state nearly

#dtlf a mile away. Yes. sar.^said Gleason. as usual. Then hi a moment he saw the absuriity of hb answer, and added:

Yes, sir, it might be done, but

would injure the buildings.

it

MISSING LINKS.

A stone mansion built in 1650 on a farm near Greenbush, N. Y., still stands. A Warren county, Kentucky, couple are celebrating their golden wedding by engaging in a suit for divorce.

There is ah entire township in Stanton county, Kansas, in which there is not a single family left, outside of the|prairiedog holes.

John Praugh, of Goshen, Ind., aged 84 has become the father of a bouncing baby bov, presented to him by his wife,

I (F t3" •***& A

We are now about to have the Eiffel tower in paper-weight, inkstand, thermomenters and letter scales, all from a celebrated Paris bronze worker's place.

A lawyer, while arguing a case in a Louisville court, was attacked with rheumatism of the heart, and calling out, "What, am I dead?" fell lifeless to the floor.

John Cardwilier, an Ohio welldigger, claims to have found at the bottom of one of his diggings a piece of rock on which the stars and stripes are distinctly formed ..

A lawyer of Tarpon Springs, Fla., advertises as follows in the local paper: "Marriages and divorces secured with neatness and dispatch, with or without publicity." 'J *.

The A8tor library in New York city now contains 250,000 volumes. The new catalogue in four volumes of 4,000 pages each, has just been completed at, great expense.

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•»«, 1

Smokeless powder has proved a humbug, as it will not retain its normal explosive quality under prolonged field service. Such is the verdict of the English ordnance department.

Ferry Hanshaw, of Portland Ore., has gone into the business of raising Mongolian pheasants. He ha* a score or two that were hatched by an old black hen. They are all doing finely.

The old double log cabin long ago occupied by Andrew Jackson, near Nashville, Tlsnn., has been repaired and preserved for another century at least, by the enterprise of a local asssociation of ladies.

A woolen mill at Charlottsville, Va., has for three successive years obtained the contract for furnishing the cloth for the fall and winter uniforms of the Philadelphia letter carriers—between 800 and 900 men.

A resident of Eaton county, Michigan, sixty-nine years old, asked the clerk of Jackson county, for a license toj wed a Toledo maid seventy-one years old. The clerk found same reasonable excuse for refusing the license.

The oldest Morse telegrapher in the world is J. D. Reed, the statistician of the Western Union Company at New York. Mr. Reed is 71 years of age, a Scotchman by birth, and is as vigorous and cheerful as a man of 25.

There are, according to an account, just 1,000 hotels in Switzerland, making up 58,000 beds, and employing 15,000 servants. The annual receipts of these hotels amount to $10,000,000, and*these give a net profit of 38 per cent..on the capital invested.,

Mr. George W. Uhilds, his reminiscences of Grant, in Lippincott's, says: "There is nothing I ever heard him say that could not be repeated in the presehce of women. He never used profane language. He was very temperate in eating and drinking."

It is expected that the whole number of recompenses of all classes given by the international jury of the Paris exposition will be as follows Eight hundred and ninety grand prizes. 5,599 gold medals, 11,103 silver medals, 10,985 bronze medals, and 9,027 honorable mentions.

Matthew Walton, of Wyandot county, Ohio, recently dug ui the remains of a sword, simposed to be the same that George Washington presented to Colonel Crawford, one of tlie heroes of the Indian war. It was found near the spot where Crawford was burned at the stake t07 years ago. ?I

Tlie youths of Belfast, Me., are having great sport in dipping the small herring that swarm tho cove. A long combustible torch is extended some six or eight over the bow of the boat, and when all is ready the torch is lighted and the word is given "Pull hard, boys, and in a few minutes the water i3 alive with fish.

At Deland, Fla., a few days ago, Amanda Worthy, colored, fired at a coach whip snake, which was chasing one of her chickens, and shot the Methodist preacher who was sitting at his writingtable 800 yards away. The reverend gentleman's wound is serious and painful, but not necessary fatal. Amanda was fined $5 and costs.

One of the latest social innovations, says an English paper, is the female butler, a parlor maid in livery. A good-look-ing girl in livery of dark blue, green and gold, or scarlet and white, looks very smart, and the waiting is, its a rule.more frequently and deftly than by a man. This opens out a new field of employment for women.

While some laborers were engaged in chopping timber in a big woods near Decatur, Ind., they accidently discovered what is supposed to have been a counterfeiter's rendezvous. Beneath the earth's surface was found a brick furnace, several half dollars dated 1845, and some of the metal from which the spurious coins were made.

Tlie first hearse owned in Burnswfck, Me., has been stored for many years in the barn at the town almshouse. It is a sort of a two-storied affair, and last week it was purchased by two Canadians, who covered it with old canvas, but into it a small cooking stovs and their blankets, harnessed up their «ld horse, and Monday started on a tour to Canada.

Judges who decide upon the prize winning bread at a country fair should possess as much bravery^as a baseball umpire. It is said that at an Ohio fair after one premium had been awarded new judges had to be selected* and the whole county is stillest war because the unsuccessful exhibitors declare that "th« judges don't know anything about»bre*d nohow.

ABYSSINIA'S yjstr KIXQ.

a B«gcar'n Son Becomes the Most Powerful Ruler In Africa

KingMenelik II,the new ruler of Abysiinia, will be the most powerful ruler that country has had for generations, for his kingdom includes not only the domain of the late King John, but also Shoa, Menelik's own country, in the soutliern part of the Abyssinian highlands, where Menelik has loug had an army of 100,000 men, about one-fourth of whom carry improved firearms.

Menelik's father, King Haelon, heard one day that a woman of striking beauty was seeking alms at the doors of the palace. He sent for lier, and was so greatly impressed with her charms that he introduced her among the women of liw establishment. When a little boy was born the king said he would not recognize him as his son unless in the course of years he sliowed a striking resemblance to his majesty. As the boy grew up he came to look very much like his royal father, and the king named him as liis heir, though he had oilier sons who thought they had a better right to the throne. The most powerful native ruier in Africa to-day is, therefore, the son of a beggar woman, and his mother recently was still alive enjoying high honor in Shoa.

Menelik lias a remarkable fondness for machinery and implements of all sorts, and his greatest delight is to examine their mechanism. Explorers say he ruined about a dozen watches and alarm clocks taking tlieiu apart and putting them together again. He became at last, however, quite a proficient watch tinker.

Several years ago Mr. Chefneux took the king, as a present from the French government, a mitralleusc. For convenience of carrying it had been taken to pieces and compactly packed. The weapon reached the king several days before the traveler did, and very much to Mr. Chefneaux's astonishment he found the weapon nroperly put together and mounted. The king had made a careful study of the mechanism of firearms, and with the aid of a picture of a mitrailleuse he bad prepared this little surprise for the white man.

The king is gentle and amiable to those who have his friendship, but lie has been guilty of gross acts of cruelty aud injustice to conquered enemies. He has largely widened the boundaries of Slum by conquering the fierce Galla tribes around him. He has ome men of nobility among his generals and councilors, and to them is attributed much of his prestige. Personally he is not conspicuous as a warrior, and in most things lie has shown himself easily influenced by his advisors. But he is distinguished above them all for his faith in the advantage of drawing useful lessons from civilized countries. He does not like missionaries, however. In 1855 he kept two Swedish missionaries practically prisoners in his chief town for ten months and then sent them back to the coast. Since then he has expelled all the French Catholic and German missionaries from his country.

The kiug was very angry at the decision of the great powers to forbid the importation of firearms and gunpowder into the interior of Africa. He is, however, in a measure independent, as lie makes his own gunpowder and has a great number of improved firearms.^ ^--v. •. THAT SETTLES I T." O-

How a Hotel Clerk Took J'unny I)avenV" port's Refusal.

The otlier night just as the curtain went up on the second scene of Hamlet, a gentleman in evening dress, whose fierce mustache and goatee suggested fire-eating procilivities. marched down the right aisle of the opera house parquet to a front seat, sat down, and then with a very fierce expression upon his face, strode up the aisle again into the foyer and out of the theater. A gentleman who

saw

this singular performance said

to me: "That reminds me of an incident which took place in this very theater about a dozen years ago. It was while Fanny Davenjwrt was playing an engagement here. A young man, who was a clerk at the Union Depot hotel, after a rather lively priming with the boys, went to the opera house. He was a good looking young fellow with a black mustache, aud the figure he cut that night was given color by his new light overat and high silk "hat. By the time he reached the theater it was pretty full so w.as he. But he bought a ticket for a irquet seat ight down frout, and with tolerable steady steps he made his way ta it. It was in the middle of a scene. What the play was I don't remember. As he,reached his seat and was divesting himself of his loud overcoat, Fanny Davenport came down the stage to the footlights and said to the villian, who was courting her, but with her eyes to the audience:

41can

on

He Was Posted.

Old man (at tlie head of the stairs ^at 2.30 a. m.)—Susie, what time is it? -1 Susie (with a second look at Reginald, who loosens his grip)—A few minutes past 10, papa.

Old man—Don't forget to start the clock again when you go to bed. (Wasp.

A Good Reason.

Wife (at the tlieater)—Why did you lift your hat with so much deference to that man, my dear. Does he own tlie theater?

Husband—Sh! He's a waiter at our hotel.—[Texas Siftings.

Could Have Keen Worse.

John (to Jim. whose wife has been drowned)—Cheer up, ole feller, it could have been wuss, you know.

Jim—Yes, that's so, fer my hoss he swum ter shore all right—[Epoch.

He Would Feel Safe.

Knuckle—How much is that tombstone for my wife's mother going to weigh?

Agent—One thousand pounds.

4'That

ain't enough. I guess you had

better make it a

ton, and,"

"get it up as soon as possible. "—[Time.

Sure Pop.

Ed—How did vou win that haughty Ethel? Al—I Rot her in a candy store, pulled out a $20 bill, and proposed before she even had a caramel. —[Epoch.

After tl:A (am«.

Omaha mother—Why, Bobby. I am going to have your father punish you for attending a baseball game oil Sunday. Do you know where your pa is?

Bobby—Yes lie's coming Iwiek yonder. He was next to me on the bleachers.— [Omaha World.

An Old Storv.

She—Is that all tho fish you caught? He—Yes: but I had a twenty-pound bass bite: 1 sat perfectly still with bated breath

I guessed as much whon I saw you. You see you neglected to throw away the Ixittle with which you baited your breath before you reached home. "—[Chicago Liar.

A Sure Sign.

Two blind men are on a train. Suddenly loud smacks are heard all over the oar. "There," said one to the other, "that's the fourth tunnel we have passed through to-day. "—[Judge.

A Fatal MIntake.

Bliffers—What's wrong to-day, Bluffers? You look blue. Bluffers—I'll never forgive myself. I kicked a caller out of my house last night "Huh! I've kicked out many a one. Young fellow, 1 suppose?" "No past middle age."Well, these old codgers have no business to be coming around sparking young girls. I kicked out one of tha^sort.last week."

Yes, but I've found out tliis man wasn't courting my daughter. He was after my mother-in-law. [Philadelphia Record.

A Fair Kutlmate.

"Have you ever tried, Lawrence, to estimate the height of my father's rc gardforyou?" "No but it occurred to me last night that it was about a foot "—[Glens Falls Republican.

for

never love theer She

said it with great emphasis, and the handsome hotel clerk arose from his seat, took up his hat and overcoat, and saying in a loud voice, Well, that settles it,* retraced his steps up the aisle, while the audience burst into a roar of laughter and applause."

Queer Treiwure-Tror® 4

Tlie owner of a very valuable pair of trousers was lately advertised for in the French papers by the honest finder of the same, who allowed thejindividual to whom they belonged fifteen days to oome forward. After this delay he would consider himself justified in profiting by this strange wind-fall, which, as he was in poor circumstances and about to be married. would be very serviceable to him. On the Place de la Concordie he stated that he raw one evening, a dark object

the ground which lie first took to be a sleeping dog: cm closer inspection, howtrer, be discovered hb mistake, and picked up the garment then in his pas-

He took the trousers with him

an board a boat which he owned, and cm pfffiwg litem in review noticed that the buttons seemed different from ordinary

Prompted curiosity, he undid

the doth that covered them, and found Instead of wooden moulds gold pieces. Carrying his investigation further he came across some bank notes sMtched into the waist bar/d with other papers of value.—{Chamber's* Journal

Young De Trop—Do you know, con'.ing down on the boat to-day. I w'as absolutely the only first-class passenger, and I just had to sit and commune With the fact myself, don't you know, all of the way. Jovernor 3jo the long

Miss Inswim—How bored you have been.- Drako's Magazine.

at him and sas» him, and then you 11** catch it when you git home, ami if you say you didn't do it, he'll lick you harder 'jr

catch it when you git home, ami if you

lyin'. "—[New York# Weekly.

In baseball, as in cookery, the best batter takes the cake. The sultan has in his train an alert conductor to collect the fair.

Boys go to West Point for a cadetship, «. iiarHj and girls for a cadet smack. *ndly Inr Riches have wings and greenbacks of Orgai should be printed on fly-paper. ill having

Ignorance of the law excuses no one —except a policeman with a "pull." f^onatk Mother Nature causes a great deal less jfoths, will trouble than Step Mother Habit $di much

When a home begins to rear let him in the diw make his will. He is on his last legs. A good manv people would be poorer The ri bow if they had had more to start with. marks!

Many who teach the young idea liow shooting to shoot, apparently don't know that itV Jll., on Ui loaded. sixteen

The sailor who "takes the sun daily is not deemed so greedy as tlie landsman

who wants the earth. 11} itches for It takes us half our lives to learn thai mynHmt are fools, and tha other half,, to rt*r R«*v«*w be convinced that we are one of them.

Constancy may be admirable, but the man who never forgives a favor or forgets an injury would hardly make a good friend.

Pat a beggar on horseback and he will ride to the devil, but he will never be able to show the cold, haughty stare of }}f the office boy who swings in the "old man's" chair during the tatter's absence. -{Puck.

OBY* E CRO

With

*1®

tfovenil sase tb strict ol

Jftrst

u*t to Bi igs, adi oee writti

testified

1n*e

in Pt

with tin in asked trund Jn

Cough

ht to t»e 1 ot put it tl "aid so, I thers pr ktfnde an wds ma a la the *'t mistak ,mv test 1 eanu fils and

anxiously,

iid he s?: time hi is about

/RECK jj I road V: d«.v *)ti, Tex.,

Santa live eoj 8 wreck 4f1es sou ar chair and Kinent, fin ere fi spiled iig on led for lu .Qken opt eugers isly. Oi three tiin •flnptlv ext

Belleville, fa dying •ft, of Aiu jricdlund. Tl

A

know

of the

if t'aidwe ill is said xl

IOCKING

*tr«'N Kill Iff Novci

No vein

•. Tfijih wir

fire and knock* ivere bru 't was foi ,j, crossed wire. I receivi to th

wir rt fcn

NY DRIVE |nvr l'r

%v

What Did She Mean

'^vemlx't by Cat ifflt the liu ^remainei ©red by

must

She Wa*.

He (who has been hanging fire all winter)— Are you fond of puppies, Miss Smith

She (promptly)—What a singular way you have of proposing, Edgardo. Yes, darling.

And now the cards are out—[To-day.

The Hon and the Fox.

First boy—1 kin lick you. Second Ixiy—Jus, you try it. "I look like you, and the furst time I^: "t"b hear your dad callin' you an' you an't

Tact and ambers I result %nd he In (Mirt with .jldoii his "pie, at lir en compc jfld may Oiihttr lx*f(.

^CHARII

I

around an' I am, I'll wiggle my fingeni Frida

(j)

-,,

to con

jjmmittee

puck EMS oa. 1} jbscriptio

"Light, please," as the hunter said to the bird.

mav

,l(.(

:ontribul attemj the dost meet in re in Ie tary wil

&

ital amoi revenue October rict wen .40 was pa 'ompany., ofBfi Haute pe the Si series of orchestc ith such 1.

A Mi vm